Stepbrother JEEZ! (The Stepbrother Romance Series - Book #4) (7 page)

Jaxon seemed to realize that I needed a little space
before we could have the conversation he wanted; I expected him to immediately
call me out on avoiding him—going to class early, coming straight back to the
dorm, not spending my free time in the frat house where he could waylay me. But
instead of him texting or calling, he didn’t say anything about it, and I had
to think that he was a little afraid of what being alone together would be
like, too.

I thought about how miserable it had been when we’d
been together; not because we were bad for each other, but because neither of
our parents was even remotely okay with it. It had taken Mom weeks to be okay
with me again, to talk to me
like
I was a normal
person and the daughter she loved instead of some freak. Even at Christmas,
everything had been incredibly tense, and I’d been waiting for someone to talk
about the whole crazy situation—but none of us did. Everyone wanted to pretend
it had never happened, that it had been some weird dream we’d all had.

And then there was the issue with our lives on
campus. Everyone had fallen back into the normal state of things. Everyone just
assumed that Jaxon and I had worked out whatever beef had been between us,
since we hung out around each other and with each other—always around other
people—without being weird or
hinky
. We acted the
same way that we had before we’d ever had sex, at least on the surface. If we
dredged up all the ugliness, all the insanity again, it would be the talk of
the frat, at least behind our backs. Everyone would look at me differently. I
wouldn’t just be one of the guys anymore. I hated that feeling. Even if Jaxon
and I managed to talk together without ending up in bed, there’d be that
tension again, and everyone would speculate about what the hell was going on
between us. I hated the idea of it. I hated even thinking that it could be that
way again.

I just wanted to be able to get over Jaxon, and have
him get over me. I wanted to pretend like there was nothing between us other
than friendship. I wished his stupid dad would just divorce my mom—and then I
felt terrible, because Mom really was happy. She really loved Bob. She’d been
alone for so long and it wasn’t fair to her after everything she’d sacrificed
for me to expect her to throw it all away. But I couldn’t see any other way:
either Mom and Bob breaking up, or Jaxon and me staying apart from each other.
They wouldn’t tolerate us being together, and I couldn’t stand the idea of just
pretending whenever we were around them.

The whole time I was trying to avoid Jaxon, in spite
of him giving me space, I was miserable. I hung out with the guys whenever I
knew Jaxon wouldn’t be around, though I didn’t say anything about it. I stayed
in my room as much as possible even though I hated the fact that I was being
such a coward. I’ve never been a coward in my life. I always threw myself head
first into any fight, anything I was scared of; I wasn’t the girl to run away,
I was the girl to jump in. I hated that the situation with Jaxon had made me so
frightened of what could happen between us that I was actually avoiding him
rather than just telling him point blank that there was nothing else we could
do and if he couldn’t handle it we’d just have to not spend any time together
at all.

That was impossible, though. We were both on the
same team; we had to spend time together around our parents. If we hated each
other, it would be just as bad as if we flaunted our feelings for each other in
front of Mom and Bob. We couldn’t just ignore each other’s existence, and I
couldn’t just avoid the conversation forever. We had to have it out again. I
had to make Jaxon understand that no matter how much I wanted him and no matter
how much he wanted me, we just couldn’t be together.

After three days, Jaxon called me. My classes were
over for the day, and I realized when my phone rang that his were, too. He was
free for the rest of the day and all night. It was time. “Hey,” I said, my
heart already starting to beat faster. Part of my mind was ready, willing, and
anxious even to be in the same room as him. Another part of my mind was
completely terrified of the idea. There was no way this could end well.

“Frat’s empty—guys are all out at a game, or hitting
a party at Sigma Delta.” I bit my bottom lip.

“
You inviting
me over?” My
throat felt dry. I couldn’t turn him down; I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.

“Yeah, come on by. We need to talk about things.” I
took a deep breath.

“Okay. I’ll be there in twenty.” I hung up without
even saying goodbye—I thought it would be stupid, seeing as how I was right
about to see him. I brushed my hair, tied it back in a ponytail, and put on my
shoes, taking as much time as I possibly could. The longer I took, the longer
it would be until I had to deal with Jaxon.
I told myself I
was being stupid and that I should just go ahead and get it over with.

