Healed (10 page)

“Anybody would be happy to have a princess like you as their daughter.” I stroke
d her head and she yawned.

“I’m just going to relax my eyes for a few seconds. Don’t
go. I want to play still, okay?” She looked up at me with a hopeful expression, her bandana had slipped off and I saw the beginnings of hair growth on her scalp.

“Of course.”

“Good.” She lay back and held my hand. “Then after my quick rest we can play Superman.”

“Okay.” I watch
ed as she drifted to sleep and I felt my heartbeat start to slow down.

“Come.”
Luke ushered me towards the door. “Let’s go get a coffee.”

“But I promised her I’ll stay.” I frown
ed and don’t move.

“She’ll be asleep for a while. She’s exhausted from the excitement. We’ll come back.”

“Okay.” I frowned and followed him out the door. “Does she always get tired so quickly?”

“She’s getting better,
” Luke grinned. “Sometimes she would fall asleep in midsentence.”

“Oh.” I was glad that I had missed out on witnessing her go through chemotherapy. I wasn’t sure if I would have been strong enough to keep her together. “So
, what happens to her now…” My voice drifted off.

“Now your mom can’t adopt her?” Luke finished for me and I nodded. I studied his face and I could see why he was such an important person in Lexi’s life. He was a good guy. I
didn’t feel jealous of him anymore. How could I? He was my little sister’s best friend. “Well, hopefully another family will adopt her.”

“Someone in Jonesville?”

“Maybe. Or even someone from Illinois or even Missouri. We have a lot of families looking for children. They don’t all need to stay in the State. Shelby can go anywhere. Full rights to her were given up.”

“But
she can’t leave Jonesville. How will we see her?” My voice rose with panic. “I just met her, she can’t leave.”

“It’s not going to happen overnight
, Bryce.” Luke put his hand on my shoulder again. “You’ll figure out a way to stay in touch.”

“I want her to know.”
I said the words before I even thought about them properly. “I want her to know I’m her brother.”

“What about Lexi?”

“She can decide for herself.” I sighed. “But I want Shelby to know today.”

“Don’t you want to discuss it with Lexi first? See what she wants to do as well?”

“No.” My answer was firm. I didn’t know what was going to happen with Lexi, or when. I wanted her to get to know Shelby as well, but I wasn’t going to delay telling her the truth because of that. Lexi had known about Shelby her whole life and she had never told me. I didn’t owe her this now. I hardened my heart to the slight guilt I felt. I loved Lexi, but I wasn’t going to let that love take over everything in my life. “I’d like to tell her when we go back in the room.”

“Okay then.” Luke frowned but he didn’t say anything else to me.

“Don’t judge me, Luke. You haven’t told her about Shelby either.”

“I know.”
He looked away. “I hope it wasn’t a mistake.”

“She’s a special girl.”

“Yes.” I heard the smile in his voice and I felt like an asshole for bringing her up.

“I’m sorry by the way.”
I spoke quickly, knowing I had to say something.

“For?”

“Having her heart.”

“Oh.”

“Shall we see if Shelby’s up?” I changed the subject, not wanting to continue the conversation.

“Let me make a call first.” I watch
ed as Luke walked away and I took a seat. My head was pounding but, this time, I wasn’t upset or worried. I was just excited and happy to be alive. I wanted to make my mom proud. I wanted to do something that would make everything worth it. I wanted to be the man that she knew I could be. At twenty-three, I wasn’t much of a man. Yes, the marines had shaped me, strengthened me in some ways, but, ultimately, I’d always hidden behind my façade. I had always told myself that I was a failure, that my whole life was a lie, that I was never the golden boy and could never be. Part of me had rebelled from that label for as long as I could remember. I didn’t think I fit the title and I didn’t think I ever could. But what struck me most, was that I never even tried. I was always defeated before I started. I was always running away from the truth, unable to face up to the pain and stress I felt at not being good enough.

My heart jumped as my phone rang and I looked down at it
, eagerly, hoping it was Lexi. I sighed as I saw that it was Anna. I was about to put the phone back in my pocket, unanswered, but decided to answer it. I had treated her badly. In fact, she was most probably the one who was affected the most by what I had said.

“Hi
, Anna.”

“Bryce.” Her voice was soft, unsure and I felt a sudden overwhelming urge to hug her.

“Are you okay?” I said, gruffly. “I’m sorry I told Lexi.”

“Don’t apologize
, Bryce,” she sighed. “What I did was wrong. I’m glad you told her. It allowed me to air many problems that had been plaguing our friendship.”

“Oh man, I hope you guys are okay.”

“I’m not sure if we’ll ever be okay, but that’s okay.” She cleared her throat and continued. “I was actually calling to see if you’re okay.”

“Me?” I was surprised that she
had called after everything that had happened. “I can’t lie, it hurts like hell, but I’m trying to just get through each day as best as I can.”

“My mom died when I was young. I know what it’s like to lose a parent you love.” Her voice was soothing to the ear and I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes and listened. “My words and words from others won’t even patch the pain
, but I want you to know I’m here if you ever need me, to talk or whatever.”

“Thank you
, Anna.”

“I know that may be hard because of what happened and Lexi and stuff
, but I’m here if you ever feel lonely.” She paused and I had the feeling that she was crying.

“What are you doing this afternoon?” I asked her
, against my better judgment.

“Nothing, why?” She sounded surprised.

