Marie Sexton - Coda 05 - Paris A to Z (12 page)

“Come on, Zach! Are you kiddin me? Think about how long some of those buildings have been around. Longer than anything in America. Think about where were standin right now. This tower was built more than a hundred years ago. Think about how many other people have stood here. Parents and kids, and other couples who were in love.” He took my hand and looked up at me, excitement shining in his eyes. “Doesnt it make you feel like youre part of somethin? Somethin big and magical that stretches all the way back through time? Like youre part of history?”
“It makes me feel like just another tourist.”
It was the truth, but I regretted saying it immediately because it made his smile a little less brilliant. He shook his head at me. “You have no sense of romanticism.”
After nearly an hour at the top, we went back down and stood in the Champ-de-Mars to see the tower fully illuminated. It was kind of pretty. But in my mind, even the Eiffel Tower couldnt compare to the beauty and awe on Angelos face when he saw it.

C
OLE
arrived at our room early the next morning to take Angelo to Sainte-Chapelle, after which they planned to tour several of the smaller art museums (smaller meaning only that they werent the Louvre). I was invited, too, of course, but I chose to sleep late instead.

I arrived downstairs to find George just sitting down in the dining room. “Zach!” he said, waving me over. “Join me. Dont make me eat alone.”

Although I had initially been nervous about seeing George again, Id discovered the previous day how easy he was to get along with, and I was happy to have somebody to sit with.

“I didnt realize you and Jon stayed in touch all these years,” he said, after wed ordered.
“We didnt,” I said. “But two years ago, Angelo and I were in Vegas with Matt and Jared, and we ran into him there. Thats when Jared met him and gave him Coles number.” Or maybe he gave Cole Jons number. It didnt matter.

George thought for a second, his eyes shifting away from me as he thought back, and then a slow smile spread across his face. “I remember that trip,” he said. “Who punched him?”
“Angelo.”
He nodded, chuckling a little. “I should have known.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Im betting Jon tried to win you back.”
That didnt seem to require an answer. I had no desire to talk about that trip with him. Instead I said, “Are you pleased theyre getting married?”
“Extremely. Im happy for Jon.”
“You like Cole?”
“Im glad Jon found him,” he said. “Dont get me wrong—that boys a fruitcake—but Im actually pretty fond of him.” He grinned at me. “Dont you dare tell him I said that though. Ill deny it.”
“I wont,” I said, laughing. “Your secrets safe with me.”
“The thing is, Zach, hes good for Jonny. And he makes him happy.” And I thought it was funny that George apparently called him Jonny now too. “If hes happy, Im happy.” He glanced at me warily. “Im sorry I couldnt think like that when it was you.”
I shrugged, trying to ignore that weight in my chest, trying not to think about the fact that if his father had been more accepting all those years ago, Jon might not have felt the need to prove himself. He might not have felt the need to push me to do more with my life, and we might have gone on being happy together forever. “It doesnt matter now,” I said to myself as much as to George. Luckily, our food came then, which saved me from having to say more.
“You know, Zach, Jon had a couple of serious relationships between you and Cole.”
What the hell was I supposed to say to that? “I didnt know that,” I said, although I certainly would have assumed so. It had been ten years, after all.
“None of them ever lived up to you.”

That
I definitely didnt expect.
“How could they not measure up?” I asked. “
I
wasnt good enough. Thats why he left
me
.”
“Thats just it, Zach. You werent good enough, and yet, you were the standard he held every other man up to. And they all came up short.”
“It doesnt make any sense,” I said.
“It does, when you think about it. Until Cole, his relationships always ended for the same reason: because he didnt really want them for who they
were
. He wanted them for who he thought they
could
be.” I didnt know about the others of course, but for myself, it fit.
“What about Cole?” I asked.
“Cole was different. Cole was so flighty, and Jon didnt take him seriously at all. He didnt look at what they had as a real relationship. But Cole snuck up on him, and when things started to get serious, Jon did what he always does and started expecting Cole to change. And Cole told him quite clearly
exactly
where he could stick those expectations, too.”
I couldnt help but laugh. “I can imagine.”
“For the first time ever, Jon quit worrying about making his
partner
a better man, and started looking at himself. And he realized then that the best way to make himself happy was to make
Cole
happy first. Thats why Coles so good for him,” he said. He looked over at me with a question in his eyes. “I think maybe thats why your Angelos good for you.”
I was surprised at how much he seemed to know already. “I think youre right,” I said.
“I told Jonny that, too, but he didnt understand,” he said. “He never is as impressed by my brilliance as he should be.” He looked up, past me to the door and smiled. “Speak of the devil.”
“Talking about me, Dad?” Jon asked as he sat down. His tone was half-joking, but his eyes on George were serious.
“We were, but well stop now that youre here,” George said, without a hint of embarrassment. “Whats everybody doing today?”
“Cole and Angelo already left,” I said.
“So did Matt and Jared,” Jon said.
“Really?” I was surprised and a bit dismayed. Served me right for sleeping so late.
“Matt and I went running early this morning, and he said they were doing one of the day trips to Versailles.”
“Oh.” I hoped my discomfort over being left alone with Jon for the day wasnt too obvious. “What are you doing, George?”
“I dont know yet,” he said, “but Im here for three weeks, so dont worry about me. I might just spend the day catching up on my sleep.”
I contemplated my options: trying to find my own way around Paris, sitting alone in my room all day, or spending it with Jon. Maybe I could sit in the bar and get unbelievably drunk. But as it turned out, the choice had been made for me.
“Zach, I booked us on a vineyard tour,” Jon said, and I wondered if the feeling in my chest was joy or fear. “I know it was a bit presumptuous, but you were sleeping, and there wasnt much time. Its a private tour of three Provence vineyards. It leaves in about an hour, and well be back just before dinner.”
My breakfast was suddenly not sitting so well in my stomach, but I did my level best to smile. “That sounds great.” At least Id have a perfectly good excuse to get drunk.

T
HE
tour with Jon was simultaneously better and worse than Id expected. Jon and I had always been able to talk easily, and once I managed to

relax a bit, conversation flowed smoothly. He asked about my family and about Coda. He talked about his moms death and the way his relationship with George had grown.

By the time we were halfway through the first vineyard, I felt like we were almost back to normal. Whatever “normal” meant. It was surprisingly easy to fall back into old routines, and yet there were subtle changes that emphasized how different things were. He still opened every door for me, but I never felt his hand on the small of my back as he