Playing Pretend (11 page)

“I know,” I acquiesced. “But that didn’t give you a right to be cruel.”

“You’re right.” Caleb’s arctic blue eyes met mine. “I’m sorry.”

When I didn’t say anything, Caleb added, “And thank you for what you did for Braelynn today.”

“I would do it again in a heartbeat.” My voice was hoarse, but it had nothing to do with my crying earlier, and everything to do with the energy crackling to life between Caleb and me. I’d spent days, weeks, keeping it suppressed, even going so far as convincing myself Caleb had no recollection of our first kiss, or that he had ever had feelings for me at all.

Caleb swallowed audibly, and I became hyperaware of how close his body was to mine. I even became aware of how good he smelled, how his t-shirt moved and tightened across his chest with every inhale and exhale, how his pulse jumped in his throat. My fingers started tingling with the urge to touch him, to feel his skin, his stubble, beneath my fingertips. My lips prickled with the desire, the need to kiss him, to feel the roughness of his mouth against mine.

I couldn’t help it, the way I involuntarily swayed closer to him, drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

“I so badly want to kiss you,” he murmured. “But I’m afraid that if I start, I won’t be able to stop.”

“What if I didn’t want you to stop?”

I sounded desperate, and wanton, and not in the slightest bit contrite about it. I was willing to admit that I wanted him. Badly.

“This,” Caleb gestured between us, “Can’t happen.”

It took me a moment to acknowledge his rebuff, and when I did, I had to admit that it stung. After tonight I was hoping we’d made some kind of headway, but perhaps that was nothing more than me wishing to relive the fantasy I’d created in my head when I was seventeen.

Caleb was right.

We were no longer the same people we were back then.

“My life is complicated,” Caleb continued. “I don’t think it would be a good idea if we…”

I felt the fight trickle from my limbs, my heart, my soul. He’d shot me down, even after admitting that he was once in love with me, and in spite of it being the admirable thing for him to do, I didn’t want to hear it. Not really.

“You can stay here as long as you need to,” he added softly. The sympathy in his voice made me wince. “I know my approach was improper this morning, but I had Andrea pick out a few things for you from Nordstrom anyway. Consider them a gift.”

I wanted to yell at him, tell him that I didn’t need his charity or his ‘pity presents’, but how could I expect us to reach a truce when I was the only one unwilling to concede?

We couldn’t.

Which is why I swallowed my pride, and shoved whatever I thought I’d felt for Caleb back into the little box I’d kept it in for years. It would never again see the light of day, and I had no choice but to make peace with that.

I cleared my throat, and tried to look at Caleb with an impassive expression, regardless of how it shredded me on the inside to do so. “Thank you. I will start looking for an apartment this week, and hopefully be out of here by Friday.”

Caleb wanted to argue, but I sighed a silent breath of relief when he simply nodded. “Whatever you want.”

Damn you,
I thought.

He was breaking my heart, and being
nice
about it.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he finally said.

Thank God.

“Goodnight,” I murmured.

As soon as I was alone, I dropped onto the bed, leaving the terrace doors open, and fell into an uneasy sleep.

I dreamed of Caleb.

And Braelynn.

And all the things that would never be.

I FOUND CALEB in the kitchen on Monday morning, dressed in a white t-shirt, and jeans. I’d avoided him all weekend, which was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I’d taken a cab to the office to collect my car, and when I came back, both Caleb and Braelynn were gone. With no idea where they were, or when they were coming back, I explored Caleb’s penthouse and discovered that he had a wine cellar, a library, an in-home fitness center and a media room. I had no idea why he needed so much, when it was just him and Braelynn, but I chalked it down another one of his many puzzle pieces. With nothing to do on Saturday night, and a palace all to myself, I snagged a bottle of wine, and holed up in the library. Giant shelves lined every wall, reaching high up to the ceiling, filled to the rim with books from just about every genre. It was by far my favorite room in the entire penthouse.

When Caleb arrived home with Braelynn late on Sunday afternoon, I evaded him and stayed in the guestroom well in to the evening.

Caleb looked up from the newspaper in his hands, and when his eyes did a slow intake of my appearance, I wanted to curse him.

He told me there wouldn’t ever be anything between us, but then he looked at me like
that.
Granted, the blush colored crepe sheath dress I had on made me look phenomenal – if I could say so myself – and the only person to thank for that was Caleb.

His lips twitched, and he contemplated me from over the rim of his cup. “I see you got the clothes.”

“I did, thank you.”

He’d left several bags in front of the bedroom door this morning, and I’d immediately regretted accepting them. He’d gone completely overboard, but I didn’t want him to know that I actually liked everything he had chosen for me.

“Can I make myself some coffee?” I asked. I brushed my hair behind my ears, noting how Caleb’s eyes followed the movement, and folded my hands in front of me. I felt out of place, even more so after the night before, and there was nothing I could do to hide my discomfort.

“Of course you can,” he replied with a frown. “Make yourself at home. I made some bacon, and eggs, if you’d like breakfast before you go to work.”

Without answering, I made myself some coffee, and put some food on a plate. I sat down at the opposite end of the kitchen island, and quietly had my breakfast.

Caleb cleared his throat, and I unintentionally lifted my head to look at him. “I’m not going in to the office,” he told me. I’d guessed as much as soon as I saw his choice of attire, but because he was the boss I had no reason to bring it up. My objective for the next week was to interact with Caleb as little as possible, while still being amicable, and as soon as I found a new apartment, I wouldn’t have to see him again, save for the accidental office interaction or planned function.

“Is everything okay?” I asked around a piece of crispy bacon. I immediately wished I hadn’t, simply because keeping my interest limited would make it easier for me to pretend I didn’t care.

