Outsider (23 page)

things, and paid for them with the money in our joint account. I didn't know

until the bank rang and said they couldn't put through my cheque for the

electricity bill because there weren't any funds, and we'd already exceeded

our agreed overdraft. I—I didn't even know we had one. When Tony came

home, I tackled him, and we had a terrible row. He said if I was short of

money, I should ask my father. I—told him to go. He was on his way to Jan

when he was killed.'

'No wonder you reacted as you did when Grantham started pushing us

together,' he remarked. 'You must have thought I was tarred with the same

brush—that I looked on you as an extra asset to be acquired with my share of

the stables.' He shook his head. 'God forgive me, I didn't realise your

self-esteem was so low!' His voice roughened. 'Do you never look at

yourself, my lady, my love? Don't you know how beautiful you are, how

utterly desirable?'

She stared at the table. 'But I'm not your type.'

He said gently, 'Natalie, from the moment I saw you, I was lost. It had never

happened to me before—that genuine
coup de foudre.
I couldn't believe you

didn't feel it too. When you were so hostile, it was like a slap in the face. And

yet when we were in the tack room, and I kissed you, 1 was almost

overwhelmed by what I felt for you. I thought—I could take her now, and

she wouldn't stop me.' He laid a hand over hers. 'That's true, isn't it?'

Natalie said wonderingly, 'Yes—oh yes!' She gave him a wavering smile.

'But I was disgusted with myself. I'd never felt anything for Tony, and I

thought I loved him. You, I disliked.'

'So I gathered,' he said drily. 'I went back to Harrogate, trying to figure out

whether you were an angel or just a plain hellcat. When I couldn't reach a

decision, I tried to get you out of my system in the most practical manner I

could devise.'

'Your Page Three girl,' said Natalie with a little sigh.

'I could have strangled Andrew for spilling the beans about her,' he said

grimly. 'I was very unfair to poor Lynn. She was quite shrewd enough to

realise she didn't have my—undivided attention, and be hurt by it. And you

continued to play havoc with my love life. Whenever I took another girl out,

I started fantasising about you.'

He shook his head. 'And when I came up here, it all got worse. Sharing an

office with you, and having you treat me like a leper, was sheer torture.

Every time you pushed your hair out of your eyes, or crossed your legs, I

broke out in a cold sweat. But by then I'd realised it was more than physical.

I wanted all of you, heart, soul and mind. And I wanted to be everything in

the world to you as well. It killed me to know that you'd belonged to

Drummond first.'

She said, 'I never did—not in the way you think.'

'I know that now. And that first time in bed with you, I wondered. Because

there were moments when you seemed so—surprised—so bewildered by

pleasure that I might have been the only man you'd ever known.' He sighed.

'I honestly never meant to seduce you that night, Natalie. I had a plan of

campaign all mapped out without one reference to bed in it. My only chance

of getting you to care for me seemed to be—making you see me as a human

being instead of a lust-crazed zombie.

'An old-fashioned courtship was what I had in mind. I thought, "She wants

to be more involved in the training side. Well, I can arrange that, and maybe

she'll be grateful to me. That would be a start." That day at the races was

meant to be a cautious step in the right direction.' He grimaced. 'But I didn't

bargain for finding you so—sweet and willing in my arms. It was like being

handed paradise, gift-wrapped, and I couldn't resist it.'

He paused. 'When you were asleep, I lay looking at you, and telling myself

that you had to be in love with me— that you couldn't have given yourself

like that if you hadn't cared for me. So 1 decided to condense the courtship

into twenty-four hours, and ask you to marry me over breakfast. Only, in the

event, there was no breakfast.' He groaned. 'God, I thought I'd blown it

completely, lost you for ever, and I only had myself to blame. I didn't know

it was possible to suffer so much. And the worst of it was I had to endure

weeks of you behaving as if the most wonderful night of my life had been

some bloody social misdemeanour, never to be referred to again.'

'I was in shock,' she admitted. '1 had—literally—never behaved like that in

my life. Through you, I'd discovered a whole new side to my personality

which until then I'd denied existed. I was too shaken to be grateful.' She was

silent for a moment. 'Did it never occur to you that you might have made me

pregnant?'

'It did indeed,' he said. 'But as it was practically the only accusation you

didn't hurl at me that morning, I decided that you must be on the Pill, or

something. I didn't really suspect until the morning you were ill. And then

when I went through the post...' His mouth tightened. 'I thought, "She'll

marry me now, if I have to kidnap her first." I considered waiting a few days

to see if you turned to me of your own accord, but I knew in my heart that

you wouldn't, so I took the initiative.'

'I hated you for that,' Natalie said in a low voice.

Eliot cupped her face tenderly in his hands. 'I didn't like myself very much.

But I wanted you at any price, so I couldn't complain.

'The run-up to the wedding was murder. You obviously couldn't bear to be

alone with me, which didn't augur well for the honeymoon, even if it was

going to be the fairly platonic affair I'd planned. I was going to treat you very

gently—just persuade you to trust me enough to share a bed with me,

nothing more. I thought if you got used to sleeping with me, eventually you

might want more.'

'Then—why did you turn away from me that second night?'

'Because you were scared witless,' he said bluntly. 'I touched you, and you

started shaking like a leaf. I thought, "I'm supposed to love her, and I'm

doing this to her!'"

Natalie said, 'I wasn't frightened of you, Eliot. Only of myself. I suppose

even then I knew that I loved you, but I wouldn't admit it. I was terrified of

failing again— of failing you.' She swallowed. 'If I'm honest, I'm still

frightened.'

