Loving Lydia (Atlantic Divide) (6 page)

“It’s really pretty too, isn’t it, Mummy?”

Staring in disbelief, Sam’s entire body stilled. Believing Lydia would brush the subject off like she had earlier, he waited. He heard her heartfelt sigh as she stared at her plate, licked her lips, and opened her mouth.

“Well…”

“You gotta be shitting me!” Bill declared in amazement.

“Bill!”

“Language!”

“Not in front of the children!”

“I gotta see this…” Sam murmured, not taking his eyes off Lydia. He stepped toward her, his hands reaching out with every intention of lifting her T-shirt up to take a peek. Lydia jumped up, swiftly stepped back from the table, and almost overturned her chair. The panic in her eyes stopped him dead.

“Don’t you dare come near me, Sam. I mean it. You’re never going to see this.”

He had other thoughts about that, but in the face of her fear, he considered here and now may not be right. There was always another day. He twitched his eyebrows at her, unable to stop the grin from spreading wide across his face. Who would have thought Little Miss Prim and Proper had a big ass tattoo?

Looking around the kitchen, Sam realized the children had already occupied themselves with pens and paper. Jack was frantically preoccupied with fixing himself another coffee, his back to the room and his shoulders shaking, while Bill stood with hands on hips and scrutinized Lydia with narrowed eyes as though she could see straight through Lydia’s T-shirt to that tattoo.

“Well,” Lydia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling desperately at Rosie and Aaron, “should we go and play in the yard?”

“I got to go.” He stepped back, gave a lazy grin, and sauntered out of the kitchen.

Chapter 4

She could only hope that they would all forget about Rosie’s little revelation with time. Some hope. Bill had been absolutely fascinated, and Sam had stared at her for what seemed like forever. She didn’t want to look back at him because she was pretty sure she would see the look of distaste on his face at what she’d done to her body.

When he’d made a move toward her, her heart had almost leaped out of her chest, but he’d walked away so easily when she’d stopped him from coming closer. He’d seemed calm about it, but she was sure it was just an act. He’d probably been revolted.

She wasn’t ashamed. She’d had the tattoo because she loved the idea of it. She’d just turned sixteen when she had designed it herself. She’d been so good at art back then, but it was something she’d never pursued. She’d never had time. She loved her tattoo then and loved it still. She knew that it was a part of her life she would never regret.

It had taken seven weeks to finish, and it was a work of art, but she knew how judgmental people could be. She’d been a wild child back then, but she’d never been a slut. So many people thought that if you had a tattoo, you must be a loose woman.

She’d run away from home when she was almost seventeen so she could marry Greg. Her first and only lover. He’d claimed to love her tattoo in the beginning. Then his attitude had changed, and he started to tell her it made her a slut. He’d accused her of being unfaithful. Ironically, her mother had told her she would live to regret it. Not the tattoo, but the relationship. He’d been ten years older than her, and the only good thing to come from him was her children.

Yesterday, Jack had made himself busy, grinning like a lunatic and then high-tailing it out of there with Bill in tow and the excuse that they needed to get to work. They probably did, but it seemed that Jack dragged Bill away before she could say anything further. Her sister had merely gazed at her with a pensive smile on her face. Since she’d become pregnant, Kate had the irritating habit of looking like the Madonna, cool, calm, and collected.

Lydia had occupied herself with the children for the rest of the morning. When she’d taken them down to the stables for their riding lesson, Sam had been missing and Carl had seen to the twins. He never mentioned where Sam was. Lydia was too proud to ask.

She’d been strangely disappointed and then confused by her disappointment. She’d convinced herself she didn’t ever want a man in her life again. So, why did she respond to him like this? How come she felt so attracted to him? When he came in the room, she felt her heart lighten; when he spoke to the children, she felt a strange softening inside.

Hurt when he didn’t turn up for breakfast the next morning, she had to assume it was because of her. He did, after all, have his own house on the far side of the ranch and his own life that she knew nothing about. They normally only saw him at breakfast, after he’d already put in a few hours of work, and then afterward when the children had their riding lesson.

