Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series (14 page)

“Oh my . . . God. So close, Xavier. Fuck . . . right fucking there.” Ben roared as he came all over his comforter. I released his hair so I could grip his hips with both hands and drive harder and deeper, chasing my own orgasm.

“So tight,” I told Ben as his ass continued to spasm and grip me harder than anything I’d ever felt before. I threw my head back, closed my eyes, and clinched my teeth so I wouldn’t call out his name as my climax ripped powerfully through my body. His body turned boneless beneath me as I kept pumping in and out of him until the final tremors faded from my body.

I wanted to say it was the spiked adrenaline and testosterone that contributed to the intensity of my orgasm, but what was the point in lying to myself? Still, doubt and regret creeped in as my body cooled and my heart calmed down. I wanted to pull out of him, clean up, and get the hell out of there, but I stayed put.

“You’ve already left me even though your dick is still semi-hard and lodged deep inside me.”

XAVIER TENSED BEHIND
me and I instantly regretted my words. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything to him, but it fucking pissed me off that he was emotionally distancing himself when he was still inside me. I didn’t ask him to come over and fuck me, although I wasn’t complaining. He showed up at my house with his
need
and I eagerly gave him the outlet he craved to relieve his tension. I knew why he came and I also knew he hadn’t changed his stance on our non-relationship, but he could have at least waited until he pulled his dick from my ass before he started withdrawing emotionally too.

It was while I was chastising myself for not keeping my mouth shut that I noticed Xavier’s body began to shake and tremble all over. I recognized the signs that his body was coming down from an intense adrenaline and testosterone spike and took action by disengaging from his body. His eyes were wide and haunted, his lips trembled, and his body was clammy and cold from his cooling sweat.

“Xavier, look at me.” I placed both of my hands firmly on his shoulders and gently shook him to bring his focus back to me. Those whiskey colored eyes latched onto mine and the haunted look slowly shifted to embarrassment. “Don’t go there right now. Let me help you, if only for tonight.” I gently kissed his lips before releasing his shoulder and taking his hand in mine.

Xavier remained silent as I led him into my bathroom, turned on the shower, and gently removed the condom from his sensitive penis before dropping it in the trash can. I guided him into the shower once the water warmed up, placing him directly under the spray. Xavier tried to avert his gaze, but I didn’t allow it. There was nothing for him to be embarrassed about and I wanted him to know it. I placed my hand beneath his chin, raising it until his eyes met mine. He opened his mouth and I knew he was going to start telling me all the reasons why this had been a mistake. I pressed my finger to his lips to stop him; my ego couldn’t take another blow just then.

“It wasn’t a mistake, Xavier.” He released a soft sigh against my finger and I removed it from his lips.

“I’m broken, Ben. You wouldn’t have let me inside your house, let alone your body, if you knew just how broken I am.” His body trembled beneath the hot spray and up until that point I had left a gap between our bodies to give him the space I thought he needed. I pressed my body against his, tucked his head beneath my chin, and wrapped my arms tightly around him. “You don’t deserve to be treated like this.” His hot breath puffed across my chest as he tried to pull himself together.

“Just hold onto me.” My words were firm, yet gentle; I wanted to soothe him, not bully him. Slowly, Xavier wrapped his arms around my waist. “I decide what I deserve and what I can and cannot handle, okay?” Xavier nodded slightly, his forehead barely moving against my collarbone. “Furthermore, you are
not
broken, Xavier. A broken man does not fight this goddamned hard against his inner demons; he gives in and allows them to consume him. You are not that man.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Ben. You’ve probably never had a bad day in your whole fucking life. You’re the kind of guy I want to be, but can’t figure how to become.” His once relaxed body stiffened in agitation and he tried to take a step back, but my firm grip on his hips wouldn’t allow him to go far. “Don’t hold me against my will.” Xavier’s voice was nearly a snarl, one that I assumed came from a place of abject fear. “Never again will I allow myself to be a victim.”

It was then that I realized that Xavier’s scars went much further than I first suspected. I felt a rage boiling beneath my skin at the thought of someone holding him down and taking something from him that he didn’t want to give. I loosened my grip and was surprised when he chose not to step out of my embrace. I worked hard to keep my breathing even so not to give away the fury I felt on his behalf. I was afraid that he would think my anger was aimed at him.

