Temptation (Journal of the Wolves of Spruce Hollow) (11 page)

One time he’d taken me out hunting when I was nine and he shot and killed a deer. I cried like a baby that he’d “shot Bambi” and instead of losing his patience, he’d picked me up and explained that the deer had given it’s life so that we could eat.

I didn’t understand the whole circle of life thing at that age and kept crying my eyes out. So, Roan comforted me and with my wet face buried into his shoulder, he carried me out of the woods…as he pulled the deer behind him.

Even though I didn’t like hunting, I did love to go target shooting with him. Roan said that I had a good eye and was a pretty decent shot with either a rifle or a handgun, thanks in part to the many hours we spent out at the gun range together.

We didn’t go to the range as often anymore.

Come to think of it, we didn’t really do much of anything together anymore and it sometimes left me feeling like Roan was trying to pull himself away from me. I hated that feeling; it made feel angry inside, like “how dare he take his attention and affection away from me!”

Roan was a man who liked to cover all his bases and be prepared for anything. But that was Roan for you. He always liked to be in control of the outcome. Who knows, maybe he was a boy scout when he was a kid?

Or maybe he was just a control freak.

Either way, he always wanted me to be self sufficient and to be prepared “incase”. “Incase “ what, I had no idea but I didn’t complain because that only meant that he would spend more time with me, teaching me things.

When I was a little kid, he used to show me all these self defense moves when he came over to visit in the evenings before he tucked me into bed. He would enthusiastically push the couch out of the way in the living room, then would grab me and show me how to break free from him, incase I was ever attacked by a stray dog or a rapist or something.

We would roll around on the floor until he got me good and hyper before bed, then he would pretend he was a monster and sling me over his shoulder and carry me off to my room, where he would pretend to eat/tickle me on my bed until I squealed like a pig from the excitement.

We didn’t play around like that anymore; I guess he thought I was too grown up for games like that.

Now that I was older, the self-defense stuff he taught me was more serious and there was less fun involved. Frankly, I was surprised he even kept it up at all, as he seemed so miserable and short tempered whenever we were together now.

Roan was funny that way. The more I grew up, the more he seemed to want to get away from me. Maybe I just wasn’t any fun to be around anymore? I hope not because that thought made me feel really heavy-hearted.

And now that I was older, I liked it when Roan had his hands on me. They were big, strong and warm and always sent shivers up and down my spine when he accidentally touched my bare skin while showing me how to get out of a hold. I had started wearing more revealing clothing to these little self-defense demonstrations and Roan was not happy about it. In part because I think touching me kind of grossed him out but I didn’t care, having his hands all over me felt right somehow.

I liked so many things about Roan but one of my favorites was his sense of humor. Roan could be really funny when he wasn’t fully engaged in playing the part of the sober and serious pack Beta. When the two of us were together, we always used to laugh at each others jokes; it was like we had this special language that only the two of us could properly decipher and grasp the meaning of.

Roan seemed to love our shared sense of humor just as much as I did and had developed a habit of teasing me mercilessly. He loved it, while I fiercely professed to hate it.

But secretly, I loved it when he made me squirm.

Teasing me made me feel submissive towards him and I found myself enjoying feeling that way towards him, the older I got. The idea of him as the big, bad male Were and me as the little, defenseless human girl sent electric sparks of animalism coursing through me. Thinking of Roan and I together always filled me with extremely appealing, sexual thoughts.

At least, this was the way that things used to be between us. It seemed like lately, all Roan was focused on was being a hateful, controlling, angry jerk towards me.

Where was the old Roan that used to smile at me? I missed him terribly.

That old Roan was mine. This new Roan only seemed to care about pulling away from me and if nothing else, it only made feel like chasing after him harder, like a desperate lovesick girl.

Time seemed to pass so slowly now that Roan was gone. I missed him and wanted him to come back home. The house felt so empty and lonely without him in it and truthfully, I felt kind of jealous that there was something out there that was more important to him than I was. I would never admit it out loud, of course. 

