The Alien Invasion Survival Handbook: A Defense Manual for the Coming Extraterrestrial Apocalypse (9 page)

Ensure that you have the AR Top Ten (see page 53) either on standby or within easy reach of your hi-fi system. It is a good idea to practice loading and playing the CD in the dark. You should be able to load and arm your hi-fi system within ten seconds. Make sure you have a backup power supply and electromagnetic radiation shielding for extra security.

1. MISPLACED HOUSEHOLD ITEMS (ETA 2–3 WEEKS):
Be alert if your TV remote control has been inexplicably moved, a pen has been mislaid, or only one sock returns from the washing machine. These could be signs of alien monitoring and surveillance; you could very well be on their abduction hit list. One or two isolated events should not be misconstrued as alien harassment, but disappearances on a regular basis cannot be ignored. Nothing is coincidental. Upgrade your security immediately.

2. PREMONITIONS (ETA 12–24 HOURS):
If you've ever had a sense that someone is watching you, only to turn and see no one, you probably didn't look in the right direction — up. Don't believe those who say it's all just in your head. Your gut feeling is usually correct; someone is out to get you. Aliens have prospective victims under close surveillance for twenty-four to forty-eight hours prior to an abduction attempt. Be on high alert and implement your defensive action plan immediately.

3. UNUSUAL ANIMAL BEHAVIOR (ETA 15–20 MINUTES):
Strange and erratic animal behavior prior to alien attacks has been observed in a wide variety of species, both domestic and wild, and is similar, in many respects, to unusual animal behavior before earthquakes. Anomalous behavior most often reported includes disorientation, fear, excitability, and frenzied vocalizations (e.g., barking) — or your pet simply heads for the hills. Animals have sensory abilities outside the range of human perception and are capable of detecting slight fluctuations in electromagnetic radiation caused by nearby alien spacecraft. Ignore these warnings at your peril.

4. ELECTRICAL INTERFERENCE (ETA: 5–10 MINUTES):
Do not adjust your set. The interference on your TV may not be poor reception, but a sign of imminent home invasion. The close proximity of alien spacecraft has been known to produce electrical disturbances and power outages. The general rule of thumb is that the closer they are, the greater the disruption will be. Take any perturbations in electrical supply or TV and radio reception as a sign that you should prepare for immediate action.

5. THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT (ETA: 1 MINUTE):
Unexplained noises in your home could indicate that aliens have infiltrated your domestic security zone and are, at this very moment, creeping up your hallway toward your bedroom. Investigate all suspicious sounds, but remember to take the necessary precautions. Activate your audio system immediately and prepare for an attack.

6. PRESSURE ON YOUR CHEST AND COLD FINGERS AROUND YOUR NECK (ETA: NOW):
When you awake from a deep sleep to find an alien squatting on your chest with its hands around your throat, you can safely say that you've missed some of the early warning signs or failed to take appropriate evasive action. Being groped by an alien is not a pleasant experience. One abductee described it as feeling like large spiders crawling across her body. Alien body temperature is about 40°F (4°C) cooler than our own, and their hands feel somewhat clammy to the touch.

Don't panic. By the time you finish reading this manual, you will have all the knowledge and training you need to handle the situation. Read faster, and prepare to kick some alien butt.

The chance of being attacked by aliens increases by 76 percent the moment you step out your front door. It is not recommended that you isolate yourself from the rest of the world and adopt a siege mentality though. You must venture out in order to function as a productive member of society. Yet, it would be a mistake to think that just because you can't see aliens, they are not there. Here are some tips for improving your security while on the move.

Turn Off Your Cell Phone

Over the last twenty years, cell phones have developed from rare, bulky, and expensive pieces of equipment to mass-produced, low-cost personal consumer items. With more than 1.7 billion cell phones in the world, they have become a pervasive cultural phenomenon viewed as indispensable in today's technology-driven society.

It may come as a shock to many that recent studies conducted by the Lorenzo Institute in Milan have established a direct correlation between cell phone use and alien abduction.

