Life Sentences (13 page)

Chad turned to Pilar and brushed his lips lightly against hers like a child’s butterfly kiss. Heat flowed into her groin.

“All you need to worry about are the babies we’ll make once I’m out of here,” he said as he rubbed her stomach.

Pilar combed her fingers through his silky hair. He pulled away. “Remember that day I asked why you work here?”

“Yes, why?”

“I want to know the real answer. I may be the reason you stay …”

“You are.” She dropped a kiss on his nose. He wavedher back.

“Okay, but why did you start?”

“Is that today’s topic?” she teased. Pilar relished his questions. He wanted to know everything about her. What she did every day, what her life was like growing up, everything. His appetite to know was insatiable, and she was the center of his attention in a way she’d never been for any man before.

“Yes, and I want you here beside me when you answer it.” Chad patted the examination table.

Pilar hitched herself up onto it, letting her long legs dangle beside his. She began to relate the story of an incident that instigated her desire to help others, long before she ever met the prostitutes of Cass Corridor.

“My grandfather, my mother’s father,” she began, “told me that when he was a child in a small Polish village all the stores in the Jewish neighborhood where he lived remained closed on Christmas Day. The Jewish owners feared that if they opened they would be called Jesus killers.” Pilar noted Chad’s forehead crinkle in surprise. “You didn’t know I was Jewish?”

“No. I didn’t,” he whispered.

“Does it matter?”

Chad inspected her face. After a few seconds he answered, “No. Why should it?”

“Good.” Pilar continued with the story. “My grandfather said that no Jew would dare show his face on thestreets in old Poland on Christmas day. They feared some reprisal would take place, like being physically abused or having their property destroyed.”

Chad shifted. “What does this have to do with you today?” he asked.

“One Christmas day when I was about seven, my grandfather and I ate in the only open Jewish deli in the Detroit area. To entertain me and help me forget about all my friends celebrating a holiday I didn’t understand, my grandfather told me stories.” She chuckled quietly. “One was about the doctors in his village who used leeches to draw out the evil spirits. Imagine.” She looked deep into Chad’s eyes, hoping to find understanding there. “My grandfather looked so lonely, so lost. And, though we wouldn’t be injured or called Jesus killers, that Christmas day I knew I never wanted anyone else to suffer as he had.”

Chad cocked his head to the side. “So, you want to help the underdog, is that it?”

“Yes, I suppose, simply put, that’s it.”

“Am I one of your underdogs?” he asked. His lisp was obvious.

“Of course not. You’re my Chad.”

From the first time Pilar blurted out family secrets to Chad, there was no turning back. How could she not surrender to him? Pilar was so caught up by him, by the way he listened closely to her every word, by his tracking her every motion, by his physical beauty — so like a Michelangelo sculpture – she could hardly think of anything else. His attention held her spellbound. She loved everything about him: his touch, his voice, especially his seductive, hypnotic eyes.

Chad broke her train of thought when suddenly he took her face in his gentle hands and said, “You are the most exciting person I have ever known.”

Pilar blushed like a school girl.

He chuckled. “And I want you to be the mother of my children. But,” he winked, “I don’t want you to quit working. We don’t want to waste your brain on housework, do we?”

When Pilar was slow to respond, Chad kissed her nose and said, “I could be Mr. Mom.”

They laughed so loud Pilar feared others in the infirmary would hear them. Yet, that easy laughter gave Pilar the courage to dig deeper into Chad’s secretive past. Except for the few crumbs he offered about his college psychology major, his father, Maryann, and fraternity life, Pilar knew little else. She accepted that as part of his shyness, or even an institutionalized caution. In fact, when she prodded him for details about his childhood, his lisp became more pronounced. So Pilar had yielded to his need for privacy, therefore, confident that as their relationship grew, so would his trust in her.

But, Pilar had excused Chad’s clever avoidance of his personal history for long enough. The time had come to hear about Chad Wilbanks from other sources than Lorrieand the news. The time had come to test that new trust.

“Tell me more about your father.” Pilar slipped down to stand facing him between his legs.

Chad’s eyes narrowed. “What can I tell you that I already haven’t?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” Pilar offered a comforting smile. “Anything.”

