Walk Away, The Romance of Nick and Layla (Part 1) (7 page)

"Recording studio. What’s all this
for?"

I shrugged. "Felt like it. Get much
work done?"

Nick plucked a piece of bread from a fresh
loaf and popped it in his mouth. "Some. This is good. You made this?"

"Yep. From scratch."

"Are you okay?"

"I’m fine. Are you okay?"

"Peachy keen. So I take it you’ve
forgotten?"

I looked up at Nick after I lit the
millionth cigarette of the afternoon. "Forgotten what?"

"Movie premiere. Tonight. Downtown."

"Oh." Crap, I had forgotten. I
sighed and leaned against the counter. "Why don’t you go without me? I’m
not really feeling too great."

Nick rubbed my back soothingly, running
circles across my shoulders and down my spine. "Not feeling great physically
or emotionally?"

"Both."

"Then I’ll stay here with you."

"Nick you don’t have to. Go and have a
good time without me."

"I don’t want to have a good time
without you. I want to have a good time
with
you."

"I don’t know how much fun I’d
be."

"I have an idea." Nick turned me
around in his arms and held my face in his hands. I looked away from him but he
moved his head so that I couldn’t look anywhere but in his eyes. "Why
don’t you go and take a nice hot shower while I cook us up some dinner and then
we’ll watch DVDs on the couch and just hang out."

"You don’t know how to cook."

"No. I don’t know how to cook. But I
do know how to dial and order delivery."

I searched Nick’s eyes for the lies. I
couldn’t help it. I was always assuming that he was lying or bullshitting me.
Maybe I was wrong the whole marriage? Could Doctor Brown really be right? Was I
the one who was never giving Nick a chance to be truthful? Was I not letting
myself believe him? And if so, why? Was I scared? What would I be afraid of?

But I knew. Deep in my heart I was always
afraid that one day he’d wake up and realize he’d made a huge mistake in
marrying me. That he would realize he didn’t really love me.

"What’s going on in that head of
yours, Layla Hudson? I know you’re thinking of something intense."

"How do you know?" I asked,
wondering how he could read me so well.

"I just do."

"I’m just messed up Nick. I’m all
fucked up."

"Hey, that’s my wife you’re talking
about." I couldn’t help but smile. I closed my eyes and breathed him in
deeply. I loved the scent of his cologne. That always got me. But my brain was
still on overtime.

"I feel drained."

"How so?" he asked, smoothing
strands of hair behind my ears. I opened my eyes and looked up at him sadly.

"I don’t know," I lied. I was
such a hypocrite. That’s what my problem was. It wasn’t Nick who was the liar
in our relationship. It was me. I lied myself into believing we had something
real. Lied myself into believing I was what he needed. "I just
feel..." but I couldn’t get the words out without crying. I brushed my
hands over my eyes and through my hair, sniffling back the sobs I could feel
coming on.

"Hey. Whatever you’re feeling just let
go of it. Nothing is worth you crying over it."

You know, sometimes he just says exactly
what I need to hear.

"Is there anything I can do? Can I
help you in any way?"

"Nick. Just... do you love me?"

"You know I love you."

I shook my head and felt more tears fall
down my face. "But I’m so awful. I’m such a horrible person Nick. The way
I never have faith in you. How I always think you’re fucking around with me. Or
fucking someone else behind my back."

Nick looked down and avoided my gaze.
"I know. I’m... I don’t know Layla."

"Why did you do it? Please tell me
what it was that made you think you had to get your love somewhere else. With
someone else."

"I was being selfish. You weren’t
around and I needed someone to be there for me physically. And I couldn’t call
you. I couldn’t bear talking to you because everything was just so
intense."

"But you were cheating before I moved.
That’s why I left. Why did you do it then?"

"I felt like we were falling apart. We
stopped talking and whenever we did talk we fought."

"But we never did those things before
we were married."

"I know. And, though I hate to say it
Layla, I think we got married too young. Too quick. It just threw me off, you
know?"

"And now?"

"Now? Now I still think we married too
young. But I like knowing that I have you by my side. Even when we fight and
get crazy. I love knowing that at the end of the day you’re still here for me.
And I’m here for you."

"How can you possibly love me after
everything I’ve said and done?"

"Because it reassures me that you love
me. You wouldn't be so worried about me if you didn’t love me at least in the
smallest measurement. Right?"

All this time I wanted honesty and it turns
out I can’t really handle it. "I can’t take this any longer, Nick."

"Can’t take what?"

"This." I removed his hands from
my body and put them at his sides. "I want you to divorce me."

I watched as his face dropped; watched as
his eyes clouded. They changed from bright blue to stone blue in a heartbeat.
"No."

"Yes. Divorce me."

"I won’t."

"Please."

"No!" he said with more force.

"Then you leave me with no
choice." I stepped away from him, walking towards the phone on the coffee
table. I punched in the digits I had long ago memorized and waited patiently.

"Goldsmith, Waterhouse and Wesserbury,
Attorneys at Law. How may I direct your call?"

"David Waterhouse, please."

"Whom may I ask is calling?"

"Layla Hudson." I felt the phone
being yanked from my grip and watched in pain as Nick clicked off the phone and
threw it across the room.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I’m calling my lawyer." I tried
to retrieve the phone but Nick was too quick and caught my arm.

"I told you I don’t want a
divorce!"

"I do."

"Why?!" he yelled. It pained me
to see how heartbroken he looked, but I couldn’t think about that. He would get
over it. I know he would.

"We shouldn’t have gotten married in
the first place, Nick. You said it yourself."

