Angel's Fury (14 page)

Nervously I followed the Doctor’s instruction. Lenny hopped as the jolt of electricity reached him. I held my breath until he gave a little shrug, then I exhaled.

It was only a mild shock. He’s fine.

The bell sounded and I set the dial to purple. Lenny waited for the buzzer, thought, then moved. As he stepped on to a purple square I sat up straighter.

The bell rang without me having to give a shock. I turned the dial to green. Lenny decided on blue.

I tutted and flicked the switch. This time Lenny yelped and jumped higher.

He was barely given time to step back into the square before the bell sounded once more. I chose pink; Lenny chose yellow.

This time, when I flicked the switch, he danced on the spot. Leaning closer to the window I thought I could see tears in his eyes. These shocks were definitely getting stronger. But before I could be certain he was alright, the bell rang again.

I turned the dial more slowly. Something inside me had shifted and now I willed Lenny to choose the right colour. As I settled on red I watched him anxiously. His foot waved in
mid-air. His fists clenched and his mouth worked as if he was chewing gum. With a sinking heart I watched him choose purple.

‘Dammit.’ My hand inched towards the switch, delaying as long as possible.

The Doctor’s voice shattered the quiet. ‘The research requires that you continue.’

With a groan I moved the toggle and this time Lenny leaped towards the ceiling. ‘That’s not fair,’ he snivelled. ‘I don’t want to do this any more.’

The speaker hung silent and unresponsive.

The bell rang.

‘Wait a minute. You said we could stop at any time.’ I swivelled on my stool, but there was no one to confront.

After a long minute the grille sputtered into life. ‘I said
you
could stop at any time.’ I opened my mouth, but the Doctor continued. ‘Remember how important this is.’

I closed my mouth.

Lenny’s a wimp, remember? The shocks probably aren’t that bad.

The bell rang, I turned the dial to yellow, but Lenny refused to move.

I blinked at the speaker. ‘Now what?’

‘He has chosen green.’

‘But . . . he didn’t move.’

‘Not moving still represents a choice. He has chosen green. The research requires that you continue.’

Lenny’s arms were crossed, the image of stubborn resolve, and his face showed a tiny smirk. He thought he’d won. My jaw jutted.

You’re so annoying, Lenny.

Mechanically I moved the switch. Lenny’s back arched and he threw himself off the square with a cry. I winced as he landed and fell on to his side.

The bell rang.

Lenny rose jerkily as if his arms and legs weren’t quite under his control. ‘I said I’d had enough,’ he cried. ‘This isn’t fun any more.’ He made for the door and pounded on the woodwork.

‘The subject has selected purple.’

My eyes went to Lenny’s feet; the square by the door was purple. His feet were on the square. I swallowed.

‘The research requires that you continue.’

I shook my head. ‘No – that’s enough.’

The speaker was silent for so long I started to wonder if it was broken. In the other room, Lenny shuffled his feet and looked around.

Suddenly his door swung open. For a moment he hung back anxiously as if he expected it to close on him. Then he sprinted for the exit.

‘Lie on the bed, Cassie.’

A shelf slid out from the wall. Robotically, I rose from the stool, sat on the bed and lay back. Tears of self-loathing soaked into my hair.

Once my arms were settled at my sides, two nurses entered the room. One pushed a monitor on a trolley. They attached a series of little sticky pads to my chest and forehead. As they worked I stared at the white expanse above me.

What must they think of me?

After an interminable space the nurses left and the Doctor’s voice drifted through the speaker. ‘Time to sleep.’ The lights went out.

* * *

I ache all over. I feel as if I’ve been kicked by a horse. There is blood on the sheets and heavy drops still add to the pool that is spreading from the bed like gravy
.

Hair is glued to my face and neck. I pull it free with a gasp of effort and tuck it behind my neck, utterly exhausted. I’ve been in labour for two days
.

There is a window next to my bed. Evening colours spill into the room and bring the sound of the farm workers heading home for the night. I lay my head on the pillow, fighting sleep even more desperately than usual
.

Finally the door opens and he bursts in, carrying our son in his arms, the midwife fussing behind him
.

‘
Dean says congratulations, so do all the men.
’

I reach up and he hands our baby back to me. I gaze into his tiny wrinkled face, no bigger than my palm, and eyes dark as midnight stare back into mine
.

