Playing Hearts (17 page)

I let out a shaking
breath and said: “This is going to take a bit of cleaning up.”

“Oh, Mab!” said Jack,
with a hitch in his breath that just came short of a dry sob. “You have no idea
how glad I am that you didn’t kill me!”

I threw my arms around
him, dizzy with relief, because it hadn’t occurred to me how much it would
matter if Jack was suddenly no longer in my life– cowardice, self-conceit, and
all. It was easier to hug him if I sat in his lap, so I did, my face pressed
into his collar. I heard him say: “As enjoyable as this is, Mab, I have to say
that I feel a little at a disadvantage. If you’re at liberty to embrace me I
would appreciate the same freedom. I’d also like to mention the glass shard
that is at present lodged in my collar.”

I choked on a laugh,
because it was so like Jack. “Sorry,” I said, standing. “I’ll untie you.”

“There’s no need to get
off my lap,” he protested. “I merely wish to have the use of my hands. I’m sure
you could have untied them from there.”

“You told me to kill
you,” I said, circling the chair to inspect the knots that tied his hands.

He craned his head to
follow me and said: “Yes, and don’t expect me ever to do it aga–”

I’m not sure when—or even
if
—I decided to kiss him. Maybe it was just to shut him up. I don’t know.
But I kissed him; and when I let go Jack said in a rather strained kind of
voice: “Mab, I would really appreciate the use of my hands right now.”

“I know,” I said. “That’s
why I did
that
before I untied you.”

“Untie me at once!”

“No,” I said, sitting on
the floor by his chair. “Not until you’re sensible.”

I did untie him at some
stage. It made sense to get out of the Mirror Hall, after all, and the chair
the sharks had tied him to didn’t have wheels. By the time I did untie him,
Jack was looking narrow-eyed and dangerous, and I wasn’t quite sure if I was
relieved or disappointed that he didn’t repay my kiss in kind. He did hold my
hand as we carefully made our way between mirror shards, but since his hands
were still slightly shaking I thought it was likely that he simply needed the
comfort.

When we were outside on
the steps we sat down. It seemed easier than standing to wait for Hatter and
Hare, who would no doubt soon be here; and Sir Blanc, who would be here a lot
more quickly. If Jack was shivering, well, so was I. I didn’t object when he
put his arm around me again, and this time he didn’t check first to make sure I
wouldn’t punch him.

“It’s your fault after all,” said Jack. We
were standing together in the ruins of the Heart Castle, roughly where the Queen’s
curio room had once been but at a considerably lower altitude. We hadn’t been
far apart since Hatter, Hare, and Sir Blanc retrieved us from the shattered
Mirror Hall. Mostly that was because Hatter and Hare had spouted and shouted
and gone slightly more mad than usual, but a small part was also Sir Blanc’s
insistence that I should be sent back to Australia. I didn’t hold it against
him: after all, he was only trying to look after me and Underland both as best
he knew. And as far as he knew, I didn’t belong in Underland– not really. Jack
didn’t share his feelings and stayed as close to me as possible, suspicious
that Sir Blanc would try to send me back when no one was paying attention. Or
maybe he was just afraid I’d go back on my own. Whatever the reason, we spent
most of our time together. What with all the shouting and mess, however, we
hadn’t had much time to actually talk, and when Jack had suggested a trip to
the routed Heart Castle, I agreed with a flattering swiftness.

“I was quite happy being
selfish and rich, actually,” he added, now. “And now look at me! Prince of a
pile of ruins!”

“You’re not prince of
anything,” I told him, grinning. “We abolished the monarchy, remember? You
helped.”

“Yes, and that’s your
fault, too. The effects of a good woman on a man, etc, etc.”

“You can’t expect me to
believe that I’m ‘the woman who changed you’!”

Jack looked distinctly
rueful. “Oh, yes and no, Mab: yes and no!”

I wasn’t inclined to let
him get away with it. “It’s a bit stereotypical, though, isn’t it? You’re
usually more original.”

“I say
no
,” said
Jack evenly; “Because no matter how much I l– no matter
how
fond of you
I am, if it had just been a matter of showing you that I was a better man than
I am, well, I could have put on a reasonably good show. Credit me with a little
intelligence, Mab! I didn’t change to try and please you.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed.
“Prosaic of you, Jack! You’re supposed to admit to all kinds of wrongs and to
go down on bended knee before me!”

“If I thought that would
work, I would have tried it.”

“No you wouldn’t,” I
said, still grinning. “You’d wrinkle your trousers.”

“The
yes
,”
continued Jack, repressively; “No, do shut up, Mab! I’m baring my soul, which
is a lot more important than creasing my trousers! I said
yes
because
you’re the one who made me see myself. At least, I saw myself through your eyes,
and I didn’t particularly like what I saw. Since I’m going to have to live with
myself whether or not you ever marry me, I thought the best thing to do would
be to change.”

“Just like that?”

“Well, not exactly. It
was a lot easier to decide than to
do
, so if I occasionally relapse
you’ll have to forgive me.”

“Oh, I will, will I?”

“Mab, I’m trying to tell
you that I love you!”

The world froze around
me, then kaleidoscoped. “What? Wait,
what
?”

“You can’t have failed to
notice it!” Jack protested. “I’ve been following you around like a stray puppy
since last year!”

I opened and closed my
mouth several times before I said: “I thought you were just being annoying! How
was I supposed to know that you were in love with me?”

“I tried to kiss you
multiple times,” said Jack, becoming firm. “There’s no excuse for you, Mab! I’d
also like to point out that when a man tells you he loves you, you’re supposed
to reply in kind. You’re not supposed to look stunned.
Or
as if you’re
about to run away, for that matter. It’s highly insulting.”

“But I don’t know if I
love you!” I protested. “I’ve never so much as gone out with another man! I’ve
always been around you! If it comes to that, the most I can say about you is
that I got used to you.”

“May I remind you that
you
kissed
me
, Mab? Twice, if my memory serves me correctly.”

“That’s true,” I said
fairly. It was also true that when I’d kissed him it had been with the single,
searing thought in my head that I didn’t think I could have borne it if he
had
died that day. It occurred to me that I might be a little fonder of Jack
than I knew. “And I do like your nose.”

Jack blinked. “You
like...my
nose
?”

“It’s so aristocratic!” I
explained. “All right, all right; maybe I’m fond of you.
Maybe.
”

“I can work with that,”
said Jack. “You won’t expect me to dress like Hatter, will you? I really can’t
be expected to wear motley.”

“I suppose I can put up
with the pointy shoes,” I said. “And now that you’re not wearing red you look
rather nice.”

“Well, I suppose that’s
something,” said Jack. “I ask because I’ll be twenty-five in a month or two,
and I’m afraid that I haven’t quite impressed upon you the extent of our blood
bond.”

I fixed him with a glare.
“What exactly does that mean?”

“I might have
under-represented the influence it has while we’re both in Underland.”

“Jack!”

“There’s nothing at all
to worry about,” said Jack irrepressibly. “Just make sure that you’re good and
in love with me by then, and it won’t matter. But if you notice, by and by,
that you find me irresistible, don’t blame me!”

“And by irresistible you
mean–”

“Exactly,” nodded Jack.
“Physically bound to me until we tie the knot. I’m sure it won’t be as
inconvenient as it sounds.”

“What if I’m not– not
fond
enough of you by then?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” said
Jack, gazing down at me with such an expression in his eyes that I couldn’t
look away; “I fully intend to make sure that by then you’re as much in love
with me as I am with you.”

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