Her Love Ran Crimson (Crimson Series) (17 page)

“Walk with me and I’ll tell you,” he says as someone comes out of the door.

I can’t get a look at who it is because Jase has his arm around me pulling me to walk with him. Shuffling my feet fast to keep up with him, I ask again, “What’s going on Jase?” Our pace starts to slow down. He looks over at me with a sympathetic look and then looks up as if the answer is in the sky.

“I didn’t drop a weight on my eye.”

“That was obvious the second the words left your mouth, so why don’t you tell me what really happened.” He takes a breath and exhales through his nose like he is looking for some sort of clarity.

“Okay look, I overheard some guys talking about us and saying some not so nice things about you and I just lost it. I had to shut them up. I had to make them stop. They don’t know anything about you and I just lost it. I snapped and hit one of the guys doing all the talking. I mean my face isn’t as bad as his. He got a lucky shot. I’m fine though. It’s not a big deal.”

I look at him horrified. It’s because of me. If he wasn’t with me he would have never been getting into a fight with someone. I look at him, sad and remorseful that he has to deal with this. “Jase, this is all my fault. I’m sorry. If you and I weren’t…um…you know, together, you would have never had to deal with this,” I say hiding my face scared to see that he might realize I’m right and not want to have to go through this bull shit for me.

“Look at me, Maddie. I didn’t have to deal with it. I made a choice to deal with it. It was my choice and I made it. You can’t decide if I want to deal with this or not. You will always find a reason that I shouldn’t be with you or how I’m missing out on something. If I wasn’t with you I would be missing out on something. You. You’re the one I choose, so stop questioning it.”

I guess he’s right. If I keep questioning him I might just push him away. It would leave me devastated and bare. Not something I welcome after feeling so close with someone for the first time in my life.

We finally reach our cars. It’s time to split for the day. “Okay, well I have to get going. Make sure you get some ice on your eye. Maybe it will help with the color, as well. It’s pretty swollen. See ya tomorrow.” Still checking out his eye I kiss my finger tips and press them lightly to his eye and walk away. I am still unsure of how I feel about him, fighting what I have spent the last three years ignoring. Bringing everything back up to the surface, I fight to forget.

Chapter
Twenty

This has been the longest day of my life, since it’s Friday and I have my dinner with Jase tonight. Things seemed to drag all day at school. I know I’m nervous about something so normal to others, but in reality, my reality, this is my first dinner date thing. God, just saying the word date makes my stomach turn like an ocean facing a brutal storm. I think I am going to be sick. I sit down on my bed letting my stomach settle, praying I won’t get sick. I’m supposed to be getting ready. I want to stop by the store and pick up a dessert before I head to Jase’s house. He was so adamant that I just bring myself and myself only, but I just can’t see me not bringing anything. I wanted to help out and show him how great he makes me feel. He is so sweet and hot, I wanted to bring him something that would incorporate that. I decide I’m going to bring him one of my favorite sweets, warm baked chocolate chip cookies. Once I have that decided my stomach is starting to feel better. I don’t really have to fuss over what I’m going to wear being that I dress pretty much the same every day. I go for just a decent pair of jeans and a newer t-shirt.

Once I am making my way out of the house, I grab my book bag knowing Frank will say something if I don’t have it since he thinks I’m finishing up a project for school. I plan on ditching it in my car, but I can’t make him think anything is up. I try my hardest to not make much noise as I am leaving, but I am stopped when I hear when I hear Frank.

“Maddison, I need you to do something for me before you go to your school shit.”

Damn, I almost made it out of here. What the hell! I’m sure it’s nothing important. He just can’t stand to let me out for anything that is for me. I hope this didn’t involve Dixon. Just what I need to ruin my whole night. Pissed off, I go stomping into the living room and stand with my arms crossed waiting for him to tell me what I need to do.

“That attitude won’t fucking fly, Maddison. I’m being nice enough to let you go out and do your project. Drop your arms and knock it the fuck off or you can stay home for all I care.”

I drop my arms like they weigh a hundred pounds each. I bite my inner cheek to make sure I don’t say anything that will get me into trouble. “What do you need me to do Frank?” I ask with an accidental sass in my tone.

