Authors: K'wan
Still Hood (22 page)
THE MORNING SUN FELT GOOD AGAINST YOSHI'S
face. The heavy doses of medication she had been pumped full of still had her feeling like she had just woken up, but it was a small price to pay if it numbed the intense burning in her neck. Touching the heavily packed bandage, she thanked her God for the thousandth time to be alive.
face. The heavy doses of medication she had been pumped full of still had her feeling like she had just woken up, but it was a small price to pay if it numbed the intense burning in her neck. Touching the heavily packed bandage, she thanked her God for the thousandth time to be alive.
“Yoshi, if you keep picking at it, it'll never heal correctly,” Billy said. Like the true friend she was, she had been there to pick Yoshi up and had been looking after her ever since. For all Billy's nagging, she was the one person Yoshi could depend on, no matter what the situation, unlike a certain person who came to mind.
“It's gonna scar anyhow, so what does it matter,” Yoshi said.
“Yes, but scars fade or can be removed,” Billy pointed out. From the look on Yoshi's face, she could tell something was wrong. “Okay, spill it.”
Yoshi was about to try and pass it off like it was nothing, but she knew Billy would keep pushing until she came clean. “I don't know. I guess it's this whole hospital thing.” She absently rubbed her arm. “I guess it's just got me a little rattled.”
“Yoshi, you just got shot. I'd think something was wrong if you didn't feel some type of way about it.”
“That's not what I meant. I mean, yeah, I was scared shitless that I was gonna die, but I mean, the whole experience of being laid up in the hospital. It made me think of ⦠well, you know.” She didn't have to say it for Billy to know that she was referring to the rape.
Billy stopped walking and turned to face Yoshi. Tears glinted in her friend's eyes, but none fell. “Sweetie, you've been through a ton of shit over the past year, so there's gonna be some residue. The important thing is that you keep fighting and doing the right thing with your life.”
“A lot of fucking good that's doing me.” Yoshi pointed at the bandage. “For all the good I'm trying to do with my life, I feel like my karma is still fucking me for some reason.”
“You can't say that, Yosh. I mean, look at where you were last year, as opposed to where you are now. You've got your job, your health, and a man that loves you to the moon.”
“I'm so sure,” Yoshi said sarcastically.
“What, you don't think Jah loves you?” Billy asked.
“Nah, I'm not saying that. I know he loves me, or at least I think I do; but I can't help but feel that he committed to me so quickly out of guilt more than anything else,” Yoshi confessed. It was something that had been on her mind for a while, but it was the first time she had said it out loud to anyone but herself.
“I can't buy into that. That boy worships the ground you walk on. Before you, Jah was running around here wilding, no purpose, no bounds.”
“I know, and that's part of what I'm talking about. Before me and Jah got together he didn't have a care in the world, with the exception of dying too young, but that was the life he chose and he was happy with it. Then you have old victimized me changing the game in the ninth with my bullshit.” Yoshi rubbed her hands over her arms like she was chilly, though the temperature was in the mideighties. “Sometimes I think I can actually see the life draining from his eyes while he's sitting at home playing babysitter. The streets call to that
boy so strong, but he sits up in the house with me, making sure I'm good. That shit is crazy!”
boy so strong, but he sits up in the house with me, making sure I'm good. That shit is crazy!”
“That ain't crazy, baby, that's love.” Billy placed a hand on her arm. “Yeah, we all know how Jah's psycho ass was out here rocking and it was only a matter of time before the police or one of these crazy niggaz slowed him down, but you stepped in and helped him change that. Baby girl, you gave a man who felt like he had nothing to live for something to die for.”
“But all I did was complicate things for him, Billy. Jah is a young man who should be enjoying his life, not playing nurse to a bitch suffering from a mean case of hard luck.”
“Yoshi, can't nobody make Jah's strong-willed ass do nothing he don't wanna do. He tends to you that way because he cares.”
“Why, even before the rape I was damaged goods. Ain't no secret about how many niggaz done had their turn at this pussy,” Yoshi said heatedly.
“See, now you talking some other shit,” Billy said, obviously not feeling Yoshi's line of thought at that moment.
Yoshi's eyes took on a far-off look, and when she spoke, she did so with great effort. “You know, when I lay in that bed, lumped up with my pussy ripped to hell, all I could think was
why?
