Mourning Sun (4 page)

I was definitely losing it. I had no way of separating the Mathias of my dreams from the Mathias who sat behind me in the classes we shared. So what if he was beautiful in a way that simply didn't compare to anyone else. So what if he was soft spoken and articulate. So what if he seemed inordinately interested in me. None of that was sufficient reason for me to be jerking awake in the middle of the night with his voice in my ears.

As much as I wanted there to be a rational explanation for my dreams and for my reaction to Mathias, I had to admit a metaphysical explanation was becoming more reasonable every day. I'd never used words like "fate" or "soulmate" before, but they were there, on the edge of my thoughts when I was with Mathias. Normal wasn't a word often used to describe me or my family, so why should I think my reaction to and feelings for Mathias would be normal? My dreams, which had been a terrifying part of most of my life, were now contradictory. In one moment the boy I dreamed of was as wonderfully beautiful in heart and soul as the boy who waited for me outside my homeroom each morning. In the next moment, Mathias was an evil, life-destroying blood sucking monster. Each I night I was forced to watch Mathias wrench men and women out of the darkness and consume them. It wasn't until I stood and watched the monster weep over the bodies of his victims that the horror would recede and I would be left weeping with him. In these dreams, Mathias didn't see me. He didn't speak to me. I was only an observer. I was beginning to wonder what the difference was between the horror-filled dreams and the ones in which Mathias did see me and speak to me. It was almost as though some of my dreams were his memories, though that was impossible, of course.

During the day the boy who haunted my dreams treated me like a precious possession which must be treasured and protected. He had even taken to running interference between me and the Golden Ones, though I'd begged him not to bother. Despite my protests that his interference would only make things worse, Mathias continued to be somewhat over protective. It was annoying actually. I'd always taken care of myself and the fact that he wouldn't just leave the issue lie, drove me right up a wall. The problem was, it was hard for me to stay angry with him once he'd turned his amazing smile on me. When that happened, I'd forget what I was angry about until he did it again.

I heard Mom coming down the hall and squinted against the light I knew would soon flood my room. She always knew when I had bad dreams, even when I didn't scream. I always wondered what woke her on the nights I had nightmares. I thought it might be some unconscious fear that if she didn't ask me what I'd dreamed, she'd learn of a premonition too late to do anything about it. The door to the hall opened and Mom stood silhouetted in the glare.

"Mairin, honey, what was it tonight?" She asked. She always asked what I dreamed, half hopeful and half afraid of what I'd say.

 

"Nothing, Mom. Just a regular bad dream."

"Are you sure, Maire? You've been having an awful lot of these dreams lately." "I'm sure. They're just dreams mom. So far not one of them has proven to be a premonition." That much was true. During the day I had never seen Mathias stalking barmaids or shepherds so he could drink their blood. I certainly hadn't seen him burst into flames in the sunlight either.

"Kerry tells me you've been spending a lot of time with a new boy at school. Is he the reason for your dreams?"

I didn't know how to answer that. Mathias was very much the reason my dreams were as vivid and frequent as they had been lately, but I refused to believe what I was dreaming. Mathias was not the evil creature who stalked in my dreams.

"Definitely not," I said. "He's just a nice guy who hasn't yet figured out that hanging with me is social suicide at Highland Home High School."

 

"I'm sure that's not true, Mairin."

I hugged Mom. I'd never asked her about Daddy and Stephanie's mother so I didn't know if she knew why the Bartlets had such a deep and abiding hatred of our family. The middle of the night certainly wasn't the time to ask her either.

"Do you want Tawnya to clear the energy in your room tomorrow?"

I shook my head. "You said you needed her at the shop tomorrow. That means she has readings to do. No sense in her wearing herself out at home when there are paying clients. I'll burn some sage when I get home from school."

Mom watched me for a moment from the doorway before nodding. I could tell she wasn't happy with my explanation of the dream or my refusal to let Tawnya clear my room, but she couldn't see any way to make me let her get her way without feeling like the wicked witch mom.

"Well, try to get some sleep, OK? It's only three thirty."

"Sure Mom. Right back to sleep." The door closed behind her and I stared into the sudden darkness. We both knew I wouldn't be sleeping any more that night.

