Worthy of Riches (43 page)

Hugging her mother with one arm, Laurel said softly, “Maybe he'll be there. He knows how important this is to you.”

With a sigh, Jean said, “I don't think so. He says he'll be moved out before we get back.”

When they pulled up at the church, Jean was surprised to see several cars already there. Jessie emerged through the front doors and waited on the porch, a bouquet in her hands. “You look lovely.” She hugged Jean and handed the flowers to her. “For you.”

“They're beautiful,” Jean said, taking the bouquet made predominantly of bright pink fireweed, with sprinklings of yellow daisies, white anemones, and blue forget-me-nots. “Thank you.”

Jean wanted to talk to Ray.
Maybe just seeing him will settle my doubts.
She glanced about. “Is Ray here?”

“Yes, but you can't let him see you. It's bad luck.” Jessie grinned, her eyes crinkling at the corners.

“I was just hoping I could talk to him.”

“Oh, no you don't,” Celeste said, walking up to Jean and giving her a hug. She steered her into a small room off the church foyer. “You wait here. Someone will come and get you when it's time.” She stopped at the door and looked at Jean. “In a few minutes you'll be my stepmother.” She walked back to Jean and gave her a kiss and a hug. “I'm happy you're marrying my father,” she said and left.

Gripping her bouquet, Jean sank into a chair. “Oh, dear. What am I going to do? How can I disappoint so many people? But what if what Luke said is true. What if Ray isn't what he seems?” She walked to the door. “Of course he is,” she said and peeked out.
If I could just talk to Ray.

Jessie hurried by with more flowers. She stopped when she saw Jean. “Is everything all right? You look a little pale.”

“I'm fine. Just nerves,” Jean replied, wondering if she ought to tell Jessie about her uncertainty. Jessie had experienced a lot in her life, and she always gave sensible advice, but Jean couldn't bring herself to voice her doubts and instead repeated, “I'm just nervous.”

“That's to be expected. I still remember how scared I was on my wedding day. Oh my, that was so many years ago. It doesn't seem possible.” She pushed back a loose strand of gray hair. “Well, I haven't finished setting out all the flowers yet.” She hurried away.

The door opened, and Norma Prosser stepped in. She wore a sensible, floral cotton dress. “Just thought I'd check in on you. So, you ready?”

“No.”

Norma looked startled for a moment; then her usual levelheaded expression returned. “No?”

Jean let out a shaky breath. “I'm confused. I need to talk.”

“Certainly.” Norma pulled another chair around in front of Jean and sat.

“I'm not sure what to do.”

“About what?”

“Me and Ray. We haven't known each other very long, and Will only died last summer. Luke's angry and absolutely against the marriage. And he thinks Ray is a fake.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Luke isn't planning on being here. He's packing. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him.”

Norma pulled out a handkerchief tucked into her dress sleeve and dabbed at Jean's eyes. “And I thought I was going to be the one needing this.”

Jean almost chuckled. “I never expected to be crying before the wedding.” She took the hankie and daubed at her tears. “If I marry Ray, I don't know what my life will look like. What will happen between me and Luke? What if I really do lose him?”

“Oh, now, I don't believe that for a minute. That boy loves you. He would never just walk away—not for good. Give him time.”

“That's just it. He's had more than a year to get over his anger and his hurt, but it's getting worse.”

Norma thought for a moment, then asked, “Do you love Ray?”

“Yes. Well, I think I do. It's not the same as when Will and I got married, but I don't suppose it should be. I'm more mature now.”

Norma smiled kindly. “I can't say for sure how someone ought to feel, but I would think that youth brings a lot of intensity with it. Usually we get steadier as we get older, more levelheaded. And the feelings wouldn't be the same—this isn't you and Will, it's you and Ray. You're two different people.” She folded her arms over her bosom. “But your love should be strong. It has to be.”

Jean nodded. “I do love him.”

