Heart of Gold (20 page)

He shrugged. “I think you clung to me because you were that broken little bird, and marrying me was a comfortable choice at the time.”

“Oh, Reggie, baby. No.”

He held up a hand. “Hear me out, please.”

She waited.

“I keep asking myself why, at the end of the day, you'd choose me. Roni, you're a beautiful, magnificent woman. You're rich, you're famous, and you could have any man in the world.”

“But I chose, and continue to choose, you, Reginald Jackson Garland. You.”

“I understand that, but I'm so lost right now, and yes, resentful too about your career. I have so many issues pulling at me, I think I'm losing my mind.”

“So, do you want out?” she asked quietly.

He nodded. “I think so. At least for a little while.”

The wind went out of her for a few moments, and her love for him keened with sorrow, but she buried that for the present and drew on the strength that was at her core so she could say without faltering, “Then go and do whatever it is you need to, to realize that I love you madly and want no other man but you. Zoey and I will be here.” She wondered how he could doubt how much she loved him, cared for him, needed him in her world.

He stood. She stood. He opened his arms. She went to him and let herself be held against his heart, and she held him against hers. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, too. I just need to sort some things out, okay?”

“No, it isn't okay, but that's how much I love you. Go to the wizard and get a brain and come back to me. You hear?”

He smiled bittersweetly. Both had tears in their eyes.

“I'm closing down my practice. I want to spend some time with my parents. I'll leave in the morning.”

She wiped her tears. “Whatever you need to do.”

He placed a kiss on her brow. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

“It's either that or start cussing and rocking my neck, and that wouldn't help.”

He chuckled softly. “No.”

They studied each other for a long moment. “I do love you, Reg.”

“And I do love you. I'll go up and try to explain to Zoey why I'm leaving, and say good-bye. Going to be hard.” He left the room.

Roni stood in the echoing silence and prayed he'd come back to her soon.

Upstairs, Reggie tapped softly on his daughter's door.

“Come in.”

“How are you, shorty?”

“I feel a thousand times better. My cast itches, though.”

He walked over and took a look at it. “Your arm's healing. The itch is normal.”

Zoey looked into his face and must have seen the remnants of his tears. “You're leaving, aren't you?”

Reg didn't lie. “For just a little while.”

“This is all my fault! All my fault,” she cried. “Please don't leave. I'll be good. I promise. I'll do everything you and Mom say.”

He sat down on the bed and pulled her onto his lap. She threw her uninjured arm around his neck, and her broken sobs shattered what was left of his aching heart. “This isn't your fault, sweetheart.”

“Yes, it is. I was the one who got Mama to sing again. I was the one who broke my arm because I didn't listen. I'm sorry. Please.”

He rocked her while tears ran down his face. “Oh, Zoey, don't cry.”

“I'll be good. I will. I promise. Please!”

Reggie looked over and saw Roni standing in the doorway, her face wet with tears. He turned back to his child. “Zoey, this is something I have to do so that we can be a family again. Please don't cry. I'm coming back. I promise.”

“No, you aren't. You're going to be gone forever, just like Leah's mom.”

“No, I won't.”

“Yes, you will. Mom, please make him stay!”

“I wish I could, cupcake, but I can't.”

“Then send me back to foster care so you can be happy again,” she pleaded. “I'll be okay.”

He saw Roni's hand fly to her mouth in horror. He felt the same. Was this the price he had to pay? Would the end result be worth—this? “Zoey, listen. No one's sending you anywhere. I love you, and I love your mom. I just need a time-out to clear my head, that's all.”

She snapped fiercely, “You're never coming back. Never.” Freeing herself from his arms, she scrambled off the bed and ran to Roni, pressed her face against her, and wept inconsolably. The look in his wife's eyes seemed to mirror the question he'd asked himself: Is it worth—this?

And in his heart he knew it was. If he didn't figure things out, he would be gone forever, and their world would never be the same. Rising from the bed, he walked out.

The following morning, he called Nathan for a ride to the airport. Neither Roni nor Zoey came downstairs to see him off, and he supposed that was as it should be. He felt bad about closing the clinic, but it couldn't be helped. The kids in the area could go back to the clinic in Hays for treatment like before. The reality of leaving felt no better than it had last night. If anything, he felt worse, and he supposed that was as it should be, too.

When Nathan pulled the town car into the drive, Reg took one last look around the house that had come to be home. Standing there, he listened, hoping to hear Roni or Zoey moving around upstairs, but only silence returned. Drawing in a deep breath, he rolled his suitcase to the door.

Nathan put the case in the trunk. Reg looked up to the bedroom windows and saw Zoey framed by her drapes. She resembled a little ghost. He waved. She didn't respond. Filled with the pain of her rejection, he looked away. When he raised his eyes to her window again, she was gone. Feeling like hell, he got in the car, and Nathan drove him away.

