Impossible (18 page)

Chapter 16

CJ’s eyes shot to mine, just as a distinctly wonderful voice questioned, “What?” from behind me.

Oh, shit.

Oh
holy
shitdizzle.

Had I just said that out loud?

CJ and Every were both looking on avidly, and I could tell from reading their faces, that yes, I had just blurted out willy nilly that I was pregnant with Coleman’s child.

Jesus Christ, who does that?

This was definitely not the way I had seen this going.

I was at a complete loss for how to handle this situation, but luckily, Coleman handled it for me.

“Hey Every, darlin’. It’s good to see you. Do you mind hangin’ out here with CJ for a minute while I have a little talk with your Mom?”

Every looked up at CJ, studied him for a minute, and then looked back at Coleman. She gave a shrug of her shoulders, muttered, “Sure,” and then reached up to put her hand in CJ’s.

It was crazy how wildly smart she was at three years old. I was pretty sure she didn’t get it from me.

Coleman wasted no more time before tagging my hand and heading back out the door, down the steps, and out through the alleyway toward the barn.

He walked at a clipped pace. If I was honest, it was more of a slow run than a clipped walk, and he didn’t stop until we were in the aisle of the barn.

God, I had blurted that out. I didn’t even know if he wanted to see me, and the first thing I say is that I’m pregnant with his kid. Good freaking job, Roni.

Thank God he had at least been there. I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t heard me, and I’d accidentally told our kids before telling him.

My nerves were freaking thick in the air, when he finally pulled me to a stop, and I tried to brace myself for what was coming.

I was expecting a lot of things, and most of them included Coleman’s anger and my groveling, but they sure as shit didn’t include him pushing me gently up against the wall and kissing me like he needed me in order to take his next breath.

Which is exactly what happened.

He took his time, like he always did when he kissed me, and I gave back with everything I had. It was the most passion I had ever put into a kiss, and when he pulled back and muttered, “Fuck yes,” I was pretty sure he could feel it.

No matter what his kiss suggested, I was still nervous, so I treaded cautiously, sticking one little toe out in the water as a test. “So, um. Does this mean you’re happy to see me?”

“Fuck yeah.”

Okay, that was a good sign so I waded a little deeper. Okay, actually I dove all the way in. I was too anxious not to get the biggest question out in the open. “Does this mean you’re happy about the baby?”

Before he could answer I rushed on, “Because I am. Happy. About the baby.”

Coleman gave me a blinding smile, one of the best ones in his arsenal, and set about rocking my world. “Banty, I’m pretty sure this is some of the best news I’ve ever gotten.”

I thought my legs were going to give out, but Coleman secured me, spanning my hips with his hands. They were so at home there, it was like they never left.

“So you forgive me?” I asked.

“Forgive you? Banty, Jesus. There’s nothing to forgive. Most everything you said was true anyway. I hate that I wasn’t there for you to make good on my threat to that dick. I hate that you were in that fuckin’ position, feeling uncomfortable like that with me not at your back.”

He took a small breath, smiled ruefully and then added, “CJ messed him up pretty good, though. My kid can throw a fuckin’ punch.”

He winced, an indication that his talk may be tough, but he seriously hated that he put CJ in that position. “I hate that that shit went down with Nan, and where was I? Fuckin’ not there.”

He moved his right hand to my jaw, sweeping his thumb lovingly across my cheek, while his left stayed firmly planted on my hip. His voice got even lower and softer as he murmured, “But what I really, really fuckin’ hate is the way I treated you when I got home. I came tearin’ in there, anger cloudin’ my vision because I had automatically believed the worst in you.” He shook his head in disgust, closed his eyes briefly, and then continued, “I painted you to be what I was afraid you were. Talked myself into knowin’ that you were exactly what I was scared of most. That way I didn’t have to face what was really going on. I could justify the way I’d been feelin’, the way I’d been stayin’ on the road like that. I could pretend my feelings for you were false.”

“Coleman, you saw her and you assumed what anyone would assume,” I comforted.

