The Bachelor’s Surrender (17 page)

Her chin jutted out. “And what if you’re wrong?” she whispered, even as she inwardly admitted that being with Rafe here in Cedar Creek would change her whole entire life, and certainly redirect her future and dreams.

“I’m not willing to take that chance, for either of our sakes,” he said with quiet finality. “Let’s just make the best of today, and tomorrow—”

“Then go our separate ways?” she snapped, frustration and anger mingling.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes flashing a multitude of emotions. “I never meant to hurt you, and you deserve better than what I have to offer.” His voice turned gruff, reminding her too much of the brusque, bitter man she’d met two weeks ago.

She had a sudden, overwhelming urge to cry, but didn’t allow herself that release, not now, and not in front of Rafe. For as much as she’d gotten through to him, she hadn’t reached the hardest, most cynical part of his heart. Her hero still believed he wasn’t good enough, that he was unworthy of love and acceptance.

If she hadn’t proved last night that he was a man to be valued and trusted, then there was little else she could do or say to change his opinion of himself.

The sound of a car honking sliced through the tumult of emotions in the room. Rafe stepped back, and the distance, as slight as it was, chilled her.

“That should be Kristin with Chad,” he said, his tone flat.

She nodded, and turned away from him, needing a few private moments to gather her composure before facing Rafe’s sister. “I’ll be out in a couple minutes.”

After a brief hesitation, he left her room. She listened to his booted steps echo down the hall to the main rooms, then heard him exit the house. And only then did she let the hot, aching tears she’d been holding back fall.

Ten minutes later, Lauren walked into the kitchen, forcing a smile for Kristin’s benefit, who sat at the table drinking a cup of coffee by herself. After her crying jag she’d scrubbed her face, though she knew her eyes were still puffy, and her face pale despite her attempts to add color with a light dusting of make-up. The concern that flitted across Kristin’s expression told Lauren that her heartache was still apparent.

Crossing to the fresh pot of coffee Kristin must have made, Lauren poured herself a cup, added cream and sugar, and brought it to the table. She slid into the chair next to the other woman, who watched her with too much scrutiny.

“I brought over some fresh blueberry muffins for breakfast,” Kristin said, reaching for a small woven basket on the table. Opening the cloth napkin nestling the fragrant rolls, she offered them to Lauren. “Chad helped me make them this morning. I have to admit that he got more batter on his fingers and shirt than he did in the muffin tins.”

Lauren laughed, imagining how much fun that had been for Chad. “They look and smell delicious.” She didn’t have much of an appetite, but Kristin had gone through the trouble of getting them each a small plate, and butter from the refrigerator, so she accepted a warm muffin.

Kristin broke open her muffin, and steam rose from the center, testifying to their freshness. “So, did you and Rafe have a nice time last night?”

Lauren nodded as she took a sip of her coffee. “Your brother was actually very friendly with the people at The Elk Lodge, and we had a wonderful time dancing.”
In the rain
, she silently added, knowing that impetuous moment, and what happened afterward, would always remain a personal and private memory, just between her and Rafe.

Kristin slathered butter on her muffin and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully. “If my brother was so congenial last night, then how come he’s so grumpy this morning?”

Lauren shrugged, trying her best to appear indifferent when she felt anything but. “I guess he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Kristin’s brows rose in speculation to Lauren’s off-handed comment, but before she could ask more questions Lauren wasn’t prepared to answer, Lauren asked, “Where’s Chad?”

“He followed Rafe down to the stables.”

Worried that Rafe might not be in the frame of mind for a young boy’s companionship, she glanced toward the kitchen window, which faced the stables. “Maybe I should go get him so Rafe can be alone.”

“Don’t worry, Rafe was perfectly fine with Chad,” Kristin said, waving away her concern. “I’ve just learned to gauge my brother’s moods, and while he was abrupt with me when I asked about last night, he didn’t seem to mind Chad’s company.”

“Good,” Lauren said, relieved. She took a bite of her melt-in-your-mouth muffin, then another, surprised to find that she was hungry after all.

Kristin watched her over the rim of her mug. “You know, this may be none of my business, but is there something going on between you and my brother?”

The cakey confection stuck in Lauren’s throat, and she forced it down with a deliberate swallow. “Uh, like what?”

“Maybe something romantic.” There was a wistful note in Kristin’s voice that conveyed her hope to see Rafe happy. “I know he was a grouch this morning, and I don’t want to pry on the reasons why, but I’ve seen a big difference in Rafe this past week. I’ve caught him looking at you a few times in a way I’ve never seen him look at another woman, and there just seems to be a spark between you two.” She smiled impishly, her green eyes soft and hopeful. “I thought, well, maybe if you two had a little time alone together, like last night, something magical would happen.”

Oh, something magical and wonderful had happened all right. She’d fallen deeply, irrevocably in love. Except Rafe was denying his emotions, and the intimate connection between them.

Lauren attempted to explain her relationship with Rafe to Kristin, choosing her words carefully. “I care about Rafe, very much, but there’s nothing I can do when he won’t accept what I openly offer him. He has a hard time believing he’s a good, decent man.”

“Yeah, that’s Rafe all right, blaming himself for something that’s not his fault.” Kristin shook her head, sadness dimming the light in her gaze. “After my mother passed away he was torn between being responsible for me, and trying to please my father who expected way too much from Rafe. Somewhere along the way, he lost sight of what was important to
him
. And then, the accident with Keith, and being hailed a hero when he believed he was responsible for what happened, just shut him down emotionally.”

