Safe Word (8 page)

Chapter Seven
So Fucking Perfect

I cooked a late lunch and allowed Lily to watch television while I made a few phone calls and got myself set up for my new job with Danny. By the time I was finished, Lily was all but asleep on the couch.

“Bored?” I asked as I sat down on the far end of the couch. She yawned and stretched like a cat before her eyes fell on me.

“I thought being kidnapped would be more exciting.”

“You’ve thought about it. Interesting.”

She rolled her eyes and let out a sad laugh.

“No. Not like that. I’ve thought of what it would be like to just run away from everything.”

“Again, you mean.”

She made a face before focusing her attention on her nails. The paint was chipped and she frowned as she peeled away little pieces of blue and let them flutter to the ground.

“I didn’t run from you, Cole.”

I adjusted in my seat and took in a deep breath. I didn’t want to think of her worthless fucking stepfather who tried to take advantage of her every chance he got.

“What are you running from now?” I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees so I could see her face better.

“The past.” She shrugged as she grabbed a clump of her brown hair and twisted it in her long fingers, inspecting it for split ends.

“You picked a bad place to escape your past.” Her eyes rose to mine and I winked at her, unable to stop myself from smiling. It was easy to fall back into conversation with her. We had a lot of unresolved issues, but before any of that we just had each other.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Rose asked as she twirled her hair between her fingers.

“Like what?” I stepped closer to her, grabbing the belt loops on her jeans and pulling her body against mine.

“I dunno.” She chewed on her lip as she tried not to grin nervously.

“I hate having to hide with you like this.”

Her smile quickly vanished, replaced with annoyance.

“You know why we have to do this, Cole.” Her head tilted to the side and she put her hand on her hip. I pulled her closer still.

“I know. I just don’t see why you care what everyone else thinks. Who gives a fuck if people find out we’re together. No one will say shit to you, or I’ll make sure they don’t speak for a week.”

She rolled her eyes at my threats and laughed.

“My mother would kill me if she knew.”

“Your mother hasn’t killed Craig” I shouldn’t have said it, but I found it insane that her mother, who would allow her own husband to molest Rose, would object to the boy from the wrong side of the tracks.

“Why would you say that?” Rose pulled back from me and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I didn’t mean it like that. Rose. Fuck. I just want to be able to walk down the fucking street with you without someone thinking you’re about to be attacked.”

“I know you aren’t the bad guy, Cole. Maybe if you stopped goofing off in class and actually applied yourself…”

“This is about my education?” I laughed but I felt like I was on the verge of losing my mind. “What, I’m not smart enough? You know I have a higher IQ than anyone in this school. I don’t have a big enough…trust fund?”

“We just have to wait until graduation. We can go wherever we want. And yes, it wouldn’t hurt for you to try a little and maybe be able to get a good job to help support us.”

“I love you, Rose. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

“I don’t want this to go wrong for us. If I get grounded from you, I have nothing.”

“You have everything, Rose. You just need to open your eyes.”

“Where did you go, just now?” Lily asked as she tucked her legs underneath her.

“I just have a lot on my mind.” It struck me that I was the one who needed to open my eyes. I had been looking at the world through my own
Rose-colored glasses.
I had obsessed over her since I was a teenager, and now she was sitting on my couch. I only wish I knew why.

“You want to talk about it?”

I ran my hand over my face and chuckled as I shook my head.

“You want to be my
friend
, Lily? You want me to feel guilty and open the front door for you?”

“No.” She sat back, offended.

“Good. Then you won’t be disappointed when I don’t tell you shit. I think I’ve had enough for today.”

“Please don’t put me back in there!” She leaned over, placing her hand on my arm. I gritted my teeth as her touch pissed me off and sent fire through my veins for a very different reason.

“You need to stop touching me. I can’t be responsible for what I do if you don’t stop.”

“Would you really have done that to me earlier if I hadn’t said no?”

I couldn’t help but smile at the way she phrased her words.

