Angel's Fury (15 page)

Hysterical laughter bubbled up and I clutched at Pandra with desperation strengthening my fingers. She held on to me until she felt me start to relax then released her hand from my mouth. ‘Okay?’

Struggling for breath I shook my head and yanked my foot from the tangle of thorns. My heart raced, but I was starting to feel like myself.

I am Cassiopeia Farrier. I’m on a hill near Mount Hermon. There’s no barbed wire. There’s no flood. It’s not raining
.

Eventually my lungs opened and I started to breathe more easily. I slumped full length to the ground and ignored the stones that jabbed at me through my shirt.

Pandra slid away from me on her rump. ‘You were speaking
German
.’ Her foot was still tangled with mine but she didn’t pull away.

‘I-I was?’

‘Damn.’ She sounded almost as shaken as me. ‘One of your other selves is dead close to the surface. The Doctor’s going to be well happy.’

‘Happy!’ I scrambled to my feet.

Am I going to have nightmares while I’m awake now? I-I’ll go insane
.

Pandra caught my elbow as I started to shake. ‘It isn’t far now. I’ll help you to the bottom of the hill.’

I focused on the ground beneath my feet rather than think about what I was doing. Rotting leaves covered loose stones and I skidded a couple of times, but Pandra caught me and I muttered thanks as I fixed my gaze on the scurrying beetles disturbed by my clumsy descent.

Suddenly Pandra let go of my arm. ‘There, you did it.’

I glanced back. The slope towered behind me, ragged as an old man’s throat. Quickly I looked for the path Pandra intended us to take.

A dry stream bed wound towards sheer rock. Pandra set off along it and I followed, casting nervous glances back at the treeline.

In front of the rock wall there was a bush. Pandra stopped. ‘Here,’ she said proudly, and widened her arms.

‘But . . . there’s nothing there.’

Pandra grabbed the thorny bush by its leaves and yanked it
aside. It moved easily, its roots barely anchoring it into the pebbles. Behind it, a dark hole gaped like a maw. A smell emerged with the oozing darkness, rank and rotten.

‘Oh. You want to go in there?’ I whispered, unable to raise my voice.

Pandra giggled. ‘There’s a torch just inside. Isn’t it great?’

Luckily she didn’t wait for my answer, but ducked into the darkness. My hand twitched as if to pull her back, but she was gone before I could reach the tail of her shirt.

Suddenly a beam of light clicked on and she peered out of the gloom. ‘Follow me.’ She turned back into the cave and let the light play over the rocks inside.

I bent almost double and followed her across the threshold.

A few feet in, the cave opened to head height and I found Pandra on a rug by the back wall. ‘Here.’ She moved the torch to the floor. I saw that I was about to step on to rotting wooden boards. I skirted round them and she shuffled sideways to give me room. Gingerly I sat on the blanket next to her, trying to squash the spiders and other creeping things that scuttled into my imagination.

Through the remaining leaves of the bush a little light filtered
from the world outside and my eyes started to adjust. Pandra held the torch loosely in her left hand. With her right she felt under the rug. ‘Want one?’ She held out a can of Coke.

‘Where’d you get these?’

‘Swiped ’em from the kitchen. I’ve got some food here too, ’cause we’ll probably miss tea.’ She popped her can and took a large gulp. Then she smacked her lips. ‘Sweet, sweet caffeine.’

The smell in the cave was too strong for me to even consider drinking. Without being too conspicuous I tried to cover my mouth with my sleeve.

‘Great, isn’t it? All the comforts of home. Well, some of my homes anyway. I don’t know about yours . . .’ Pandra stretched. ‘The best bit is no one knows we’re here.’

Suspicion tickled my neck. ‘Not even the Doctor?’

Pandra smirked. ‘She knows I have a place, but not exactly where. She says a bit of privacy is good for my treatment.’

I rocked my head towards her. ‘Do you really think the Doctor’s helped you?’

The torchlight wavered towards my face. I held my arm up to ward off the beam and Pandra’s voice emerged from the shadows. ‘Don’t you?’

‘I feel worse than I did before.’ I fumbled for the right words. ‘I feel like I’m . . . unravelling. I’m having nightmares while I’m awake. I’m thinking in German but I can’t remember the name of my German teacher. I can hum Lohengrin for you if you want.’ I paused. ‘I’ve never even
heard
Lohengrin, but Zillah must have . . .’ My voice rose to an odd high pitch and I clamped my lips together, certain Pandra wouldn’t be impressed with hysterics.

