Unspoken (14 page)

“Finally,” said Leonard smiling wide,
Perfect.
“Jackson I’ve heard so much about you,” he extended his hand and Jackson, looking deliciously fake, smiled and shook it.

“Me too,” he turned to look at me. No, he didn’t know a thing. At least not from me. “It was about time we met.”

“We should go for a drink sometime,” said Leonard and I was sure a huge alarm went off somewhere because I could clearly feel the panic setting.

“We definitely should,” said Jackson nodding. “Anyway,” he turned to look at me, “I’ll wait in the car,” he turned to the door and I finally could breath.

“He seems nice,” said Leonard genuinely.

“He is,” I smiled not so genuinely and he nodded.

“I have to go but please call me as soon as you get the results,” he said putting his hands on my shoulders and I nodded. “Ok,” he leaned down and kissed me. “Good Luck.”

“Thank you,” I said smiling and forgetting all about Jackson as I saw him leave but that didn’t last long because I did have to get into Jackson’s car and go to a fair.

“He seems nice,” he said. I rolled my eyes as I stepped outside the bakery.

“He is,” I said while I climbed into his car.

“I won’t ruin it,” he said when he was in the driver’s seat.

“Ruin what?” I said struggling with the seat belt.

“Your thing with him,” I turned to look at him confused.

“When we go for drinks,” he smiled,
I’m definitely going.

“Asshole,” I said and off we went to the fair.

The ride to Orange County was uneventful. We talked a lot about stupid things, carefully avoiding memories of us, focusing instead on stories of people we knew. I told him all about Alexa’s baby daddy who was out of the picture but I knew she was still secretly in love with him and he told me about Ray and his wife and kid. We thought it was funny how our best friends, who clearly had slept together in the past, had ended up with unplanned, but very wanted, kids.

When we got to the fair there were already a lot of people around wandering between stands and entertainment.

“Just in time,” said Jackson as we got out of the car and walked towards the trunk. The contest was not for another hour and we had enough time to prepare the table for it.

Once we had everything in our hands we walked towards the spot where everyone seemed to be getting ready. There were a lot of categories: Cakes with all different kind of layers, confections, cupcakes and cake pops. Within these categories there were at least 3 other sub-categories; there was a lot of cake. I was going to enter the cupcake category, obviously, in both the Christmas and Thanksgiving categories. On the Thanksgiving category I was entering with only one sub-category and that was the
Other Flavor
one with pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and a fondant made pumpkin on top.

For the Christmas category I entered two sub-categories the
Chocolate
one and the
Red Velvet
one. The chocolate ones were decorated with fondant and they resembled a gift wrapped in green with a red bow and the Red velvet ones were topped completely with white smooth fondant with just a bit of edible glitter and fondant mistletoe. I hadn’t outdone myself because it wasn’t that kind of contest but still I wanted to enter with something nice.

I found a table that was available and began getting it ready. I took out a cloth to cover it in the same colors as the bakery: black and white. I placed the cupcakes with a tag with a recipe and the data the fair required. I looked around and checked out the other cupcakes just to see what I was up against.

“Shit,” I said looking down at my cupcakes “I feel bad.”

“Why? Because your cupcakes rock so much more than the others?” Asked Jackson with a smile,
You know they do.

I just shrugged. I felt like crap. I was going up against housewives, local bakers and some teenagers that, I was sure, were trying to learn the craft.

“I should go,” I told him as I glanced toward some turkey cupcakes that looked horrible. The corn candy was all over the place and I could barely make out the shape of the animal.

“Look at me,” I heard Jackson said as he put his hands on my shoulders, “Look at me, Marion.” I finally looked at him and he smiled,
better,
“You’ve been doing this for a long time, Mar; you’ve been working toward this for a decade, you deserve the recognition, you deserve to be validated,” I knew that but I couldn’t help but feel that I was cheating.

“You want to run away, don’t you?” Jackson asked me and I couldn’t help but send him a little smile,
you know me too well.

“I do,” he answered and he looked down still with his hands on my shoulders, “that’s why we are so good together,” I hated him. I hated when he made those comments. I hated that my knees were weak and my heart felt ready to leap out of my body when he looked at me the way he was.

“I’m not running away,” I finally said. Was I talking to him or about the competition? I seriously didn’t know.

“Good,” he seemed satisfied, “Let’s finish arranging your table then,” I nodded and on we went to with the last touches before the judges approached the table.

