Heather Graham (17 page)

With more force than he intended, he pushed her back to the bed. She didn’t mind the fever of his ardor. She met and matched it with her own, gasping as his mouth found her breasts, digging her fingers into his hair, unwittingly clawing her nails into his shoulders. His hands slid down the length of her body as his lips and teeth caressed her breasts, firmly questing, exploring, creating shivering sensation wherever they roamed. His mouth followed his hands, as if he needed to know all of her with all his senses. He rolled her over to kiss her shoulders, to learn the trail of her spine with his tongue, sending her into a ridiculous frenzy merely because he kissed the flesh at the back of her knees and her calves and her ankles.

“Brian…”

It seemed to be the only thing she could say, but he was the only thing that was, and it didn’t seem to matter. She twisted to touch him as he touched her, relearning the strong curve of his back, the firm slope of his buttocks, the wonderful breadth of his shoulders, the leanness of his hips. She went farther, rediscovering the boldness of distant familiarity, of love. And as she stroked him with passion and wonder, she gloried in the groans she elicited, in the throaty whispers of pleasure and love. Then she was gasping again because his questing fingers had found the very heart of her pulsing need for him, and the feeling was exquisite torment. She discovered that she could whisper another word, and the word she whispered was “please…”

“Now, my love,” he answered hoarsely, “dear God, now…”

Brilliant light seemed to explode about her as he came into her like a ray of the sun, a stroke of velvet, but a searing that filled her with wild, beautiful warmth. Time evaporated in that instant. The lost years were no more than ashes in the wind, nothing against the love and passion that surged between them, victorious over the world itself. Kim arched against him, needing desperately to give him everything, to cherish his thrust within her. And as the impetus of delicious, tormented desire spiraled them into the heavens, where the sun belonged, their rhythm became that of a pagan drumbeat: wild, exotic, feverish. They kissed; they whispered in breaths of skyrocketing pleasure. They urged each other to the crest of rapture, while wanting time to stand still in the wonder of their fantasy flight to achieve it.

Brian slipped his hand beneath her buttocks, groaning as a blue flame seemed to envelop them and make them one. Her slender legs wrapped around him, and the feel of her ankles and thighs was like a brush of silk, soft and strong and yielding all in one. She called out his name, a whisper, a cry. Everything within him convulsed in shuddering ecstasy, and he whispered hers lovingly, gaspingly in return, feeling himself drain sweetly into her, feeling the shuddering of her slender body beneath his, the satisfying proof that they had pinnacled together in the intimate rapture so precious, so wonderful. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, savoring with her the feeling no less wonderful of lethargic contentment that followed the explosion of ultimate sensation.

Kim closed her eyes as she clung to him even now, her cheek pressed against his shoulder. His flesh gleamed with a thin sheen of salty perspiration, but it felt wonderful. There was nothing anywhere near as wonderful as being with Brian like this.

Because I have never loved as I love Brian,
she thought.
And I never will.
Whimsically she thought of the sun again, and then she thought it wasn’t really whimsical. To her he was the sun. He was brightness; he was radiance. He was warmth and power and an explosion of heat. He knew her as no one else ever would; he could excite her beyond her imagination; he could tease her senses, find erogenous zones that shouldn’t exist. And he offered all that was wild and passionate, all that was tender and gentle. He offered her love.

She grazed her teeth into his shoulder, suddenly, guiltily remembering Keith. She was no longer unsure but determined to make Brian believe her and sadly aware that she would have to talk to Keith and tell him the truth she had discovered. She did love Brian, and she would never, of her own volition, leave him.

“Brian?” she said softly.

“Hmm?” He shifted his weight from hers, his arms still about her, holding her close.

“Brian, I’m sorry, I haven’t actually been lying to you, but I—I haven’t really told Keith anything. But I love you, Brian. I don’t know if I always have or if I’ve fallen in love all over again. I’m still afraid. It’s easy to be here together, but we have to learn to live together all over again. If you still want me, Brian, I want you. And I will rectify things because I know I’ve been terrible. I’ve been telling you both that—that—I keep telling Keith that I love him, and I did, Brian, he is a very nice, good man, but—”

Brian chuckled softly and hushed her with a tender, languorous kiss. “I believe that Keith is a good man. I just don’t particularly want to hear it at the moment. Be fair to him, though, and tell him the truth—if you’re telling me the truth now. We have a lot of things to relearn about each other, and we both have changed. We do need time to talk and talk and talk. And that time will come. But not now.”

