The Cowboys Heart: 3 (2 page)

“P
hillip? It’s me, Heather,” I said when he
answered. Like he didn’t know who I was. I rolled my eyes and mentally slapped
myself. Talking to him always made me edgy.

There was a moment of silence then a long sigh. “If you’re
calling to ask for money for one thing or another, the answer is no. That’s
what I pay child support for.”

I clenched my jaw, counted to ten to calm myself. I had to
remember why I’d called and not let him get to me. “I’m not calling for money,”
I said tightly. In fact, I couldn’t remember a single time I’d ever called him
for money. I refused to be his charity case, and had taken care of Jamie on my
own since the divorce.

“Oh. Then what’s with the phone call.”

I hadn’t even been on the phone with him for five minutes
and he was already trying my patience. “I’m calling to let you know that Jamie
ran away. He’s missing, and I—”

“What do you mean he’s missing? You lost our son!” he
accused.

“Damn it, Phillip,” I snapped. “Shut up and let me finish.
Jamie had spent the night with my parents last night, and when they got up this
morning, he was gone. He took my father’s camping supplies and food. And he
left a note saying he was going to live with you.”

“So he’s hiking his way here?” There was some loud rustling
in the background, then some whispers, probably him talking to his girlfriend.
I wanted to scream at him that she could wait, that our missing son was more
important, but I bit my tongue. After another moment, it was silent. “You know
he can’t live here, Heather.”

“I know that, Phillip,” I said in an equally angry,
patronizing tone. “I didn’t send him your way. He took off on his own. This was
nothing more than a courtesy call to let you know. If he shows up, call me.
I’ll come get him.”

“Oh no,” Phillip said, “you won’t. Clearly you can’t keep
track of him as it is. I’m not going to send him back your way just so he can
take off again. Because we both know next time, he won’t come to me, and then
what happens?”

“I’m not doing this with you right now, Phillip. If you
seriously want custody of Jamie, take me to court. Otherwise, you are to return
him to me if he shows up there. We’ve already called the police, and I won’t
hesitate to tell them you’re threatening to keep my son.” My hands were balled
into fists and my face was on fire. I hated,
hated
when Phillip did
this, when he talked to me like I was stupid.

“Fine, consider it done. And I’ll be sure to tell the judge
how you dragged him to the middle of nowhere, uprooted him from his friends,
his father. Who’s going to look bad then, Heather? This is all your fault.”

I hung up on him. I couldn’t stand there and listen to him
blame me. I was doing that to myself enough already. Plus, I knew if I kept
talking to him, it would degrade into nothing but name calling and blaming each
other. He’d blame me for checking out of the marriage. I’d blame him for
cheating on me. He’d blame me for taking his son from him. It was a never
ending, viscous argument that never led anywhere. And now wasn’t the time for
that.

I reached for the front door when my phone rang. It was
Phillip calling back. I hesitated, debated rejecting the call, but I needed to
keep communication open, especially if Jamie did show up at Phillip’s house.

“What?” I answered.

“You don’t get to hang up on me, Heather. Not now,” he said.

I sighed. “Fine. But I won’t go round and round with you
about this, either, Phillip. Now’s not the time. I need to find Jamie.” As I
said those words, several pickup trucks pulled into the driveway, followed by
two police cruisers. Everything became too real in that moment, and I had a
hard time breathing.

“Fine,” Phillip bit out. “You’d better keep me posted, and
if he shows up, I’ll call you.”

“Thank you,” I said. “The police just arrived. I’ve gotta
go.” I ended the call again and walked down the front steps to greet the
police.

We spent almost an hour with the police, going over
everything that happened leading up to Jamie’s disappearance. We each gave our
statements, and I explained about Phillip, our divorce, moving all the way out
here and how Jamie wasn’t happy. Then I gave the lead officer Phillip’s phone
number. I didn’t know if they called him, and I didn’t care. I was becoming
increasingly annoyed that we were wasting time talking when we should be out
searching for my son.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, because
my father spoke up. “When are you going to start looking for Jamie? We’ve got a
yard full of volunteers waiting to get out there and find my grandson.”