“You know he was a duplicate of your father. Dominating, rich, and an angry perfectionist. He believed that showering a person with money was equal to affection and a way to make up for his absence, which was most of my life.” Chad paused and stared at a spot above Pilar’s head. “He abandoned me.” Chad spoke those last words with such a chill, Pilar shivered.

“Yes,” Pilar agreed. “My father was a duplicate.” It consoled her to know she hadn’t been the only one to suffer a relationship with an unloving father.

“Except,” Chad said, and stopped.

“Except what?”

“They didn’t look alike.”

Though neither Chad nor Pilar shared pictures of their fathers, Pilar had often described Marcus in great sarcastic detail. Chad had never described his father. “What do you mean? You never have told me how your father looked. In fact, I don’t even know his name.”

“I fortunately take after my mother,” Chad said. “I wouldn’t want to remind her of him.” Chad still didn’t sayhis name.

Pilar believed Chad and she were joined together by their comparable relationships with their fathers. Though unconcerned about either father interfering in her future with Chad, Pilar wasn’t so sure about the role Maryann Wilbanks would play.

Standing face to face in that sensual moment of faith, Pilar’s confidence about her closeness to Chad was clear. Pilar decided to take a chance and ask Chad to give up more information about his own past that he held so dear, so secret. “I’ve shared a lot of my family history with you, Chad. And, today I told you the special story about my grandfather.” She stroked his cheek. “Do you trust me enough now to tell me about your family?”

Chad’s body stiffened. He pushed her away and turned his back. Hurt, she placed her hand on his shoulder to let him know it was okay. Chad lifted his hand to hers. They remained in that silent space for several moments.

Chad released Pilar’s hand and faced her. “My mother, Maryann, is the most beautiful and caring woman I have ever known,” he said as his eyes filled. He quickly added, “Next to you of course, Pilar.”

Pilar didn’t want to hear about his mother in those terms. Often in the past, Chad had slipped out endearing remarks about Maryann. Remarks that had intruded on their limited sessions. In those moments Pilar reeled with jealousy and, yes, even hatred of a woman she had never met.

Chad reached into his pocket. “Here,” he said, and offered Pilar a letter. “It’s from today’s mail.”

The letter from Maryann read like a love note. As she read, Pilar’s sight froze for a long moment on the words, “I long to hold you in my arms.” The vision of son and mother romantically entwined nauseated her. Serves me right for probing, Pilar thought. And surely, she’d misunderstood. His family history really didn’t matter after all, because no matter how secretive he chose to be, she would do anything to be with Chad. Anything.

“I know you’ll do anything for me,” he said, refolding the letter and returning it to his pocket. How had he gotten inside Pilar’s head?

“But,” he added, “I don’t want you to do something foolish or before it’s the right time.”

Pilar’s mouth dropped into an exaggerated pout. Chad stood and tilted his head to one side. “Gotta go,” he said “before someone gets a crazy idea that we have more than a doctor-patient relationship.”

Pilar laughed. “Now, how would they get that idea?” She reached for Chad’s hand, glad that the tense moment had passed. She decided to risk one more inquiry into Chad’s background before he left. “Since we’re being so honest with each other, did you know I met Lorrie in training?”

Chad stepped back. “Yes,” he admitted. “She wrote to me.” Though his lisp was conspicuous, his calm, matter-of-act answer cooled Pilar’s momentary conviction that theywere ready for such a baring of their souls. Her jealousy suddenly transferred from Maryann to Lorrie. Chad must have recognized her anxiety because he rested his hand on Pilar’s arm to reassure her.

Pilar pulled away, but Chad’s grip tightened around her arm. “She’s an old friend,” he consoled. “A youthful sweetheart. College changed us, so we went our different ways.”

“She’s still in love with you,” Pilar blurted.

Chad smiled sympathetically. “Lorrie is not a stable person.”

“I know.” Then clasping his hand into hers, Pilar walked him into the corridor. Her heart skipped when Jane glanced at their interlocked fingers.

“Jane won’t say anything. I know Tommy and she have been going at it for more than a year.” He touched Pilar’s cheek. His eyes connected with hers. “Tommy’s a good friend.” Chad winked at Pilar and nodded at Jane.

