Fireflies From Heaven (5 page)

For three
months, he asked what had happened. I emailed him back, telling him I’d just
been busy but he knew something was wrong. Three months after that, Isabelle
got the news that Reed’s camp was bombed and he was MIA. The news was
devastating, and during those horrible days, when I’d thought he was gone, I
realized the extent of my feelings for him.

After two years
of trying to convince myself that I was over him, I realized I was still in
love with Reed Bentley.

“Ellie, are you
really a clown?”

The question
came from a five-year-old girl named Savannah, who’d just had her appendix
taken out and was recovering from the surgery.

“Don’t you
think I look like a clown?” I said, lifting the sides of my polka-dotted skirt
and holding the edges out.
 
Slowly,
I turned in a circle so that she could get the full effect of my clown attire--suspenders,
white puffy leaves, hot pink hair and all.

Savannah
laughed.
 
“You look like Sarena
Sparkle! Her eyes are glittery like yours.”

“You’re
right.
 
Sarena inspired me.”

Frowning,
Savannah asked, “What does i-ispired mean?”

“It means that she
gave me a terrific idea.
 
But since
it’s important to be your own person, I didn’t want to copy Sarena exactly so
the hot pink ponytails and colorful outfit are my own.”

“That makes her
unique,” Savannah’s mother, Mary, added smiling appreciatively at me.
 
“Thank you so much for what you’ve done
for my daughter.”

 
“I’m glad that I could make Savannah’s
stay a little easier.”

“What’s
u-neek?” asked Savannah.

“It means
special, like Ellie,” Mary told her daughter and then she hugged me.
 
I felt on top of the world, and I loved
the happiness I’d brought to them.

I’d graduated
from the University of Houston six months ago and had quickly gotten a job with
the VNT, the visiting nurses team, but I still worked a few days a week with Isabelle.

Before I left I
made a mermaid balloon for Savannah and promised to see her before she checked
out.
 
Glancing at my watch, I
debated going to see Reed.
 
I knew
that he usually took a nap after therapy, but it was later than I normally
visited him.

The desire to
see him was too tempting and I made my way to the orthopedic wing, where Reed
had a private room.
 
Sticking my
head inside, I saw that he was still sleeping and breathed a sigh of
relief.
 
Quietly, I walked into the
room and drank in the sight of him.

His dark hair
had grown out a lot since from the buzz cut he’d had when he’d first been
brought in, and I could tell he’d lost weight but for someone who’d been
through what Reed had, he looked good.
 
He was dressed in a gray t-shirt and black sweats that were cut at the
knee because his lower left leg was encircled in what was called a IIizarov
apparatus, a device used to treat multiple tibia and fibula breaks.

My gaze moved
back to his face and locked eyes with Reed. I was so startled that he was awake
and watching me watch him that I actually gasped.
 
“You’re awake. I didn’t mean to disturb
you.”

He looked at me
for a long moment, his eyes never leaving mine.
 
“I wasn’t asleep, Ellie.
 
I knew you wouldn’t come in if you
thought I was awake.”

I wasn’t sure
how to respond.

“Someone has
been leaving me gifts along with white daisies.” His eyes locked with mine.
 
“I’ve asked around, but no one knows
where they come from.”
 
Reed reached
over and pushed the buttons on the side of his bed, and the bed lifted to a
sitting position.

I was
ninety-nine percent sure I’d been found out, but didn’t want to admit it or
make a big deal. “Well, do you like the stuff?” I asked, my heart thumping
madly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the sketchpad I’d bought lying open
on the bedside table, a drawing of majestic house covering the page.

“I do.”

“Then I don’t
see the problem.” I shifted, uneasy beneath his steady, unwavering gaze.

 
“There’s no problem, except I wish you’d have
dropped them off while I was awake. I would have liked to thank you in person.”

I closed my
eyes, trying to calm the storm that had built and broke inside of me.
 
“You’re welcome.”

“I didn’t just
want to thank you, Ellie. I wanted to see you again.”

“Why?” I asked
genuinely surprised by this.
 
We’d
had one amazing night, but it was only that.
 
With all of the things Isabelle had told
me about him and Amber, it was clear to me that they belonged together.

Reed frowned.
“What do you mean ‘why’?”

He was obviously
upset with me, and I wasn’t sure what to say.
 
“I meant why would you want to see me again?”
I said, thinking he’d misunderstood me.

“Yeah, I got
that.
 
I was hit in the leg Ellie,
not the head.” Reed shifted in the bed and winced. The EKG machine began an
insistent beep and I frowned.
 