I gently pulled his head up so he couldn’t hide his eyes from me; I needed him to not only hear me, but also see the sincerity behind the words. “I didn’t have the fairytale upbringing like you’ve pictured, Xavier, and I will gladly share my story with you anytime you want to hear it. But, deflecting the attention toward me isn’t going to help you tonight.” I dropped a quick kiss on his forehead. “I see beautiful where you see broken; I see strong where you see weak. I see a man who is loved by so many and it’s a shame he can’t love himself as much.”

“You don’t know me, Ben.” Xavier looked away in frustration. “You see a face you think is attractive and a body you want to fuck. You adore my sister and Chase and can’t imagine how I could be so fucked up when they’re so perfect. I appreciate your attempt at a pep talk, but you can put away your pom poms now.” His tongue practically dripped his disdain.

“There is no such thing as a perfect person, Chase and Ellie included. Ellie is
not
perfect and Chase has more issues than a guest on Dr. Phil, yet I love them with all of my heart. We all make mistakes, Xavier. Don’t confuse my kindness and concern with a scheme to get you naked either. I find it really offensive.” My irritation over the situation was evident by my tone.

“Oh yeah?” Xavier’s sarcasm kicked up several notches. “What about your dick?”

“What about my dick?”

“It’s hard and primed to fuck.”

“Oh. Ignore him.” I glanced down and sure enough the rocket was ready to launch. “You’re wet, naked, and standing in my arms. He can’t help himself!” Xavier smiled crookedly at my explanation. “Listen, you’re deviating from the original topic again.” Xavier scowled at me, but I ignored him and said, “You
are not
broken or damaged goods. You’re a man who apparently has made some mistakes and paid dearly for them. You’re also a man who is trying to do everything in his power to atone for them and make a better life for himself. That is a person to be admired, not admonished. I’d like to think that I
deserve
to be friends with that kind of man.”

“Ben.” All the fight left him and I once again held him tight against my body. “Friends is all I have to offer right now, despite how I behaved tonight. I was just so worked up after kickboxing class. Fuck! It felt so damn good to feel like I was taking control of my life. The adrenaline rush was better than any high, but what goes up must come down and the crash is fucking painful.” Xavier confessed a whole lot with just a few sentences, either by accident or design.

“I’m just going to say one more thing to you and then you’re going to let me take care of you tonight.” I saw the protest forming on his lips and hushed him. “By taking care of you, I mean that I’m going to help you clean up, let you borrow some clothes, and then I’m going to feed you before I send you home. That is what friends do for one another.” Xavier nodded reluctantly so I continued, “Talk to someone, Xavier. It doesn’t have to be a professional and it certainly doesn’t have to be me, but talk to someone about what you’ve gone through, or all this work on your recovery will be for nothing. Will you at least consider it?”

Xavier looked up at me and I saw so many emotions in his eyes. I saw fear, regret, and so much pain before I finally saw his determination. I was suddenly terrified that he was going to talk to me and I wouldn’t be strong enough to hear whatever he had to say.

“My ex-boyfriend nearly killed me in a jealous rage a few months ago.”

“MAYBE WE SHOULD
do this after you’ve had a chance to get dressed and get a bite to eat.” Ben was trying to hold it together for both of our sakes, but if I stopped I knew I wouldn’t start again.

“No. You said that I needed to talk to someone and you were right; I choose you. Please let me do this before I lose my courage.” Ben started to put some distance between us, but I pulled him back. He wrapped me up tight and I tucked my head beneath his chin. His strong arms made me feel safe and the steady rhythm of his beating heart brought me comfort. “Has Chase told you anything about my former band manager and ex-boyfriend, Damien?”

“No, Chase would never betray your trust.”

“A little over two years ago our original band manager retired and we hired Damien to take his place. Everything went really well at first; we couldn’t have asked for a better manager. He was great with promoters, vendors, our fans, and all of the band members. We just really gelled together and the band felt more like a family than a band,” I took a deep breath, thinking of how perfect things were in the beginning, “which said a lot, because we were already pretty tight. Things started to change within six months, but it was so gradual that no one really noticed until it was too late.” I tightened my hold on Ben before continuing.

“We all made a pact in the very beginning that no band member would have a personal relationship with any other member of the band, road crew, promoters, or management. Honestly, it was an easy thing for me to agree to until I met Damien. Fuck, he said and did all the right things, Ben, and I thought I was falling in love with him, but it was all a mirage. He saw how lonely I was and exploited it.” I took a shaky breath and Ben began to rub my back soothingly while I searched for the right words.