Perception (7 page)

Mercedes
knew she shouldn’t have been all that surprised by Xander’s abrupt phone call
but she was. It wasn’t his fault either. She felt as though she was walking
around in some sort of alternate universe, confused about where she was and
where she was going. Imagine walking around on the ceiling and trying to figure
out if you were the one upside down or the furniture was.

That’s
how she felt.

Printing
out the comps she had pulled up as soon as Xander left, she grabbed a pencil,
her cell phone, and the paper now sticking out of the printer. She didn’t know
if it had been ten minutes or not, but she was ready to get this over with.

It was a
regular occurrence for Xander to summon her to his office to discuss business,
and usually she’d be prepared for anything he could throw at her. But this time
she felt strange as she rode the elevator to his floor.

When she
stepped up to his front door, she was tempted to knock, but she knew that
would’ve also been weird, so she turned the knob and walked in. Closing the
door quietly behind her, she took stock of the living area. Empty, just as she
expected.

A few
seconds later, she was walking into the conference room – which, by the way,
Xander had never requested that they meet in.

“What are
you looking at?” she asked as she moved closer, watching him stare out of the
floor to ceiling windows, his hands thrust in his pockets in a typical Xander
fashion. 

“Just
admiring the view.” He turned slowly to face her, and a smile crept across his
lips. “However, this view
is
considerably better.”

Mercedes
rolled her eyes. Now this was getting ridiculous. She had thought for sure he’d
be over this by now.

Maybe the
guy just needed to get laid, she didn’t know.

Watch
her, pet. Watch while she lowers herself onto his cock. Just like I want to see
you doing to me.

Shit. A
chill raced down her spine at the memory of his words from the night before.
She could still hear the rough gravel of his voice, evidence that he’d been
just as affected by what happened as she had.

But it
didn’t matter. She couldn’t help him.

Maybe it
would do him some good to go to the club tonight instead of her. She’d be more
than happy to back off if he needed to head out and release some of the tension
that was clearly building up.

She
wanted to tell him as much, except the idea of Xander with another sub, or any
woman for that matter, made her stomach churn.

A sudden
snap had her glancing down to her hands. She’d broken her pencil right in half.

Fucking
great.

At least
it hadn’t been her cell phone she had snapped right in two.

Looking
back at Xander, she noticed he was on the move, and she went the opposite
direction, keeping the small conference table between them at all times. She
didn’t wait for him to ask her to sit, she just dropped right into the chair
closest to the windows. Expecting him to take a seat on the opposite side, she
immediately regretted having sat down when he remained standing.

Crap.

“Nervous?”
he asked, his eyes darting down to the broken pencil in her hand, his hands
still casually inserted into his pockets.

“Not
hardly,” she lied.

“You
don’t like that I’ll admit to admiring you, do you?”

Frustrated
that he wouldn’t let it go, Mercedes met Xander’s gaze head on and said
harshly, “Whatever, Boone. There’s no one to impress anymore; you don’t need to
try and flatter me.”

Xander
was beside her in a flash. His abrupt movement startled her, causing her to
drop both halves of her pencil, the papers and her cell phone onto the table.
As he loomed over her, she looked up at him, her body stone still, her eyes
wide, and her mouth slightly open as she tried to figure out what the hell he
was going to do.

Before
she could come to a conclusion, he was taking her hand, pulling her to her feet
and then backing her up a few inches until she was flush against the window
he’d been gazing out of just a few minutes before.

How the
hell had that just happened?

“What are
you doing?” she asked, her voice low, her anger apparent. “Let me go.”

“No. Not
until we hash this out.”

“Hash
what
out?” she asked as she tried to push him away unsuccessfully. Albeit, she
hadn’t been using as much force as she should have, not to mention Xander Boone
wasn’t going to budge unless he absolutely wanted to.

Xander
gripped her hips gently, holding her in place with relative ease. He wasn’t
going to hurt her; she knew that. And she wasn’t at all scared of him. She just
wasn’t sure she could hold out being this close to him. Not after everything
she’d been feeling since last night.

The man,
despite all of the warnings that she’d always given herself where he was
concerned, drew her in, made her want things she shouldn’t want, and he’d
proven that effortlessly at Devotion. But she still had time to turn things
around, to ignore everything that had happened between them and move on with
life as normal.

When she
stopped pushing against him, he loosened his grip, and she surprised herself
when she stopped putting up a fight.

“So
talk,” she said after a long, deafening silence.

Xander
moved, and Mercedes glanced down as he reached for her hands, linking his
fingers with hers before lifting her arms up over her head and pinning them
against the glass.

Ok, this
was not good.

When she
looked back up into his eyes, Mercedes knew he would see more than she wanted
him to. She couldn’t deny the fact that her body was humming. Being this close
to him, his hands holding her so easily in place, was doing funny things to her
insides. Sort of the way things went last night.

Again,
there was the problem. She had to remind herself of the most important thing.

She. Was.
Not. A. Submissive.

Not at
all.

And
that’s what Xander wanted.

Her
entire life revolved around her hard earned control – in and out of the
bedroom. There was no room in her life for a man who wanted to order her
around, to insist that she do what would please him. As the pathetic tale goes:
been there, done that.

“Young
lady, you will not be leaving this house.” “I don’t recall approving you to
wear that.” “Get off the goddamn phone.” “You won’t get a penny from me. If you
want it, work for it.” “Dammit, Priscilla, I didn’t give you permission to buy
her that.”
 

Her father’s
words rang inside of her head, the constant orders and restrictions, his
infallible ability to ensure she never got what she requested. He’d rode her
hard from the time she was little, never giving her an ounce of freedom because
he had preferred to keep her and her mother under his thumb.