“Brian,” Kim asked hesitantly, “will you open up to me? Will you tell me about…being a prisoner…managing to escape?”

He was still for a moment, and then he sighed. There was so much he didn’t want to tell her. But maybe she was right; their future deserved a purging of the past. “Yes,” he answered finally. He ran his finger down her cheek. “But not tonight.”

“Brian,” she blurted out, “I kissed Keith today because I felt sorry for him. We had lunch; it’s the only time I’ve seen him.”

“I believe you, Kim, and I understand a lot more than you give me credit for. I had to threaten you with the wrath of God, so to speak; it was all that I had. But I don’t want to talk about your past or Mr. Norman right now either.”

Kim opened her mouth to speak and he closed it with another soft kiss. “What do I want to talk about, Mrs. Trent? Nothing. There’s only one thing I want to do tonight, and that’s make love with my wife…over…and over…and over…again.” He smiled with devilish determination.

Kim smiled wickedly in return. “Over and over and over again? Sure you can handle that, Mr. Trent?”

“Well, I’ve lost out on more than four thousand nights. I don’t suppose I can make up for that many, but I damned well want to start making a dent in the loss. Do you mind?”

Kim laced her hands around his neck and shook her head vigorously. “Not at all, Mr. Trent, not at all…oh, Brian!”

I
T DIDN’T SEEM RIGHT
for them to be standing in the cemetery, watching as the casket was lifted from the ground. The day was too beautiful. The sky was a brilliant blue, birds were chirping merrily, and it was too early for the heat to be oppressive. But then it had been a beautiful day when the casket had been lowered into the ground. When Kim thought she was burying Brian, the sun had still been shining.

It was a solemn, silent party that stood at the gravesite. Kim was with her sons. She had told the boys they didn’t have to come, but she had been very proud of them when they had risen and dressed in their best school clothes and insisted on being there. They had their father back; Lisa had lost her husband. In a very mature way they wanted to offer all the support they could.

Lisa was calm and dry-eyed, but Brian stood beside her, his arm around her shoulder. Kim was glad that Lisa could draw on his strength. It was strange to be grateful to have Brian, when her uncanny good fortune was another woman’s greatest sorrow. It was hard not to feel pain, not to feel guilt. She had spent such a wonderful night, while this woman, whose loss had been her gain, had slept right down the hall.

Kim had noted that the plaque with Brian’s name and rank was gone. Brian must have already had it sent back to the military. He had never mentioned to her that he had finally done it, but then there were so many things he never spoke about. Last night he had promised her that he would. Was it a promise that he would keep? Or was he, like she, feeling a little strange this morning? So much seemed normal and right when they were locked in each other’s arms. Kim no longer doubted that she loved him with the same intensity she had many years ago or that the love she felt for him would always overwhelm any other feeling. But she was afraid again. She had also made promises, and though it would be difficult, she intended to keep them and speak to Keith and try to explain to him why she had to stay with Brian. But she dreaded the confrontation, just as she dreaded the days to come. It was wonderful to be with Brian again. She felt as if she had been injected with new life. But they both were very aware that marriage was a commitment that went much further than a shared bedroom. She had become so independent, and he kept so much from her. She didn’t even know yet what he intended to do with his life now, except that she was certain he couldn’t be on an eternal vacation.

The chains began to grind and machinery whined as the coffin was brought up slowly, leaving behind its dirt bed. The cemetery caretaker waited in overalls, chewing a blade of grass. A local mortician, gravely clad in black, waited to clean and transport the coffin. Four young men in the uniforms of the Air Force Reserves stood by to act as pallbearers.

The chains again made that grinding that seemed to scrape along the nervous system. Kim glanced at Lisa. She was still just standing there. No tears touched her eyes. Her stance reflected heart-wrenching resignation and poignancy. Jim Barnes had been found, but Jim Barnes had been dead for twelve years.