As I awoke the lights came up and the door opened. The Doctor entered the room with eyebrows raised. ‘Well?’

My lungs were so full of tears I could hardly speak. My chest
was bloated with the memory of fierce, possessive pride and unbelievable joy.

It was the first time I could remember that I had dreamed of life and not death.

I wasn’t hungry so I skipped lunch and considered going straight upstairs to lie down, but I had another treatment in an hour so instead I headed for the TV room, almost floating with happiness.

This is going to work. I could be cured
.

But in the TV room I found Lenny in front of the big screen. Shame lodged in my throat and my elation vanished.

He was curled up in the chair staring at the screen. A packet of Monster Munch was open on his knee, but although I watched him for at least two minutes he ate nothing. The room smelled of pickled onion and B.O.

He doesn’t know it was me electrocuting him. If he asks, I can say I was in therapy all afternoon
.

I started to back away but the boy turned his head. Our eyes locked. Caught, I flushed and gave myself away.

‘It was you!’ Lenny pointed accusingly then he snatched his arm back as if afraid I’d grab it.

‘I’m really sorry.’

‘Huh.’ His deep-set eyes were red-rimmed.

‘I don’t know what happened. It got out of control.’

He hunched in the chair as if to make a smaller target of himself.

‘I’m not going to hurt you.’ I lurched forward and he flinched. ‘Stop it, Lenny. Get a grip.’

He scowled. ‘Leave me alone.’

Irritation prodded me provokingly to his side. ‘It wasn’t my fault. It was the
Doctor’s
research and you volunteered for it, same as me.’

‘I didn’t know what it would be like.’

‘Well, neither did I.’ I glared. ‘It couldn’t have been that bad. You look fine.’

Mama’s boy
. The thought blew through my head and the room spun. I clenched my fists, maddened and a little afraid. ‘You’d have done the same if our roles had been reversed.’

‘I wouldn’t.’

Liar
. ‘If I’d been in that room, you’d have let it go on longer.’

Elsewhere in the Manor a door slammed and we both stopped.

I realised that I was towering over the boy, as intimidating as
the Doctor. I swallowed and retreated. ‘I’m sure the Doctor wouldn’t have taken it any further. She wouldn’t have let you come to any harm.’

As I spoke, however, I remembered that none of the staff had gone to help Lenny off the diving board . . . and couldn’t help wondering how much further she would have let me go.

I
headed into the rec room, trying to hold on to the memory of my last dream, but Lenny had made me so angry I could hardly see. Walking as if I was made of china I made my way to the window seat and traced the initials I had carved into the sill.

Abruptly, long legs stretched out next to mine. ‘Nice one,’ Pandra jerked her head towards my defacement of the stone. ‘The Doctor should’ve been spewing, but she says it’s a sign of your progress.’

I answered her with a mouth that felt stuffed with cotton wool. ‘It can’t be . . . I don’t even remember doing it.’

Pandra nudged my hand aside and traced the lettering with a ringed finger. ‘Your strongest past life is coming out.’

Trying to shake the fuzzy feeling out of my head I faced her. ‘Do you do stuff you can’t remember?’

‘Sometimes.’ Pandra fiddled with her eyebrow stud. ‘Not as
often now. The Doctor says it’s because I’m learning to accept who I am.’

‘Who’s that?’

She shrugged. ‘If normal people are made up of their experiences, then we’re the sum of all our past lives . . . That’s what the Doctor says.’

I cocked my head, interested. ‘So who are you a sum of?’

‘You want names?’ Pandra shifted on her seat and the dragon on her necklace slipped out of her T-shirt.

I stared at the necklace then shook my head. ‘It wouldn’t mean anything to me anyway.’ I leaned against the glass. Condensation darkened my top, but I didn’t move, grateful for the cool. ‘Lenny’s a festering boil, isn’t he?’ I didn’t mean to say it out loud; the words just jumped out.

Pandra nodded, grim faced. ‘He’s weak, a pathetic runt and an insult to humanity, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Just ignore him. I do.’ I stared at her and she looked at me, calculating. ‘Did you know Seth’s a Catholic?’ When I didn’t react she pulled back. ‘It doesn’t bother you . . .’