Instinctively, I reached out and placed my hand over Reed’s heart,
hoping to soothe him.
 
At first he
tensed beneath my touch, but then he put his hand over mine and I felt him
relax.

“I’m sorry,
Reed,” I said softly, silently willing him to understand. “I guess I didn’t
think you’d want to see me.
 
You’re
the only one-night-stand I’ve ever had, and I’m not sure how to act around you.”

I didn’t
understand the flash of pain his eyes, but it felt good when he gently squeezed
my hand and rubbed the pad of his thumb over my knuckles. “Don’t
apologize.
 
I’m mad at myself not
you.
 
Ellie, I never thought of you
as a one-night-stand.
 
If that’s
what you think, I guess I see why you might feel uncomfortable around me.”

It felt like
we’d picked right up where we left off two years ago, and whatever connection
we’d made that night was still tying us together.

“I looked
forward to every email you sent me.
 
At the very least, I thought that you and I were friends.”

 
“I’d like to be your friend, Reed.”

Reed looked
like he wanted to say something else, but the nurse came in to take his vitals.

“You look
good,” I told him after the nurse left.

“Thanks.
 
So do you.
 
I like the pink hair and glitter.”

I’d forgotten
about my clown outfit until that moment, and I laughed.
 
“I heard from a reliable source that I
look unique.”

“Yeah, you do,”
Reed agreed with a smile. “Ellie, I’ve thought about that night a lot. I didn’t
want to bring it up in an email, but I want you to know that if I had to do it
over again, I promise I’d make it better for you.”

Since that
night was already perfect, what he was saying would have been impossible.
 
I hadn’t actually meant to say that
aloud, and from the expression on Reed’s face he hadn’t expected it either.

“So you don’t
think of me as the asshole that took your virginity? I guess you’re still pretty
innocent or you’d know how much I sucked as a lover that night.”

Thinking he was
joking, I smiled. “It wasn’t that bad,” I assured him, sobering at the look on
his face. “Was it?”

Reed lips
lifted at the corners.
 
“I should
have made it better for you.”

“I thought it
was beautiful.”

“I wasn’t
careful enough. I hurt you.”

“You didn’t
hurt me Reed, and I don’t regret anything that happened between us that night.
I told you that two years ago.”

“I remember,
but when you didn’t come visit me I thought you might have changed your mind. I
was going to call you, but I thought you’d come when you were ready.”

“So you decided
to trick me by pretending to be asleep?” I asked with a smile in my voice.

He shrugged,
seeming uncomfortable. “I was hoping you’d eventually want to see me.”

We stared at
each other silently for a long moment. I had the strange feeling I’d hurt his
feelings, and I didn’t like it. My phone began beeping and I started. Tapping
the screen, I frowned.

“I have to go,”
I said, glancing at my watch.

“Hot date?” he
asked, cocking a dark brow.

“With a
seamstress,” I explained.
 
“My
cousin Brooke is getting married, and I’m being measured for a bridesmaid dress.
I’ll come back and visit you, when you’re awake,” I promised.

“I’m going home
next week.” He eyes held mine.

“That’s great!”

“Yeah, I’m sick
of hospital food.”

I smiled.
 
“I’ll visit you sometime.”
 
I wasn’t sure that I would, and Reed seemed
to know that.
 

I saw the
disappointment in his eyes but he didn’t say anything except, “See you around,
Ellie.”

“Yeah, I’ll see
you around,” I told him, pulling my hand from beneath his.
  
“Take care of yourself.”

Once I’d left
the room, I glanced back at his door and whispered, “Goodbye, Reed.” Closure
was way overrated.

I barely had
enough time to make it back to my apartment to shower and change before meeting
Aunt Lacy and Brooke.
 
Slipping into
a simple, black knit dress with sandals and pulling my hair into a low
ponytail, I ran out the door knowing what a stickler for punctuality Aunt Lacy
was.

Luckily, I
walked through Meghan’s Bridal Shop right on time.
 
My family was, of course, waiting on me.
 
One day I was going to arrive
before them, unfortunately, I was fairly sure I’d have to get wherever I was
going a whole hour early for that to happen.

“Hi, Aunt
Lacy.
 
Hi, Brooke.”

“It’s so nice
of you to join us, Ellie,” Aunt Lacy replied coolly.

“Mom, Ellie is
only a few minutes late.” Brooke smiled sympathetically.

Late?
 
I glanced at my watch. Twice.
 