“I know you’re anxious, sir,” Officer Malloy said, “but I
need all the information first so I can file a missing person’s report and
issue an APB for Jamie.”

“Well, can’t they at least start searching while we finish
the paperwork?” I asked, my patience gone.

“I suppose that couldn’t hurt.” Officer Malloy waved over
another uniformed cop and instructed him to organize the volunteers so that
they could begin searching the wooded area behind my father’s house.

It took all of my self-control to stay put and not join the
search party. I needed to be out there, looking for my son, not sitting here
answering the same ridiculous questions over and over again.

Finally, after another forty five minutes, me, Dad, Mom, and
Hudson were told we could go search. I was so relieved, I wanted to cry. Hudson
took my hand, lacing our fingers. I smiled at him, sad that this is how we had
to spend our day and night. He didn’t deserve to be dragged into the middle of
this, and the guilt I saw on his face broke my heart.

“All right, we’ll go this way,” Dad said, pointing to his
right. “You two go that way. Keep your cell phones handy.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I kissed his cheek then headed to the left
with Hudson, his hand still holding mine. We were silent as we walked, both of
us searching the woods for any signs that Jamie might have gone this way. So
far – nothing. With each step we took, each lack of evidence, my hopes dropped
more and more. What if we didn’t find him? What if he’d been hurt? I’d never be
able to live with myself if something happened to him.

“We’ll find him, Heather,” Hudson said.

I took a little comfort in the familiarity of how well he
knew me. Hudson was so kind and caring. He loved me, and I knew he loved Jamie,
too. I didn’t want a life without Hudson in it, but how could I stay with him
knowing how much it affected Jamie? I couldn’t put a man above my own son, no
matter how much I loved that man, or how good I knew he was for us. Jamie
always came first, and that wasn’t about to change because I’d gone and fallen
in love with a local cowboy.

Once we found Jamie and he was home safe, I’d have to have a
serious talk with him about Hudson and our future as a family. But I knew, deep
down, that if Jamie wasn’t going to welcome Hudson into our lives, I’d have to
let Hudson go. The thought broke my heart, but what else could I do? I had to
protect my son, no matter the cost.

We continued to search all day and into the night. We’d met
up with the search party who’d left before us, and they gave us some water and
a couple of peanut butter sandwiches. Even though my stomach growled, I wasn’t
hungry.

“Any word from the other party yet?” I asked again for what
felt like the hundredth time. I was sure the guy in charge was getting tired of
me asking.

“No, not yet,” he answered – the same exact answer he’d
given me all the other times I asked.

I grumbled under my breath, and Hudson put his arm around
me. “Maybe you should take a break, Heather.”

“Not until I find my son.” I knew Hudson was concerned about
me and only trying to help, but I was slightly offended that he would even
suggest I give up now and go relax.

The people at the front of the group stopped, and there was
a bit of commotion. I shoved my way forward, preparing myself for the worst,
but there was nothing. I turned to look at the group, questioning them. Dave,
the guy in charge, held up his hand to signal silence. Then he spoke into his
walkie talkie.

“You got it, boss,” he said.

“What?” I asked, standing right in front of him. “Did
someone find Jamie?” My hopes were high, and I knew it showed through in my
voice.

“No, still no signs of Jamie,” Dave said his tone
apologetic. He turned to face the group. “That was the captain. It’s getting
dark and there’s a storm moving in. We’ve got orders to head back. We’ll start
fresh again in the morning.”

My heart stopped and my jaw dropped. “What?” I shrieked.
“You’re calling off the search? You can’t do that. What about my son? He can’t
be outside if there’s a storm coming. We have to find him.” I was bordering on
hysterics, and the sympathetic looks I got from the volunteers weren’t helping.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’ve got orders. Wandering around in
the dark isn’t going to help anyone,” Dave said. He motioned toward the group.
“All right, let’s head back.”

