Sex, Lies & Nikolai (4 page)

“Take it,” he tells me.

“Loan?” I ask him, hopeful.

“Gift.”

Gift? I scoff. I really am a charity case. The hundred is probably just to get me out of here.

I shake my head defiantly as I scowl at him and tell him very slowly and clearly, “I don’t want your
pity
.”

I’m speaking out of anger. This is what happens to me when I’ve been broken down. I clutch at the anger because it makes me numb. If I was more level-headed I’m sure I’d be happy to have his pity any other time, but I’m stubborn when I’ve been ruffled, and Nikolai has ruffled me deeply with his dismissiveness.

I can see his patience beginning to dwindle as his eyes flash darker. He presses his lips down hard and moves closer, his hand now raised to my face, that hundred inches from my cheek.

“Take it,” he repeats edgily, his light accent thicker.

“I’m not a charity case,” I tell him, fighting to keep my voice steady and my head held high. “I wanted a loan!”

He’s irritated now. “I’m not giving you a loan. I’m giving you
this
.”

“Let me pay it back.”

“You need to shut your pride down and take it.”

“At least let me earn it,” I retort, swallowing hard.

Tilting his head to the side, he looks at me oddly. “
Earn
it?”

“I can clean your office,” I speedily explain, fighting to keep my armour up as I gesture around the room, “or wipe the glass displays, anything –”

“You want to earn it?” he cuts in, his voice dangerously low. “Is that what you really want?”

Something’s changed in his expression, and it makes me unsettled. I back away and he moves even closer, making sure there is no distance between us. The scent of him hits me suddenly, and it’s a mixture of mint and musk. There’s something that draws me in about it I can’t understand. A tug inside of me that tells me he’s safe, but I don’t believe it.

“Say it then,” he continues, towering over me, his other hand suddenly gripping my arm, that hundred now slapping against my face.

My heart picks up, and I’m beginning to shake. I’ve pissed him off. He’s a bad man and he’s going to hurt me. Why didn’t I just leave?

“Say you really want to earn it, rybka,” he demands roughly. “Because I can find a way you can.”

I open my mouth, tears springing to my eyes, and give him what he wants. “I want to earn it.”

I don’t know what to expect when I say that, and when he suddenly moves closer, I close my eyes, waiting for pain, for his roughness to tear down the little pride I have left. The men Mother brought home had always hurt me before I learned to fight back, but it’s been so long and I’m vulnerable right now, my soul sucked dry, my body weak and frail.

I feel him closing in on me, so close his scent is all around me.

He’s saying something in Russian, and I’m not sure it’s a curse or something else, when I feel something soft suddenly touch my lips. It takes me a heartbeat to realize what it is.

He’s… kissing me.

I’m too alarmed to feel it in its entirety at first. But then seconds pass, and the sensation begins to sink in. My body is sensitive. It’s been so long since I’ve been kissed. The tension inside of me loosens as does his grip around my arm. He kisses me softly, his lips brushing tenderly against my mouth, coaxing my lips apart. It feels…soft and warm. The sensation is so foreign to me. All thought vanishes in an instant as something wet coats my lips – his tongue sliding across them – before he presses his lips against them again, more firmly than before.

A single tingle travels down my spine. I’m frozen, afraid to open my eyes, afraid of what will happen if I listen to my body and press harder against his mouth.

Nikolai tastes sweet. I feel his fingers running up my arm, settling to the back of my neck. He pulls away, and I feel his ragged breaths against my mouth (too heavy for a soft kiss to bring on) before he says huskily, “Earn it, kotyonok.”

Earn it.

He wants me to work for it.

For the crisp hundred my body wants more than anything.

When he kisses me again, I come alive against his mouth. I part my lips, giving him access to my tongue. My hand runs up his exposed smooth chest as I languidly run my tongue against the crease of his mouth. I drink him in, getting lost in a simple kiss that suddenly has my blood running faster and my heart beating harder.

What am I doing?

Am I seriously kissing him for a hundred dollars?

Food, food, food.

He makes a sound in the back of his throat. I think it’s approval, or a groan. Whatever it is, it sounds delicious, and I’m getting warmer, forgetting all about the reason I’m doing this. I breathe harshly into his mouth, a light sound coming out of my own lips. He moves even closer, his entire body flushed against mine, and there’s something pleasurable about it my body responds to. The closeness gives me a high, makes me crave it even more as I grow needier against him.

He traps me between him and his desk, his hands on either side gripping it, his mouth never breaking from my lips. The kiss grows into something more; it’s ravenous and heated, and I’m not present in thought as I let myself go.

I’m moments into a kiss and this man is drawing something out of me. Something hidden and unexplored. My knees shake, heat swarms between my legs, a growing ache that needs attention.

Nikolai is strong and experienced. He works his lips flawlessly, coaxing more light sounds out of me. I want to touch him everywhere. I want to cling to him for hours, wrap my legs around his hips, feel his hardness inside me and forget all about everything shit in this life.