“Are you
really
trying to play the innocent virgin?”

“You know I’m not.” She retracted her hand and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I just haven’t done
those
things.”

“Because you’re not
that
kind of girl, right? You hid us for months. I wouldn’t be shocked to see the skeletons in your closet.”

“I never cheated on you, and you didn’t answer my question.”

It didn’t matter what she had done.

“I know you won’t hurt me.” Her brown eyes searched mine for reassurance.

“Follow the rules and you won’t have to find out what I am capable of.” I took my time looking over every inch of her body. “You don’t know me at all, sweetheart. You don’t even know yourself.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means…” I leaned in closer to her. She didn’t sit back, didn’t flinch. Her puffy lips parted slightly, and I could tell by the rapid rising of my white cotton T-shirt that clung to her breast that she was excited by the fact that I might touch her. I ran the pad of my index finger over the top of her toned thigh. Her breath caught and her nipples budded against the fabric. “How can you know you don’t like something if you haven’t tried it?”

I traced a small circle on her inner thigh, and her legs parted slightly and a shiver rippled through her body.

“You really don’t, do you?” I pushed the hem of the shirt up a little farther. “Do you even touch yourself, Lily?” I ran my finger along the edge of her panties and leaned in close enough for my lips to brush against the shell of her ear. “Tell me…when I have you bent over this couch, which one of your names should I moan?”

“That’s not funny.” Her cheeks flamed red and, for a moment, I wanted to believe she was as innocent as she was claiming to be.

“I think it’s fucking hilarious.” I brushed the hair off her neck and let my lips trail down her silky-smooth skin. “Does he touch you, Lily?” I placed an open mouth kiss at the nape of her neck as my hand slipped over the front of her damp cotton panties.

“Who?” Her words were breathy and her eyes fluttered closed. I chuckled to myself as I placed another kiss on her hot skin.

“Do you want me to show you what you’ve been missing?” I pulled the neck of the shirt lower and placed a kiss on the top of her breast.

“I know what I’ve been missing, Cole. I’ve thought about you every day…”

I worked my fingers against her on the outside of her panties. I didn’t want to have this talk. Not now. I didn’t want to feel. I just wanted to make her moan my name. I wanted to hear how much she wanted me…needed me. But I knew it was me who needed her. The years hadn’t diminished my feelings.

“I have imagined doing this to you…” I grabbed the bottom of her shirt and yanked it over her head, sending her hair cascading over the back of my couch. “Every woman I have ever touched…” I slowed my hand and traced the curve of her breast. I was nothing if not in control. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Her body curved toward me and her hand fell on my thigh. I wanted to feel her, to experience her, but I couldn’t trust her. Not yet. Not after all these years.

“I didn’t give you permission to touch me.” My fingers found her nipple, hard and waiting for me to take it in my mouth. She gasped as I leaned over her and sucked it between my teeth. I grabbed her wrists and pulled her hand from my leg as I rolled my tongue over her peak. I kept her wrist locked in my grip as my tongue slid under the heavy weight of her breast.

“Colw…” she panted and my dick went rock hard.

“What do you need, sweetheart?” I asked, looking up at her before I kissed my way down her stomach. If her breathing was any indication, she was struggling not to come and have a panic attack at the same time.

“You…”

“You are so fucking perfect.” My lips traveled down to her navel, my tongue dipping inside. She stirred in her seat, sliding lower as her legs spread farther open for me.

“I want to touch you,” she whimpered as my mouth slid over her underwear and my hot breath blew over her.

“You’re not allowed.” I made eye contact with her to let her know this wasn’t negotiable. I was already breaking all of my rules by touching her. Letting her run her hands over me would be too much. I couldn’t lose control completely. I wasn’t ready to forgive.

“Please…” she begged as I tugged her panties to the side and blew across her mound. I reached up and grabbed her other wrist.