I stayed rooted in place, refusing to move, refusing to give
up the search. The thought of my baby boy out in the wild, alone, cold, brought
me to my knees. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. Next thing I knew,
I was being scooped up by a pair of strong arms. Hudson.

“No one is giving up, Heather, but it won’t do Jamie any
good if the search party gets lost in the dark or caught in the storm,” he said
calmly.

I knew he was right, but my emotions wouldn’t align with my
mind. I couldn’t stand the idea of leaving Jamie out here all alone. I clung to
Hudson as he carried me, knowing if he set me down, I’d take off in the other
direction, determined not to give up until I’d found Jamie. My head bobbed with
tiredness, and I rested it on his shoulder.

He kissed my temple. “We’ll find him. I promise you, we’ll
find him,” he kept repeating as we made our way back toward my father’s house.
His reassurances helped a little, and I put a lot of faith in him and them.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Besides, Jamie’s smart. He packed heavy and has what he
needs. He’ll be okay for the night, and we’ll find him tomorrow.”

Yes, Jamie was definitely smart, and my father had a lot of
camping gear that Jamie took. He could make it on his own for one night. Then,
tomorrow, bright and early, we’d find him and bring him home. Then I wouldn’t
let him out of my sight ever again.

The mood among the groups once we returned was silent and
somber. My mother was crying, and my father looked like he’d just spent his day
doing the hardest physical labor known to man. I felt terrible for both of
them. Hudson set me on my feet and took my hand.

“You okay? Considering the circumstances…” He frowned.

“Yeah, I’m exhausted.” Although I knew I’d never find enough
peace to sleep tonight.

Dad came over then, with Mom in tow. “You two should stay
here tonight,” he said. “We’ve got plenty of guest rooms.”

I nodded. “What if Jamie decides to go back to the ranch,
though? I should be there just in case.”

“Honey, we all know that’s the last place he’s gonna go,”
Dad said as sympathetically as he could.

I knew he was right, but it hurt to hear him say it.
Momentarily closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, you’re
right. Okay, we’ll stay here.” I looked to Hudson for confirmation and he
smiled. No matter what was thrown at me, he was always right there, supporting
me, encouraging me. It broke my heart to think I might have to let him go once
this was over.

Dad and Hudson went to thank the volunteers and to coordinate
with the police to resume the search in the morning while Mom and I went
inside. It was warm, and my cheeks turned red. I hadn’t realized how cold it
was outside, and I hugged myself. Then I prayed Jamie had packed enough clothes
and blankets so he wouldn’t freeze to death overnight.

“Are you hungry?” Mom asked. She wandered aimlessly around
the kitchen, opening cupboards, peeking inside then closing them. It was her
default activity when she was stressed or agitated. “I have some hot chocolate.
Want some? It’ll help warm you up.”

“No, Mom, I don’t want food or hot chocolate. I want my son
back!” I shouted just as Dad and Hudson entered. I sighed and put my head on
the table. I hadn’t meant to snap at her, but she was acting like things were
fine, like we hadn’t spent our entire day looking for my missing son.

I stood and made my way to the guest bedrooms without
another word. Seconds later, I heard Hudson’s footsteps. He didn’t say anything;
he just crossed the room toward me and pulled me into his arms. I collapsed
into his embrace and sobbed. He stroked my hair, whispered how much he loved
me, how everything would be all right. I wasn’t so sure I believed that last
part, but it felt good to hear it. It gave me hope, which is what I needed more
than anything right now.

The silence stretched on for what felt like forever before
he pulled away and held me out at arm’s length. “What do you need from me,
Heather?”

I looked up into his eyes, which were full of so much love
and worry, and I put my hands on his waist, not wanting to lose him. “I need
you to stay with me, Hudson. I can’t be alone.”

He pulled me back into his arms, and whispered, “Then I’ll
stay with you. Forever.”