I walked across campus to frat row, steeling myself
against whatever Jaxon would say. He had made it clear that he wanted me. I
knew I wanted him, but I knew that there was no way it would ever work. We just
couldn’t do it. I practiced what I would say in my head as I walked, trying to
imagine everything Jaxon could say in response.
“This is crazy,
Jax
. We both know we can’t do
this. There’s no way for this to end that isn’t ugly unless we just grin and
bear it.”

Jaxon was true to his word; when I got to the Phi
Kappa house and knocked on the door, it was absolutely deserted. “Hey,” he
said, answering the door. I swallowed. My heart was pounding. My brain was
repeating over and over again what a terrible idea it was, and how it was just
doomed, absolutely doomed, to be ugly.
At
least no one’s around to see it get ugly
, my brain oh-so-helpfully pointed
out.

“Why aren’t you out partying with everyone else?” I
asked as Jaxon let me into the house and started towards the staircase up to
the bedrooms. Jaxon looked at me levelly.

“Because I know your schedule and I know if I didn’t
talk to you now you’d put me off another week.” I smiled weakly. It was true.
I’d be miserable the whole time—but I’d do it. I followed him up the stairs, my
heart beating faster, my skin tingling all over. In spite of how much I was
dreading the situation, I felt myself starting to get turned on just by being
around Jaxon—it was impossible not to be turned on by him, not to feel my body
starting to respond to how hot he is.

We got to Jaxon’s room and for a long moment we were
both completely silent. I watched him; Jaxon was fidgeting a little bit,
shifting his weight from foot to foot, and worrying at his bottom lip with his
teeth. “If you’re not ready to talk…” I said, trying to keep my voice from
sounding too hopeful. I didn’t want to do this—I didn’t want to be alone with
him where it was only a matter of time before we ended up in each other’s arms.
But Jaxon shook his head.

“No, I’m ready to talk.” He took a deep breath and
met my gaze. “Mia, I can’t stop thinking about you.” I felt my throat starting
to tighten.

“Jaxon—you know we can’t go down this road,” I said,
feeling my hands starting to shake, my heart beating faster and faster. “Our
parents—” Jaxon shook his head quickly.

“I don’t care about my dad. I don’t care what he
thinks. You’re the only girl I want, Mia.” Jaxon smiled slightly. “I’ve tried
to get over you, I’ve tried to just let it pass, but it’s not going anywhere.”
He shook his head again and sat down heavily on his bed. I pressed my lips
together, trying to fight down the rising sense of panic rushing through me.

“We just need more time,” I suggested. In spite of
how panicked I felt, I couldn’t help but be flattered—almost giddy—at the fact
that in spite of everything, Jaxon still wanted me. I couldn’t lie to myself
either; I wanted him. “It’ll go away, we just… we have to give each other
space, maybe, or just—just date other people.” Jaxon combed his fingers through
his hair.

“No,” he said. “It’s not going to work, and you know
it. I know you want me, Mia, even if you don’t want to want me. We’re perfect
for each other, Mia—can’t you see that?” I was shaking. I couldn’t do it—my
head was spinning with so many thoughts, and I knew that I should be telling
Jaxon that we just couldn’t do it. I knew I should be pointing out to him that
just because he had a bad relationship with his dad, didn’t mean that having a
relationship with me was going to improve things—it would probably make them
worse.

And in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help the tiny
little thought that he was right; how long had we been trying to just be
brother and sister to each other? All the while, in spite of how well it had
been going on the surface, I had never lost my feelings for him—not really. I
was still attracted to him, I still wanted him. I had to be careful not to
touch myself in the shower, in bed, while thinking about him. I had been
exhausted over having to stop myself thinking about him. And no matter how hard
I’d tried to move on, I still had feelings for him.