I was not late! Opening my mouth to
protest, I stopped when I noticed how elegantly they were both dressed and I
glanced down self-consciously.

Brooke, who
looked like a real-life version of Barbie, was wearing slim black slacks, a
snowy-white, wrap-around blouse and ultra-expensive looking heels. She’d
adorned the outfit with diamond earrings, a glimmering tennis bracelet, and the
multi-karat, platinum engagement ring that Davis had given her.

Aunt Lacy
looked like Brooke’s older sister with a trendy angled bob, and she was dressed
in a sleek black dress than made my own look like I’d bought it from a discount
store, which it had.

“Ellie, dear, you
look absolutely…quaint,” Aunt Lacy offered, waving French manicured hand in
front of my $19.99 dress.
 
“Where
did
you get that dress?”

I told her.

Aunt Lacy and
Brooke exchanged a look before they started laughing.
 
“Oh no, Mother.
 
I think she’s serious.”

Their laughter
vanished and both mother and daughter’s expressions morphed into false sympathy.
“If you and your father need some money, we’d be delighted to help out.”

“I appreciate
that,” I managed with a straight face. “But we’re doing fine.
 
Thank you for the offer, though.”

Aunt Lacy’s
lips pressed together, but her regularly scheduled Botox injections would not
allow her to frown.
 
Brooke pouted.
Clearly she’d hoped for more of a reaction from me, but I’d learned that
getting upset with them only hurt me and entertained them.
 
Unless I was willing to write off my
mother’s family, I had to pretend that their disapproval didn’t affect me.

My mother’s
twin brother, Jonathon, was Vice President of a local drilling company, and he kept
the family in a luxurious lifestyle with a mansion in the prominent King’s
Forest community, fancy cars, first-class dining and shopping sprees that cost
more than my rent. Dad said they had no appreciation for money and that they
couldn’t really afford all of those things they bought.
 
He’d be fine if we never saw the
Donovans again but he tried for my sake, to get along with them.

When I was younger
I didn’t understand why Aunt Lacy and Brooke didn’t like me, and dealing with
them wasn’t always easy especially when Brooke was part of the group of kids in
school that had made fun of Cora and me.
 
Dad and Cora didn’t understand how I could be so kind to them, but it was
because I understood something they didn’t; Uncle Jonathon, Aunt Lacy and
Brooke were the unhappiest people I knew.

Not one of them
ever laughed until they doubled over and tears filled their eyes.
 
They rarely smiled, and they were never
genuinely satisfied with any of the expensive things they had.
 
Unlike Dad and I, the Donovans didn’t
appreciate the simple things in life and found no happiness in anything.
 

When I was in
the fourth grade I was assigned the hummingbird for my research project, and I
dived into it enthusiastically, curious about the little birds.
 
Dad bought us a feeder and I followed
the recipe to make their food.
 
Not
long after that I’d pointed out a group of hummingbirds to Aunt Lacy and
Brooke, but they’d dismissed the birds even when I’d told them how amazing they
were.

“I cannot
believe your father lets you waste your time watching a bunch of stupid birds,”
Aunt Lacy scoffed.
 
“Birds carry
diseases, did you know that?” Her critical gaze slid distastefully over my dirt
stained jeans and messy hair.

Brooke, who still
looked like a little doll with her sausage curls and lacy dress, looked at me
with a small smile of satisfaction.
 
“You look like a boy!” she’d said spitefully.

Most parents
would have admonished their kid for being rude, but Aunt Lacy had laughed. “She
does, doesn’t she?” Aunt Lacy agreed.
 

Brooke went to
play in her room like Aunt Lacy told her, but I stayed outside until Dad came
to pick me up, and when I’d mentioned what had happened to him, he’d been
furious.
 
I regretted telling him
about it and felt guilty for betraying Aunt Lacy and Brooke.
 
It wasn’t as if I’d been upset by the
incident, and I knew I should have kept quiet.
 
He never dropped me at their house
again, and no matter how upset I was with them I never complained to Dad about
Aunt Lacy or Brooke.

“How are the
Wicked Stepmother and Stepsister?” Cora asked me when I got home.

“They weren’t
that bad,” I said with a laugh.

Cora rolled her
eyes, and gave me an ‘I-don’t-believe-you-look.’
 
“You’re too nice, Ellie.
 
If you need me to, I can go with you when
you pick up the dress.”

“Thanks, but
they’re having the dresses custom made. I’ll have to go to at least two more
fittings. Something smells great, what are you making?”