I wanted to make everything easy and normal between us, I wanted to interact with him the same way I did with Connor; I wanted Jackson in my life but I wanted it to be easy and painless. He wasn’t making it easy.

“That was one of the weirdest moments of my life,” I said laughing as I took a sip of a beer that Jackson had bought in one of the fair stands.

“Tell me about it,” he said raising his eyebrows and taking a sip of his beer.

“I’m going to call Leonard,” I said and he nodded.

Leonard pick up at the second ring of the phone.

“How did it go?” I smiled immediately.

“I won,” I won. It had been obvious from the very beginning that I would; however, the judges threw a surprise saying that a bunch of honorary members of the bakery association could vote. I seriously thought that they made up that in the spot and just called a couple of by standers to cast a vote.

“Obviously,” I could clearly hear Leonard’s smile “When are you going to be home?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged and turned to look at Jackson that was looking around the fair, “we are going to eat something and then get back on the road.”

“Great! Let me know when you are back at your place,” he said.

“I will,” he said and then we hung up. We had never said I love you and I wondered if we were in that stage of a relationship where we should be feeling it. I had never felt that way about anyone and Jackson didn’t count because whatever we had couldn’t be labeled. One thing was for sure, we never said that we loved each other. NEVER.

“That frown,” I heard Jackson said as I walked back to the table where he was sitting with our beers, “You are thinking about us. When we were us,” he said looking at me.

“Stop it,” I said sitting down and giving a bit sip of my beer. He did know me.

“Want to eat something?” he asked and I nodded and off we went to pig out on fair food.

“Well I definitely didn’t expect this,” I said laughing out loud, enjoying the buzz that 3 huge glasses of beer were giving me.

“Neither did I,” said Jackson as we tried to dance to whatever country tune the band was playing.

We drank too much beer, ate too much as well, and when the live country music began, we decided to join everyone and dance. The music was a bit foreign to us, but I did recognize some songs since every single bonfire at home ended up with drunk people dancing to country music, but still I couldn’t sing any of them if my life depended on that. However, everyone in there seemed to have their favorites and cheer as loud as they could when a popular came on. Two hours later I was dancing with Bob, a very gay, very big, cowboy that had hit on Jackson at some point of the night and Jackson was dancing with Lydia, Bob’s sister and it was getting dark.

“Jackson,” I said as Bob and I turned around and around to one of the popular songs, “It’s getting dark, “ I said and I saw him laugh out loud at something Lydia had said, “Jackson,” I said again.

“I heard,” and they stopped dancing and walked towards us.

“Damn, she has you on a leash,” said Lydia.

“You have no idea, honey,” said Jackson and I just rolled my eyes.

“We are not together,” I said looking for a chair to sit on. Everything was spinning. I couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or all the dancing with Bob.

“Uh?” Lydia turned to look at Jackson.

“We were, then we weren’t, but we will be,” he said as he laughed his ass off, and I couldn’t help but join them.

“I want to go home, “I said finally regaining air and grabbing my stomach that hurt from laughing so hard.

“We are drunk, Mar,” he said cocking his head to the side and smiling,
we can’t drive.

“I know we can’t but what are we going to do?” I asked as I grabbed a beer that Bob was offering me.

“What?” Lydia asked looking between the two of us, “you didn’t make sense at all. You must be really drunk,” she said.

“No, Lydia, honey, that’s our thing,” said Jackson, passing his arm around Lydia’s shoulders, “we speak with our smiles,” He smiled at me,
that sounded so weird.
He went laughing again.

“Yes it did,” I laughed again. It sounded really weird mostly because we had never acknowledged with words, real words, that we had our secret language.

“Wow, you need to get back together then,” said Lydia trying to grab Jackson’s beer but Bob swatted her hand away, I guess she was pretty drunk too. She stuck her tongue out to Bob “and you need to invite me to your wedding. Oh!” she said as if she had come up with the greatest idea “You should say your vows with smiles,” I couldn’t help but laugh out loud hoping and praying that I wasn’t going to pee.

We ended up staying on a bed and breakfast somewhere in the highway after searching for a hotel or motel in town, everything had been packed with drunks and out of town visitors, and apparently the fair was a big thing around there. Lydia and Bob had taken us to the B&B and there we were.

“I need to text Leonard and Alexa,” I said, as I laid on one of the twin beds in the room that we got. I didn’t complain. We always slept in the same room on different beds anyway.