What had I done to piss God off so much that something like that was allowed to happen to me?”
why?
What had I done to piss God off so much that something like that was allowed to happen to me?”
“Yoshiâ”
“No, let me finish. I ran through the list of sins that I had committed throughout my life and figured it was a no-brainer. What good could come to a woman who lives her life as a whore and a liar? I figured that if I could just manage to do the right thing, maybe my luck would turn around, and for a time it seemed like it would. I manage to land a good nigga, a high-profile job, and through the grace of God, none of those dirty muthafuckas gave me the package. So, if I'm doing all these things right, why the fuck do I keep getting thrown the curveballs?”
Billy took Yoshi by the uninjured shoulder and turned her so that they were facing each other. “My mother always told me that God
worked in very strange ways, but never to doubt his intentions or purpose for us. Yeah, you've got some heavy shit going on in ya life, but you know what? You're still here. Rhonda's kid's gotta grow up with no mother, and Paul's talent died with him in that prison shower, but that doesn't have to be us. Yoshi, can't you see that we're blessed? Girl, I know it might not look that way now, but trust and believe, it will get greater later.”
worked in very strange ways, but never to doubt his intentions or purpose for us. Yeah, you've got some heavy shit going on in ya life, but you know what? You're still here. Rhonda's kid's gotta grow up with no mother, and Paul's talent died with him in that prison shower, but that doesn't have to be us. Yoshi, can't you see that we're blessed? Girl, I know it might not look that way now, but trust and believe, it will get greater later.”
“Sometimes it just feels like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders,” Yoshi whispered.
“Then let your friends and that crazy-ass man of yours help you with that burden. Yoshibelle, at the end of the day all we got is each other,” Billy said with conviction.
The tears that had been forming in Yoshi's eyes slid down her cheeks one at a time. The bright sun made them look like diamonds rolling from her face, dripping onto the blouse that Billy had loaned her to come home in. Her face seemed to be caught between stages, like she didn't know whether to cry or rage. Not being able to hold it off any longer, Yoshi collapsed in Billy's arms and had a long-overdue cry.
CHARLIE ROCK SAT ON AN
old milk crate in front of the bodega on the corner of Sterling and Ralph avenues. His left arm was in a sling, but his right was still free to grab the gat stashed under the tire of a parked car if trouble popped. The codeine pills he had managed to score from his grandmother's house had him feeling like Neil Armstrong, but he was coherent enough to spot One-Time if they tried to roll. It wasn't the smartest thing in the world, him being out in the element with a gaping hole in his shoulder, but he had to eat, and the pound of Cali dirt he had in the crib wasn't gonna sell itself.
old milk crate in front of the bodega on the corner of Sterling and Ralph avenues. His left arm was in a sling, but his right was still free to grab the gat stashed under the tire of a parked car if trouble popped. The codeine pills he had managed to score from his grandmother's house had him feeling like Neil Armstrong, but he was coherent enough to spot One-Time if they tried to roll. It wasn't the smartest thing in the world, him being out in the element with a gaping hole in his shoulder, but he had to eat, and the pound of Cali dirt he had in the crib wasn't gonna sell itself.
“What you working wit?” a skinny kid wearing a pair of jeans that were too sizes too small said as he rolled up on Charlie.
“Tens and twenties,” Charlie replied, looking up and down the block for police.
“A'ight, let me get a dime,” the kid said.
Charlie dipped his hand inside of the sling holding his arm up and pulled out a dime sack of weed, which he slapped in the kid's palm like he was giving him a pound. The kid took the bag and made hurried steps down the block. As he was leaving, Charlie couldn't help but to look at his tight-ass jeans and wonder what the hell the world was coming to.
A burgundy minivan came coasting down Ralph, honking its horn. As a rule, Charlie never walked up to strange cars. He moved himself into a position where he could fight or flee, depending on what the situation called for, and strained his eyes to see who was in the minivan. It was then that Roxy got out of the passenger's side.
“Roxy, why the fuck y'all rolling on the block like that, knowing a nigga out here trying to stay low?”
“Stop acting like the feds taking pictures, you ain't that high on the food chain, nigga,” Roxy teased him. “Yo, how you gonna leave a bitch assed out yesterday, I thought you was gonna be at the shoot?”