“Jaxon, we can’t do this. I can’t do this. There’s
just… I know your Dad and you have problems, but I can’t do this to my mom—we
can’t… we can’t be like this.” I felt like I was about to black out,
like
I was about to faint—and I’ve never fainted in my life,
even when I broke bones. I felt like I was about to cry. I had to get out of
there. “Jaxon, we just can’t. I can’t be with you.” Before I even knew what I
was doing, I was hurrying through his bedroom door, rushing, running down the
hall, clattering down the stairs. All I could think of was that I just had to
get out of there. I didn’t know or care if Jaxon said anything. All I cared
about was getting away.

Chapter
Ten

I just barely made it to the door. I had my hand on
the handle; I was only moments away from getting out of the frat house, away
from the incredibly uncomfortable and panic-inducing situation with my
stepbrother. I heard steps behind me—but I didn’t have time to react before
Jaxon’s hands closed on my shoulders. “Mia, stop,” he said, slightly out of
breath. He must have been hot on my heels—he must have started after me right
after I left his room. My hand fell away from the door handle.

Jaxon turned me around to face him, one hand leaving
my shoulder and moving up to tilt my face up, to make me look at him. My heart
was beating fast still, I still felt light-headed, but I steadied myself just a
little bit as Jaxon looked down into my eyes. “You know we can’t deny this,
Mia,” he told me, his voice low. “You can’t deny it any more than I can. I love
you.” I started—I couldn’t quite believe that he had actually said it. I was so
surprised that I replied before I could even think about what I was saying.

“I love you, too.”

Jaxon leaned in, closing the distance between us; I
was still so surprised that for a long moment even after his lips pressed to
mine, I didn’t—I couldn’t—react at all. Jaxon began to deepen the kiss, his
tongue swiping along my lips, and I came back to myself all at once; part of me
still wanted to run away, but another part—much louder in my mind—wanted
nothing more than to stay. I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his
shoulders, pressing my body close to him as Jaxon’s tongue plunged into my
mouth, batting at my tongue, exploring everywhere, tasting me. He nipped at my
bottom lip playfully and I heard myself moaning, felt the jolt of heat shoot
through me.

Jaxon’s hands started moving over my body, trailing
along my waist, tickling my ribs, moving up to my breasts over my clothes. I
made a noise—something between a whimper and a moan—as he touched me
everywhere, his hands firm but gentle against me. I leaned up onto the balls of
my feet, pressing every inch of my body against him, my head beginning to spin
not from panic but from desire. I threaded my fingers in his hair, and Jaxon
pressed me up against the wall, his hips pushed up against mine. I could feel
the hardening ridge at the front of his pants where he was starting to get an
erection, pressing against my hip.

He broke away from my lips and kissed along the line
of my throat, rocking his hips against mine slowly, and I felt myself getting
more and more turned on by the moment, completely forgetting everything I had
said; forgetting the stakes, forgetting that we were technically related. All I
could think about was that I wanted him. I moaned out, tilting my head back as
Jaxon worked his way up from the base of my throat to my lips, kissing me again
until I was completely breathless, unable to think, my body on fire from head
to toe, every nerve tingling. “Come on,” he murmured, pulling back from me and
taking my hand.

Jaxon moved away from the front door of the frat
house, leading me by the hand back towards the stairs. For a second I was
totally disoriented—I couldn’t even think. But once my brain caught up to what
we were doing, I realized that I was more than okay with it. I could feel the
slick sensation of my pussy already starting to get wet, my nipples were
hardening, straining against the fabric of my bra, my whole body was completely
and totally ready for more. I didn’t care in the slightest if this was a huge
mistake—I wanted it. I wanted him.

We hurried up the stairs together, Jaxon’s hand
holding mine tightly. I looked around; no one was at the frat house—for once,
we were actually completely and totally alone together. More alone than we had
ever been at Bob’s house, more alone than we had really been the first time
we’d had sex on the couch downstairs. Jaxon led me down the hallway back to his
room and opened the door all in one movement, propelling me into the room first
and then closing the door behind him. He pressed me against the edge of the
bed, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaning in close to kiss me again. I
trailed my hands all over his body, feeling the heat of him underneath his clothes,
feeling the tightness across his back and shoulders as we rubbed up against
each other, just getting hotter and hotter.