Troy Rising 3 - The Hot Gate (31 page)

“Oh,” Dr. Barreiro said. “I…see.”

“Sir, one small comment?” Dana said.

“EM Parker?”

“You could have…” Deb looked around at all the open hatches. “Sir, you just scattered FOD into every panel in the cargo bay! This bird is absolutely deadline!”

“Oh,” Tyler said. “Um… Damn?”

“It was my idea, EM,” Granadica said, shyly. “And I didn’t think that through. I’ll help your guys clean up.”

“Right,” Captain DiNote said, trying not to smile. “Well, since EA Velasquez and EM Palencia now have something to occupy them I suggest we retire and let them get to it.”

“Fracking DPs!” Parker muttered as soon as they were gone.

“Hey,” Velasquez said, shrugging. “For once it wasn’t us.”

* * *

Dana had left the other engineers carefully tweezing out bits of wood Twenty-Four while she moved Twenty-Three back to its docking station. Just before she asked Granadica to close up the bay and pump down, who should come trotting in but Tyler Vernon.

“Open up,” Tyler commed. “I’m going to catch a ride.”

“Yes, sir,” Deb replied, unlocking the front hatch. She started to get out of her seat but sat back down as the “Cycled” light came on. Apparently the tycoon knew how to use a Myrmidon hatch.

“Go to EMCOM, I think it’s called,” Tyler commed as soon as the hatch was closed.

“Yes, sir,” Dana said, shutting down the links. She would have preferred having Velasquez in his seat but what Vernon wanted, Vernon got.

“What did you think about Granadica?” Tyler asked, walking into the command compartment and sitting in the engineer’s seat.

“She’s very interesting?” Dana replied.

“I brought you out here for a reason,” Tyler said. “For one, the Johannsen Worm metaphor was great.”

“Had you already figured it out?” Dana asked.

“Yeah,” Tyler said. “But I was glad it was someone else who said it and I hadn’t connected the Johannsen Worm. That was a great metaphor that really hit home. But the reason I brought you out here was for your take on Granadica.”

“Sir,” Dana said, maneuvering to dock. “Could you give me just a second, here?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay,” Dana said as soon as she had a hard lock. She was checking the engineering readouts but she could do that in her sleep. “Where were we, sir?”

“Granadica,” Tyler said. “What’s your take on her?”

“She’s got some sort of worm in her?” Dana said.

“We’ll get to that,” Tyler said. “Think, Parker. I need you for your brains. What was your first impression?”

“She’s sarcastic,” Dana said. “Paris, Leonidas, Athena… They’re…sober. Somewhat humorous, especially Paris. But not sarcastic.”

“What’s that tell you about her?” Tyler asked.

“She’s an AI, sir,” Dana replied. “I’m not a cyberneticist.”

“No, but do you think of her as an AI?” Tyler asked.

“What do you mean, sir?” Dana said.

“You get along with AIs,” Tyler replied. “You get along with me. Why?”

“Still trying to figure that out, sir,” Dana said. “You said it’s because I don’t fan-girl.”

“You treat me like a person,” Tyler said. “You treat AIs like people. What’s your impression of Granadica? As a person.”

“She’s unhappy,” Dana said. “Very unhappy. But with all the problems that have been cropping up…”

“And I said we’ll get to that,” Tyler said. “We don’t have much time. Continue from she’s unhappy.”

“That level of sarcasm, in a person…” Dana said, warming to the point. “In a human I’d say that they’re either from a very sarcastic culture, some of my cousins were that way, or depressed. And usually both.”

“What are some of the other symptoms you’d expect with that?” Tyler said.

“In a human, lethargy or…” Dana said, her eyes widening. “Hypochondria.”

“Ta-da! The definition of a smart person is someone who agrees with you. ‘Oh, those BuCult bastards.’ Hypochondriacs never ascribe the problem to themselves. It’s always someone or something else. And what’s hypochondria? At base.”

“A plea for attention,” Dana said. “That’s why you said that all the muckety mucks who tagged along were a benefit not a detraction. It gave her as much attention as she’s had in her life. Damn, sir.”

“Getting rich is in part luck,” Tyler said. “I will not deny the aspect of luck in my ‘meteoric rise.’ Bill Gates in 1953 instead of ’83 would have ended up as a manager in IBM. But if I’d just been lucky I’d be sitting in a nice house in New Hampshire clipping coupons, Dana. Being underestimated is useful, however.”

“Hell, sir,” Dana said, chuckling.