Pilar scanned the area to make sure no one else had seen that exchange, especially Officer Leonard. He had shown up at unusual places and times. It was almost as though he followed Pilar to catch her in a mistake. Sometimes, Pilar thought she heard him breathing outside her office door. Often when she flung the door open to surprise the spy, she’d spot him dashing out the infirmary gate.

After Chad left, Pilar went back to her office in a daze. She leaned against the closed door, her heart pumping in a feverish rush. She sat at the desk, fingering Chad’s institutionalfile. Did Lorrie write to Chad before she got to Hawk Haven? So what? If she did, Lorrie’s plan to get him back hadn’t worked. And, Maryann wouldn’t get him either.

Instead of spending any more time on Lorrie and Maryann, Pilar dreamily reviewed the past glorious months she shared with Chad and focused on her second month at the prison. She remembered Chad’s name was listed on the afternoon sick call. When the consultation began, Chad boldly spoke first. “Let’s cut to the chase. We both know how we feel about each other.” He sat very still, resting his unshackled hand in his lap.

Pilar stepped away from him. She steadied herself against the exam table, an unsubtle, bad habit in his presence. Words didn’t come. Instead, she simply stood there and placed her hand over her open mouth. There was no defense. Any astute observer would notice how she had been taken with Chad’s flirting from the start. Marcus’ words mocked Pilar. “You’re nothing without a man.”

Pilar finally forced a response to Chad’s confession. “What do you mean?”

Before Chad could answer, they heard footsteps and a knock at the door. Jane opened the door and said, “There’s an emergency.” She glanced at Chad and shrugged. “You’re needed, Doctor Brookstone, in room two.”

Pilar was relieved for the moment that her question went unanswered. She feared what Chad would tell her if he had the chance. She feared her own reaction as well.

It wasn’t long before Chad had the opportunity to get his answer. It came much quicker than Pilar anticipated. Two weeks later Chad returned to the infirmary. “I’m here to answer that question you asked the last time we were together.”

He remembered. And of course, Pilar had no doubt what he had to say. Since they met she had given him nothing but positive, encouraging signals. Pilar stood before him, ready.

“You know as well as I do that from the very first time we met,” Chad whispered, “we were drawn to each other like magnets.” His voice became louder, more confident. “I feel as though I’ve always known you. And …”

Pilar lifted her hand to stop him. She fell to her knees and kissed his lips. “And that we have always been in love,” she whispered into his neck.

“Whew,” Chad sighed. “This is better than I had expected. I had hoped I wasn’t misreading you, us.”

How could he have thought that? Pilar’s immediate and strange fascination for him was as odd as something in a Steven King novel. Pilar hadn’t been good at hiding those feelings from Chad right from the first day. It was as though they had been lovers, unwillingly separated, and finally reunited. It was the most intense, and perhaps irrational sensation Pilar had ever had. She would never be able to explain. Hadn’t she read as much as she could about him in newspapers before she stepped inside theprison? Perhaps she was just like those women who made the weekly trek to visit Chad. Did she feel sorry for Chad? Had she thought she would be his savior? Or, did she love him? Silly questions. Of course she loved him — every inch. Besides, Chad didn’t want pity and didn’t need to be saved. He wanted her.

P
ILAR BROUGHT HERSELF BACK
to the present and gazed out her office window at a winter sky that held a late-day pink glow. Now, after four months at the prison, she realized that nothing seemed to matter to her but Chad. Consumed with that insane love, she was determined to get Chad out of prison despite his life sentence. Nothing could stop her. She would find one technicality in his case, like a cop slipup, some bit of evidence that would set Chad free. Maybe even DNA. She’d read about all those others who had been wrongly accused and then set free because of DNA.

Pilar believed with all her heart that there was more to Chad’s story than what she had heard from Lorrie or read in the newspapers. He may have murdered one woman, but there had to have been a good reason. One thing was for sure — Chad was the most engaging person Pilar had ever known, both physically and emotionally. In him she found the uncertainty of good and evil. The evil of a known killer. And, odd as it seemed, evil had become attractive, glamorous in a way.

Then, there was Lorrie. Did she have a hidden motivefor warning Pilar about Chad? She must still love him. Pilar had become a threat. “Lorrie,” Pilar sighed, “are you a nut or a clever seductress?”