Something cold touched my wrist and I gasped, ready to knock the creature off, but it was Pandra. ‘It’ll all be alright. She says it’s like being born. There’s a painful bit, but then you’ll accept who you are.’

‘I want to be Cassie Farrier. Not Zillah. Not some other dead person. They’ve lived their lives. I want this one.’

There was such a long silence that I wondered whether Pandra was going to respond.

Finally her voice shivered in the dead air. ‘You’re like me, I can tell.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I have something that’ll help.’

The light sliced round the cave, then stilled as she balanced the torch on a ledge.

Pandra bent over the rough boards that lay in front of the rug, removing them one by one.

‘Look.’ She caught my shoulder and pulled me forward. Off balance I landed with my hands by the edge of the last plank. Next to me I could sense, rather than see, a gaping hole.

‘What is it?’ I gagged, the smell I had noticed before now filled the already dank cave. ‘Pandra . . . that smell.’

Her head cocked towards me, half into the shaft of cold torch-light. She seemed completely unfazed. ‘You’ll get used to it.’ She picked up the torch and focused it for me on the top of the hole.

A few feet down a lumpy ledge extended about a third of the way across the opening. Underneath a deeper darkness sucked at my gaze. I started to topple.

Pandra steadied me. ‘Careful.’ Her face leered into mine. ‘I’m not sure how deep that is.’

‘You found this?’

Pandra nodded and moved the torch so the dusty beam played over the ledge.

Oh, my God . . . it’s covered in dead animals
.

My back smacked into rock with bruising force. I hadn’t realised I had scrambled so fast from the hole, but my feet still
made pointless cycling motions on the rug as if I could burrow further back. ‘Is this some sort of pet cemetery? Why are you showing me this? I almost fell in there . . .’

My chest rose and fell in small pants. I was living a nightmare: each time I breathed, I sucked in air that was poisoned with death and rot. I retched and covered my mouth.

On some of the dead creatures maggots had moved like a wriggling blanket. Now, agitated flies buzzed around me and I pictured them feasting on the sightless eyes.

Pandra was watching me, cross-legged and calm. ‘Cool, isn’t it,’ she said.

‘C-cool?’ Bile rose to my throat.

‘There’s thirty in there.’

‘Thirty . . . dead animals?’ I heaved, not caring if I hurt her feelings.

Light caught her chin; it flayed her face and turned it into a skull. ‘They’re not all large ones. I started small, but I caught a hare last week, – it was even bigger than the terrier.’ Enthusiasm lit her more clearly than the torchlight.

I thought I must have misunderstood her but she continued, happy to be sharing her secret.

‘Yeah, I’ve got all this knowledge about traps. Soon you’ll be able to access yours about weapons. It’s the same sort of thing.’ Cheerfully she tapped her forehead with a single finger. ‘I’ve got them all over this wood, though, so if you want to come here it’s best you come with me – don’t come alone.’

‘Traps?’ I mouthed.

‘How do you think I caught a hare, silly? It’s not like I outran it.’ She giggled, and it was such a normal sound that my belly tightened. ‘It’s amazing. It’s so . . . cathartic.’ Pandra took a deep breath, inhaling the tainted air as if it was a seaside breeze. ‘I have this amazing power. I can kill something quick, or slow. I can make it suffer, let it die easy, or even let it go.’

I tried to back away from her, but her grip on my arm was unwavering. She was stronger than I was, much stronger.

‘You’ll love it, Cassie. All my life I’ve felt out of control. I’ve been bounced around homes. I know Seth told you.’ She glowered. ‘But it isn’t just that, it’s the dreams. I can’t control what I see, how it makes me feel. I still can’t, despite all my time here. All my life, waking, sleeping, I’ve felt like I’ve been on someone else’s joyride. You know?’

My head dropped automatically. I did know.

‘This gives you power. You become like God.’ She paused. ‘You did one of the Doctor’s experiments today, so I know you can see how this could help you.’

‘But . . . you’re still having the dreams. You said so.’

‘I’ve got more control now. Sometimes I can stop them, make myself wake up. And sometimes I see other stuff too, not just death and violence.’

Instantly my thoughts went to the dream I’d had earlier that day and the joy it had filled me with. As if she could sense my wavering heart Pandra rattled my elbow. ‘There’s a part of you that wants this. I can see it. We’re the same.’

I shook my head. ‘We’re not,’ I whispered, and pulled my arm away. ‘I’d never do this.’