That’s all he let me say. “No, I wish I could agree with you, but it’s just not true. Banty, you had loss written all over you. I knew in my heart you didn’t know about that fuckin’ little girl. Jesus, and I broke the news to you like that. I let my own insecurities from Katie mess with how I handled the situation. I’m the asshole. Just like you’re always telling me.”

A startled giggle escaped my mouth at his self-deprecating joke, but now I was really confused because if he didn’t hold that night against me, how come I hadn’t heard from him? “But, you never called me back. I left you that message-”

“Aw, Banty, Christ. I smashed my phone into a million pieces when you didn’t answer or call me back that night. I thought I’d screwed up and lost you for fucking good. I never got your message. I would have chased after you, found you somehow, but I didn’t want to mess up your life. I didn’t want to get in the way of you and your daughter. Especially after the way I broke the fuckin’ news.”

“Honey, listen.” I could see the light flood his eyes at the use of an endearment, and I decided I really needed to do it more. “Look, the delivery may have been rough, but I needed it. I needed to get a big, cold bucket of reality poured over my head. I only wish you’d been around to do it a couple of years ago.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, just a small showing of support. A sign that he knew how much I had missed and how much it was getting to me.

“She’s pretty incredible,” I told him. “She’ll fit right in with the three of you.”

He thought I was insulting myself and started to correct me, “Roni-” but that hadn’t really been my point, so I silenced him with a finger against his lips.

“That wasn’t a commentary on me. It was a commentary on the three of you. Coleman, I should have told you in Atlanta. I love you. I love all three of you. The Cades saved me, every last one of you.”

There was a smile on Coleman’s face, and I could tell he was listening but not without distraction. His left hand drifted from my hips over to my stomach where it settled. He watched his hand and didn’t even look up before asking, “Atlanta?”

All I could do was nod my head, as a tear ran down my face. Taking a few deep, cleansing breaths, I got it together enough to be able to talk. “You know what they say about assumptions...They get you pregnant.”

His eyes shot to mine, and a smile lit up his entire face. “I’m pretty sure that’s not what they say, Banty.”

I nodded my head, but defied my nod by stating, “Yeah, well. That’s what it got me. I always assumed I couldn’t have more kids after the accident.”

That was the first time I had come out and talked about the accident like it was an actual event with anyone. First step? Possibly.

“What were you assuming?” I questioned him. I hadn’t been the only one who hadn’t worried, or even thought about, protection that night.

He answered immediately and without reservation. “That I loved you. And that a baby with you would be one thing I would never regret.”

Shitdizzle, that was a good answer.

“Did you take lessons on how to answer a woman’s questions? Because you’re really freaking good at it.”

“Yes,” he responded.

“Yes?”

“My father taught me everything I know about interacting with a woman. Though, you probably shouldn’t mention that to Nan. There are a few of my interactions she’s not a fan of.”

I couldn’t help but smile. He was so much fun.

And he was really freaking good at bringing me happiness while lightening the mood.

That was a perfect opener for one of my last questions, so I took it. “Why didn’t you tell me about your dad and brother?”

He sighed, put his forehead against mine, and then moved back so that he could look at me as he spoke. “I didn’t want to add to the weight you were carrying, Roni. I know people think it would somehow help, to know someone else had suffered. Like the weight of my loss is somehow supposed to balm the wound of yours. It’s bullshit. And I knew it. So I held it close to my chest. I would have told you if you’d asked. I never would have lied to you. But I wasn’t going to volunteer that information until you could handle it. Until I was sure I’d sunk you so deep into my family, there was no way you could get out.”

“You didn’t want me to run.” It wasn’t a question, but he answered anyway.

“Fuck no, Banty baby. You were pretty practiced at it, and eventually you would have lost me. I certainly wasn’t gonna give you more reasons to leave.”

“Nan said the same thing once. Told me I wasn’t ready for it.”

“Are you ready for it now?” he asked.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He didn’t give me any time to continue, just picked me up so that my legs went around his waist, put his hands on my ass, and kissed me so deep and long I thought I there would be nothing left of me when he finished.