Initially viewed by critics as merely coincidental, the rise in cell phone usage around the world has now been conclusively proven to parallel the dramatic increase in the number of alien abductions in recent years. It is estimated that cell phone use is growing globally at a rate of 40–50 percent per year, while abduction rates are increasing by a steady 35 percent per year. This research has also been used to help explain the imbalance that exists between abduction rates in developing nations and developed nations. As the personal use of cell phones increases in continents such as Africa and Asia, it is expected that we will witness a corresponding increase in alien activity. Statistical data has indicated that cell phone users are 345 times more likely to be abducted than non-cell phone users. Any use of your mobile phone, even just having it switched on in your pocket, may alert aliens to your exact location.

Consider that cell phones are no more than low-powered radio transceivers that use radio waves to transmit both oral communication and data. Aliens are capable of tapping into these weak electromagnetic signals and to pinpoint your exact location anywhere on the face of the Earth. Even when you have no signal on your cell phone, it continues to emit radio waves that can be traced by aliens. Each phone carries its own unique signature code that allows aliens monitoring the airwaves to distinguish your phone from any other on the planet. Phones are such personal items that they are rarely far from their owners' sides, which effectively makes them alien navigation beacons.

Global Population of Cell Phone Users (billion)

Remember: The only safe cell phone is one that is switched off.

Strength in Numbers

The vast majority of alien abductions take place in areas away from human settlement, such as backcountry roads, national parklands, isolated homesteads, or remote rural locations. You can significantly reduce your chance of being abducted by remaining in population-dense zones, such as large cities or towns.

Alien modus operandi is stealth. They must do everything in their power to observe and monitor human activity undetected. Urban areas are generally avoided by aliens because they dramatically increase the possibility of mass human detection. If their existence and presence is verified by the general population of our planet, then they have violated their prime directive. Play it safe; stay in town.

Never Travel Alone

It is a well-established fact that you significantly increase the chance of being abducted if you are alone or in a very small group. Few people have been abducted while in a group of three or more people. Aliens find it easier to select and capture individual targets.

Although much of our lives are spent in major urban centers, it is sometimes necessary to venture into the countryside. If you must travel through isolated areas, it is essential that you never travel alone. Make sure that you have as many companions with you as possible; two other people are an absolute minimum. Never split up. If you are separated, it is far easier for the aliens to pick you off one by one.

The techniques of Audio-Phonic Resonance and Audio-Morphic Recall are also more effective in group situations. If one of your group members loses concentration or there is a mechanical problem with his or her MP3 player, you have some backup. Other members of your team can launch a counterattack and drag you away to a safe location.

Avoid High UFO-Traffic Areas

Restrict your travel through areas where UFOs have recently been active. Aliens tend to focus their attention on particular regions over a period of time. Monitor the radio and the Internet to stay up-to-date with regional developments and information on alien activity along your proposed route.

Only Travel During Daylight

Most UFO sightings and abductions occur at night. If you must travel alone or in a small group in isolated areas, you can significantly reduce the possibility of being abducted by making essential travel only during daylight hours. As more humans are active during the daytime, aliens reduce the possibility of detection by conducting most of their activities during the hours of darkness. That is not to say, however, that they are exclusively nocturnal. Their studies draw them out during daylight hours when the rewards justify the increased exposure.

Some of the most famous abductions have occurred while people have been traveling by automobile — Betty and Barney Hill, Travis Walton, Herbert Schirmer, to name but a few. As many of us find ourselves sitting behind the wheel for many hours each week, it is important to consider some of the implications relating to our defense from alien stalkers while on the roads.

1. DRIVE IN CONVOY.
Driving in isolated locations increases the risk of abduction. You can reduce the danger by always driving in a convoy of at least two or three other cars. Make sure that all members of your party are thoroughly trained and kitted out for your trip. You don't want to have to engage in unplanned rescue attempts of untrained people, thereby endangering yourself and the rest of your party.

2. TURN OF YOUR CELL PHONE.
Don't assist aliens by broadcasting your position via a cell phone. Turn it off while in transit.

3. AVOID TRAVEL AT NIGHT.
It has been statistically proven that the majority of alien attacks occur after nightfall. Reduce your chances of a surprise abduction attempt by only traveling during daylight. If you must travel after dark, make sure you travel in convoy.