I went into the
kitchen and saw Cora smile, as she pulled something delicious looking out of
the oven.
 
“Homemade chicken pot
pie.”

It was my
favorite and Cora usually made it when she thought I needed a pick-me-up. “You
rock, Cora. But you shouldn’t have. Aunt Lacy and Brooke were tolerable.”

“They didn’t
bring up Davis?
 
I think the only
reason Brooke wanted him was because he was with you.”

I’d often
thought the same thing but didn’t see the point in dwelling on it. “Davis and
Brooke are perfect for each other.

“Can’t argue
with you there. Davis’s family is rich, he’s got a cushy job at Daddy’s company
and Brooke will make the perfect trophy wife.”

We sat down at
the table to eat.
 
“I hope they’ll
be happy together.” I took a savory bite of the golden-crusted potpie. Closing
my eyes, I savored the delicious taste.
 
“This is amazing.”

“Glad you like
it, but I didn’t make it because of the Wicked Stepmother and Stepsister,” she
admitted.

“Good.”

“You saw Reed
today.”

I froze, fork
suspended halfway to my mouth.
 
“How’d you know?”

“I ran into
Amber at the grocery store.
 
She mentioned
seeing you on Reed’s floor.”

Guilt churned
in my stomach, along with the fear that Amber might somehow know what happened
between Reed and I.

“She didn’t
think anything of it,” Cora assured me. “It was just said casually, and I
didn’t bring it up to upset you. I’m just concerned.”

“I know. I
shouldn’t have gone to see him, but I couldn’t avoid him forever.
 
He’s Isabelle’s brother.”

“How was it?”

I thought for a
moment, trying to figure out how to explain my visit with Reed.
 
“It was weird,” I said finally.
 
“He knew it was me that left the gifts,
and he wanted to know why I hadn’t come sooner.
 
When I told him, he was angry.”

Cora tensed,
her green eyes flashing with indignation on my behalf.
 
“He was mad at you? What did you tell
him?”

“I told him I
wasn’t sure if he’d want to see me.”

“That’s what
made him mad?” Cora suddenly looked thoughtful. “He didn’t expect you to avoid
him.
 
That does seem strange since
you’d only spent one night together.”

“Most guys
wouldn’t want to have their one-night stands hanging around them especially
when they’re trying to get back together with their girlfriends, but Reed told
me he never thought of me as a one-night stand.” Hearing him say those words
thawed a piece of my heart that had been frozen two years ago.

“He said that?”
Cora’s jaw dropped.

“Yeah, he also
suggested we be friends.”

“Friends,” Cora
echoed with an odd look in her eyes. “Are you sure he’s trying to get back
together with Amber?”

“Of course he
is.
 
You know their history, and Isabelle
still spends holidays with Amber’s family.”

“Yeah, I know
what Isabelle’s told us,” she conceded. Still, Cora looked unsure.

“I would never
do anything to hurt Amber and Reed or Isabelle.”

“You’re always
thinking of everyone else, Ellie.
 
It’s only because I love you that I’m calling bullshit.
 
You still have feelings for Reed.”

Even as I
opened my mouth to deny it, I knew that Cora was right.
 
All of the times I’d reassured her that
I was over Reed, that I was okay being his one-night stand, and that it didn’t
hurt me to know that he and Amber would get back together, it was all a lie.

Covering my
face with my hands, I let it sink in.
 
Even when I was fourteen, I’d felt something for Reed that I had never
felt for any other guy.
 
At nineteen
those feelings had only intensified, and now, at twenty-two, they’d grown into
something I was afraid to examine too closely for fear of having my heart split
right down the middle.

“I didn’t bring
this up to hurt you, Ellie.
 
It’s
just that I see the way guys are always hitting on you, and I know that you’ve
been out with some great men but you never fall for any of them, and I can’t
help but think it’s because of Reed.”

“You’re right,”
I finally admitted, not just to Cora but myself.
 
“What am I going to do?”

“Move on.
 
Give some of those good guys a shot with
you.
 
I know I’m a hypocrite because
I’ve got my own issues with trusting men, but you’re not as screwed up as I am.
You’ve got a real shot at a happily ever after. Think of how green with envy
the Wicked Stepmother and Stepsister will be.”

“You’re not
screwed up, Cora.” I didn’t like it when she said things like that.

She held up a
hand.
 
“You can try to fix me
another night. Tonight’s therapy is only for you.”

Reluctantly, I
agreed.
 

We spent the
rest of the night indulging on a chocolate soufflé Cora had made and discussing
the men she thought I should date.