The night terrors had started when I was five. For years, I'd screamed myself awake with no memory of the dream. It got worse later when I could remember the dreams because I realized the dreams were about things that would happen later. The premonitions may not have begun with the dream of my father's car wreck, but that was the first one I remembered. After Daddy's funeral, I stopped sleeping. It took about a week for my mom to realize I wasn't sleeping for more than a few minutes at a time. Not that Mom wasn't paying attention to me, but she was dealing with the death of her best friend and trying to handle two girls on her own in a town where she was a pariah because of her choice of love partners. When she did figure it out, she took me first to a psychologist and then to a psychic. The shrink said I was grieving. The psychic said I was having premonitions. My mom sided with both of them and I went through years of psychoanalysis and equally long years of classes taught by various psychics Mom found through her metaphysical business.

The outcome of all the analysis and learning was that I dreaded sleeping and the Golden Ones had one more thing to scream at me in the halls. Stephanie saw me coming out of my shrink's office once and added "nut job" to her repertoire of insults. Later, when Branden's family hired my mom as a fortune teller at one of their charity parties, "freak" became the Golden Ones' favorite epithet.

I watched the sun rise before I gave up pretending to go back go sleep. The light bleeding slowly into the town before bursting over the horizon forcibly reminded me of my dream. I shuddered and tried to forget the sight of Mathias' beloved face crumbling to dust. I shook myself and got up to get ready for school. I was waiting for Kerry to finish her breakfast when I noticed a pale blue glow around her head and shoulders.

"Quit staring at me, Maire. It's creepy."

"What? Oh, sorry."
"What are you looking at anyway," Kerry asked, brushing off her blouse. "Did I spill something?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. I didn't sleep much last night. My brain must have stopped."

"What did you dream?" Kerry's eyes were wide. I hated seeing that look on my kid sister's face. Ever since she'd found out that I'd dreamed of our dad's accident, she'd hounded me about my dreams almost as much as Mom did.

"Nothing." I laughed at the disbelieving look Kerry shot me. "Really, sis. It wasn't a premonition. I promise." I refused to believe Mathias could be burned to cinders by the sun, so there was no way the dream had been a premonition.

"I still think you should let Tawnya clear your room, honey," Mom said, patting my shoulder as she edged past me to get to the coffee pot.

 

I shook my head. "Maybe tomorrow, Mom. She needs her strength for your clients."

 

Mom huffed and started fixing her coffee. I watched her familiar movements fondly before I realized she had that same blue glow that Kerry had.

 

"Wow, I must be really tired," I said.

 

"Why?" Mom asked, turning worried eyes my way.

 

"You and Kerry have blue halos today." I rubbed my eyes, but the blue glows didn't fade.

 

"Blue halos?"

 

I nodded. "I'm sure it's just sleep deprivation. I don't have a headache or anything."

Mom stared at me without saying anything. She shook her head before she turned to finish fixing her coffee. She stopped to kiss Tawnya's cheek when the other woman found her way to the kitchen.
"Now that's weird," I said. "Tawnya's halo is gold."

Tawnya's head snapped around. "What halo?"

 

"I didn't sleep last night. I'm foggy this morning and apparently my brain wants pretty colors. Mom and Kerry are blue and you're gold, Tawnya."

 

Mom felt my forehead. "You're not warm," she said. "Are you sure you don't want to stay home today?"

"Positive." Staying home would mean a day without Mathias. Much as I hated to admit it, seeing him was the one bright spot on an otherwise dark and dreary social calendar.

"If you change your mind, I don't want you driving home. Call me and I'll come get you."

 

"I promise, Mom," I poked Kerry. "Come on, sis. Time to get going."

 

Kerry pounded up the stairs, leaving me with Mom and Tawnya.

 

"Maire, I'm worried," Mom started. "First all the nightmares and now you're seeing colors around us."

 

"I'm fine, mom. You know I get a little wonky when I don't sleep."

Tawnya hugged Mom and then me. "Loraine, if something was wrong, Mairin would say so," she looked at me, something hard glinting in her eyes. "Right, Mairin?"

"Right," I said. "The halos are probably nothing. I'm sure they'll be gone by the time I get home."

 

"OK I know when I'm outnumbered," Mom said, leaning back into Tawnya's arms. "Just be careful driving, OK?"