That one little word brought on a whole new onslaught of
emotions. I was an awful person. Here he was, standing by my side through the
single most difficult time of my life, and I was planning to cut him loose at
the end of it. I was using him, and that was the worst thing ever. But maybe I
wouldn’t have to end things. Maybe Jamie would come to his senses and we could
live happily ever after like I wanted.

T
he following morning, at the crack of dawn, the
search party was assembled again, ready to go out and find Jamie. I was touched
by the outpouring of support from the town, especially knowing just a few weeks
ago, they’d all hated me and blamed me for the rash of illness that they
thought was caused by the drilling on my property. And now here they all were,
rushing to my side in my time of need. I was determined to do something for
them once we found Jamie, something to show my gratitude for all their help.

“Hey, you ready?” Hudson asked, peeking his head into the
room.

I yawned. I hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, not that I
expected to, but I was positive I’d gotten more than I would have thanks to
having Hudson next to me. He’d held me all night and hadn’t tried to get me to
talk or do anything I didn’t want to do. I took comfort in his silence and his
arm.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I yawned again.

He stepped fully into the room. “You know, Heather, no one
will blame you if you stay here today. You can man the phones for tips or just
be here in case he comes back.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I have to be out there looking for
him. He needs to know I care, and I need to be the first face he sees.”

Hudson smiled and sat on the bed. “Then there’s something
you need to know.”

The tone of his voice sent chills down my spine, and I
expected the worst. “What?” I asked slowly.

“Phillip is here. I mean, he’s outside.”

My eyes widened in shock. That was the very last thing I
expected to hear. “My ex-husband is here? At my parents’ house?”

Hudson nodded. “He took an overnight flight to get here,
said he wants to help find Jamie.”

“Wow.” I stood there for a moment, stunned, trying to figure
out what to do next. I felt sorry that Hudson had to meet my ex at all let
alone under these circumstances. I was secretly thrilled that Phillip was here,
though. It was more than he’d done for our son in years. But… “That jerk,” I
said and rushed out of the room. Hudson was right behind me, calling my name.

I ran outside and found Phillip in the group of volunteers.
I marched right up to him. “How dare you come here!” I shouted loud enough to
silence everyone around us. I didn’t care if I was making a scene because once
again, Phillip had done something under the guise of caring when in reality, his
actions were purely selfish.

“Excuse me?” he said. “I have every right to be here. He’s
my son, too, Heather. You seem to like to forget that fact.”

I gritted my teeth and forced myself not to slap that smug
smile from his face. “And you seem to have forgotten that he’s planning to go
to your house. What happens if he gets there and you’re not there? You were
supposed to wait for him and then call me.”

“Okay, Heather, easy.” My dad was at my side trying to calm
me.

I stepped back, away from Phillip and looked around at
everyone staring at me. A moment of embarrassment flooded through me, and I
almost apologized. For so long I’d wanted Phillip to step up, to be a real
father and be invested in his son, and now he was. He’d left his girlfriend and
his job to hop a flight and come here to look for his son. He’d done what I’d
always wanted, and now I was yelling at him for it. Tears sprang to my eyes, and
my lips trembled. Then, without thinking, I flung my arms around Phillip and
hugged him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Thank you for coming,” I mumbled
against his neck.

He hugged me back, tentatively at first, then tighter, and
every good thing about this man and our marriage rushed back to me. For the
first time in so long, I felt like I’d gotten the Phillip I’d fallen in love
with back. He was here, holding me, caring for our son equally.

“It’s okay, Heather,” he whispered, which only made me cry
harder. “We’ll find him. Together. He deserves that.”

Then I remembered Hudson, and quickly pulled away from
Phillip. But it was too late. Hudson had seen me hugging my ex, and he didn’t
look pleased at all. And I couldn’t blame him. I tucked my hands into my pockets
and looked down at the ground in shame.

