Fireflies From Heaven (18 page)

“I can’t do
that,” I told her.

“You mean you
won’t,” Amber replied bitterly. “I’m not asking you to stay away forever, just
give Reed and I a chance. Please, that’s all I’m asking.”

“What do you
want?” I asked slowly, dread filling me.

“Tell him you
need some space. Suggest that the two of you see other people.
 
Just for a little while.
 
If Reed truly loves you, then he’ll come
back to you.
 
If he chooses me,
would you really have wanted to keep him?”

My heart was
pounding. “I don’t know.”

“You’ll do the
right thing, Ellie. I know you will.” Amber got up and left me alone to weather
the hurricane of emotions she’d created.

“Where’ve you
been?” Reed asked, finding me outside later.
 
It was plain to see from his expression
that he’d been worried about me. “I’ve looked everywhere and I’ve called you a
dozen times.”

“I’m sorry.”
Glancing down, I said, “I left my phone at your place.”

A beam of
moonlight must have caught my face because he suddenly froze. “Have you been
crying?”

“I felt like I
needed for some fresh air,” I told him.

 
His expression was a mixture of relief, concern,
and, because Reed knew me so well, doubt. “Are you feeling better now?” he
asked, his eyes sliding over me.

“My stomach is
still nauseated. I should probably go home.”

“Okay.” He
sighed, pulling out his cell. “Let me call your dad first, he’s been looking
for you too.” He’d already dialed the number and had the phone to his ear.
 
Dad had to have answered on the first
ring because Reed started talking to him, telling him that I was outside and,
yes, I was fine.

Reed took me
home, but once we were in his bedroom I realized that he had no intention of
making love to me, and I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to have sex with
someone who he thought might throw up on him.
 

“Do you want me
to get you something?”

“I feel better
now,” I said dropping to my knees in front of him.
 
He was really sexy dressed like Clyde. For
the second time tonight, I undid he pants and pushed them down.

“Ellie.” He
stopped me, his eyes narrowed as if trying to understand what was going on. “I
thought you were sick.”

“I need you,” I
said almost desperately. “Please.”

He seemed
unsure, but he didn’t stop me when I went to go down on him and I focused on
trying to read his body’s reaction to my ministrations, wanting to give him
incredible pleasure.

 
Just before he came, he pulled me up but
instead of lowering me onto the bed he turned around and sank into the bed,
pulling me on top of him.
 
He undid
his pants and freed himself while I pushed up my dress and pulled down my
panties. I straddled him, feeling awkward and unsure of what to do.

“Ride me.”

The words were
thick and rich with desire, and they kindled a fire deep within my belly.
Shifting, I settled over his erection and lowered myself on him slowly until I
finally lost control and sank all the way down, burying him deep inside of me.

Reed groaned.

Bracing myself
with my hands resting on his solid chest, I moved.

A low sound
tore from Reed, and I saw that this jaw was clenched tightly shut and he’d
reached backwards and was holding on the to slats in his headboard. He was
fighting for control, struggling to remain still while I set the tempo for our
lovemaking.

I moved again,
and began a steady rhythm that had me hot and moaning his name.
 
And then he let go of the headboard and
cupped my breasts, flicking my nipples with his thumbs. I burst, coming so hard
that my body shook while waves of pleasure rolled through me.

I collapsed
onto his chest and we undressed, and made love again, this time tender and
slow. Afterwards we held each other, and I tried to memorize every detail of
this night so that I could replay it in my mind as often as I wished.

“You weren’t
sick tonight.” Reed pressed a kiss to my temple.

 
It didn’t reply.

“What’s going
on? You disappeared and you’d been crying.
 
Tell me what happened, and I’ll fix it.”

“You can’t,” I
whispered.

“I can’t if you
won’t talk to me,” he replied, watching me with a troubled look in his eyes.

“I’m tired,
Reed.” It was the truth.
 
I was
exhausted. “Can’t you just hold me and we’ll talk about it later.”

“Yeah, I can do
that.” Reluctantly, he let the subject drop.

I loved the
feel of his body against mine and craved the feeling of being safe and
cherished.
 
Once he thought that I’d
fallen asleep, Reed slept.
 