I hugged her. "Always." I pulled the Nova into a space and shut the engine down quickly. We were early, so there weren't as many people in the parking lot as there usually were when I arrived at the school. It was painfully easy to find Mathias' car in the open lot.

"That guy is waving at you again, Maire," Kerry said. "You've been spending a lot of time with him, haven't you."

 

Something in her tone made me look more closely at my sister. "His name is Mathias, Sis," I said. "You don't like him, do you?"

 

Kerry shook her head. "I don't know what it is about him, but I don't. Sorry, Maire."

I watched Kerry mulling over whatever else she thought she wanted to say. I wanted to hug her, tell her I was fine, that nothing was going on, but I just couldn't. Not when I couldn't be sure the words were true. Mathias hadn't done anything remotely ungentlemanly toward me, but sometimes I caught him watching me with such intensity that I wondered what plans he had but hadn't shared with me.

"Just be careful, OK Maire?" she said. "You might be my big sister, but if I have to, I'll defend your honor."

 

I laughed. "Well, I don't know how I feel about that," I said. "I kind of think it's supposed to be the other way around."

 

"I love you, Maire."

 

"Love you too, Kerr."

I turned to push the Nova's door open, only to find Mathias had beat me to it. He stood back, swept down in a courtly bow. All I could do was stare at the top of his head until Kerry shoved me. Whether she liked Mathias or not, my sister wasn't going to pass up a chance to needle me for being a goofball.

"Good morning, Mairin," he said. He held out his hand and I took it. Touching Mathias was like touching a live electric fence. My nerves jumped and sang in chorus with my thundering heart. It was a strangely pleasant feeling. "Good morning," I mumbled.

I stood stupidly next to my car, staring at the gloriously beautiful features of this amazing boy. His high cheekbones, dark eyes and dark hair blended into a face I knew would be imprinted on my brain for eternity. The pale gold glow I could now see only made him more painfully gorgeous. I began to feel just a little self conscious standing next to him.

I knew I wasn't a looker. My mousy brown hair and green eyes were pretty enough, but I was nowhere near as stunning as some of the other girls at Highland Home High. Even Cecelia's blond, blue-eyed good looks were something I was used to being eclipsed by. Standing with Mathias made me feel down right hideous sometimes. The only thing which made me feel better about being surrounded by his stunning beauty was how Mathias looked at me. When I saw myself reflected in his black eyes, I was just as stunning as he was. Mathias looked at me as though he'd never before seen a woman. He watched me as if I were his sun.

"May I walk you to class, today?" he asked.

"Um, sure," I said. "Are you sure you want to, though? You could probably still salvage some kind of social status with the Golden Ones if you don't hang out with me."

Mathias' laugh was like someone had made rough, watered silk into a sound. "I think my social standing is in no jeopardy. I rather prefer your company to the-what did you call them?"

"The Golden Ones."

 

"Yes, them."

 

I looked at this glorious boy and my tongue slipped ahead of my brain. Mathias always had that effect on me. "Why?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

Mathias brushed the back of his hand against my cheek. "I thought I explained myself previously Mairin. I like you."
"Who are you?" I asked, resisting the urge to lean into his hand where it still caressed my face.

"I am a planet orbiting my sun," He whispered, forcing me to step closer to hear him. "I am only Mathias."

He took my hand, holding it when the electrical current made me pull back. "Shall we go to your classroom?" he asked. "I promise to answer any questions you ask if you'll allow me to accompany you today."

My curiosity got the better of me and I let him walk me to my homeroom. Cecelia saw us coming and ducked into the classroom so I couldn't use her as an excuse to get away from Mathias. I'd have to have a talk with her about that later. Friends weren't supposed to desert each other just because beautiful boys came into the picture. I suppose she could say the same to me, but Cecelia seemed glad I was spending time with Mathias.

"I don't believe you have no questions for me, Mairin," he said, leaning against the wall. "I can see them whistling around behind those beautiful green eyes of yours."

I felt the blood rush to my face. Great, just great. I knew I looked like a boiled tomato when I blushed. The blood in my cheeks did horrible things to my pale complexion. Mathias watched me carefully before placing his palm against my cheek. His palm felt wonderfully cool against my heated skin and I sighed.