Eliot said, 'My sweet love, you can't fail. You're the other half of me, don't

you know that?' He walked round the table and lifted her to her feet, smiling

into her eyes. He whispered, 'Come with me, now.'

In the bedroom, he removed her clothes slowly and tenderly, pausing, as he

laid each garment aside, to kiss her and caress her body. When she was

naked, he held her away from him and looked at her for a long moment, his

eyes so warm and loving that she felt the last traces of shyness and

uncertainty dissolve away.

He said softly, 'With my body I thee worship.'

He was gentle with her at first, showing deliberate restraint, until she

showed him with her hands and her mouth that she was no longer

afraid—that her need, her craving for him was as intense as his for her.

She moaned with joy as her body opened for him, closed round him. Locked

together, lips drinking fromeach other, arms and legs entwined, they

rediscovered together the rhythms of love which belonged to them alone,

remembered how to draw out their mutual pleasure almost to the edge of

pain.

He'd called her his other half, but now both halves were melded together to

become exquisitely, shatteringly one.

A thousand sensations, each one more intense than the last, were blooming,

coming to flower inside her. Natalie was burning, melting, consumed in a

white heat of delight. And just before existence ceased to exist altogether,

she called out his name, and heard him answer her.

Slackened, totally pliant, she lay in his arms, her mouth touching the curve

of his shoulder, while her index finger drew little dreamy patterns on his

chest. She said, 'How did I ever think I could live without you?'

'You didn't—not seriously,' said Eliot, eyes closed. 'You just took longer to

realise it than I'd hoped,' He paused. 'Of course, dear Oriel's intervention

didn't help.'

'When I saw you kissing her, I wanted to die.' She added fiercely, 'I wanted

her to die!'

'Actually,' he said, 'she was kissing me, and if you'd stayed a second longer,

you'd have seen me step away from her.'

'But you accepted her invitation to dinner,' she protested.

'For us both,' he reminded her quietly. 'I couldn't believe it when you refused

to go with me. It was as if you were pushing me into her arms.'

'But you went just the same.' Natalie's mouth twisted in remembered pain.

'Darling.' Eliot rolled over, kissing her deeply and passionately. 'Of course I

had to go. She was an owner, and I reckoned she was entitled to that

courtesy, but that was all. During the evening she let it be known that she

wanted me to take up again where her last lover had left off, and I declined

politely. She said she was sure I'd change my mind, and if I didn't she'd take

her horses away. I said she must do as she pleased. It was a pretty short

meal.'

'Sharon said that was why she'd done it,' said Natalie thoughtfully.

'My God!' Eliot stared at her half appalled, half amused. 'I'm beginning to be

glad she left. I don't think I care to have my—sexual proclivities discussed in

the yard—especially by my wife.'

She made a penitent face, running her hand slowly down his body, lingering.

'In future I'll discuss them only with you, darling.'

He gasped. 'When can the next round of talks begin?'

'As soon as you like.' She arched delicately against him, then gasped in turn.

'Heavens, as soon as that?'

This time it was a warm and leisurely coming together, like being rocked on

some tideless sea in each other's arms.

'How can it be so different, and yet so wonderful?' Natalie marvelled

drowsily, as the world steadied to its normal pace.

'Because I'm a genius, and not just with horses,' Eliot . returned promptly,

snuggling her into his arms and resting his chin on her chair.

'The conceit of you!' she laughed. 'Just be glad your ribs are bruised already!'

'I am—very glad,' he said. 'One minute I was being trodden into the ground,

the next, I was lying in your arms. I began to think—maybe there's hope.

Perhaps she does care for me a little.

'More than a little.' She held him tightly. 'Oh, Eliot, if I'd lost you...'

'Hush, darling.' His lips brushed her hair. 'You didn't lose me. Instead we

found each other at last.'

'Yes.' She was silent for a moment. Then, 'Did you mean what you said

about letting me help with the training?'

'Yes,' he said. 'But not while you're pregnant. It wouldn't be fair to

Grantham.'

She turned to look up at him. 'Is there something I don't know?'

Eliot said gently, 'It was your mother, darling. She loved to be round the

horses, even though your father had begged her to be careful. There was an

accident one day, and she was badly kicked. That's why she lost the baby,

and eventually died. It explains why Grantham's always been so

over-protective with you. He's always been terrified that history might

repeat itself. He kept saying to me, "She's all I've got".'

'Oh!' Her voice was distressed. 'Poor Daddy! Why did he never tell me?'

'I think he still finds it too painful—blames himself in some way for what

happened. He never intended telling me—it slipped out by chance during the

row we were having over his insistence on hiring a new, secretary. I said it

would break your heart to have to give up work so soon, and he got

agitated—and out came the truth.' He kissed her lightly. 'But we'll talk him

round between us. Anyway, I have a feeling he's seriously considering

permanent retirement, at Beattie's request. And then, of course, I'll be the

one who needs a partner. A working partner, of course,' he went on almost

idly, as his hand sought her breast, tantalising its hardening peak. 'I seem to

be reasonably well catered for in other—er—respects.

Did you say something, my beloved?' he added solicitously, as Natalie

choked.

'No.' Her voice quivered with love and amusement. 'But I expect I'll think of

a few things—over the next fifty years or so.'

Eliot wrapped her even closer in his arms. 'You've been reading my plan of

campaign,' he murmured contentedly, and kissed her again.