"Hmph, I don’t need you anyway Roan.”

I felt sulky and distressed whenever Roan did something that made me feel jealous inside, whether he did it intentionally or not. These feelings were new for me and I couldn’t help them from coming to the surface and rearing their ugly heads.

I never used to feel jealousy where Roan was concerned but since I had turned sixteen, all bets were off and I had begun to feel possessive of him for some reason, and I suppose that’s where all these strange feelings stemmed from.

I didn’t quite understand it.

Sometimes I thought it was because I loved him. Did loving someone make you jealous? I didn’t know. I had never loved anyone before Roan. It was confusing but it wasn’t exactly like I could ask anyone about it. I figured most people wouldn’t understand a sixteen-year old girl in love with a twenty-six year old man.

All I understood right now was that Roan was gone and I was filled with despair and thoughts that maybe I wasn’t really that important to Roan anymore.

How could you leave me like this Roan?

                 ***

“
A
spen, hey Aspen, wait up!” I was at the bus stop again, standing in my usual spot, at the back and away from the other pack kids, when I turned and looked up to see who was calling my name. It was difficult to tell among the sea of students flowing by, but the voice was definitely male.

“Aspen, over here!” I looked, this time in the right direction, and saw none other than Justin Meyers pushing through the crowd of students and casually jogging my way! OMG Justin Freaking Myers!! The #1 crush on my list and wide receiver for the high school football team!

Justin and I had been eying and flirting with one another since summer vacation but that was as far as it had gone. He lived in town and I lived with the pack outside Spruce Hollow, so we really hadn’t had the opportunity to see much of one another over the summer holiday.

Since school had started back up again, neither one of us had made a move to proceed any further with the harmless flirting we started with over the summer and I knew that I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to make the first move, that’s for sure; I didn’t know if I was even allowed to have a boyfriend in the first place!

And something told me that I needn’t bother asking. I already knew what Roan’s answer would be had I mustered up the courage to ask him for permission.

Justin was coming towards me in a slow jog with his hand raised up in greeting. He had a smile on his handsome face, the easy smile of a teenaged boy in his prime. He was “All American, boy next door” beautiful, and every single girl in school had lusted after him at one point or another.

Tall and hard bodied, he had perfectly styled blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and enough swagger for ten teenage boys put together. To say he was mature and exceptionally confident for an eighteen-year old boy was an understatement. It was as if he knew that there was nothing in this world that would be denied him once he’d decided that he wanted it.

Justin was a senior and in a world where being a senior meant being at the top of the food chain, I felt flustered and excited that he was calling my name, in public no less, and coming my way.

Justin was like a bright star, all shiny and beautiful and on an upward trajectory. I’d heard through the social grapevine at school that he’d already been scouted and was going to an east coast college on a full football scholarship next year.

In my eyes, he was perfect, as least as far as teenage boys went. He didn’t have the dark, brooding, animalistic sexuality thing going on like Roan did but he was unbelievably attractive to me nonetheless.

Besides, Justin didn’t push me away the way that Roan did. Justin encouraged and reciprocated my interest. With Roan, it was a one sided, uphill battle and sometimes that didn’t a girl much hope to carry on.

“Hey, Aspen! How’s it going?” he said cheerfully as he pushed through the throng of students and smiled that orthodontist perfected smile. 

“Hey Justin! I’m good, how about you?” I said as I smiled back like a backwards, goofy, star struck idiot. 

“Great! Umm, I was sort of wondering what you were up to tonight?” 

“Um, nothing, I don’t think. Why, what’s up?” 

“There’s a party tonight, back at the Dam in the woods. It’s gonna be a blast! I was wondering if you wanted to come with me? I can pick you up and everything. It’s no problem.”

Oh my.

Someone pinch me because I must be dreaming. If I wasn’t mistaken, I’d just been asked to accompany one of the most gorgeous guys in school to a party at the Dam, a notorious spot for drinking, high school parties and making out…and Roan wasn’t even home to stop me.

