Music of the Heart (38 page)

in waves. I reapplied a light coating of makeup, and when I finished, I rolled some shimmering

colored lip gloss across my lips.

I slid my robe over my shoulders and stepped into my boots. Cracking open the door, I poked my

head out and surveyed the scene. Susan’s door was shut tight, so I tip-toed down the hallway and then

closed the front door quietly behind me. The full moon overhead lit my way across the yard to the

barn.

Although Jake had six horses, they weren’t housed in the barn. Instead, they were down the hill in

the stables. The ‘barn’ was more of a finished house or his bachelor pad, so to speak, where he had

work-out equipment, a living area to relax in, and then the loft upstairs to sleep.

With gangsta rap blaring out of the stereo speakers, Jake didn’t even hear the door close. Over and

over, he pummeled the punching bag as sweat dripped off his head and onto his shoulders.

“Jake,” I shouted.

The sound of my voice caused him to still instantly. His arms reached out to steady the swaying

bag before he turned around. “What are you doing out here?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“About what?”

I crossed the gap between us. I was sure he could hear the knocking of my knees as I feared my

wobbly legs wouldn’t hold me up. Without taking my eyes off of his, my trembling fingers went to the

sash of my robe. I untied it and then slowly slid it off. When it dropped to the floor, it felt like the

sound was so deafening that it echoed around us.

Jake’s blue eyes widened as his gaze trailed over the negligee. He licked his lips several times

and swayed on his feet before he finally spoke. “Angel, what are you doing?”

“Seducing you.”

The corners of his lips twitched, and I could tell he was fighting not to laugh. “You came out here

in some racy get-up to seduce me?”

“I-I want to be with you. I want you to make love to me.”

Jake’s eyebrows shot up before he quickly shook his head. “I told you no earlier, and I still mean

it.”

My mouth gaped open in surprise. “That’s your response to
this
?” I motioned to my jacked-up

cleavage.

His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times as he swallowed hard. “Yeah, it is.”

He then bent over and snatched my robe up off the floor. “Now put this back on and go to bed.”

“Jake, I’m not in pain anymore. I’m healed, and I can do this—I
want
to do this.”

“No.”

Tears stung my eyes, and I bit down on my lip. “You seriously don’t want me?”

With a grunt, Jake replied, “Oh my dick wants you more than anything in the world right now. But

for once, I’m going to think with the head on my shoulders, rather than the one below my waist.” Jake

gripped the edges of my robe so hard his knuckles turned white. “Trust me, Angel, I’m the last man on

earth you should want to give yourself to.”

“But I do want to be with you. I bought this a month ago when Lily convinced me to wear a white

dress. I realized that day I wanted to be prepared because I knew sometime soon I would want to

make love to you.”

My statement caused an agonized groan from Jake, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he paced

anxiously around the room. Finally, he whirled around and threw up his hands in defeat. “After

everything that happened with Bree and your recovery, I’ve been doing some thinking—hell you

could even call it soul searching.”

“So have I, and I—”

His blue eyes blazed with fury. “Don’t you get it, Angel? You deserve a hell of a lot better than

me, both in and out of the bedroom.”

“Not that bullshit again. I’m so sick of hearing how you think you aren’t worthy,” I protested.

“It’s the truth, dammit! You’re this beautiful, pure spirit, and I’m corrupted and tainted from my

past. I won’t put that on you.”

Taking a tentative step forward, I took his hand in mind. I brought it to my lips and kissed along his

knuckles. “You’re not able to see yourself like I do. You’re deserving of my love, and I want to give

it to you in all ways.”

His expression darkened. “But I haven’t made love since I was eighteen years old—if I even did it

then. I only know how to fuck girls, and there’s no way in hell I’ll fuck you!”

Frustration and anger swirled within me. I swept a hand to my hip. “So just because you have a

past and I don’t that means we can’t have sex?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Well, that’s not fair.”

Jake tossed the robe at me. “Life’s not fair, babe. Get used to it.”

I threw the robe back at him, smacking him in the face with it. “No, I won’t. I’m not taking no for

an answer!”

He smirked at me. “And just what do you plan to do? Rape me?”

“No, I intend on making love with you.” Stepping forward, I slid my arms around his neck and then

pressed my body flush against his. Jake instantly tensed. Before he could push me away, I said, “Even

though you don’t believe it, I know you, Jake. I understand that feeling and expressing emotions off the

stage is hard for you—I’ve seen you screw-up way too many times, remember? More than anything I

understand that now with everything that is going on with your mom and what happened with me, that

you’re gun-shy, scared, and unsure of what you’re experiencing and feeling.”

I rubbed the back of my hand across his cheek. “But I want you to listen to me. I love you, Jake.

I’ve never loved another guy in my entire life. I’ve given myself over to you emotionally, and I’m

more than ready to do that with my body as well. So I don’t care whether I make love with you, have

sex, or even fuck.”

His eyes widened as big as saucers at my using the F word. I smiled reassuringly at him. “I just

want to be with you.” I pulled his head down to where our foreheads touched. “Not only have you

told me over and over again that you loved me, but you’ve managed to
show
me just how much you

love me too. I don’t care if you’ve been with a thousand other women—that was the past. We’re the

present and the future—right here and right now.”

Jake made a pained noise in the back of his throat. “Can’t you see I’m fucking drowning in all this

guilt?” He smacked his hand against his bare chest. “It’s because of me that you were almost killed. I

don’t want anything else on my conscience, so I won’t ruin you by taking your virginity.”

I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. “Would you stop talking like I’m some fragile flower or

something? I may be fifty percent angel, but I’m fifty percent hellcat too.” I curled my fingers into his

sweat slickened strands of hair. “I’ll be your holy water—I’ll purify you and wash away the past. Just

don’t deny me this.”