“Yeah,” he brushed his hand over his head, and rubbed his neck, bringing my attention to the ink on his forearms. His white shirt brought out the brilliance of the colors, and with every movement, the images on his skin twisted, and contorted to accommodate the stretch of his muscles. “I have to try and find a new nanny for Brae, so I’ll be working from home until I can find someone.”

“Do you know what happened with Danielle?”

“Her number’s been disconnected, and I have no idea how else to reach her without showing up at her place. I don’t think that’s going to work.” Caleb’s mouth tilted into a nervous smile, and it looked incredibly odd on him. He was always so confident, and so composed, but the man in front of me was not the businessman I’d come to know. He was just a man, concerned about finding a new nanny for his baby girl.

“If you need me to spend a few days at home so that you can go into the office, I won’t mind.”

“You don’t have to do that,” he replied. “I’m sure I’ll find someone soon.”

I shrugged, like his brush-off didn’t matter. “I wouldn’t be doing it for you.” I stood up, and took my cup and plate to the basin, and then started walking towards the elevator.

“I’d be doing it for Braelynn.

“YOU HONESTLY DON’T
have to come with me,” I told Caleb over the phone while gathering the last of my things from my desk. We’d managed to get along fine for the remaining four days of my stay, save for a few spats here and there, and after finding a new apartment close to where my old one was, I’d made arrangements to meet my new landlord and get the keys. Caleb, however, was not being agreeable about it.

“Kadence, if you think I’m going to let you go all the way out there on your own, you’re mistaken. I’ll be outside in thirty minutes.”

He ended the call, and if I weren’t already so exhausted, I would roll my eyes. The fact that he thought he could order me around was laughable, but I’d learned that arguing with him when he insisted upon something was pointless.

It was already 6 p.m. and the office was still alive with chatter, the clicking of keyboards, and all round productivity. Everyone was pulling longer hours in preparation for Callahan Industries’ next big event – The Callahan Fashion Show for Young Designers. It was the first of its kind, and because of the magnitude of the event, everyone was on the brink of losing what was left of their sanity, myself included. But that had more to do with living with Caleb than planning a fashion event.

I stuck my head into Macy’s office, and found her squinting at her computer screen.

“I’m heading out, can I get you anything before I leave?”

She peered at me from behind her screen, her reading glasses perched on her nose. “I would love a few extra hours in a day, think you can wing that?”

I giggled. “Trust me, if I had the secret to making days longer, I won’t be sharing it.”

Macy
tsk
’ed, but gave me a tired smile. “I think I’m going to call it a night.” She stood from her desk, her round belly bigger at seven months.

“Can I give Andrew a call and ask him to come fetch you?”

“I’ll call him,” she replied, waving me off. “Go get the keys to your new place. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I smiled at my boss, and made my way down to the lobby. I didn’t notice that Jennifer was in the same cart until I got off, and saw her walking ahead of me. Caleb was outside, leaning against his Escalade, and my feet faltered when Jennifer stopped to talk to him. I lingered on the peripheral, just out of earshot, and waited for their conversation to be over before I approached. Jennifer and I weren’t on friendly terms, and I knew that if she found out I’d been living with Caleb, the entire building would know about it come morning. I did
not
need that kind of drama, especially when I was so close to having some kind of normalcy again.

Jennifer said something, and then kissed Caleb on the cheek before walking in the opposite direction. I paid no attention to the pang of envy that took root in my gut, nor did I acknowledge that seeing Jennifer so much as touch Caleb intensified it.

Caleb’s lips thinned as he tried to conceal his grin. Smug bastard caught me glaring at Jennifer, even when I’d tried to be unobtrusive about it.

“You ready?” he asked with a chuckle.

“You really didn’t have to come,” I told him again, wondering if he would ever grow tired of listening to his own commands. Surely he had better things to do on a Thursday night.

Caleb ignored me, and I sighed in resignation when he opened the passenger door for me. I climbed in, and watched him round the hood before jumping into the driver’s side. It was the first time I’d seen him behind the wheel, and if the act of driving could ever be considered sexy, Caleb pulled it off.

“No Alfie?” I asked, expecting to find Caleb’s behemoth of a driver somewhere in the back seat. I’d befriended the dark skinned giant, and had taken to calling him ‘Alfie’ instead of ‘Alfred’. Because Caleb had deemed my ‘pile of scrap metal’ unsafe, and no longer in driving condition, he’d tasked Alfie with getting me to work and back every day, and in that time I’d grown rather fond of him.

Caleb turned onto Park Avenue, and into the early evening traffic. “No, I left him with the babysitter. It’s just you and me.”

I hoped he hadn’t heard me swallow, thankful that the butterflies in my belly weren’t in any way audible either. I’d been living with this man for an entire week, and had managed to keep myself together in his presence, but put me in a vehicle with him
alone
and I had no idea what to do with myself. I shifted, and the leather squeaked against the exposed flesh of my thigh. I was suddenly very aware of the way my dress was creeping up my legs. I turned the air-conditioner on, feeling too warm all over, and purposefully turned my face away from Caleb’s enquiring gaze. He had a habit of doing that, looking at me as if he were trying to get a read on me, and it was only now that I was alone with him in a confined space that I was unable to stop my reaction.

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked, looking between me, and the profusion of taillights in front of us.

“Just tired,” I replied. It was the truth, but also a pretext for how I was really feeling. “The fashion show is keeping everyone busy.”

Caleb remained silent, and I glanced at him, admiring his perfect profile.

“What made you decide on a fashion show?” I asked impulsively. I knew what the show was about, that it started as a statewide competition for young designers between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five, but I wanted to know why Caleb had come up with the concept in the first place.