I stayed
awake watching him sleep, memorizing his face, studying each breath he took and
praying, selfishly, that Reed would choose me over Amber.
 
I didn’t want to give him the chance to
leave me, but it was the right thing to do.

Putting off the
inevitable, I stayed by his side most of the night, but early the next morning,
while Reed still slept, I quietly crept from the house. I told myself I’d break
up with him in the afternoon, but as the day wore on I wasn’t sure that I could
go through with it.
 
I declined all
his calls and left his texts unanswered.

Three days
later Reed confronted me.
 

When I went to
answer the door, I figured Cora had misplaced her key again but to my surprise
Reed was standing in my doorway wearing dark slacks, a white dress shirt and
tie. Just looking at him made my heart ache.

For a moment I
considered forgetting about Amber, and begging Reed’s forgiveness, but the
nagging thought of her being right haunted me.
 
What she’d said made sense.
 
If Reed loved me, then we’d still end up
together.
 
I guess I was afraid to
test our new relationship and afraid to find out that he loved her more.

“Did you lose
your phone?” he asked in a deceptively casual tone. I knew Reed well enough to
know that he was angry with me.

Opening the
door wider, I stepped aside. “Come in, Reed.”

His deep, ocean
blue eyes fastened on mine and I felt my will began to crumble beneath the
intensity of his gaze.
 
I looked
away quickly. Reed stepped inside, turning to me the moment I closed the door,
but he didn’t say anything just waited for me to explain.

“I think we
need some time away from each other.” Saying the words felt wrong, and I wanted
to take them back.

He took a deep
breath, nodded. “Okay.”

“If we spend
some time apart and see other people, we’d know for sure if what we have is real,”
I explained, my voice shaking and heart pounding. Tensing, I looked up at him,
fully expecting his anger but instead he was strangely silent.

Finally, he
nodded again.
 
A moment later he
reached for me, but I stepped away, knowing I wouldn’t be able to think clearly
if he touched me.
 
Reed watched my
reaction with surprise, and then I saw a shadow of pain darken his eyes.

“Ellie,” he
said gently. “If I’ve done something to upset you, I’m sorry.”

“You haven’t
done anything, Reed,” I assured him.

He didn’t look
convinced. “Maybe it was too soon to tell you I loved you. If we’re moving too
fast, I don’t mind slowing things down.”

I shook my
head, unable to hear any more.

“I know I don’t
have a job now, but I went to the bank this afternoon to get approved for a
business loan. I’m going to start doing some carpentry work until I finish my
degree. It’s not going to be much at first, but I’ll be able to make a living.”

“It’s not that,”
I cried, feeling guilty. “You didn’t move too fast, and you were injured
serving our country, I didn’t expect you to get out of the hospital and go to
work the next day.”

“Alright,” he
replied slowly. “Tell me what I’ve done.”

“Stop it Reed!
You didn’t do anything.
 
That’s not
what this is about.”

“Then what is
it about?” he snarled. “Because I’ve been thinking about it for three days, and
I can’t figure out what the hell I did to deserve you running out on me and
avoiding me for the last few days.”

I felt every
word as if it was a knife that sliced into me, and the pain I’d caused him
overwhelmed me. “I shouldn’t have done that.
 
I don’t want to hurt you, Reed.
 
I do love you, but I think we need to
take a break. If we really love each other, we’ll get back together,” I
explained, needing to believe what I was saying. I prayed that I was doing the
right thing, but I wasn’t sure.

Reed stared at
me in disbelief. “I don’t understand.”

“You need time
to work out your feelings for Amber,” I blurted out, frustrated and
heartbroken.

He blinked,
stared at me. “I don’t have any feelings for Amber to work out.”

“You don’t know
that.”

“Yeah, I do
know that, Ellie. I already know what I want--you.
 
If you’re not sure, I’ll wait for you
while you figure things out.”

Every word was
like a blow to my already battered heart. “It’s not me that needs to figure
things out.” I could see that he didn’t believe me.

He closed the
distance between us and gathered me into his arms before I realized what he
meant to do. I leaned into him, wanting to wrap my arms around him and never
let go. But I did let go, and I stepped back. Reed gently cradled my face in
his hands and looked into my eyes when he spoke the words that shattered my
heart. “If you need to see other people to to be sure about us, go ahead and do
what you need to do. I’ll be here when you’re done, and I’ll still love you as
much as I do now.”