“Hudson, this is Jamie’s father, Phillip. Phillip, this is…”
I faltered for a second, wondering what I should call him, “my boyfriend,
Hudson.”

Phillip sneered. “Yeah, Jamie told me all about the
boyfriend.”

I rolled my eyes. Whatever warm feelings I’d had toward
Phillip a second ago quickly vanished, and I stepped closer to Hudson. He put
his arm around me protectively, or maybe it was a sign of possession. I wasn’t
sure, and I was too tired and stressed to try and figure it out.

“The search parties are ready to head out,” Hudson said.

I nodded. “Which group are we with today?”

“That one,” he said, pointing to a group that was once again
being led by Dave. I was sure he’d request not to have me on his team again
after the way I’d asked so many questions and yelled at him last night.

“I’ll go with the other one,” Phillip said.

“No.” I reached for him then abruptly let my hand fall to my
side. “I mean, we should stick together so when we do find Jamie, he can see
both of us. Together.”

After a tense moment, Phillip nodded. He left to join the
group, and I turned to Hudson, who was watching me cautiously, as if he were
afraid I was going to tell him to go home now that Phillip was here. Instead, I
hugged him and kissed him.

“Thank you, Hudson. For everything. I wouldn’t have made it
through any of this without you, and I just want you to know how important you
are to me.” Regardless of what would happen once we found Jamie, that was the
truth and I needed Hudson to know that.

“I love you, Heather, with all my heart,” he said right
before he kissed me again. It was a kiss that stole my breath and made my toes
curl. A kiss like the very first one we’d shared, and it made me long to have
that simpler time back.

“I love you, too,” I whispered. Neither of us had broached
the subject of his impending marriage proposal, but it hung between us like a
brick wall. Eventually, we’d have to talk about it, but not yet. Not until
Jamie was home safe and I could think clearly.

***

The search had been going for close
to five hours when Dave announced we were going to break for lunch and rest.
His companion, Rick, had been carrying a backpack the entire time, and I hadn’t
realized until now that it contained sandwiches and bottles of water. My
stomach growled, but the thought of eating anything made me sick. Or maybe my
twisted stomach had more to do with the fact that both Phillip and Hudson were
here with me. One on each side of me. The tension and awkwardness was so thick,
I was choking on it.

Phillip had spent more time talking to me today than he had
in the past six months. He talked about some of our good memories during our
marriage, the day Jamie was born, the recent visit Jamie had with him and how
he regretted not spending more time with him. As the day wore on, I began to
think that maybe Phillip was having a change of heart toward his son.

Then there was Hudson, who was mostly silent, but his
presence was all around me, warming me, comforting me…. Until about an hour ago,
he started to pull away not physically, but I could feel it. He was distancing
himself, and I knew it was because of Phillip and the constant conversation I
had with him. It broke my heart to think that Hudson was hurting, that I was
hurting him, and that he might think this fiasco with Jamie had the potential
to bring me and Phillip closer. Unfortunately, if Hudson was thinking all those
things, he was right.

“Okay, fifteen minutes, gang,” Dave announced as Rick began
to hand out sandwiches. Peanut butter and jelly again. I swore, when this was
over, I’d never eat peanut butter or jelly ever again.

“Thanks,” I said, taking the sandwich and water. But I
didn’t eat or drink anything. I set them on a log nearby and took Hudson’s
hand. He looked at me as if he were shocked I’d bothered to acknowledge him.
“Are you okay?” I whispered.

Hudson led me away from the group, away from Phillip, who
was watching us. I took a deep breath, hating that any of us were in this
position. “I’m not going to lie, Heather. I hate hearing him talk about your
time together.”

I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes. “I
know.” I sighed. “And I’m sorry. I guess a situation like this just makes him
nostalgic for happier, easier times.”

Hudson put his hand under my chin and titled my head back so
I was looking at him. “I can’t imagine how you two must be feeling. Jamie’s not
my son, and I’m terrified for him, but I’m worried about you, too. You’re not
eating. You barely slept last night. And now…” He trailed off and wouldn’t meet
my gaze.