‘That he’s a Catholic? Course not.’ I frowned and rubbed the
back of my neck. It still ached from the night before. ‘Is that why you don’t like him? You don’t like
Catholics
?’

‘I don’t like any of them.’ She spat the words and her pretty blue eyes flashed. ‘They’re all weak.’

Suddenly chilled I examined her face for a sign that she was joking. ‘Have you always felt this way?’ Her eyes flickered and I thought I had my answer. ‘Just since you came here . . .’

She slid backwards. ‘It’s just the way I feel. All our feelings are valid and should be acted on. Just because I’ve been repressing stuff because of societal norms . . .’

‘I bet that’s what the Doctor says too.’

Pandra caught my wrist in a death grip, as if she was drowning and wanted to take me down with her. ‘To become all we can be and meet our destinies, we have to accept who we are.’ She looked around, eyes narrowed furtively. ‘Come on, I want to show you something.’ She hauled me to my feet.

For the first time since I’d arrived at the Manor I was heading for the exterior door so I let Pandra drag me along and waited as she swiped her key card through the slot. As she slipped it back in her pocket it struck me that the cards were a neat way of tracking us.

Is someone watching us right now?

* * *

By the time we reached the treeline my Converse had soaked through and I stepped off the wet grass gratefully. Then I looked around, abruptly nervous. ‘Is the wood part of the grounds?’

‘Sure. Sounds like the Doctor gave you the speech about flash floods. You don’t need to worry if you’re with me. I’ve been here ages . . . I know what I’m doing.’ Pandra set off.

I glanced back across the lawn then I took a deep breath and followed.

The first trees we passed were birch, but as we walked the ranks of slender, silver trunks gave way to thicker, more twisted species. Ones I mostly didn’t recognise. The light took on an emerald quality as it filtered through a blanket of leaves and I shivered as we picked our way over misshapen roots. ‘Um . . . should we be this far from the Manor?’

Pandra shrugged. ‘The Doctor doesn’t mind. She knows I need a special place away from the others . . . I don’t mind sharing it with
you
, though.’ She beamed at me as she lifted a branch out of her path. Her face was half shadowed by a twisted oak. With her cropped hair and pierced ears she looked like a deranged nymph. ‘Be careful here, it’s slippery.’ She disappeared.

I leaped forward and saw her picking her way down a rocky slope that led into a narrow gorge.

My vision blurred. I could easily imagine the roar of white water as it boiled along the bottom.

If there is a flood, we’ll be swept away
.

I swallowed. Thorny bushes dotted the hillside. They looked like twists of barbed wire.

In fact it looked just like the dream I’d had in my very first therapy session.

The world spun and I swayed.

‘Come on,’ Pandra shouted.

I held my fists underneath my chin. ‘I-I can’t.’

Pandra stopped, looked at me then, with a shake of her head, made her way back up. ‘I’ll help you down. You really want to see this.’

‘I don’t think . . .’ Pandra grabbed my right wrist and yanked me off balance. Before I could catch myself I was on to the scree. ‘W-wait,’ I gasped, but Pandra ignored me.

‘You have to face your fears. Whatever the dream is, next time it’ll be easier because you’ve done this. Believe me.’

My foot slid into a patch of bramble. Thorns stole into the gap
between my trainers and jeans and jabbed my ankle. I screamed as if I’d been stabbed.

Pandra clapped her hand over my mouth. ‘This is my
secret
place, remember?’

Waves of terror bore me to my knees. Pandra came down with me, her hand still over my mouth. Distantly I heard my breath whistling through my nose. My vision blurred, I couldn’t see and the rustling of the leaves overhead sounded like rain.

Volleys of rain hammer my back. I whimper through chattering teeth and even that small movement works the wire barbs further in
.

I try to wriggle free of the post that pins me. I only have to move a few inches to escape the water but I can’t force my body to obey
.

‘Stop it. You’ll make us fall off the edge.’ Pandra’s hand was still covering my face and her rings dug into my nose and chin. Her other arm was crooked round my shoulder and she had her legs wrapped round me.

I heaved, trying to shift her, but she held on. ‘Cassie!’ she wailed.

I froze. I had been taken over by a dream, but I certainly hadn’t fallen asleep on this hillside.