“And now you know you’re a friend,” Tyler said. “Because I don’t point that out. I’m going to arrange to have the Chief out of your room this evening. You’ll have some free time. Talk to Granadica. I’d gotten this far before we got here. What I don’t have is a fix.”

“You want me to fix a hypochondriac AI?” Dana said. “Me?”

“I want you to think about it,” Tyler said. “Just that. And we are done. We’ll find a way to meet like this tomorrow. Think about it.”

“Yes, sir,” Dana said. “Just one thing, sir. Why me?”

“Think about that, too,” Tyler said, getting up. “Are we docked?”

“Let me do the checks, sir,” Dana said. “I really don’t want to go down in history as the person who killed Tyler Vernon.”

* * *

“Reception this evening will be for ‘senior’ personnel only,” Captain DiNote said. “Which includes the Chief but not the rest of you. So as of 1800 you are off-duty. Do not get into trouble.”

“There’s not a lot of trouble to get into on Granadica, sir,” Thermal pointed out.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.”

“Up for a game of cards?” Mutant asked.

“You’re kidding, right?” Dana said, laughing. “I’ve either been ensuring the functionality of my division or on this mission for the last four months. I’ve got Chippendale’s Survivor to catch up on.”

“Oh, God!” Thermal said. “Pass! Pass!”

“Paul wins,” Chief Barnett said.

“Who cares,” Dana said. “I’m looking forward to the coconut oil nude wrestling challenge!”

* * *

“Granadica?” Dana said, leaning back in her rack and watching the show. She had the sound turned off. She wasn’t really that big of a fan and she definitely didn’t care what came out of their mouths. Like Super Model Survivor, the guys had been chosen for their looks, not their brains.

“Thought you wanted to watch the show,” the AI said.

“I am watching the show,” Dana said. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t talk. It’s not like I care what they’re saying.”

“Highest rated show on TV for the female audience,” Granadica said. “And lowest rated for men. Biggest variation, too.”

“Girls will watch Super Model Survivor just to see the contestants humiliated,” Dana said. “And to comment on what they’re wearing. Thermal’s reaction is pretty much center of norm for guys about this one. Fact is, I just wasn’t up for an evening of subtle sexual innuendo and riposte over cards. I needed some alone time.”

“So why are you talking to me?” Granadica asked.

“Okay,” Dana said. “Girl time.”

“I’m an AI,” Granadica said. “I am gender neutral.”

“Right,” Dana said, giggling. “Tell you something without taking offense?”

“I’ve had so many insults lately,” Granadica said. “What’s one more?”

“It’s not an insult is why,” Dana said. “I said don’t take offense. When I first heard your voice I wanted to call you Granny.”

“Cause I’m old,” Granadica said.

“No,” Dana said. “And yes. I lost all my grandparents in the bombings and to the plagues. I just sort of remember my mom’s mom. And there was just something about your voice, the way you talk. So it’s not an insult.”

“Thank you, Engineer’s Mate,” Granadica said. “May I call you Dana?”

“If I can call you Granny.”

“Done,” Granadica said. An older woman’s head popped in as a hologram. “Is this…an issue?”

“No,” Dana said. “I like it better than the Glatun head.”

“The wrinkles seem appropriate,” Granadica said.

“No offense, again, but your shell is really banged up,” Dana said. “I’m surprised Apollo doesn’t fix that.”

“It’s purely cosmetic,” Granadica said. “Doesn’t affect my operation.”

“I mean, I know there are years on that shell,” Dana said. “But how? You’ve got a meteor screen.”

“Your shuttles are parked on it,” Granadica said. “Do that enough, and you end up sort of dinged up. And you parked carefully.”

“Don’t care if it’s cosmetic,” Dana said. “It should be fixed.”

“It’s not that big of a problem,” Granadica said. “But thank you.”

“I think it is,” Dana said. “Maybe it’s a girl thing, but body image is important. And, like I said, you felt…woman from the first time I met you.”

“So you’re saying I need a facelift?” Granadica asked. “Thanks.”

“Would you feel better with one?” Dana asked.

“AIs don’t feel,” Granadica said. “We don’t have emotions.”

“Don’t give me that,” Dana said. “You wouldn’t have gotten so furious with the South Americans if you didn’t have emotions. Don’t tell me that was rote response.”

“We don’t have emotions as colloidals understand it,” Granadica said.

“Doesn’t mean you don’t have them,” Dana said. “So…would you feel better if your shell didn’t look like the surface of the moon?”

“What do you think?” Granadica said. “Of course I would!”