“Here.”

He hands me a box small enough to fit a handgun in. Shit, I don’t know what is in this box, but I sure as hell don’t want to know. It’s kind of heavy. I quickly turn around and make my way out of the door before I start seeing red.

Once I’m in the car I take a look at the box and sure enough Dixon’s name is on the box. I want to smash my hands on the steering wheel, but refrain from that. I just have to get this there and leave as fast as I can to make sure I have time to stop at the store before Jase’s house.

I pull up to Dixon’s and try to check my emotions. I have a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Flashes of memories flood me as I sit in my car. I am paralyzed by the nightmares that took place three years ago. I’m sucked into darkness as light flashes in and out of my eyes. Banging on the door of the room I was in hoping someone would let me out, but never happened. I am pushed back to the present time by someone tapping on my window. I jump when I notice it’s Dixon and start scrambling for the package trying to keep my eyes away from him. Whenever he looks at me I feel like he is plotting and planning how to get back at me for ruining his plans before he could execute them. Fear is rising in me as I roll down my window just low enough to where the box fits out the window, using the window as a shield. Trying to protect me from the devil on the other side. “Here you go. I gotta run,” I say shoving the box out of the window hoping he will just take it so I can get the hell out of here.

“You don’t look well, Maddison. Maybe you should come lie down for a minute before you drive. You are awfully pale.”

I shudder at his invitation. “I would never go inside your house. I would rather drive this way.” As he reaches in the car, I slam his wrist back against the roof of my car. I quickly remove his hand. He looks at me with a glare that says this isn’t over. “Don’t touch me! Never again do you get to touch me.” I start my car and my tires screech as I floor it to get away from him. I feel horrified as I drive away trying to get my thoughts under control. I am shaking from head to my toes. I call Jase to try and get my panic to dissolve. Just hearing his voice usually makes me feel like there is nothing in the world that can harm me.

“Hey, what’s up? You’re coming right?” He asks, sounding scared I might not be able to come.

“Yes, I just have to make a quick stop then I will be there. See you in about twenty minutes,” I say starting to get my anxieties under control.

“Okay. Just let yourself in when you get here. I’ll be in the kitchen cooking.”

“Okay. Hey, I thought you weren’t cooking?” I ask confused because I thought we were ordering in something. I didn’t know he could cook.

“Well I have some tricks up my sleeve. Gotta go before I burn something. See you soon.” Feeling better, I make my way to the store to grab what I need. I touch my wrist and feel the bracelet Jase gave me and though I am feeling nervous, just knowing I have this on I feel as though I can do anything. I grab what I came for and make my way to Jase.

I pull up on his street and park. Breathing deeply, I take a few breaths and make my way to his house remembering he told me to just come in. As I walk up the driveway, I take in all the details of his house. Beautiful manicured lawn, the greenest I have ever seen, close to his eyes. It’s not a huge house, but it’s big enough to make me feel a little out of my element. As I walk up to the door I faintly hear people arguing. He must have the TV on. I open the door and call out, “Jase, I’m here.” I am sure he heard me because the voices stop, but I’m paralyzed when I round the corner and see who is standing in the kitchen with Jase. My heart is pounding. I instantly know why the talking has stopped. My heart is crushing like a ton of bricks. I look back and forth between the two and can’t even force out a word.

“Maddie, I can explain this,” Jase says as he walks toward me.

I instinctively take a step back not wanting to get close to him. Feeling betrayed and hurt is an understatement. “I don’t think there is any explanation that can make this okay Jase because what I’m seeing right now can’t be happening. How much did he pay you?” I spit out feeling completely stupid that I didn’t think this would happen.

“Who? I wasn’t paid. What are you talking about? Maddie, let me just explain.”

I turn to leave, but Jase is fast and grabs me by the arm to get me to stay. “Don’t touch me.” I spit out.

“Maddie, this is my dad. I know you know who he is. I know he is the D.A. who messed everything up for you. What he does is the reason why I don’t live with him anymore. Between the millions of bad choices he makes, I couldn’t stand to live with him anymore. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He just stopped by. You have to believe me.”