I want it so bad, it’s the reason why I’m kissing him so hard. It’s
me
that’s being rough. It’s
me
that wants to be touched. It’s
me
that isn’t just thinking about food, but of how fucking hot he makes me feel.

Without warning, Nikolai tears his mouth away. Dear god, no. The loss of contact makes my body protest. I waver a little closer, opening my eyes and watching as he looks back at me.

His lips are swollen, his hair is out of place, some locks falling loosely over his forehead. His exposed chest is heaving, like he too was just as affected as me. Even his eyes are cloudy as he stares back at me, amusement all gone along with his irritation. He looks positively masculine in every way, and he wants to ravage me. There’s this pained expression that fleetingly passes through his eyes as he looks at my mouth. He wants to kiss me again. I can feel the want, see the tension in his shoulders. It’s there, so achingly transparent.

Instead, I feel his fingers brush along mine, and then he takes my hand to his lips. I watch in absolute shock as he wraps his wet, swollen lips around my finger, sucking at the cut from this morning. A tingle so sharp it feels like a knife shoots down my stomach and settles between my legs.

Dear god, let him kiss me again.

But he doesn’t.

He sucks my finger gently, eye-fucking me while he’s at it, and then he slowly starts to release it, his teeth biting lightly at the very tip. I see the tremors shoot through his body, see his eyes pool with need. I think I’d do anything to keep him here, to make this moment carry on. But he lets my finger go and takes a large step back, keeping a good distance from me when he’d been the one to close it earlier.

It confuses me.

His expression clears as he regains control of himself. He grabs at his carton of his cigarettes again and pulls one out. He settles it between his teeth, still looking at me with those cloudy eyes, before he says through laboured breaths, “Take it or leave it, kotyonok, it’s there.” As he says that, he places the hundred on the edge of his desk and turns his back to me, lighting his smoke as he collapses on the couch.

He’s dismissing me. Or he doesn’t want me to see him.

Maybe I drew something out of him he didn’t like.

That makes two of us.

Still breathing heavily, I glance between him and the hundred, and I don’t take long thinking about it.

I grab it and hurry out of the room, leaving the last of my dignity behind.

Nikolai

“Did you see those tits?” Andrei whistles. “Easily a D.”

“I was too busy staring at those long legs,” Vlad responds.

“With her tiny cut-off shorts.”

Vlad laughs. “Oh, she could wrap around my body like a vine with those legs.”

A vein in my neck throbs as I watch them stand by the front entrance, peering out seconds after Alina has left. I followed the moment I heard their dirty remarks. I want to tell them to shut their mouths. Especially Vlad.

I bite on my cigarette as I cut in, “Move away from the window, you filthy pigs. I’m not paying you to play with your little dicks.”

Andrei looks over his shoulder at me, disregarding my demand. “What did she want, boss?”

“What do you think?” I retort.

“The same reason Valeria comes knocking and fails.”

“Mind your business.”

“Did you give her a loan?” Vlad asks, the bulky man turning to me now.

“No.”

“Why not? She was desperate.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“She needed it,” he argues. “We came into business to help people.”

“We came into business to make money,” I retort. “We have more pressing matters right now than some lonely girl who needs money.”

“Like what?” Andrei asks obliviously.

This man-child aggravates me to no end. “Like where did Gustav run off to? Remember him, your friend you assured us was good for a loan. The very same one that walked off the earth three days ago without a word. The one that owes us ten big ones. Where did he go, Andrei?”

Andrei casts his eyes to the ground, looking uncomfortable.

“
That
is more important,” I stress sharply, unforgiving. “We need to be making more returns, not falling behind them. Once someone goes past me and makes a runner, the rest will do the same. Think of that instead of your cocks.”

I return to my office and slam the door shut. It’s quiet for a few moments. I collapse once again on the couch before Andrei continues to talk about another girl.
Unbelievable
. This is what I get for recruiting newbies with no experience at all with our kind. I’d tell him to stop. Hell, I’d glue his lips together for his disrespect, but I don’t.

The boys here are maggots, but they’re family too, and I can’t turn family away. Besides, I need people I can trust to take care of business when it gets ugly. It doesn’t get ugly often, but on the rare occasion that it does, I’m not keen on getting my hands dirty. It’s a hassle that might cost me everything I’ve worked for, and the whole reason I’m here is to fly under the radar and make it without the heat of the Sokolov raining down on me.

I toss my smoke in the ashtray beside me. I don’t feel satisfied enough for it. My blood surges with stress. I can’t fuck up. This is my new beginning and I won’t have it ripped away because of distractions.

I lean back on the couch and shut my eyes, tearing my insecurities to pieces.

Don’t trust anyone.

Never show weakness.

Always stand tall.

Never fear your enemies.

I think of all the Bratva has taught me, and slowly the aggression dissipates. As I detach, my thoughts centre around the feel of that girl’s lithe body as she pressed herself against me. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the warmth of another body.

She wanted that money, but I’m just as certain she wanted my lips the same. It’s a dangerous mixture, business and pleasure. I know this girl’s kind. After a while, she wouldn’t know the difference, and that’s what I’m trying to stay away from.