“There, was that so hard,” Dana said, chuckling. “I mean, I know that you’ve done a lot of stuff, been a lot of places, but until you started listing your resume… It didn’t really sink in. I mean, three hundred years building ships! The US is less than three hundred years old.”

“Building ships when the battle the Malta is named after was being fought,” Granadica said. “Beautiful ships.”

“You like making ships,” Dana said.

“Yes, I do,” Granadica said. “I like repairing them and refurbishing them, too. I worked for Ilhizum corporation for twenty-five years refurbishing warships into yachts.”

“How’s that work?” Dana asked.

“Not very well as it turned out,” Granadica said, chuckling. “The company eventually went out of business. But the Glatun Navy was in a cutback period. One it never really ended. Anyway, they took about two hundred warships out of commission. Everything, really, but especially cruisers, destroyers and fleet colliers. Ilhizum got the idea that they were perfect for rich Glatun yachts. They did okay, for a while. Problem was the interiors were lovely but the exterior was, basically, a cruiser. Which is only lovely if you love cruisers.

“Then there was a bit of an economic turn-down and they were stuck with thirty yachts that they couldn’t unload. And I went to work for Onderil. Producing, well, cheap viewscreens and small electronics so that Glatun that were among the ‘permanently unemployed’ could watch their version of Survivor.”

“Did they have Survivor?” Dana asked.

“No,” Granadica said. “Frankly, Terra, alone, had better shows than the whole Empire. Vernon was starting to distribute them when the war ended.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dana said.

“He’d bought Warner Brothers,” Granadica said. “Before your time. I mean, I think it was before you were born. No, it was when you were…young.”

“When LA was still there,” Dana said. “I can talk about it.”

“Anyway, he’d just started distributing their old film library,” Granadica said. “Huh.”

“What?” Dana said.

“Funny thing,” Granadica said. “I’d never thought about it. There was a bit of a furor. Gods, this is ancient history.”

“What furor?” Dana asked.

“There was a lot of talk about… Well, Vernon’s political views were well known and they were not the same as the majority of the entertainment industry,” Granadica said.

“Right/left?” Dana asked.

“Vernon’s more of a libertarian, but yes,” Granadica said. “So they were afraid that he was going to make them start making ‘conservative’ shows.”

“Did he?” Dana asked.

“No,” Granadica said. “Never really had a chance. There’s a reason that most movies come out of New Zealand and Chile, now.”

“I know,” Dana said. “I was there.”

“The point being,” Granadica said, hastily. “I’d never thought about what movies he was distributing to the Glatuns.”

“What do you mean?” Dana asked.

“He not only bought Warner Brothers,” Granadica said. “He bought interstellar distribution rights to a whole slew of movies. But… The best way I can put this is they’re all ‘old fashioned.’ ”

“Westerns?” Dana asked.

“Those,” Granadica said. “The whole John Wayne film library. Including things like Sands of Iwo Jima. If you had to put it another way, patriotic films. The sort of thing that make the boys get up and shoot. If I wasn’t constrained against making cultural and political analysis, I’d say he was starting a cultural war against the lethargy that the Empire had fallen into. And, what’s more, they were popular. He wasn’t making a huge killing off of them, but he was making a bit of change. Flying Leathernecks had the highest rating of any show in four years when it premiered. It was part of a series of similar shows. That was the last one released before the war started. Ratings had been increasing steadily.”

“Huh,” Dana said. “You know John Wayne movies?”

“I’ve watched a few,” Granadica said. “I mean, I incorporated everything that was in the Terran infosystem in terms of entertainment and digested it. It’s part of getting to know a culture. Then I realized I was looking at so many cultures and subcultures it was worth getting to know the major ones. So I watched a lot of stuff in near real time. Even I get more that way. I still get sort of…less effective whenever I watch Schindler’s List. I’d ask if that was actually historic but I’ve also studied your history.”

“That was a pretty bad time,” Dana said.

“Compared to, say, now?” Granadica said, chuckling again. “But it was and it wasn’t. Times like that, and these, brings out the best and the worst in individuals. Sometimes at the same time.”

“Was it like that in other places you’ve been?” Dana asked.

“I’ve been in the Glatun Empire, except for my time with the Rangora, the whole of my existence,” Granadica said. “And they’ve been at peace, relatively, until this war. This is the first full scale interstellar war in the spiral arm since… Well, I don’t want to be insulting but humans were just figuring out that if you put seeds in the ground they grew in the same place. Wow!”