I tried to text but the damn phone wasn’t cooperating so I ended up calling them both. Alexa warned me to take things easy and to try and not do something stupid. Leonard was just happy that we stayed somewhere instead of driving through the night.

“There,” I said putting the phone back in the table where it was charging. “No jammies,” I said with my hands on my hips.

“Nope,” Jackson said with his arms behind his head.

“Well,” I said unbuttoning my shirt, “It’s not as if you have never seen all this,” I said taking off my shirt and placing it on a chair where I placed my pants after they came off too.

“Mar,” Jackson closed his eyes, “It’s not fair,” he said as I walked to the bed and began to fluff the pillows.

“Shut up,” I said smiling at him,
you’ve seen it all.
I got in between the sheets.

“Not in 6 years,” he turned to look at me and I just shrugged.

“I’m glad that we can have fun,” I said looking up at the ceiling as Jackson took off his pants and got in bed only on his boxers. “The room is spinning,” I said and Jackson laughed.

“I’m glad you are my friend,” he said turning on his side and turned off the lights.

“I’m not,” I said still trying to stop the room from spinning. The lights went on again.

“What?” Jackson asked.

“The room is spinning,” I said tossing and turning in bed. Jackson got out of bed and got in bed with me. “What are you doing?” I asked.

“Spooning,” he said and I didn’t know what to say because it felt so good. I had that moment where I felt like a teenager again, his arms around me in a perfectly safe place that only we knew. “You are not glad we are friends?” he asked.

“I never wanted to be your friend, Jackson,” I said as I felt his breath on my neck and I knew exactly why I never wanted to be his friend.

“You didn’t?” He sounded disappointed. I shook my head. Bad idea.

“Friends was never an option for me and I know we never said that we weren’t it’s just that…,” I shrugged.

“We were so much more,” he finished my sentence and I nodded “ We ARE so much more.” He said.

“I’m in desperate need of some Sally details right now,” I said grabbing his hands that were around my waist.

“I think, for the first time, I am in serious need of some Leonard details,” he said smelling my hair.

Seventeen

I was in a horrible mood; I had been pounding away the dough that I was preparing for some apple strudels all morning, my mother had warned me that she was ready to send me to boot camp for teens after I clearly hissed at her when she asked me if I had plans for the day. It’s Valentine’s day and Jackson was back in college and I hadn’t seen him in nearly two months.
Columbia
. Yeah, that’s the way it sounded in my head; I hated the damn college.

“Marion,” I heard Ron calling me from somewhere in the front of the bakery; I didn’t
“listen,”
to whatever he was saying on purpose. I was in no mood to deal with his crap. (Note: Ron never had any crap to say but I was in a very bad mood.)

“Marion!” he yelled my name this time.

“What, Ron?” I yelled louder.

“Come out and sign for this shit…” I rolled my eyes and went out only to find a delivery boy with a bouquet of purple tulips. I smiled, I had to, he’d thought of me. “Thank you,” I said to the delivery boy after I signed for my pretty flowers.

“I hope this changes your sour mood,” said Ron as he punched in the register.

“Maybe,” I said shrugging but grinning like an idiot. I felt happier, better in general still it sucked that I had to spend the damn day away from my…. my…..friend? No. Jackson wasn’t my friend but he wasn’t my boyfriend either. I shook my head, I had never, ever questioned the label in our relationship why would I start now? I sighed because I perfectly knew why. Ever since Sara Bardwell appeared in my life I’ve lived in fear of Jackson not coming back, ever. The flowers reassured me that he was thinking of me but didn’t take away the fear of never seeing him again. I shook the negative thoughts away, focusing in the fact that we were apart but thinking about each other and went back to baking.

I spent the rest of the day baking furiously since I was covering shifts for everyone because it seemed that everyone had a plan BUT me. I looked around and found donuts, brownies, and a lot of cookies that I was sure I would end up giving away because the bakery was dead already and I had soooo much left.

“Is this where pretty girls spend Valentine’s day?” I immediately turned around to find Jackson standing in all his drool-worthy self on the kitchen door.
You thought I wasn’t coming
, he smiled.

“Oh My God,” I cried out and ran to him. I kissed him as if I was staking claim on something, I needed to feel that he was here with me; I needed him to feel that I needed him.

“What’s wrong?” he said when we broke apart.

“Nothing,” I shook my head.

“Sure?” he asked and I nodded and we kissed again but this time Jackson backed me up until we were inside of the pantry. “I missed you,” he said between kisses while he tried to take off my apron.

