Her Darkest Road (Roughneck #4) (8 page)

Angel,

First of all, I want to tell you how proud I am of you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m lucky to be your dad and so blessed that I’ve been able to watch you grow into a wonderful wife and mother. You are everything I could have hoped you would be. I love you so much Angel.

But there is something I need you to know. I should have told you a long time ago, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought if we just put it behind us and never spoke of her, it would all just go away. But I know that’s not the right thing. You have a right to know the truth about your mother.

Belinda spent her childhood in and out of foster care, her mother had addiction issues and never provided stability for her. When we met, she was young and broken.  But I fell in love with her immediately and I wanted to save her. I wanted her to be happy. It took me a long time to realize I couldn’t save her. It wasn’t possible. But please know that I did everything I could to try.

She suffered from mental disorders, paranoid schizophrenia being one of them, along with depression. It was a hard battle. I tried to help her, but she shut me out. Time and time again. She would get on medicine, which would seem to help. But it never took very long before her demons got stronger. She spent a long time in and out of treatment facilities, but we always seemed to be back to square one.

I wanted to help her, but I needed to protect you. You were always my top priority. Always. And part of me tells myself that’s the reason I never told you the truth about her, I wanted to protect you. But part of it is because it hurt me to talk about it. I felt like I failed her as a husband and I couldn’t keep her well enough to be a mother for you.

The worst part is, the night she finally left, I almost felt relief. I was tired of trying to make her better. I had been spinning my wheels for so long without getting anywhere. And I wanted you to have a good life, and I didn’t think that could happen with her in it. I filed a missing person’s report. But since she struggled so much with mental illness, the police didn’t seem to try very hard, since they were sure there was no foul play. Six months later, they found her in Florida. She had drowned. I’m sorry I never told you this, Angel. I only wanted what was best for you. And if letting you think she just walked away because she was selfish, instead of the truth, then I take full responsibility. Protecting you was the most important thing to me, and I will never regret that.

I hope you understand the reasons I did the things I did. As a parent, all you want is what’s best for your children, no matter what. I’ve watched you grow into the best mom these past few years. I watched you fight for Maggie and I know you would do anything to protect both of your babies. You’re a lot like your old man, like it or not. And no matter how old you are, you will always be my little girl. My Angel.

I love you.

Love,

Dad

The End

Acknowledgements

When I first started this journey, I had no idea where this path would lead. It was scary and full of uncertainty. But you guys made it easier. Your encouragement kept me going.

My husband- I couldn’t have done any of this without you. My blue collar boy. My better half. Every single one of these roughnecks have a little part of you in them. Jase’s protectiveness. Moon’s determination. Kash’s temper. Joe’s dedication. Thank you for being you. I love you. More.

My kids- My cheerleaders. My little miracle baby loves. Thank you for encouraging me. Always follow your dreams, no matter how big they are. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.

Christy- My chapter by chapter beta, my best friend and sister. Thank you for your honesty and rolling with my crazy. Thank you for encouraging me and always having my back.

Nicole’s Shiners- The most amazing street team. Thank you for supporting me and working so hard to get my work out there. It means more than you could ever imagine.

A special thanks to Giovanna Bovenzi Cruz and Laurie Breitsprecher. You two make my heart happy on a daily basis. Y’all are my favorite bitches. Xoxo

Major Bookworm Editing-Thank you for your encouragement, kindness and never judging my crazy mind.

Kari March Designs-YOU ROCK! Your talent has amazed me during the creation of each cover. Thank you for handling my pickiness with grace. You’re stuck with me woman!

Colleen Hoover- Although it was just a quick meeting at a signing, your words pushed me. You assured me that the voices didn’t make me crazy and to pursue my dreams. So thank you for being you.

Tarryn Fisher- You helped me unleash the crazy and I could never thank you enough. You showed me that life isn’t always a Happily Ever After but it’s always beautiful. #PLN4LIFE

Mental Health Hotline Numbers

National Alliance on Mental Illness  1-800-950-6264

Sexual Abuse Hotline                        1-888-PREVENT

Healing Woman Foundation              1-800-477-4111

Suicide Prevention Lifeline               1-800-273-TALK

Teen Helpline                                     1-800-400-0900

Incest Awareness Foundation             1-888-547-3222

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as though they are.”

-Benjamin Franklin