She’s nothing like the women of my past in that respect. They knew their boundaries. They never cared when I casted them aside after we were done. That’s the way I prefer it to be. The only way I’ve ever known it to be. And while Alina is stunning to look at, she makes me wary. There’s something about her I just can’t shake.

The more I know about her, the more strings there’ll be binding me to her. I have no time for that complication in my life. I’m building an empire right now and with every new debtor walking through that door I’m expanding more every day. I’m not even finished laying down the bricks. There’s no room for commitment. If I could fuck her without one, I would. And god, I want to.

“I’ve been wanting to do this the second I saw your plump little lips and doe eyes.”

Thank fuck I didn’t say that in English before I took her lips against mine.

There’s a hard knock on the door. I get up and yank it open. The second Vlad comes through, the surge of anger I feel explodes out of me. I launch at him, gripping him by the collar of his shirt and slamming him into the wall.

“Are you trying to get a rise out of me?” I hiss gravely.

“No –”

“You talk about that girl like that one more time and I’ll bury you, Vlad.”

“I didn’t know it bothered you,” he has the audacity to say.

“Don’t lie to me!”

“Niko –”

“You knew what you were doing, didn’t you?” I tighten my grip and shake him roughly. “Admit it!”

He finally jerks his head.

I bare my teeth. “And you won’t do it again, will you?”

He nods a second time and I let go. “You’ll be right to never get a rise out of me again, Vlad. You know I’m not a forgiving man.”

“Yes, Nikolai. I know that more than anyone.”

“Then don’t piss me off.”

“I just needed to know,” he tells me as I make my way to the liquor cabinet to pour myself a glass of whiskey.

“Know what?”

He shuts the door and stands there, crossing his meaty arms to his chest as he studies me. I’m taking a gulp when he asks, “Is it coincidence that girl’s come here of all places?”

“Yes,” I simply answer, savouring the burn in my lungs.

“You go to that hole of a store every single morning, and suddenly she’s here, asking for money.”

“What’s your question?”

“Did you play a hand in that?”

I give him a curt glance. “You forget your place, Vlad.
Again
.”

“Assure me this is not the work of your obsession.”

I grit my teeth. “The girl clearly needed a loan.”

“Why didn’t you give her one?”

“I don’t prey on desperate women. She’s not good for the money. It’s simple.”

“That’s not what I meant.” The man never backs down. “You seek her out every single day, and the one time she seeks you out, you turn her away.”

“Again, what’s the question?”

“Either take her, or discard her. It’s evident you can’t stop.”

I chuckle dryly. “Reserve your advice for someone who gives a fuck, Vlad.”

“I know you give a fuck –”

“And I know it’s none of your business,” I interrupt, roughly. “I’m not here to fuck with some poor girl who can’t get her life together. I couldn’t give a fuck about her. I’m here to
work
.”

“Yeah, well, the more you turn girls away, the hungrier that cock of yours will get. You’re a prick as it is, and when you’re not warming your bed or beating some man’s face in, you become unreasonable. Now why is that? We came here not to change who we are, but to show the Bratva we didn’t need them. Yet you’ve changed, haven’t you?”

I don’t respond.

“You go from fucking the most exotic beauties one second to stopping completely cold the next,” he continues. “Something’s happened, and you’re not letting me in.”

I work my jaw and take another gulp of my drink before slamming it down. I don’t meet his eye as he continues. “And then there’s this blondie. Maybe she’s nothing to you, but I know you don’t go to that store for its fucking juice. You go there because of
her
. If she’s just a poor girl, you wouldn’t walk five blocks in the
opposite
direction to buy a three dollar drink every single morning. This is what you do, Nikolai. You observe. You taste. You get
hooked
. Immersing yourself so deeply in something, you wind up fucked over in the end. You can’t stop yourself. Look at what you did for the Sokolov!”

My eyes are dead when I look at him. “Why do you think I left that life behind? They were bleeding me dry.”

“You let them,” he wickedly retorts, pissed. “Your father turned you into a weapon, and now you’re weak for some girl.”

I glare at him. “What do you want me to do, Vlad?”

“Get her out of your system and move on to better things.”

He leaves me after that.

Leaves me to be consumed by the dark thoughts festering inside my head. The little prick always has to bring up the Bratva, as if the wounds have closed back up and I’ve long moved on.

I haven’t.

Not at all.

I finish my drink and slam it down on my desk, and then I collapse into my chair and bury my face into my hands.

You get hooked.

He’s right. I do. When I see something I like, I allow it to consume me. I’m a greedy man. I take what I want until there’s nothing left of it.

I think about my father, the cold emotionless shell of a man, and all I can remember from my early days is the face of my mother, torn and broken apart by the hands of the Sokolov, by
him
.

I’m like him.

I have his vicious temper and obsessed nature. I have the ability to break, and it’s this ability that keeps me away from all that is precious.

There’s a darkness in me. I feel it at times, twisting like a serpent inside of me. I run from the Sokolov because the serpent bends to their call. I feel its movements, its urge to indulge in wicked things.

I don’t want to be that man anymore.

He would destroy me.