“My fault, something came up, so we never even made it uptown,” he lied.
“Damn, kid, what happened to ya arm?” Sugar said, stepping onto the curb. She had a cigarette dangling from her mouth that bobbed when she spoke.
“Oh, this ain't nothing.” He brushed it off. “So what y'all doing up this early, looking like y'all coming in from the track?” He motioned towards the club clothes they were still wearing from the previous evening.
“Long story,” Roxy told him. “So what's up? Can we get high?”
“Y'all spending or reaching?” He looked at the girls suspiciously.
“Yeah, we spending, but a bitch need a lookout,” Sugar said.
“What you need?” Charlie sat up on the crate.
Sugar sifted through her purse like she didn't already know exactly how much money was in there. “Let us get the five for forty-five, son?”
“Must've been a good night, huh?” Charlie asked, digging into his sling.
“Not really, we thought we caught these niggaz slipping, but they was faking,” Roxy said.
“Shit, I wish y'all would've caught some donkeys, cause a nigga out here on thirsty.”
“I'm surprised you and that nigga, Sha Boogie, wasn't out creeping, cause there was damn sure some ballas out there,” Sugar said.
“Charlie,” someone called from behind Roxy. Charlie craned his neck and saw little Sheeka making her way towards him. Of all the people he could've bumped into, he didn't want to see her. Still, she was Spider's little sister, so he acted like he wasn't disturbed by her presence.
“Sup?”
“Charlie, you seen Spider?” she asked, with a worried expression on her face.
“Nah, not since some time yesterday,” Charlie lied.
“Well, I thought he was with Tina, but she said she dropped him off with you and Sha Boogie last night.”
Charlie hoped that no one had seen his eye jump when Sheeka said it. “That was like yesterday afternoon. The nigga said he was going to see some chick out in C.I., and that was the last we saw of him.”
Sheeka stared at him for a minute as if she was trying to weigh the truth in his words. “A'ight, well if you see him tell him to bring his ass home, somebody wants to see him. Plus, my moms is pissed cause he stayed out all night without calling.”
“I'll tell him,” Charlie said, fishing around in his pocket with his good hand, looking for a cigarette.
Sheeka turned like she was going to leave, but stopped short. She looked Charlie directly in the eye and asked, “What happened to your arm?”
Charlie's heart began to beat faster, making it feel like the blood was draining from his face. “You know how we on it,” he told her.
“Yeah, y'all wild as hell with it,” Sheeka laughed, but there was something sinister about it. “Alright then. Tell Spider to come to the crib. Bo is home and he wants to see his little brother.” Not missing the sickened look that came over Charlie's face, Sheeka went back across the street towards her building.
“Yo, was that one of Killer-Bo's sisters?” Roxy asked.
“Yeah,” Charlie said in a very flat voice. His mouth was suddenly very dry and he found it hard to swallow. What everyone assembled on that corner and ten blocks squared knew was the legend of Killer-Bo.
Killer-Bo was a throwback to old-school Brooklyn, where senseless murder and robbery were the norm. Killer-Bo was never some big drug dealer or notorious crime boss, but he was recognized throughout the five boroughs as a certified headache. Killer-Bo had been arrested for damn near every crime from murder to rape and still hadn't learned his lesson. He was a nigga who was content to die in the streets as long as his name carried on. Bo was brutal and untrustworthy, but aside from all that, he loved his sisters and baby brother, Spider.
“What did she want?” Sha Boogie startled them. No one had heard or seen him approach.
“Ain't nothing. She was looking for Spider,” Charlie said nervously. “Yo, you knew Killer-Bo was home?”
“Should I have known?” Sha asked, as if he really didn't give a fuck. “Sup, ladies,” he said, addressing Sugar and Roxy.
“Ain't shit,” Roxy told him. “We was about to puff, what's good?”
“I'm wit it, but I ain't trying to stand out here and smoke,” Sha told her.
“We don't have to, we got the whip right here.” Sugar pointed to the van.
Sha looked at it and the girls suspiciously. “Where did y'all get this shit from?”
“It's a long story. Just bring ya ass on in.” Sugar grabbed him by the arm and led Sha to the van. Charlie grabbed his gun from under the car and jumped in the van behind them.
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