‘Never?’ Pandra licked her lips. ‘Maybe I showed you too soon.’ She pouted. ‘The Doctor said your progress was incredible. I thought maybe you were ready.’ She sagged like a disappointed child. ‘I should’ve waited.’

‘The Doctor knows about this?’

Enigmatically Pandra smiled and I scuttled crab-like towards the cave entrance.

‘At least help me put the boards back,’ Pandra called, and her voice grew cross.

My hands found the bush and as I shoved it away from the exit, bright daylight jabbed into my eyes. I half rolled on to the stream bed, wheezing and clutching my stomach. I badly wanted to see Seth.

‘You won’t tell the others, will you?’ Her voice floated anxiously after me. ‘This is my secret place.’

I
pelted up the stairs and barely hesitated before turning towards Seth’s room. I didn’t even consider that he might not be there and indeed the door opened immediately in response to my pounding fist.

Seth was wearing his pyjamas. He blinked slowly at the sight of me. ‘What’s the matter, Cass?’

I tried to speak, but couldn’t squeeze the words out.

Seth stepped aside and reached for my arm. ‘Come on in, the bell isn’t due for a while.’

I focused on his outfit and the hint of toothpaste at the corner of his mouth. ‘Y-you were going to bed?’ My voice sounded strained even to me.

‘I was getting an early night, but I’d rather see you.’ He pulled me inside and nudged the door closed with his foot. ‘Here.’ He guided me to his bed then knelt in front of me and took my hands. ‘You’re freezing.’ He rubbed them vigorously. ‘You look awful, what happened?’

I wouldn’t let myself cry. I curled my toes and tried to force some iron into my spine. I’d come here without thinking, an automatic reaction to the darkness Pandra had shown me.

Should I tell him about her secret place?

I hung my head as I wondered what to say.

If the Doctor already knows, telling Seth would just upset him
.

I gulped back a lump in my throat. ‘I’m drowning,’ I whispered truthfully.

His hands stopped rubbing mine for a moment. ‘What do you mean?’

My shoulders were touching my earlobes, I was so tense. ‘I’ve started having dreams while I’m awake. Like . . . visions, you know? I remember music I’ve never heard. I h-hate Lenny.’ I swallowed. ‘I mean I really hate him and there’s no reason for it. I can’t remember things like . . . my mother’s maiden name . . . but I’ve got all this extra stuff in my head. I know how to clean a bolt action rifle . . .’

I realised I was getting hysterical and tried to clamp down my emotions, but exhaustion made it impossible. I had to pull my hands back so that I could dig the heels of my palms into my eyes. ‘I nearly hurt Pandra earlier. I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t even
in control of my body . . . and next week the firing range will be finished and I’ll have to start
shooting
!’

‘It’s alright.’ Seth tried to take my hands away from my face, but I wouldn’t let him. He stood. ‘I’m going to get you a drink of water.’

I leaped on the chance to compose myself and stole several deep breaths. Seth returned with a drink and put it in my hand. I focused on the glass and lowered my voice, conscious that we might be overheard. ‘Do
you
think the Doctor’s helping us?’

After a long silence I had to look up. Seth’s lips were white. Finally he replied, just as quietly, ‘I don’t know. But we can’t risk leaving. What if we’re supposed to feel like this just before some sort of breakthrough?’

I nodded grimly. ‘The Doctor asked me to take part in one of her research projects.’

Seth straightened. ‘Tell her no! That research has totally screwed Pandra up.’

My breath came heavier.

It’s okay for him; he obviously doesn’t need the money
.

‘Oh, Cass.’ My name emerged on a sigh. ‘You said yes?’

My knees shook and I pressed them together. ‘She says if we’re
violent in real life we’ll have less violent dreams . . . maybe even be free of them altogether.’

He sat next to me. ‘What did she make you do?’

I spoke to the floor. ‘I-I electrocuted Lenny.’

‘You did what?’ I glanced up and Seth’s eyes glinted. ‘Is he alright?’

‘I th-think so.’

Seth paused for a moment, staring at me. Then when he spoke his voice had gone quiet. ‘Would you believe I was once like him – Lenny?’

I shook my head and tried not to stare too obviously at the muscles beneath his lightweight pyjamas.

‘I was a little kid and badly bullied.’ He clenched his fists. ‘Mum tried to stop it but when she spoke to the school it got worse. Dad didn’t want to know what was happening. He thought I should learn to stand up for myself. He’s not interested in whining.’