Impossible (20 page)

I worked hard to control myself, carefully turning my eyes in her direction. When I took in her worry-ravaged face it socked me in the stomach. But then I remembered who this woman really was, and I got over it. Steeling my voice, I just managed to keep it even when I responded, “I got here as fast as I possibly could, Roni.”

It was obvious she could see the look on my face, a look that was completely foreign to her, but it didn’t stop her from puffing out her chest and spouting shit at me that was the epitome of fucking hypocrisy coming from her.

“You should have been here, Coleman. You’re family needed you! I needed you! It’s time to stop putting yourself first!”

I tried to get myself under control, I really did. But the way she came at me like that, knowing what I knew now, I couldn’t take it.

I spun around to face her, my face hard and the muscle in my jaw ticking with the pressure.

My voice was gravelly and vibrating as I whispered with deadly menace, “You’re one to talk, Roni. You tell me to be there for my family, but what are you doing?”

Her face contorted in pain and when she spoke her voice was hoarse and crackly. “You don’t know anything about my family.”

She made that statement as something to placate me, to get me to back off, but all it did was make me even more angry. Of course I didn’t know anything about her family! She wouldn’t fucking tell me!

“You’re right. From you, I know nothing. And you know why? Because you don’t tell me fuckin’ anything! I ask, but you never tell. I’ve been patient, I’ve waited, but still, you give me nothing.”

Unable to believe she was doing this to me, now, with my mother in the hospital, I shook my head and muttered under my breath, “I swear to God, it’s like I only have the ability to fall in love with women who abandon their children.”

Confusion marred her beautiful face, and I couldn’t believe she had the gall to act like she didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. “You have a fuckin’ daughter, Roni. I saw her with my own eyes,” I all out growled.

As I thought of Every, remembered how awesome she was, thoughts of what she was taking away from me once again entered my mind and made my voice come out pained as I added, “Prettiest little girl I’ve ever seen, with familiar green eyes and a loving set of grandparents. But you know what she doesn’t have? A goddamn mother.”

I could see the tears starting to wet her eyes, so I took a minute to take a breath and fight my instinct to go to her, comfort her. “Tell me somethin’. How do you live with
that
, but come in here spouting this shit at me?”

Panic filled her eyes, and I watched as she started to freak the fuck out. “That’s impossible,” she just barely got out, her voice braking with her devastation.

I was starting to think I had missed something, that somehow I was very wrong, and she confirmed it when she kept talking. “They cut her out of me. She was dead. Just like Josh.”

Her fingers went to where I knew she had a scar on her abdomen, something I knew she did often, and I immediately knew I had messed up, and I had done it fucking royally.

She didn’t fucking know. God, I knew that. She had the fucking loss written all over her beautiful face. Every goddamn day I saw it, I knew. And still, I let my experience with Katie cloud that shit.

Jesus, what a dick thing to do, telling her like that.

“They were both dead!” she shouted, her eyes wild and panicked.

I tried to retake control of the situation, taking a couple steps toward her and softening my voice. “Baby...she’s alive. I met her.”

“No! They both died that day, I know they did!”

I could see her mind working, fighting to find an escape route, as she kept right on panicking.

“I have to get out of here!” I screamed.

Shit. I had screwed this so royally. This is not the way you break this kind of news to the woman you’re in love with.

Jesus!

I watched as she darted for the door, and I knew I had to try to stop her. I reached out and grabbed onto her arm and pleaded, “Roni, wait!”

She didn’t even hesitate for a second before she ripped her arm out of my hold and screamed right in my face, “Screw you, Cade!”

She made it to the door before I reached for her again, but she spun and yelled with so much strain that I could see the rage trying to physically pop out of her body. “Get your fucking hands off of me!”

I let her go, forcing my fingers to come away from her, but I knew in my heart what I had done.

She fucking hated me.

And I deserved it.