Few Things Left Unsaid (25 page)

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ALL ALONE IN COLLEGE.

                                                    
W
e had a lot of fun, when we were together, I can never forget those days. I will always remember her presence in college.The laughs that we shared, the dreams that we had, but those dreams changed, and it left a hole in my heart. I knew she had moved on in her life. She had got some one better than me. But I still wish she was with me. I still wish she cared for me. I was all alone in the college. I missed her everywhere. I stopped going to the canteen. Whenever I went there I could see that table where we used to sit. Where we sang song together. I stopped listening to that song. It made me cry more. It was

difficult to face anyone. I wanted to avoid everyone. Having lunch alone made me love her more. I could see her in college. She was not the same Riya. She talked with me. But she was not the same Riya.

I  somehow attended lectures as P.L was hardly a week away. Everything seemed to be different. I was missing her badly. I was regretting my decision. Now I realised what love was. Even if she was with someone else I loved her. In fact I loved her more than before. I realised love had no limits. I realised what I used to watch and hear. Break up always made you love your x girlfriend more. I was facing the same… Swapnil  , Sameer and Anup came to me. I was ignoring them for the last few days. I was not in mood to face the world. They asked me what my problem was…

“Riya broke up with me. She left me all alone. I think I don’t deserve her. But still I love her. I love her very much. I want her back in my life.”

“What happened? Why did she leave you? You must have done something. Don’t worry she will come back to you.” Swapnil said.

“She won’t come back to me. She has a new boyfriend now.” tears rolled down again as I said this.

“Are you silly? What are you saying? She can’t do like this. She loves you so much. You both love each other so much. You are a perfect couple. So stop saying negative things.” Sameer said.

“I am serious. I know it. She is with Amit now. I hope you remember him.”

“What are you saying? I can’t believe this. But how? Why? What about Neha? Shall I talk to her? “Swapnil was surprised.

I didn’t answer any questions. I just went away. I was upset. I was fed up with all these questions. I went to class. She was not with me. She was sitting on some other bench. I felt frustrated.

As the class was over she talked with me for a few minutes. But she got a call from Amit  I think. She picked up the call and left. I was alone again. The feeling of loneliness was killing me. I wanted to end all these things. I wanted to talk to her. I messaged her…

“Can we talk tonight? I am missing you. Please jaan.”

She replied...

“Ok. Call me at 11pm.”

There were no sweet words in the message. It was a normal message. I missed everything. I was waiting for 11pm. I was eager to talk to her.

I called her at 11pm.

The number you are trying to call is busy. I tried again. Same response. She didn’t attend my call. I called Amit. Even his call was busy. She was talking to him. I was not able to accept it. I called Neha. She was also trying Amit’ number.

“Aadi, it’s all over. I don’t think Amit will come back to me. He doesn’t even reply to me now. Riya at least replies to you. Talks to you. He is avoiding me completely. I am broken. Please do something.”

“What can I do? I am in the same boat. Even I want my Riya back. Even I want to feel her love. But I am helpless. I am trying my level best to bring her back. I am going to ask her to come with me

tomorrow.” I said.

“Do you think she will come with you? I don’t think so. They have forgotten us. “She replied.

“Please don’t say this. I won’t let her go so easily.” I called her once again. Still her cell was busy. I sent her a message that it was urgent to talk to her.

She didn’t reply.

I was waiting for her call till 3am. Then I realised what she must have felt when I had ignored her on that day. I was crying. I just could hear her busy ringtone. It was killing me. Finally she called me…

“What was so urgent that you were calling me again and again? Don’t you understand I was on call? Now say what you want to say.” She was angry.

“Jaan, I was missing you. I wanted to meet you. I really love you jaan. Please forgive me. Please. Come back.” I cried.

“Is this you wanted to tell me? Is it urgent?”

“No. I wanted to ask you if we could go out tomorrow for the whole day?” I knew she would not agree to it.

“No. I have work tomorrow at home. I can come day after tomorrow.”

As she said this I smiled. It’s so beautiful when you give a small smile when you are crying.

“Ok jaan. No problem. I will be waiting for the day after tomorrow. I saw the date. This could not be a miracle. I really thought God has decided it. It was 11th October. Her birthday. It had completely gone slipped from my mind due to recent incidents and whatever was happening. I messaged her..

Your birthday will be special. Full of surprises….miss you.

 
                           
Changing Relations…

                                                         
T
his was the day. I wanted to make her realise what she meant to me. I wanted to make her realise that I could love her the most. I wanted to relive the moments of my birthday. With the same surprises and a few more. I knew if today she realised how much I loved her she would never go back to Amit.