More often than not, he ate with the ranch hands in the evening. Probably had a couple of beers and kicked back. When she went up to her room at night, if she opened the balcony doors, she could hear the low murmur and quiet laughter that came from the communal dining hall, the sound carrying across the planes of the ranch. Sometimes she heard the sound of a guitar and male voices singing along.

Having made advances with every indication he was interested in her, he’d obviously realized his mistake yesterday and was back-peddling as fast as he could. The easiest way to do that was simply to avoid her for a little while.

It was a common assumption that if you had a tattoo any larger than a silver dollar, you must be trash. It left her feeling strangely hurt he might feel that way about her, that he might already have judged her. She’d surprised herself since she’d arrived, finding that she quite enjoyed his attention.

It seemed her children had fallen for Carl, the old hand who grumbled and growled and made them all laugh. So when Lydia took them down for their daily riding lesson, they were off like little rockets across the field to wait at the corral fence just like they’d been shown. Once again, Sam’s absence was evident, and her chest ached with a strange regret.

Lydia sat on the fence, warmed by the early morning sunshine as she idly watched her children learn how to ride. Fascinated by the horses, she leaned forward to look a little closer. She wondered why she’d never noticed how beautiful these creatures were. Probably just time; she’d always been so wrapped up in her music that she hadn’t looked any farther afield.

It made her wonder though, as she listened to her children’s chirpy little voices, what it would feel like to sit on a horse, touch its soft, warm coat.

When Sam had brought the pony for the children to ride, Kate had mentioned that it was a working ranch and there were no suitable horses for learners. Lydia had felt a tug of disappointment. She imagined it would be lovely to feel the freedom of riding a horse across the miles of ranch land Sam seemed to own.

Distracted by loud thumping noises, Lydia’s attention was caught by the sight of Sam as he led a beautiful horse down the ramp of a horsebox and around the end of the corral toward her. Dark cream with an almost-white mane and tail, Lydia sighed with pleasure at the beauty of the creature.

Her heart kicked up a beat, and she tried to slow her rapid breathing down as Sam led the horse over to where she sat on the fence. She reached out automatically, unable to speak, and smoothed her fingers over the horse’s velvet nose. Sam seemed casual and relaxed, but she found she couldn’t look him in the eye. The man confused her and she didn’t want him to see it. She felt so stupid and petty. For the first time in years, someone had actually shown a genuine interest in her, kissed her, held her, and almost turned her to mush. Then in an instant, he’d been turned off by what he believed she had done to her body. Although she had constantly tried to remain aloof and give him the impression of being disinterested, it hurt her to think that after the sensuous flirtation that had taken place, he had walked away from her so easily.

He was still technically her brother-in-law, and it was quite obvious that he was gentleman enough to remain polite. Maybe it was easier this way. He’d made her feel special for a short while, and now they would be friends.

Lydia smiled as she came to terms with that idea. If he could do it, so could she.

“She’s beautiful. I’ve never seen a horse this color before.”

“She’s a palomino. She belongs to my mother. Gentle as a lamb.”

The horse nuzzled into her and distracted her, its liquid brown eyes mellow and full of age-old understanding. Lydia felt an urge to lean forward and place her forehead against the horse’s face. She reached over, touched its soft ears, and watched as it nodded and then blew a breath out.

“She’s getting impatient,” Sam said from beside her. “Perhaps you should get on and see if that makes her happy.”

Lydia sat up straight.

“Get on? I can’t ride.”

“Now’s your chance to learn.”

“You want me to learn to ride?” She couldn’t mask her confusion.

“Only if you want to.” He looked up at her, but she tried her best to avoid eye contact. He leaned forward and took hold of her chin, turning her face toward him. He stared deep into her eyes. His were direct and probing.

“Lydia, what’s going on?” She frowned down at him and then huffed out, making the horse jerk it’s head. Sam murmured to it; his large hard, workman’s hands stroked its neck to soothe it.

“You confuse me,” she stated baldly.

“I do? Why would that be?” He used the same tone as he had with the palomino—calm and patient as though she was a sweet little innocent and not the mother of twins.