I could not
believe what he was saying. Tears dripped steadily down my cheeks.
 
Maybe Reed really did love me. If he
did, then what harm could come from him seeing Amber for a few weeks?
 

“It’ll only be
for a few weeks.
 
You can go out
with Amber and if you still want to be with me, I’ll be waiting for you.”

He scowled. “I
can’t believe you’re saying this.” His voice was tight with anger, and his jaw
was clenched shut, the vein in his temple throbbing.

“I can’t be
with you until I know for sure you’re not in love with Amber!”

“I’m in love
with you, Ellie.
 
You.”

Each of his words
cut a piece of my heart, and his eyes implored me to believe him. “I love
you—“

“No,” he
interrupted, his eyes flashing with pain. Taking a deep breath he said calmly, “You
don’t love me, and you don’t have to make up this crazy story.”

“Reed, that’s
not it. I don’t want us to break up for good. Please, if you’ll just listen.”

“Listen like
you listened to me when I said I didn’t love Amber? No, Ellie. This is over.
You don’t have to lie anymore.” He turned away and strode towards the door
without looking back.

“Reed!” I
cried, but he closed the door behind him.

If I’d done the
right thing, then why did it feel as if I’d made the worst mistake of my life?
I didn’t stop to think, instead I followed my heart and ran after Reed.

Running out the
door, I tripped on something and fell, tumbling down the first landing of the
stairs and banging my head against the railing. I cried out and felt a sharp
pain shooting inside my left wrist.

I glanced
around, wondering what had just happened, and my eyes hit on Tyler’s
skateboard. Reed wasn’t anywhere in sight. He’d already gone.

“You’re lucky
Miss McAllister,” Dr. Mitchell informed me. “You don’t have a concussion, which
was my biggest concern. You may have a headache for a couple of days.”

I tried to
smile, but it hurt. “That’s good.”

“You’re wrist
isn’t broken, but you do have a bad sprain. You’ll have to wear a brace for a
couple of weeks.
 
The cuts and
bruises are minor and should heal soon.
 
I can give you something for the pain,” he said giving me a cursory look
before turning his attention back to the chart in front of him.

“I won’t need
it. Thank you,” I told him.

The nurse came
to my side to check my vitals. “Two women and a boy are in the waiting room
wanting to see you, Jennifer and Tyler Sherman and Isabelle Bentley.”

“Thanks. Can I
see them now?”

“Sure, sweetie,”
the nurse said with a smile.

A few minutes
later, Isabelle swept into the stark white room instantly lighting it up with
her vibrant beauty. Jennifer and Tyler Sherman followed her, wearing matching
expressions of apprehension.

“The doctor
said I’m fine. They’re threatening to toss me out of this emergency clinic
since I don’t have a real emergency,” I said trying to lighten the mood.
 
“All I have is a sprained wrist and a
few bruises.”

Jennifer and
Tyler began apologizing at the same time, and I felt awful for both of them,
especially Tyler. I knew he blamed himself because I tripped on his skateboard.

“It was an
accident,” I assured them, squeezing Tyler’s hand and smiling at Jennifer. “I
wasn’t watching where I was going, and I’ll feel terrible if I know that you’re
blaming yourself for my clumsiness.”

That seemed to
comfort them and we talked a little while longer before Jennifer said, “If
there’s anything we can do for you let us know.”

I told her I
would, knowing I probably wouldn’t and then I was left alone with Isabelle,
who’d been uncharacteristically quiet while I talked with Jennifer and Tyler.

“Are you in
pain?” she asked, studying me.

 
“A little. They gave me some meds so I’m
actually feeling pretty good now,” I said lightly.

The smooth skin
between her brows was puckered into a frown. “What happened?”

“I fell down
the stairs. You didn’t call anyone, did you?”

“No one.” She didn’t
look happy about it.

“Dad would only
worry.
 
Cora’s in Corpus Christi
with the orchestra and there isn’t any reason to upset her.”