“I was thinking maybe we could hang out, go somewhere and talk.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure.” It seemed to me that Anna needed it more than I did.

“Thanks, do you mind…”

“Picking you up?” I laughed. “Not at all. I’ll text you when I’m on the way.”

As I hung up
, I saw Luke in front of me with a curious look on his face, “Who was that?”

“Uh, Lexi,
” I lied, for some reason not wanting him to know that I was going to meet Anna.

“Oh? You guys are going to meet up?”

“Yeah. After I leave here.”

“Huh, okay.”
He looked unhappy and my heart went out to him. What a horrible situation for us all to be in.

“Shall we go and see Shelby again?”

“I’m afraid the doctor has asked if we wait until another day to give her the news. He doesn’t want to overwhelm her.”

“Sure that makes sense.” I tried to hide my disappointment. I had wanted Shelby to know now. I had wanted her to know she had a family. A brother who was here to love and spoil her.

“You should decide what you’re going to tell your dad, if you decide to make this public.” Luke’s voice was low and I could see the concern on his face. He was right. I hadn’t even thought about what my dad would say if it got out that I was spending time with my little sister. Everyone would know what a fake he was then. I frowned while thinking. I couldn’t let it get out about Shelby or my dad would do whatever it took to discredit me and keep us apart.

“Luke, I’m going to ask you to keep this quiet.”

“What?”

“If my dad finds out about Shelby, he’s going to ship her off somewhere as fast as he can. He is not going to want this to get out.”

“I can see that. I won’t tell anyone.”

“We can’t tell Lexi either.”

“I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that, Bryce.” Luke rubbed his temple. “I think Lexi has a right to know.”

“Of course she does, but not right now.” I look
ed at him earnestly. “We can’t let her know right now. It could spoil everything.”

“Spoil what?”

“I have a plan.” I spoke slowly, my mind racing a hundred miles a minute. “But I’m not going to tell you. I have to work on this by myself. I just need some time.”

“I don’t know
, Bryce.”

“Please
, Luke. Please do this for me. You’ve kept it a secret from Lexi for this long already, what’s another few weeks?”

“But this is different now.”

“What’s different?” I lean in towards him. “What’s different now, Luke?”

He turned
his face away from me and sighed. “It’s not my place to say anything.”

“Good.” I nod
ded my head.

“I didn’t mean about Shelby…”
His voice faded and he shook his head. “Okay, Bryce, I’ll keep my mouth shut for now. For you and for your mother.”

“Thanks.” I reach
ed over and shook his hand. “You’re a good guy, Luke.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“No. I’ve got to see a man about a dog. But I’ll call you when I have some news.”

“Okay. Well have a good time with Lexi.”
His voice sounded distraught and I ignored the urge to pull him close to me.

“I
… I will.” I frowned and turned away, already disgusted with the lie. “See-ya.” I looked at my watch and decided to make a quick trip into town before I went to go and see Anna. There was someone I needed to speak to urgently. I had to make a visit to Mr. Raynor. He was my mom’s lawyer, the one who was filing for her divorce. I only hoped that he still had the paperwork I needed to see.

Chapter 7

Lexi

“Should I call him?” I played with my hair as Luke sat next to me on the bed.

“No, I wouldn’t call him now.”
He kissed my neck and I snuggled into him, breathing in his cologne and manly essence.

“I do want him to know I’m here for him, you know.” I sigh
ed. “Where did you say you saw him again?”

“At the store. He was getting something to eat.”

“And he told you he was on his way to meet me?”

“Yeah, something like that.” He sighed. “He’s obviously not in a good place right now.”

“Maybe I should go and visit him. Explain that I still care about him.”

“You may just hurt him even more
, Lexi.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,
” I sighed. “I just don’t want him to grieve alone.”

“I don’t know if you can just be his friend at this point
, Lexi. He is convinced it is a lot more than that.”

“I thought it was,
” I moaned. “I thought we were meant to be. I made a mistake.”

“You can’t tell him that now.”

“Maybe he would understand. He knows I never really knew him. My crush was just a fantasy that built and built. I allowed it to go too far.”

“Lexi, you know I love you. But this is
not the time to tell a guy whose mother has just died that your love for him was a figment of your imagination.”

“You don’t think I should be honest?”

“I think you should just let it go for now.” His hand reached under my tee shirt and he started nibbling on my lips. “His heart has just been broken. Don’t break it again.”

“Oh Luke.” I
grabbed his head and looked into his eyes. “How did I get so lucky to get you?”

“Your mom bought the right house.”

“Yeah.” I laughed. “She did something right.”

“You know Lexi, love isn’t always what we expect it to be.”
Luke pulled away from me and he ran his fingers over my eyebrows, smoothly them down gently. “Sometimes love is knowing when to let something go, or knowing when to keep something to oneself.”

“But lies never help.”

“Give him some time, Lexi. He has a lot going on.”

“Since when have you been on his side?”

“I’m not taking sides. I’m just saying that maybe everything is too black and white for you. That rarely works in life. You don’t just love one person and hate another. You don’t just fall in love in a day and you don’t fall in love in one day either. Emotions are complicated. The truth is complicated. Sometimes that grey area is where things need to be.”

“
I don’t want to be in that grey area. Not anymore.”

“Lexi
, last week you were overjoyed that Bryce was back in town and was inviting you to his party. Last night you were in my bed, telling me how much you love me. Forgive me when I say this, my dear, but you are the grey area.”