“Me too,” I said unclasping his belt, “So much.”

“Shh,” he said finally reaching for my shirt, “less talking, more doing,” and we did. We did a lot and I let go all my frustration of the day and all my fear of the previous months. I let him know that I needed him and he wasn’t afraid of saying it out loud.

“Wow,” I heard Jackson said as we sat in the middle of the pantry after the mind blowing sex we had. I laid my head on his chest and smiled.

“wow, indeed,” I said. “How did you know that I was in here?” I finally looked up to see his eyes.

“Well, I waited 3 hours outside your house so...”

“Jackson! You should’ve asked someone…” I said hitting his arm.

“You are right, I should have asked your mother where I could find you on Valentine’s,” he shrugged.

“Funny,” I said laying my head back in his chest. My mom would’ve said I was dead if that made Jackson disappear.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” he said while stroking my hair.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I said inhaling his scent. It wasn’t a male scent; it was just a Jackson smell. He smelled of opportunities and happiness.

“Mar, c’mon, we don’t lie to each other,” he said very serious.

“Ok,” I said finally sitting down and looking him straight in the eye “First, I’ve missed you soo much,” I said and then kissed him quickly on the lips “Second, I thought I wasn’t seeing you today and that really bothered me, “

“And third?” he asked raising an eyebrow and smiling,
you are not getting out of this.

“Third, I was scared that somehow your mother had convinced you that I wasn’t the best for you,” I looked down at our entwined hands.

“Marion,” He said putting both his hands on my shoulders “Look at me,” he said and I finally looked up. He smiled,
Better,
“I have no idea what I am doing with my life, I’m wandering around half of the time, I have no idea what to do with a pre-law major and most of the time I hate myself,” he put his fingers on my lips when I was about so say something “The only moments where my life seem to completely align with me, my feelings and my mind is when I am with you. So, she might think you are not the best option for me but, Marion, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He grabbed my face with both of his hands and kissed me.

“Best Valentine’s ever,” I said against his lips and we both laughed.

“Regretting last night?” I heard Jackson said as I laid my head on the seat waiting for the horrible headache to go away.

“Not at all,” I almost shook my head but didn’t because, really, the head was killing me, “I haven’t had that much fun in a while,” I said smiling at the memory.

“Good,” he said as he grabbed my hand that was resting on my thigh.

Jackson drove all the way back to the Hamptons while I took a nap that allowed me to recharge and be ready for my day at the bakery, it was going to be one hell of a day but I wasn’t used to skipping two days in a row at the bakery so I was already feeling the withdrawals.

“Congratulations!!” said Alexa as soon as I step in the bakery and ran to hug me, “you look like crap,” I snorted, very unlady like.

“Where do you want all of this?” asked Jackson as he walked in with a bunch of crap in his hand.

“Somewhere in there, anywhere,” I said apologetically for the inconvenience of having to help me around with a massive hangover.

“Ok you two partied too much last night,” said Alexa walking to the back of the counter “sit down, both of you, I will make you the smoothie.”

“Her smoothie is magic,” I said, almost whispered, as Jackson sat beside me “I think I’m ready to hire someone else...” I said with my head in my hands “It surely would come in handy right now,” I said.

“Really?” I heard Alexa’s high pitched question. She was excited.

“I think we can afford it,” I said looking at her, “I just have no idea how to go about it.”

“I can help you,” said Jackson that seemed to be handling his hangover with a little more dignity than I was.

“You?” I asked.

“What do I do for a living, Mar?” he said as Alexa placed our green smoothies in front of us and he scrunched his nose at the sight of them.

“You recruit lawyers. Not waitresses or bakers or whatever it is I am going to hire,” I said sipping on the smoothie, it wasn’t the best taste ever, but it wasn’t disgusting and it worked.

“Same basic principles,” he said and smelled his smoothie.

“Ok,” I nodded “it’s not that bad,” I said about the smoothie, “and it does help with the hangover,” Jackson nodded and gave it a try. He approved.

“Are you home?” I heard Leonard ask me on the phone.

“Yes, I am,” I smiled as I closed a couple of drawers in the kitchen and took dinner with me to the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“Alone?” Of course he would like to know if Jackson was over.

“Yes…”I grinned because I had no idea what he had planned

“Then open the door,” he said and I jumped down the stool where I was sitting and ran to the door.

“Leonard,” I said and jumped into his arms.