We were going to Chowpatty. I could have taken her to Grant lane but I was afraid as she had been with Amit in Grant lane a few days back. We boarded the train. I took out the first surprise from the bag.

“ A white rose to clear the fights between us.” I gave her the rose.

She accepted it. But there was no reaction on her face.

“ Thanks but….” I stopped her from saying anything else.

Maybe I knew what she was going to say. She was not the same Riya. She was looking out of the window and I was looking at her. I took out the second rose for her after some time.

“A yellow rose for our friendship. Friendship that we once shared. We can still share the same relationship.” I said

“ I don’ think we can be what we were. Time changes each second. Still thanks again.” She gave me a small smile.

I was losing my temper. But I didn’t want to fight. I kept cool. As we got down  and sat in the autorickshaw

 I took out the 3rd surprise for her. It was a letter. I had written it personally for her.

I remember the days when we were together. I remember the days when we met. The first time I saw you I was in love. We came together. I loved the way you took care of me. I loved the way you called me bachha. I loved the way you smiled at me. I loved the way you kissed me. I loved the way you looked at me. There is nothing in you which I hate. Nothing at all. If there is something that I hate , then it’s my fault. You could never be wrong. I love you more than myself. I am sorry. I am sorry and I am sorry.  I want to live those moments again with you. I want to propose to you again. 

You are ………..    sorry I can’t explain in words. Whatever you did for me in the last one year I cant forget. Whatever you did with me in the last few days I am ready to forget it. Please jaan can we be the same Aditya and Riya who used to be the famous couple in our colony, in our college and among our friends. Can we be together again? I am ready to accept all your faults and change all my faults. But please don’t go away. I can’t see you with anyone else. Love you a lot…

                                                                Yours Aditya…..

She had tears in her eyes. She kept the letter with her. I was happy to see tears in her eyes. It meant she still had some feeling for me. It was not over yet. I tried to hold her hand. She didn’t allow me. I was upset by her reaction. Still I smiled at her. I was pampering her continuously. Trying to make her smile and enjoy each moment. It was not happening though.

“Jaan, are you happy with whatever decision you have taken. Do you really think Amit can keep you happy? Do you feel he loves you?” I asked her.

“ Yes, he loves me. He really does. And please avoid that topic.” She seemed to be irritated.

“ How can you say he loves you? If he can betray Neha , he can betray you too.” I said

“ I don’t care what he did with Neha. Now he is with me and we love each other. I am with you because I care for you. Nothing else. So please don’t call me by pet names. I am in a relationship. It dosent look good.”

This was too much. Now I cannot call my Riya by her pet name also. She used to call me bachha. Now what? Everything I was doing was giving me a negative result. We reached Chowpatty.

We were sitting on the sea shore looking at the waves. I was making her recollect all those moments that we spent together. She had tears in her eyes. I gave her another surprise. It was another letter.

I want todays day to be special. I want your birthday the same way we had my birthday. These days I am all quiet. I am facing the worst days of my life. Still today I want you and me together. I want to give you smile and tears. I want you to feel me. You gave me a shock of my life but I didn’t say a word.

I knew something was wrong.But I didn't say a word.

When you told me you went on a ride with him,I should have told you it was wrong.When you told me you and he slept together.I should have asked how could you?But I didn't say a word.

How could I sit back and watch your world be destroyed?

He is playing with you. But  you can’t understand.

You won't admit it. I got what I wished for but also lost what I had.I know you won't admit it but it was all true.

That burning desire to touch your skin won't go away.

Maybe  you will just kiss me  again, and pretend you like me, you may  pretend you want me again. But I don’t want you to pretend. All I want is you should wake up from the world he is showing you before it’s

 too late.

Or there is one option.Would that be better for you?

I can pretend that I don’t cry for you the whole day?

we can pretend we never loved each other and we both used each other for physical needs..

In reality there will always be that throbbing pain in our hearts.

And we'll never admit it's there, because we won't.

We can pretend that you were nothing in my life. We can also pretend every small promise was a fake.

Is this a good option for you? Another option is we can stop pretending and come back together because we know we neither used each other nor we wanted each other for physical needs. We loved each other like crazy. We cared for each other like crazy. Please think over it jaan. I want you to be my Riya. My mom wants you to be mine. When everybody is with us why do you want to go against the world to just fall down from a cliff. There is no life there. Trust me.