She damn
sure wouldn’t let any man control her like that again. It was the very reason
she left home as soon as she graduated from high school even though her father
had moved out the day she turned eighteen.

“Please
don’t,” she whispered to Xander now, the words more a plea than a command. She
did not want to fight with him, and she found that her resistance to him wasn’t
nearly as fortified as she’d once believed.

“Don’t
what?” he asked, sounding way too curious.

“I don’t
want to do this,” she told him.

She
didn’t
want to do this, no matter what her traitorous body was projecting.

Shit, who
was she kidding? She did want this. She wanted him up against her, wanted to
feel the warmth of his body the way she had last night. Even while she had
slept alone in her bed, she’d ached for this man although she knew there was no
chance in hell that she would ever cross over to the dark side.

“I’m not
asking you to do anything.”

“No?”
Mercedes glared at him.

Infuriating
Dom.

He was
asking for everything, and he very well knew it. They’d been friends for too
long. She knew how he operated. And what that said about her, because she’d
allowed him to manipulate her to this point, she didn’t want to think about.

“Fine.
Then how about this? I
can’t
do this,” she told him. “You know I can’t,
X. It’s not who I am.”

Xander
unlinked their fingers, but he kept her pinned with her arms still above her
head, one giant hand circling around her wrists while the other moved down to
cup her cheek. To her horror, she leaned into his touch.

“But you
want to, don’t you?” he asked, his tone gentle.

“No! I
don’t. I already told you that!” she yelled.

When
Xander merely stared back at her, Mercedes fought the urge to scream at the top
of her lungs. It was either that, or to break down in tears because this man –
this Dom – was wearing down her resistance. Clearly she wasn’t as convincing as
she was trying to be.

He didn’t
say anything for a long time, and Mercedes realized what he was doing. Damn it.
He was pulling that psychological, manipulative bullshit on her. Xander was
letting her think it through, giving her time to come to a decision on her own.
It’s the way he operated, how he handled all of his subs. He would never force
anything on anyone which meant if a woman wanted something from him, she’d have
to agree up front.

Damn it.

“Let me
go,” she ground out through gritted teeth. She was not going to give in to him.
No way in hell.

Xander
didn’t budge. He just continued to pin her with his hand on her wrists and his
beautiful eyes peering down at her, probably reading her mind if she had to
guess.

That
wasn’t good either. Especially considering the questions running loose through
her brain.

If she
were so adamant that she didn’t want this, why was her body burning for him?
Why was she feeling things she hadn’t felt in… well, in years? Why was she
suddenly wanting to relive what she’d felt last night when he was touching her?

God, this
was too confusing.

Staring
back at him, she suddenly hated herself for allowing him to wear her down, but
she knew that she couldn’t lie to him. She wasn’t built that way. The truth was
the only way she knew, because without the truth, what was left?

“Tell me,
Mercedes. Tell me that last night wasn’t just a demonstration. You felt more,
didn’t you?”

“Maybe. I
don’t know,” she finally said, rationalizing her thoughts. She didn’t know
anything anymore. In the span of one night, he’d flipped her world upside down,
and she didn’t know which way she was going anymore. The emotions that churned
inside of her were unexpected and left her hovering on the brink of insanity.

“Tell me
this,” he prompted. “Last night, what did you feel?”

What did
she feel? An easier question would be what
didn’t
she feel. He’d made
her feel more in twenty minutes than she’d felt in years, and that scared the
shit out of her. She wasn’t looking for anything. She was content with her life
and what he represented was nothing more than danger to everything she’d
created for herself. And she knew that one wrong decision could very well
damage their friendship beyond repair.

Was she
willing to risk it?

Mercedes
looked away, breaking eye contact with him. He didn’t allow her to disengage
though. He just curled his finger beneath her chin, turning her head back so
that she was facing him, and she let him.

“Tell
me,” he ordered as he dropped his hand to his side.

“I’m used
to being in control. You know that.” He didn’t say anything, so she continued.
“I’m in control of every aspect of my life – business and personal. And that
includes my sex life. I control my destiny. I decide what and when. That’s who
I am, Xander. What we did last night goes against who I am.”

“But you
enjoyed it.”

It wasn’t
a question.

This time
Mercedes didn’t look away. “Yes. I did. Are you happy now?” she bit out. “That
doesn’t change anything. I still crave the control.”

Sort of.

“Do you?”

She hated
when he did that. She didn’t want to talk about this.

“Yes,
dammit,” she snapped. “What happened last night…” Mercedes closed her eyes
briefly and then reopened them, a renewed sense of purpose filling her. It was
her turn to get answers. “Remember that night at Kink when you volunteered to
let Mistress Desiree demonstrate on you because no one else had the balls to do
it, how did that make
you
feel?”

“Like I
was in someone else’s body,” he told her, his answer surprisingly honest.

“Then you
know exactly how I felt, X,” Mercedes stated firmly.

“When are
you going to stop lying to yourself, Mercedes? To us both?” he argued, his
voice low, his tone even. “I was with you, remember? You came apart at the
seams when we were together.”

Yes, she
did. Against her will.

Ok, no,
not really. But still. 

“And you
think that’s all I need? An orgasm?” Mercedes tried to pull away again, but
Xander held her wrists more firmly.

Xander
opened his mouth. Closed it.

She
wanted to know what he had to say. But then actions replaced words and Mercedes
found herself giving in to something she’d dreamed about since the moment
Xander put his hands on her last night.

As he
looked into her eyes, he tightened his grip on her wrists just as little and
moved his free hand up, his knuckles lightly grazing her nipple as he did. Then
he was sliding his fingers into her hair, cupping the back of her head, as he
leaned down, pressing his lips to hers.

He was
kissing her.

For the
very first time.

And sweet
mother mercy, the man could freaking kiss.

Mercedes
was pretty sure her knees were going to give out.