“I’m home,” he said carrying me inside the house. “Wow, I’ve never been inside,” he said looking around.

“Oh,” I climbed down from his arms, “That’s true,” I frowned. “Let me tidy up upstairs so I can give you the grand tour. Take a sit meanwhile,” I said too excited for my own good.

I ran upstairs and began looking for Jackson’s shit. He had a couple of toiletries in my bathroom and some clean shirts in my closet. He also had a key to my house that meant he could walk in any second now.

If you are still in the city stay there or go to your place. I’ve got company (smiley face so I don’t sound like a bitch)
I texted him before throwing all his stuff on a laundry basket and placing it on the top shelf in my closet.

“There,” I said to myself after inspecting once more the room and agreeing, with myself, that it would do.

“Ready,” I climbed down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, “are you hungry?” I asked as I took one extra plate.

“Yes,” he said getting up from the couch on the living room.

“You don’t want to eat,” I said smiling. His eyes were definitely telling me he was hungry.

“No, unless you are on the menu,” he grabbed my waist and pulled me near him. I gave a tiny whimper.

“Maybe I should show you around,” I put my hands around his neck.

“Let’s start upstairs,” he said passing his arm under the back of my knees and carrying me up the stairs.

“Good thing there’s only the bedroom,” I smiled.

“Aren’t we lucky?” He laughed.

“Here,” I jumped on the bed next to Leonard and gave him a slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream. We were watching movies on Netflix. IN MY BED! That was truly exciting.

“I like you in my shirt,” he took the plate and tasted the pie “even better,” he said. “I like you in my shirt while I eat this pie,” I giggled. Yes, I GIGGLED!

“I’m glad you like it,” I smiled.

“So, when’s the next competition?” Leonard asked as we both ate our pies.

“I have no idea,” I shook my head “I have to ask Jackson.”

“Does Jackson have a job?” he frowned and I laughed out loud.

“He does, actually,” I looked at Leonard and I could tell he was waiting for me to elaborate “he owns a lawyer recruitment company.”

“Oh, in the Hamptons?” well weren’t we all interested in Jackson today? After having sex. In my bed.

“No, back in the city. He goes once every couple of weeks but mostly he does everything from the bakery. Sitting at his table.” I shrugged. He nodded.

“Why is he so hands on with your life and, from what you’ve told me, he is a bit lost about his?” I sighed. It was difficult to explain without him knowing our story and I wasn’t going to tell him about us.

“He’s just…,” I shook my head “He’s always been so lost. When I met he didn’t even know if being a lawyer was what he wanted but still he was in pre-law...” I shrugged

“He is opposite to you then?” he said holding my hand.

“How?” I asked confused

“You’ve always known what you wanted in life,” I nodded. That was true. “Maybe,” he went on “That’s why he reaches out to you so much. Maybe you help him to figure things out.”

“yeah, maybe,” I said laying my head on his chest and pretended to be interested in the movie.

Maybe we needed each other like water, maybe we lived in a dehydrated state the past 6 years and now that we’d found each other we needed to take all that we hadn’t in the past 6 years. The only sad thing was that we couldn’t actually drink of it, we had to dip our finger on it from time to time and taste a couple of drops and that’s cruel and pure torture.

I didn’t like my life as a whole. It was as if I was living two different lives and both of them were amazing but as a whole it sucked. I loved the way I was getting along with Jackson and the friendship we had with Alexa, Connor and Lauren was pretty great too. We were getting used to hanging out at my place on Sunday’s while I tried new recipes while the guys drank beer the girls gossiped and Mika watched cartoons in my bed.

I loved my relationship with Leonard because he was great, we had great sex, we laughed a lot and he really got me.

When it came to put those two sides of my life together all hell would broke loose inside me. I didn’t want Jackson and Leonard talking, at all, because I didn’t know if Jackson would keep his stupid mouth shut and let’s be honest, the smiles… No, no way was I letting those two spend one second alone and by trying to get them together that might happen.

I tried to get them together once during the week after Leonard mentioned Jackson being too hands on with my life but it turned out to be too stressful for me and then Leonard was called in for an emergency at work. Now that we are talking about it, I think Leonard not being a constant presence in my life was what didn’t let my mind get used to have a relationship and know that Jackson was in one too, a broken, pretty fake relationship but, in the end, a relationship.

So, yes, my life as a whole sucked.

All of that was really bothering me the day that Jackson and I sat down to talk about me hiring someone at the bakery.