Hell yeah, I wanted to go!

“Wow, really? Wow. Yes! That sounds great Justin. I’d really love to go with you!”

Oh lord, did that sound as desperate out loud as it did in my head?

“K, I’ll pick you up at 8:30pm then. I’ll see you later, I’ve got to run. I’m going to be late and coach Nelson will kill me if I hold up practice,” he said as he jogged off with a lopsided, boyish smile on his face.

“Wow,” I thought to myself dreamily as I watched Justin retreating form, “I’ve just been asked on a date!”

The exhilarating thought of going anywhere with Justin Meyers made me want to skip around the bus stop with excitement. It was my very first high school party, and at the Dam too!

I felt like I could just burst with joy as I looked down at my watch, there were only five more hours to go.

Tonight couldn’t come fast enough for me!

Now, instead of moping around the house, I was actually glad that Roan hadn’t come back from Shawfield yet because I knew there was no way that he’d ever let me go to a party back at the Dam...and especially not with a boy that was two years older than me!

Roan would’ve had a freak out for sure, but he was far away from Spruce Hollow right now, so I guess I’d have to make the decision for myself, as both he and my mom were both gone away and had left me to fend for myself this weekend!

I was the boss of my own life for once and that sounded perfectly terrific to me!

My mom had gone away just this morning on a business trip for work and was coming back on Sunday morning. As usual when she left, she hadn’t left me any instructions or rules, as that was always Roan’s jurisdiction. But Roan wasn’t home and I had no way to contact him now that he was gone away.

Pity.

When he was here at home, I could always find him any time I needed him. Nine times out of ten, he was either at home or at the shop, so there was never any need to give me his cell phone number. But for someone that enjoyed keeping me on such a short leash, it was kind of weird that he’d never given me his cell phone number, ever.

The only reason I could think of was that he saw giving me his cell phone number as a form of familiarity or intimacy that he didn’t want to share with me.

But Roan’s oversight was no matter right now, it actually worked in my favor for once. I smiled a diabolical little grin to myself as the whole evening started to fall into place in my head. Things were working out just perfectly! “Good,” I muttered to myself. It serves Roan right for leaving me all alone for almost a week with no word from him at all.

Not even a phone call to see if I was alright or not.

I stood there at the bus stop, daydreaming about my sudden freedom and what I was going to wear to the Dam party, when I glanced over at the auto body shop and noticed Caver standing in the open bay door. He was watching me intently as he leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed.

Oh crap! I wonder how long he’d been standing there? He would tell Roan for sure if he’d heard any of the conversation between Justin and I. Lord, even if he hadn’t heard us talking, he’d probably still tell Roan that he’d SEEN me talking to Justin at the bus stop!

I took a deep breath, plastered an
“I’m not up to anything Caver”
smile on my face and waved to him innocently. He smiled and waved back, then turned around and walked back into the shop.

Good, hopefully he hadn’t heard our conversation. I didn’t want anything to spoil this evening!

For the first time in my life, I was calling the shots!

                ***

I
felt my cell phone buzzing in my back jeans pocket. I fished it out and looked at the number.

It was Caver.

Relieved for the reprieve from the monotony of working with the new Were, I hollered over the snarling in the tiny basement room where we’d been holed up for days.

“Griff, I’m headed outside for a minute to take this call.” He nodded in understanding and gave me a thumbs up over the noise.

“Hello?” I said as I burst through the front door and sucked in a lungful of fresh air. Weres were not meant to be confined indoors for so long, no wonder the new Were was worked into such a frenzy.

“Hey Roan, it’s me,” Caver said. “Yeah, what’s up?” “Um, I just saw Aspen at the bus stop after school.”

I looked down at my watch, it had been another tiring day working with the new male Were. He was a mess and still hadn’t been able to phase back.

Things hadn’t been going well at all. I was ready to shoot a tranquilizer dart in his ass four days ago and be done with the whole thing but his aging parents were at the house and we couldn’t convince his hysterical mother to leave the house and let us do our job.