“Angel, I don’t ever want to deny you anything. I’d give you the world if I could. It kills me inside

to have to tell you no.” He wrapped his arms tight around me. “It’s just I’m so afraid that my love can

never be good enough for you.”

“Don’t ever think that, Jake. It’s all I need—all I want.” I gazed up at him. “Besides, you may be

with me and decide I’m not enough for you.”

He shook his head. “I fucking doubt that.”

“But I don’t know what to do…to you know, please you.”

Jake grinned down at me. “Please me?”

I felt my cheeks warming. “Get you off?”

His thumb rubbed across my cheekbone. “Babe, I doubt you’ll have any problems getting me off.

You did just fine last time.”

“But you were helping me. I just want to be everything you could ever need and more both in and

out of the bedroom.”

Jake then brought his lips to mine and silenced any remaining doubts. His tongue slid against my

lips, and I opened my mouth, inviting him in. I wanted to taste every inch of him tonight. Our kisses

deepened as our tongues danced and fought against each other.

With our mouths and arms entangled, I used my hips to nudge Jake toward the loft steps. I wasn’t

going to give him another chance to talk me or himself out of this. When his butt knocked against the

stairs, his lips pulled away from mine. His signature cocky smirk spread across his lips. “Ladies

first.”

I giggled. “Why do I think this is less about you being chivalrous and more about getting to see my

ass in this thong?”

He banged his head back against the railing. “Christ almighty, that sexy-as-hell-get-up has a thong

too?”

“Mmm hmm.”

A sexy grin stretched across his face. “You’re killing me.” He then stepped aside for me to start up

the stairs. With every step I took, I could feel his eyes scorching into my bare skin. It caused heat and

moisture to grow between my thighs.

When we reached the landing of the loft, I started to wrap my arms around Jake, but he stopped me.

“Wait, Angel, I’m all sweaty from working out, and I stink.”

I leaned in to inhale his bare chest. “You smell good to me.”

Jake chuckled as he pushed out of my arms. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right and when I’m

not stinky.”

“If you say so,” I replied.

Tugging my hand, he pulled me to the bathroom. Just like everything in the barn, it was breathtaking

with its marble tile and granite countertops. Jake turned on the shower knob, and a steady stream of

water came jetting out. With his hands on the waistband of his shorts, his lips curved in a smirk. “Did

you plan on joining me or just watching?”

“Um…” Did I want to shower with him? That threw me for a loop since that usually came after

sex, right? Ugh, this was all happening wrong and not like I pictured it. And I sure as hell didn’t think

it would be romantic to watch him shower. The sight of Jake lathering up while I stared at him

sounded like something out of a bad porno. “Uh, I can just wait in the bed.” I then started inching back

from the shower.

He was sliding his shorts down when I quickly turned to go. I didn’t make it far before he grabbed

my arm and spun me into him. I squealed as the water drenched my hair and soaked my lingerie.

“Don’t go, Angel. I want you to stay.”

At the desire and love that burned in his eyes, I found it hard to breathe. When I could finally

speak, I replied, “Then I’ll stay.”

Jake glanced down at my wet nightie that was now molded to my body like a second skin. “You

really bought this for me?”

“Yes,” I replied as my arms went around his neck. “Do you like it?”

“Hmm,” he murmured as his hands came up to cup my breasts within the bodice. “It’s beautiful—

you’re beautiful in it.”

I smiled. “I thought you would like it because it was white, and you always say—”

“You’re an angel in white.”

“I’m
your
angel.”

Bending down, he gripped the hem of the nightie and pulled it over my head. Closing my eyes, I

leaned my back against the shower stall as he took in my appearance. When he didn’t reach out for

me, I opened my eyes.

Jake was staring right below my chest. When I glanced down, I gasped. Somehow in my

nervousness and enthusiasm, I had thrown my negligee on over my chest wrap. My hand flew to cover

my eyes. “Oh God, I’m such an idiot! What a way to ruin a moment,” I moaned.

With a chuckle, Jake pulled my hand from my eyes. “I assume it comes off just like the lingerie,

right?”

“Yes.”

He winked at me. “Then stop worrying. I’ll just take it off.” Bringing his fingers to the clip, Jake

then started unwrapping the bandage. I began to twist from side to side to help him get it off quicker.

With a wicked grin, he said, “You know, this makes me think of that scene in the movie
Shakespeare

in Love
where Will unbinds Viola’s breasts.”

I laughed. “The very fact you know that movie is very swoonworthy, Mr. Slater,” I teased.

“Hey, don’t be acting like I’m not a romantic. I was quoting
Romeo and Juliet
the first night we

were together.”

I cocked my brows at him. “Right after I had to prove that you could get it up for a virgin.”

Jake winced. “I was such a douche to you.”

I leaned in and kissed him. “I’ve forgiven you for all your douche moments in the past.”

“Thanks, Angel,” Jake replied with a grin. Once he finished taking off my bandage, Jake’s

expression darkened, and he sucked in a harsh breath. I knew he was surprised by how bruised I still

was. Most of them had faded, but there was still a yellow and green discoloration all around my

ribcage and abdomen.

I cupped his cheek and shook my head. “Please don’t do that. I promise you they don’t hurt.”

Dropping to his knees, Jake began feathering tender kisses along my ribs and across my stomach.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his breath warming my already scorching skin.

I gripped the strands of his hair and gently pulled his head back to look at me. “Stop apologizing

for something you couldn’t help. You’re not the one who did this to me, and I will never, ever blame

you.”

He rested his cheek against my stomach. “I love you, Angel.”

“I love you, too, Jake.”

As his fingers grazed the waist band of my thong, he glanced up at me. I gave a short nod of my

head before he tugged it down my thighs. We were both totally naked together for the first time ever,

and I shivered with anticipation.