Kim suddenly had to clench her teeth to keep from bursting into tears. It was all such a waste. She couldn’t cry, not when Jim Barnes’s widow was standing so calmly and serenely. She would feel like a fool. Lisa had lost; she had gained. Time had played a massive trick on them all.

“Mom…” The whisper came from Josh. Jim Barnes’s body was already set on the little rolling table and being escorted toward the hearse by its military escort, the first leg of a final journey.

Kim squeezed her son’s hand and followed along behind Lisa and Brian. Moments later they were headed for the airport. It was two hours before Lisa’s plane was due to leave, but she was nervous about the coffin’s not making the same plane, and Brian had suggested that they go into the airport, have lunch in one of the little restaurants, and assure themselves that everything was settled.

The somber quality that had gripped them all at the cemetery slowly ebbed away in the bustling atmosphere of the attractive airport. By the time they ducked into a restaurant and ordered their lunches, conversation had again picked up. Lisa told the boys about her daughter, Cheryl, assuring them that the video craze was also in the Midwest and that girls, too, were avid experts at Pac-Man, Missile Command, and Centipede. Brian eventually excused himself, telling Lisa he would see if everything was set. Josh and Jake, growing restless as the adults had ordered coffee, opted to go with their father. Kim was left alone with Lisa.

“Your twins are great,” Lisa told her, following the departure of Brian, Josh, and Jake with her eyes as she sipped coffee. “Handsome kids, polite and respectful. You’re lucky.”

“I know it, and thank you,” Kim said. She was lucky, very lucky.

“I can see where Brian feels he missed so much and wants to start over.”

Kim frowned, wondering if she hadn’t heard the sentence correctly. “Pardon?”

Lisa turned her eyes to Kim and smiled, apologetically. “I’m sorry, I’m wandering around on you, aren’t I? With children, I meant. I understand why he wants another child. He did miss so much of his sons’ early years.”

Kim held onto her smile, but it was a brittle one. Brian wanted another child? Oh, no, he had to be crazy! They were in their thirties, the children they had were more than half-grown.

Kim fumbled in her purse for her cigarettes and lit one, trying not to let her fingers shake. It began to sink into her that not only was it shocking to hear that Brian did want to start over, but he had obviously discussed it with Lisa, not her. She wanted dearly to change the subject. “What about you, Lisa? What will you do now?”

Lisa shrugged with a rueful smile. “Nothing terribly different. Bury Jim, put him to rest at last, and go on. I have a nice job with Con Edison….” She hesitated for a moment. “And I have been seeing a man—” She broke off again. Apparently Kim’s surprise had shown in her face. “I’m not a saint,” she said softly. “I never stopped looking for Jim, but after the first five years I did see people. I’m sorry if I’ve shocked you.”

“I—no—I’m sorry,” Kim muttered quickly, blushing. “I’m happy for you, pleased for whatever you did take from life.”
I sound ridiculous,
Kim thought, but she had been shocked. Not because she condemned Lisa one little bit. It was just that Brian seemed to think Lisa was the next best thing to a saint. Or did he? Did he know Lisa far better than he was admitting?

“Anyway,” Lisa continued, “now I think I may marry again. I could never forget Jim before, but now, well, there’s nothing to wait for anymore.”

“I hope you do marry again,” Kim said, drawing on reserves somewhere within her to appear bright and cheerful. “And you must let us know if you do! We’ll both be very happy for you.”

“Of course, I’ll let you know.” Lisa laughed. “And you promise to let me know if you two expect another blessed event!”

Kim tried very hard to keep her smile from slipping. “Of course,” she responded in turn.
But don’t count on any such information coming, Lisa.
Brian had had no right talking to her about things that concerned Kim.

“It would be so nice for him,” Lisa was saying, totally unaware she had struck a nerve. “Such wonderful sons, and he missed it all. And then the tragedy with Lien Chi and his child in Nam. He really deserves some happiness now.”

Tragedy? Lien Chi?
His child in Nam!
Kim was grateful that she wasn’t eating or she would have choked to death. As it was, she coughed furiously over the smoke she had unwittingly gasped in at Lisa’s nonchalant words and had to grab desperately for her water glass.