“I know,” she admitted quietly, picking at the muffin crumbs on her plate. “He told me everything, but until he quits condemning himself for what happened in the past, there’s no way he’ll allow himself any other future than what he has here, alone on this ranch.”

Kristin released a long, burdensome sigh. “I guess that’s something he’s just going to have to figure out for himself. The hard way.”

Unfortunately, Lauren agreed, though that acceptance only added to the grief she was already experiencing. Shaking off her melancholy mood, and the depressing thought of leaving Rafe, she reached for another muffin and buttered it.

“Lauren?”

Kristin’s soft, tentative voice captured Lauren’s attention. Mouth full of muffin, she glanced up, surprised to see a glimmer of nervousness in the other woman’s eyes. “Yes?”

Kristin absently ran her finger along the rim of her coffee mug. “I’d, um, like to talk to you about Chad.”

A belated thought occurred to Lauren as she finished off her breakfast. “He wasn’t a problem last night, was he?”

A delightful smile claimed Kristin’s lips. “Oh, no, He was a complete joy,” she assured Lauren. “We’ve really enjoyed being around him this past week.”

“I’m glad.” Lauren knew the feeling was mutual—the young boy had spent as much time with Kristin and James as he had with Rafe, and talked about all three of them with enthusiasm and affection. “You all have made his wish something he’ll always remember and cherish. Thank you for that.”

“I should be thanking you,” Kristin said sincerely.

Her gratitude perplexed Lauren. “Oh?”

Kristin nodded, and appearing anxious once again, she stood and cleared their empty plates and took them to the sink. Lauren waited patiently while she rinsed the dishes, feeling as though the other woman had more to say and was trying to gather the fortitude to do it.

Once that was done, Kristin turned back around to face Lauren, bracing her hands on the counter behind her. “After Chad fell asleep last night, James and I started talking about the possibility of adopting a child.”

Remembering Kristin’s uncertainty when they’d initially talked about adoption as an alternative means of having the family she and James couldn’t create on their own, Lauren’s chest swelled with optimism for the young couple. “Kristin, that’s wonderful.”

Kristin’s hands twisted together at her waist, and she blurted out, “We’d like to know what our chances would be of adopting Chad.”

That declaration rendered Lauren speechless for a moment. She’d been under the impression that if Kristin and James decided to adopt, it would be a newborn. “But I thought—”

“I know I told you I wanted a baby,” Kristin interrupted her in a rush of breath. “But after being with Chad this past week, having an infant no longer matters. We adore Chad, he fits in our lives perfectly, and if it’s at all possible we want to give him a stable home with two loving parents.”

“I’d like that, too,” Lauren whispered, her throat tight with tears of happiness for a little boy who’d lost so much, yet was being granted a bright beginning of his own. Standing, Lauren crossed the kitchen to Kristin and grabbed her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You and James would make Chad wonderful parents.”

Kristin released a shaky breath, new worries springing to life in her gaze. “Could you help us do that?”

Lauren smiled, knowing she’d make Chad’s case a priority when she returned to California. “Yeah, I think I can.”

Kristin hugged Lauren in a warm, heartfelt embrace. “Thank you.”

Once the emotional moment passed, Lauren told Kristin what she knew would be standard procedure. “I have to take him back to California with me tomorrow, and it’ll take a few weeks to get a court order approved for temporary custody so he can live here with you and James until adoption proceedings are finalized.”

“Whatever it takes, we want Chad,” Kristin affirmed, without a trace of doubt or hesitation, and enough love to encompass a little boy who’d made an indelible mark on their lives.

Lauren wished she’d been as lucky with Rafe.

L
auren stepped into the paddock where Rafe was in the process of saddling the third of three mares. His back faced her as he worked, and the muscles across his shoulders bunched beneath the cotton shirt he wore as he looped the girth into a tie knot. His head was bent toward the horse’s face as he murmured soothing words to the animal and ran a broad hand down the mare’s sleek neck.

Lauren remembered those hands on her bare skin last night, and Rafe’s deep, gentle voice whispering in her ear, and her entire body tingled. How was she supposed to go back to a life without Rafe in it, when he’d shown her what love was all about—physically and emotionally?

The mare caught sight of her, and as if in greeting, the big chestnut nodded her head Lauren’s way and blew out a soft snort of breath. Rafe turned, and though his expression remained impassive beneath the brim of his Stetson, his gaze roamed hot and hungry down the length of her. Her pulse kicked up in tempo, and heat suffused her veins.

Ignoring her body’s automatic response to this earthy, sensual man, she smiled, determined to make the best of what little time they had together. “Chad said you wanted to see me, and to make sure I was wearing my hat.” She tipped the Stetson he’d given her back on her head. “What’s up?”

He returned his attention back to the horse. “I thought we could take Chad out for one last ride this afternoon, since you’ll be leaving for the airport by eleven tomorrow morning.”

His civil and polite tone grated on her nerves, especially after the intimacies they’d shared. She kept her frustrations locked away and struggled to maintain an upbeat attitude. “I’d like that.”

He was quiet for a moment as he adjusted the stirrups, then finally said, “My sister told me about her and James possibly adopting Chad.”