I was right. He was worried about this situation bringing
Phillip and I closer. I fought back tears, and swallowed the bile rising in my
throat. “Hudson…” I put my hand on his cheek, and he leaned into my touch.

“It’s okay. Right now, we need to focus on getting Jamie
home safely. The rest can be dealt with later.” He kissed me like he had before
we’d started searching, and it reaffirmed everything I felt for him, everything
he meant to me. I didn’t want to lose Hudson. Ever. He was too good of a man.

“Thank you,” I whispered against his lips.

Phillip was behind me, clearing his throat. I jerked away
from Hudson and spun around to face my ex, angry he’d interrupted me and
Hudson. “Um, we’re getting ready to push ahead. A smaller group is going to
branch out to the left, so…” Phillip put his hands in his pockets and rocked on
his heels. “We can go with them, or stay with the main group.”

I glanced back at Hudson to see what he wanted to do, and he
shrugged. “I’ll go wherever you want,” he said, putting his hands on my
shoulders and glaring at Phillip as if to say,
she’s mine, back the hell
off.

I sighed. “Okay, well, we’ve been on this path for two days
now and we haven’t found him, so let’s break off and go to the left.”

“Okay.” Phillip nodded then went back to Dave, I assume to
tell him we’d be going to the left.

Turning back to Hudson, I smiled. “Thank you.” I rose up on
my tip toes and kissed him softly on the corner of his mouth. Then I laced my
fingers with his and started to lead him toward the group. But he stopped me,
spun me around, and wrapped his arms around me.

“You have to take care of yourself, Heather. Please, eat
something. Or at the very least, drink some water,” he said, his voice full of
concern.

I swallowed hard. The thought of food made me want to throw
up, but my throat was parched. I nodded. “Fine, I’ll drink the water, but I’m
not hungry.”

Hudson opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something
more, but he didn’t. Releasing me, he grabbed my unopened bottle of water,
twisted off the top, and handed it to me. I took it and drank, the lukewarm
water soothing my throat.

“Happy now?”

He smiled. “It’s a start.” He replaced the cap and tucked
the bottle into the front pockets of his hoodie sweatshirt. Taking my hand once
again, we began the perilous search.

As the day progressed, the mood among the group dropped, and
I knew they were probably all thinking the same thing that had flitted through
my mind – this was a complete waste of time. Clearly Jamie wasn’t in the woods
anymore, but where was he? I couldn’t give up on him. The police had set up
road blocks and were going door to door. The captain was convinced Jamie
hitched a ride with someone, but I knew my son, and he wouldn’t do that. He was
too stubborn and independent. He’d be determined to make it to his fathers on
his own.

“Hold up!” someone shouted from the front of the group.

My heart raced, and I did exactly the opposite of what he’d
said. I rushed to the front of the group, barging through the mass of bodies
that didn’t seem to want me to get through. Why? Was there something up there
they didn’t want me to see? Immediately, I thought of Jamie, dead. I shoved the
thought away, and when I broke through the crowd, I froze.

“Oh my God,” I gasped and cupped my hands over my mouth.
“Phillip!”

In a second, he was by my side and we were staring at a
ripped tent, haphazardly set up beneath a large shrub. Jamie was inside,
shivering and half asleep. I dropped to my knees and hugged him, chanting his
name.

“M-m-mom?”

“Jamie.” Tears streamed down my face. “Jamie, my God, are
you okay? You’re freezing.”

“I’m here, son,” Phillip said.

“Dad?” At the sound of Phillip’s voice, Jamie sat up, pulled
out of my arms and hugged his father. The sight brought on a fresh set of
tears, and before I knew it, I was a sobbing mess. But I didn’t care. Jamie was
safe, and his dad was here for him. It was the perfect reunion – until I looked
over and saw the conflicting emotions playing out on Hudson’s face.