The Humpty Dumpty Tragedy (2 page)

“There are no other parties involved?”

“None.”

He visibly relaxed. “Good,” he said. “Excellent.”

He studied me for a few awkward minutes, then shook his head. “You are a very perceptive man, Mister Osgood.”

“Perception is my middle name,” I replied. (Actually, my middle name is Phineas.)

The IG smiled ruefully. “It was an unfortunate accident, but not entirely a catastrophe.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, Dumpty had pretty much outlived his usefulness. And he was becoming unmanageable. We were working on an improved model and were planning to ‘retire’ Humpty anyway. We would have preferred to have him disappear quietly one day. No fuss. No publicity. It would have been much easier. But we did the best we could under the circumstances.”

And the world would have been deprived of a catchy little jingle, I thought.

“So you have another device?” I asked.

The IG didn’t answer. I wondered who or what it could be. A cow that jumps over the moon came to mind. What a great idea! Think of all the data such a creature could collect in his travels.

I didn’t pursue the matter.

He extended his hand for me to shake. I took it.

“Remember our agreement,” he said.

“This conversation never happened,” I said.

“Some day,” the IG said, “you may be able to tell the world the truth. But for now it is urgent that we keep things the way they are. Let people believe that ‘all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again.’ What’s the harm? In fact, I think it is rather touching.”

“In an odd sort of way,” I agreed. “Better that the government appear foolish than to betray military secrets. And in this part of the world, looking ‘foolish’ is a way of life.”

The IG put on his hat, patted it into place, and left.

I sat back in my chair, satisfied for the first time since the fall of Humpty Dumpty occurred. There would be no written report on this case—at least not for now. After all, I had given my word. Maybe some day.

I picked up my pen, took out a sheet of paper, and started to write.

“Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle….”