She felt so unsure of herself.

She looked down and rubbed her hands across her knees.

“I’m sorry…”

“Do you have a reason to apologize to me?” Her head came up at his sharp tone, and she stared him right in the eye.

“If you keep apologizing to me for nothing, I’m going to get pissed off.” Surprise had her jerk upright on the fence and pay close attention. “If you do something I don’t like, I’ll let you know. If you feel I’m right, you can apologize. I don’t know what went on in your life before, but I’m starting to get the idea.” As she opened her mouth to reply, he put his hand on top of hers.

“Lydia, I’m going to be straight with you. I’m looking to get you naked sometime soon.” Her eyes widened at his directness and she blinked, noticing his dimple deepen as he tried not to smile. She tried to speak, but he carried on, “But I appreciate you have a history and lots of baggage. I’m trying to give you a chance by not hassling you.” His eyes never left her as she lifted her hand up to push a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Her hand shook, her cheeks filled with heat, and it didn’t seem to worry him one jot that he made her nervous. He touched her knee to keep her attention on him, the heat of his hand soaking through her jeans. She wriggled with embarrassment, but still he continued.

“Lydia, I will get you naked, and I may be patient at the moment, but that’s not going to last much longer.”

Panicked, she glanced around nervously.

“I’m not sure you should be talking to me like that.” Her voice was weak and breathless as her gaze flicked toward her children to make sure they were out of earshot. He had the gall to grin up at her. Dimples cutting through his cheeks. A tremble of excitement skittered through her veins.

“Sure I should. I like to talk straight. Then you know where I stand. Now are you going to get on this horse, or are we going to hang around shooting the breeze all day?”

Before he could say any more, she slipped off the fence and walked around to the side of the horse as he directed. She placed her foot in the stirrup and pulled herself up. She felt his warm hands encircle her waist as he gave her a boost up into the saddle. He seemed reluctant to break contact, and his hand moved down her thigh and rested on her knee until she peered down into his face. He held her eyes with his own, taking a deep breath as though making a decision to continue.

“One more thing before we move on. You need to know I have never mistreated a woman in my life, either physically or mentally. I have no intention of starting now, so you can relax.” He moved to the horse’s head and started to lead her round the corral.

* * * *

Lydia had pondered his words all day, so that by the time she’d put the children to bed, she’d worked herself up into a lather. He’d said he wanted her, and that had scared her. He’d said he would never hurt her, and that terrified her. It meant that he knew. He knew someone had hurt her.

She couldn’t believe that Kate would have said anything to Sam, but she may have told Jack. Jack always treated her gently, never raised his voice to her or the children. Come to think of it, she’d never heard him raise his voice to anyone, so perhaps it ran in the family. She couldn’t help it, though, if she was wary of men. It wasn’t something she could control.

Sam wanted her.

She felt a thrill race through her body at the thought. He wanted her. He was gorgeous and sexy and interested. She’d not had a man pay attention to her for years. She’d never invited any attention, never noticed if someone had a passing fancy for her. Now this handsome cowboy was full-on, in her face, coming on to her. She put her hands over her cheeks and shuddered with excitement.

What was she going to do?

She stood in the middle of her bedroom, breathing slow and deep as her brain engaged and she thought things through.

He knew something, but he didn’t know it all. If he did, there was no way he would pursue her. After all, who in his right mind would want anything to do with her if he knew what she had done? So, he couldn’t know very much at all.

As thrilled as she was at the thought that Sam wanted her, she didn’t think she was being fair to him.

It hadn’t taken long after she was married to Greg for him to start telling her she was pathetic in bed. She’d thought she was quite good, willing to try most things, provided they weren’t what she considered perverted. That’s where their problems had started. Problems that escalated with Greg’s consumption of alcohol and drugs.

Sam might want her now, but he wouldn’t soon. When he realized just how bad she was. She paced back and forth and then made the decision. It was just after eight, and he would be down at the stables again after being out all afternoon on the range. She was going to have to let him know that he was onto a loser by chasing her. It was only fair. She couldn’t let him continue to believe she was going to have an affair with him.