“This isn’t a negotiation. I want to make you come, Lily. I am being very nice to you. It would be in your best interest to take my gift as it is and not be greedy.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“Let me remind you what you have been missing.” I ran my tongue over her slit and her body convulsed beneath me. My cock strained against my jeans and every breath took me closer to fucking blowing all over myself.

I pushed my mouth against her as I pretended we were together under different circumstances. She tasted like honey and heaven.

“Please.” She shuddered as her body slid farther down the couch.

I positioned myself between her legs, eager, unable to fucking stop myself. I wanted to taste her, to feel her happiness as she rode my tongue into bliss. The past was just that. I wouldn’t let myself stop now. Her nails dug into the back of my hands as I slid my tongue inside of her. She deserved better than me. I knew it from the moment I saw her step through the door at the bar. It didn’t matter. I had done worse and Rose was my redemption.

“I’m going to release your hand and if you’re a good girl I won’t stop, understand?”

She nodded, a thin veil of sweat covering her flushed cheeks. She looked like a fucking angel. I hated her and loved her for it. It wasn’t who she was. I let go of her wrist as I kept my eyes locked on hers. My hand slid down over her hip bone and inside of her thighs. She worried her lip between her teeth as I lowered my mouth back to her sweet pussy. She gasped as I slipped my finger inside of her. Her hips pushed back against me as I slowly fucked her. Her hand fisted at her side as she struggled to do what she was told.

“You like that, sweetheart?”

“Mmmm…” Her head fell to the side as her body began to tighten around my finger. I kept my rhythm steady as her eyebrows pulled together, her eyes squeezed shut.

“Look at me.” At first she didn’t respond, lost in her own pleasure. I held still inside of her. “Look at me. I want you to remember who made you feel like this.” Her head turned back to face me, her eyes hooded. I pressed my tongue against her clit, my eyes staring into the fathomless depths of hers. Her guard was down and for a brief moment I could see the real her. Her body writhed in pleasure as the first wave of her orgasm washed over her.

She panted and a groan escaped me as the second pulse of ecstasy ran through her. Her toes curled against my back as she held me to her until she was finished. I slid her underwear back into place and put my palm over her, cupping her.

“What about you?” She struggled to right her breathing.

“Don’t worry about me, darlin’. I got exactly what I wanted.”

I walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge, leaning in to let the cold air cool me down as Lily pulled on her shirt. I listened to her bare feet pad against the hardwood floor as she made her way toward me.

“Cole, does this…”

I slammed the door and stood upright to look her in the eye. She was wringing her hands together nervously.

“This doesn’t change anything.”

Her gaze fell as sadness washed over her and she slowly nodded.

“Why are you treating me this way?”

“I tried to be the good guy once. It didn’t take.” I didn’t need to elaborate. Her eyes widened fractionally and she knew I was referencing her situation. It felt like another lifetime.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I was thankful for the distraction. I pulled it out and glanced over the text message from Danny.

Meeting tomorrow at Fig

The last time I was in Fig’s was the beginning of the end of my trying to do right.

I sat at the bar, nursing what could have been my tenth beer, when an older gentleman slid onto the stool next to me. The television above the counter filled the silence between us. I listened to them break the story of one of New York’s rising police officers who had been kicked off the force for misconduct and suspicion of drug trafficking a month ago. He was released from prison and the charges were dropped after evidence surfaced that the jury had been tampered with.

“Shame,” the man said, shaking his head as he held up a finger to the bartender. I raised an eyebrow and took a sip from my beer.

“You don’t think he should have been released?”

The man chuckled and turned to face me.

“No, Colton. I think it was a shame you got caught. Could have used a guy on the inside like you.”

“I’m sorry. Who the fuck are you?” My words slurred as I sat my glass down and met his glare.

“You have potential, son. But you’re stupid, just like your father.”

“Don’t compare me to that piece of shit.” I leaned back on my stool, wobbling as I struggled to keep my balance.

“So I guess there are no hard feelings.”