As fresh tears fill my eyes I can’t hold back the whimper that escapes my lips. I shake my head, hoping I can wake myself from this awful dream, but that doesn’t work. Now I know why when I saw Phillip Becker at school a couple of weeks ago why his eyes were so familiar. It’s because they have the same fucking eyes.

“Maddie, say something. Say you believe me. I want nothing to do with him. He isn’t anything to me. You are the most important thing to me.”

I put my hands up in front of me hoping it will keep him away. “You knew who I was and you said nothing to me. You lied. You let me make a fool of myself when you knew exactly who I was all along. Is this some sick save-the-poor-girl project you have going on to make yourself feel better because your dad ruined my whole fucking life. He was the only one who could have fucking saved me and he didn’t. Or better yet, does Frank pay you too? To keep tabs on me? To make sure I don’t say anything to take him down? I bet that’s it. So how much money are you getting paid for this? I hope it’s a whole lot of money. Seems he controls every single part of my life and now he puts you in the mix to ruin school for me too. Well, this isn’t going to work. Like I have always planned I’m going to finish school and get the hell out of here. You just made that decision that much easier. Don’t call me, don’t message me, and don’t even come near me at school. I want to forget I ever knew you. You know what? I knew this was too good to be true. Like my life wasn’t bad enough, Jase. I told you everything. I trusted you with my life. I wish they would have gotten more than just a shot to your face. You fucking deserved it. Asshole. I have got to go.” I try to run to make it out of this house, but I trip over my own feet and land face first into the wall. Blood is pouring out of my nose, but I don’t really care. I quickly stand up and run out of the door.

I walk quickly down the driveway, watching blood drip and splatter onto the concrete. I can’t even comprehend what just happened. How could I have been so wrong, so…so stupid? To think someone would have wanted me, damaged and all. Tears are running down my face mixing with the blood, making it just fall faster. I can’t even feel any pain. I am so numb from the hurt that my nose seems like a tiny scrape compared to the condition my heart is in. I should have listened to my head when it was telling me to stay away. Almost to the end of his driveway, I hear him running to catch up to me, which it makes me walk even faster.

“Maddie, wait, you’re hurt and I understand, but please just let me fix this. If you just listen to me and hear me out you will see I wasn’t playing with you. I was never lying to you when I told you how I feel. It’s the truth. Maddie. Just stop.”

I twirl around so fast my hair whips around getting stuck to the wetness on my face. I don’t even care to pick the hair off. “Jase, nothing you could ever say will make this okay. You lied to me for weeks. You acted like you knew nothing about me. You knew why everyone hated me and you just kept acting like you had no clue. You knew the hell I went through and still go through, yet you let me relive it all over again when I told you everything. You just couldn’t be honest. That was the one thing that mattered the most. You kept asking me to trust you and I finally did. What if I didn’t catch your dad here? Would you have ever told me? Or would everything have always been a lie between us? I can’t deal with this. I gotta go. Just leave me alone, please. You have done enough,” I say out of breath because it all came out in a rush. I don’t even have the strength to yell at him. I am just worn down to the bone.

“Maddie, I love you! Please don’t do this. Let me fix this.”

I cut him off. “You can’t fix shit. You can’t fix me and you can’t fix us. There
is
no us anymore. Goodbye, Jase.” I hop in my car and drive away, never looking back. I don’t want to see him standing there watching me drive away. It will kill me watching the one person who has ever made me feel alive, standing there helpless. I don’t want to think about how he is feeling. I shouldn’t care how he feels. He has betrayed me more than anybody else. At least with Dixon and Frank I know what I can expect. I never thought this from him. It’s ripping me to the core and I can’t do anything to stop it.

Chapter
Twenty-One

As I adjust my hands on the steering wheel, the bracelet he gave me drops down my wrist. I just stare at it wondering if this ever really had any meaning to him. This was the most thoughtful thing anybody has ever gotten me. I used to think it would help me get through anything. I don’t really believe in the words anymore, but that doesn’t stop me from touching it, hoping it has answers as to what I should do now because I’m so confused and don’t know where to go. I can’t go home because Frank will wonder why I’m home and my nose won’t help me hide the truth from him.