He pulled back just enough that his lips rested on mine, one hand was still firmly planted on my ass, and the other was twisted and tangled in the hair at the back of my head.

For once, I was going to be the one to ruin the moment. “Um, except, maybe back to Arkansas. I mean, I’m not leaving, I just haven’t figured out how to handle the situation with Josh’s parents yet. That’s who you met in case you were wondering. My own parents are...well, they just might as well not exist.”

I had actually said all that with his lips against mine, but somehow he still understood me.

He pulled back just enough so that I could look directly into his eyes as he told me, “I’ll build them a house.”

“What? You did catch the part where I told you they were
Josh’s
parents, right? You know my deceased husband?”

God, that hurt to admit Josh was dead, but I figured I needed to get used to talking about it.

“Baby, that doesn’t bother me even a little bit. They are obviously awesome people, and I’d probably offer to let Josh himself move in if it would keep you here. I love you, and I want a family with you.”

That was a little creepy to think about the Josh thing, but I got his point, and it was sweet.

Coleman knew exactly what I needed. He made it easy to love him, and almost impossible not to.

“Alright, fine,” I fake grumbled. “Can we go in the house now? See our kids?”

“I love you, Roni,” he said through a smile, before anchoring his lips to mine one more time, exploring thoroughly, twirling his tongue perfectly with mine.

He set me down on my feet, grabbed my hand, and started to walk. This time it was slow and relaxed.

“Can I just say, that if we’re going to have to have all of our heart to hearts in the barn in order to get privacy, we’re going to have to do something about that.”

His delicious chuckle slid through me, my free hand rested on the scar on my abdomen, and I sighed my contentment, a huge smile on my face.

Even when it seems impossible, sometimes dreams can come true.

Epilogue

“Jesus, Roni. This was much easier when you were quiet,” Coleman complained as he moved over me.

My legs were shaking, and deep inside I could feel myself starting to quiver with the beginning of yet another orgasm. I wasn’t there yet, but I was damn close. This was the third one of this encounter, but that did nothing to dull the effect it had on me.

“Oh God, baby. It’s too much! Coleman! Ah,
God
!”

“Shh. Banty, you get much louder, and I’m gonna have to smother you!” he exclaimed in a forceful whisper, but there was a full out smile on his face that belied his words.

Coleman was trying to be the voice of reason since we had not one, but two kids under ten down the hall. However, reason wasn’t anywhere near my working vocabulary at the moment. What he was doing felt too good, and I was in too much of a pleasure induced fog to realize there were more than just the two of us in existence, let alone in the same house.

It didn’t seem to matter how many years passed, he could still take me out of this world. And the sex itself just got better as the years went on.

Coleman seated himself fully inside me again, and I took the opportunity to squeeze him with my inner muscles.

“Oh, sweet Ch-rist, Banty. Jesus.”

I could tell I had just snapped his control, and he confirmed it when he moved his hand between our bodies and pressed his thumb to the right spot. He needed me to go over the edge because he was.

Convincing was something I didn’t need, and I fell immediately, my world exploding and dancing right on the periphery of reality. “Coleman.
Honey
.”

He exploded at the same time, pulsing inside me until he gave everything he had, the words “Fuck, I love you, Banty,” falling absolutely effortlessly from his lips.

He told me he loved me every day, several times a day, and not once did it feel unnecessary or overdone.

We both knew how quickly you could lose someone, how important it was to tell them how you felt all the damn time. I couldn’t believe I had given this up for all those years as a means of self preservation.

Every day I spent with Coleman Cade, every day I spent with the family we had created, was a reminder of just how messed up my thinking had been. I thought I was saving myself, but I was really just killing myself slowly.

Pulling out of me and rolling away, Coleman placed sporadic kisses down the length of my body, paying special attention to the scar that brought not one but two kids into the world, and then moved away to jump in the shower.

I didn’t take offense to his quick departure because I knew it was strategic, not something done by choice.