"No, I said we married too young and
too quick. Don’t you listen to anything I say?"

"Nick let go of me!"

"Don’t walk away from me Layla!"

"I have to. I have to walk away."

"No you don’t!" he yelled.

"Yes I do!" I yelled back.
"I have to walk away from you. From us."

"Give me one good reason why."

I didn’t have to think long. I already had
my reason. "Because you’re killing me. Loving you is slowly draining me of
my life. I can’t go two minutes without thinking about you Nick. Thinking about
why you love me when I know you shouldn’t; About how no one should be allowed
to be filled with love like I am."

"Those are reasons for you to stay,
not to leave."

"Let go of me," I cried.

"No."

"Let go of me Nick!" I shouted,
trying to push him away from me. But he just held on tighter. "Stop loving
me! Just stop and let go of me!" I pushed him away as hard as I could,
only I was the one that fell. I fell to the ground and it only made me cry
more. I couldn’t stand this any longer. He needed to be free from me. But
instead he dropped his knees the ground, straddling me.

"I can’t let you go Layla." He
cupped my face in his hands and made me look into his eyes. I could barely see
through my own tears, but I could see that he was near tears himself.

"Please," I begged.

"No. You promised to love me until
death do us part. I’m not letting you break that promise."

Please stop. No more. Please Nick stop
loving me
. That’s all I could think of as he kissed
me with such intensity it bruised my lips. Until I felt that same feeling
swelling in me like a balloon. Hunger. A hunger for this man so powerful it
took control over my whole body. I crawled on top of him and devoured his
mouth, wanting him so bad, so much. I ran my fingers under his shirt and clawed
at his skin, digging deep into him.

His lips found my neck and I closed my
eyes, completely
savoring
his touch. I clasped my hands
over his shoulders, desperately trying to pull him closer. Wanting so bad to
feel all of him as close to me as possible.
Stop. Please, I’m begging you to
stop
.

I couldn’t control the moan that escaped my
mouth as he peeled my shirt off my body and over my head, throwing it wherever
into the room. I was still crying when he pinned me to the ground, his touch,
his kiss, growing more and more intense. And the whole time all I could think
about was how much I wanted him. And how badly I wanted him to stop. But he
didn’t stop. And neither did I.

You know that feeling you get some
mornings, right when you first wake up? When the sun is peeking onto your skin
and your eyes feel droopy with relaxation. When your whole body feels both
heavy and completely relaxed all at the same time. And yet despite all that you
still had that extra morsel of energy to smile? That’s exactly what I am
feeling right at this very moment. All I could think about was how lovely it
would be to keep my head rested on my soft, warm pillow for the rest of the
day.

“You’re smiling.”

I kept my eyes closed but dimmed my smile a
bit.

“Oh come on. It looked good on you,” he
whined playfully. Normally this would have sent me into analytical overload, as
everything he said and did to me, but not today. Not this morning. I felt Nick
lean in closer and I could practically feel his skin colliding closer and
closer into mine.

“Don’t even think about kissing me until
I’ve brushed my teeth,” I murmured softly, snuggling closer to his warm, soft
skin.

“I’m one step ahead of you.”

The sudden smell of mint forced me to open
my eyes. And there, balancing gracefully between Nick’s thumb and index finger
was my orange toothbrush, loaded with paste. “Nick, sometimes you’re too much.”

“Brush up.”

I peeked an eye open at Nick. I could
hardly believe he was so playful this early in the morning. “Nick you know I’m
not awake until I’ve had my coffee. Then I brush my teeth. Then maybe I’ll kiss
you.” Nick pointed to my left. I looked in the direction he was pointing and
saw my favorite coffee mug brimming with steaming hot coffee next to the lamp.
“You did all of this?”

“I am a grown man, Layla. I know how to do things.”
I took in a sigh, closed my eyes and arched an eyebrow. Oh yes, he definitely
knew how to do things.

“You’re smiling again.”

“All right! Okay! I’m smiling. Big deal. If
you want your kiss then come and get it now before I change my mind.” I thought
for sure he was going to say something silly but he didn’t. Instead he leaned
down into me, put a hand on the side of my face, and took my lips in his,
gently, softly and very sweetly.

I swear to God sometimes I had no idea what
the hell was wrong with Nick. And other times, rare times like the one we just
shared, I could only think of how much I loved him.

“Blush is a good color on you.”

“What are you doing?” I asked, faux-annoyance
on my face. He started singing to me, an older song about love when songs about
love meant something meaningful. When hooks were memorable because of the music
and not the silly repetition.

I loved the sound of Nick’s voice more than
any other sound in the world. If I could, I’d listen to him singing for the
rest of my natural life. I wouldn’t care. The soft tenor he could whisper, down
to the deep baritone that flowed out of his mouth like velvet. I could get lost
in the sound of his voice.

“Nick,” I whispered, looking up at him
tenderly.

“Say you love me Layla.”

“I love you like an elephant loves peanuts.”

Nick burst out laughing and buried his head
in my shoulder. He scooped an arm under my body and rolled me on top of him, but
I remained limp like a lazy cat, just splaying across him like I was paralyzed.

“You mean you can’t get enough of me?”

I lifted my head, planting my chin on his
chest. I wanted to remain like we were. Happy. As long as we stayed like this,
lazy in our bed, acting silly and childish, then nothing would ever complicate
our marriage ever again.

I rested my chin on my elbows and looked
down at Nick. “Why do you think that
person
from that gossip blog has
such an interest in us?”