“You don’t want
anyone worrying about you. Got it,” Isabelle said with an odd look in her eyes.
“What about Reed? You didn’t mention him.”

I wanted to cry.
It had been an emotional day, and the effects of my break up with Reed were too
strong to be dulled by pain meds.

“Ellie?”
Isabelle whispered, alarmed.

“Reed and broke
up.”

“Oh God. I’m so
sorry.” She moved to my side and took my hand. “ Reed is so in love with you,
and you both looked happy together. I don’t understand.”

I closed my
eyes and took a deep breath. “I broke up with him so that he could go out with
Amber.”

I’d expected
Isabelle to be thrilled since this was what she’d wanted all along, but instead
she seemed anxious. “You didn’t do this because of me did you?”

“No. I thought
it was the right thing to do.”

Isabelle stared
at me as if she didn’t agree. “Why?”

“I don’t want
him always wondering if he should have tried to work things out with the girl
he’s loved since kindergarten.” Okay, saying that to Isabelle made a lot of
sense.
 
Maybe I had done the right
thing.
 
Who’d want to go through
life wondering if their soul mate was still in love with their first love? It
might hurt now, like hell, but if it made things right eventually, it would be
worth the temporary heartache.

“That’s
selfless of you, Ellie. I don’t know if I’d do the same if I was you.”

“If he chooses
Amber, then he was meant to be with her all along.” I wasn’t sure if I was
trying to convince Isabelle or myself.

“That sounds
like something out of a self-help book,” she replied, casting me a doubtful
look. “If you and Reed are in love, it doesn’t make sense to break up.”

“What about
Amber? You were sure they belonged together.”

Isabelle just
stared at me sadly and shook her head. “I was wrong.”

“This isn’t
forever,” I assured her.

Isabelle took
me to me home and she spent the night. We ate pizza, opened a bottle of wine,
and watched movies. Although we didn’t talk about Reed, I got the feeling
Isabelle thought I’d made a huge mistake.

I’d just wanted
to do the right thing for everyone, but I was afraid I’d messed things up, and
I wasn’t sure Reed would ever forgive me.

“Holy shit! You
look like you were in a fight,” Cora exclaimed when she saw me.

Why exactly
this made me smile, I don’t know.
 
It’s probably because Cora’s brutal honesty was a welcome change from
the pitying looks I’d been getting from Dad and Isabelle, who watched me as if
they thought I might suddenly lose control and break down.

“You didn’t get
into a fight, did you?” she added, hesitantly.

I laughed and
it hurt. “Cora, you said that like I get into fights all the time. ‘Oh, Ellie,
you didn’t get into
another
fight,
did you?” I mimicked with exaggerated drama in my tone.

Cora cracked a
smile. “At least I know you’re well enough to laugh about it.
 
I was just afraid you might have gotten
into with Amber.”

“What?”

“I can
visualize the whole scene. She gets a little too close to Reed and you decide
to fight for your man.”

“That sounds
more interesting than what really happened.”

 
“Well?” Cora prodded, waving her hand for
me to hurry up and start talking.

“I fell down
the stairs. It’s boring compared to your girl fight story. Sorry.”

Cora’s
expression suddenly turned serious, and I realized she knew that someone big
had happened.

There was no
way to sugarcoat it, so I just said simply, “I broke up with Reed.” I expected
her to be surprised, to tell me I’d either done the right thing or that I was
crazy as hell.
 
I did not expect her
to simply stare at me speechless, and it was more than a little unnerving.

“Amber asked me
back off and give her a chance with Reed,” I explained, wishing Cora would say
something.

Just when I was
beginning to think she wouldn’t say anything, Cora plopped down next to me on
the couch and said, “You should have called me.”

 
“You’d have rushed home.”

“You’re damn
right I would. If you’re ever out of town and my world starts raining crap,
don’t think I’m not using speed dial to get you back here ASAP.”

“That’s a fair
warning,” I replied with a smile, waiting for her to launch into the advice
that would help me straighten out my love life.

Cora didn’t say
anything except for when she asked for the remote and started stalking our
go-to movies.

“You think I
made a mistake?” I asked, watching her anxiously.

Cora turned her
head and gave me a direct, knowing look. “Don’t you?”