“Then what are you troubling yourself about? You need to live your life, and Luke must live his.” She gave Jean a tight hug. “I really think you have a case of pre-wedding jitters.”

“I suppose.”

The door opened, and Jessie looked in, her eyes lighting on Norma. “Ah, there you are. We need some help. Could you give us a hand?”

“Sure.” Norma stood. “Now Jean, all you need to be thinking about is what a wonderful life you and Ray are going to have. You hear?” She smiled, then followed Jessie out of the room.

Jean remained in the chair and waited, and although her exterior demeanor was calm, her mind tumbled with questions. She could hear guests arriving. Brian and Susie came to visit more than once, and Celeste checked in on her twice.

Just before the wedding was to begin, Laurel came to wait with her mother. She was nervous and paced. Every few minutes she'd stop and look out into the foyer. “People are still arriving. Looks like the whole community is here.” She turned and looked at her mother. “It's almost time. You ready?”

“I suppose,” Jean said, but she wasn't. Her mind was still unsettled, and she didn't know what she was going to do. “Have you seen Luke?”

“No, but he might still come.” Laurel faced her mother. “Don't let him ruin this day.” She smiled. “You are so beautiful. I'm very proud of you. Thank you for asking me to be your matron of honor.”

“Well, I wouldn't have asked anyone else.” A rush of memories assailed Jean—strolls with a handsome beau, a life with a devoted husband, a houseful of busy children, a new farm…. Jean could feel tears
burning the back of her eyes. “When your father and I started out, I never considered that one day I might marry someone else. We planned on spending our years together, raising children, farming, and growing old together. It feels strange to be minutes away from being someone else's wife.”

“I know Daddy's happy for you. He wouldn't want you to spend your life alone.”

Jean nodded.

Celeste looked in, her blue eyes alight. “It's time. You ready?”

Gripping her flowers, Jean stood and walked into the foyer.

She'd chosen to walk the aisle unaccompanied, her children preceding her. Organ music filled the sanctuary and drifted into the foyer. Susie smiled up at her mother, and with some guidance from Celeste, finally headed down the aisle. Brian followed. Before Laurel stepped into the church, she whispered, “You ready?”

Why is everyone asking me if I'm ready? Maybe I'm not.
Jean offered Laurel a smile and watched as her oldest walked into the sanctuary. She stepped into the doorway and finally saw Ray. He stood in front, tall and broad-shouldered, his eyes riveted on her. Jean felt a flash of panic rather than the security she'd hoped for. The love in his eyes only made her feel more uncertain. Did she love him enough?

Keeping her bouquet clasped in front of her, she fought to keep her hands from shaking as she started down the aisle. Her friends and neighbors offered smiles and nods of encouragement. She managed to keep moving and smiled back, but inside she felt turmoil. She searched for Luke. He wasn't here. Would this be the day he stepped out of her life? Should she call off the wedding until she worked out the differences with her son?

She moved past Celeste, who smiled warmly. As she approached the front, Ray moved toward her and took her hand. Jean was afraid to look at him, afraid of the trust and love she would see in his eyes.
I do love him. I do,
she told herself, staring at the minister.

“Dearly beloved,” the reverend began.

Jean's inner turmoil drowned out his words.
I must decide. Now. I can't marry Ray if it's not right.
She managed a glance over her shoulder.

Even if it means stopping the ceremony in front of all these people.
She dared a glance at Ray. How could she even consider hurting him that way?

She was trapped. No matter what she did now, it would be wrong.
If only Will were here. He'd know what to do.
Jean was shocked at the thought. This was wrong. It was wrong. She needed to stop it.

She heard a door open and close softly. Turning to look, she saw Luke standing in the back. Their eyes locked, then he smiled and nodded.

“And do you, Jean Hasper, take this man to be your beloved husband?” the minister asked.

Jean looked up at Ray, searching his eyes. She knew what to do. “Yes. Yes, I do.”