Upstairs, Roni answered the soft knock on her door.

“Come on in, baby.”

“Dad's gone.”

Roni was sitting up in bed. “I know.” She patted the bed, and Zoey walked over and sat beside her. Roni drew her close.

“He waved but I was too sad, so I didn't wave back. Was that bad?”

“I didn't want to get up and see him go either, so we're in the same boat, I suppose.”

“Is he really coming back?”

“He says he is.”

“Do you believe him?”

“Until he tells me something different, I have to, but you and I are going to be okay.”

“I'm going to be sad the whole time he's gone.”

“Me, too.”

“I wanted him to stay.”

“So do I, but if he says he needs time away, we have to love him enough to allow him to do that.”

“Are you going to go back into the studio?”

“Yes, but not until you get the okay to go back to school. One of us has to pay the bills around here, and the state of Kansas says you're too young to work.”

She smiled, and that made Roni feel better. “And honey, it's okay to be mad and sad and feel a little lost. This has rocked our world, and we're in unchartered territory.”

“Sorta like
Star Trek
.”

Roni laughed. “I guess you can look at it that way. What would Captain Kirk say?”

“Shields!”

“Then we'll put up our shields and keep it moving.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“And Zoey. You are never going back into foster care—ever, okay?”

She nodded. “Can we have blueberry waffles?”

“Sure can.”

C H A P T E R

16

H
enry Adams was both rocked and saddened by the news of the Garland separation. Everyone knew Reg had been brooding for quite some time, but no one believed he'd actually leave. The day after his departure, Bernadine spent the morning on the phone trying to find a doctor to replace him, if only temporarily. She was admittedly irritated that he'd left town without making arrangements. Then again, he probably had other things on his mind, like the fractured state of his marriage, she told herself, so she cut him some slack.

When she spoke with Roni the day he left, she seemed to have reconciled herself to the situation and was determined to make life as normal for Zoey as possible. Zoey would also be visiting Paula for counseling on a regular basis for the next little while, in the hope that their talks would aid her in coping with the abrupt change in her life, and managing her anger.

Another problem for Bernadine was that Reg's leaving also snatched the rug from beneath Diane's chance of securing a job. Since learning of Harmon's plans to remarry, Diane had spent the majority of her time sequestered in her room. The few times she had let herself be seen, she wore the look of a woman devastated by the hand she'd been dealt by life. Bernadine could sympathize. When she'd walked in on Leo and his secretary that day in his office, she'd been knocked to her knees, but she'd gotten up and laced on her boxing gloves. Granted, Harmon hadn't committed adultery, but it had to be hard for her sister, knowing he'd remarried before the ink on the divorce decree had a chance to dry. However, she couldn't wallow forever, at least not on Bernadine's dime. She needed a job.

“So what's up, baby girl? Why so glum?” Mal asked as he slipped into the booth she was sitting in.

Bernadine had come down to the Dog to get some time away from the office and to think. As always, no matter the situation, circumstances, or time of day, Mal lifted her spirits.

“Trying to imagine how much of a fit Diane's going to throw when I tell her the only jobs in town are on the janitorial staff at the store.”

“It's an honest living. Folks have put their kids through school with mops and brooms.”

“Agreed, but she thinks of herself as way too special for that.”

“Hard to call yourself special when you're flat broke.”

She raised her cup to her lips. “I know. She was supposed to be talking to Reg Garland about an assistant's position at the clinic, but now?”

“Any luck with finding a replacement for him?”

“Not so far. For the time being, the kids will have to use the clinic in Hays. I really wish he'd made some arrangements, but it probably wasn't a priority at the time.”

“Probably not. Hope they work it out. I like them both.”

She agreed.

“So what are you going to do about your sister?”

“Lay it out for her and see what she decides to do. Letting her just sit around watching the judge shows all day is not going to happen. She can either go see Gary or move elsewhere. My name is not Bernadine Enabler Brown.”

His mustache lifted with his smile.

She drained the last of her coffee and set the cup down. “Well, no sense in delaying this any longer. I'm going to swing by home and let her know her appointment is at two today.”

“Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

When she arrived, she found Diane lounging on the living room couch in sweats and slippers, watching
Judge Judy
. Upon seeing Bernadine, she jumped. Guilt filled her face. “What're you doing home so early?”

“Came to drive you to your job interview.”

“The one with the doctor?”

“No. He's had to close down his practice temporarily. The interview is with Gary Clark over at the grocery store.”

She cocked her head. “Grocery store?”

“Yes. It's the only job available at the moment, so you need to apply.”

She shook her head. “No, I don't think I'd like doing something like that,” she said, and went back to watching
Judge Judy
.

Holding on to her temper, Bernadine very calmly walked over to the remote, picked it up, and pressed
POWER
.

“Hey!”

“Either you speak with Gary, or you move out. Those are your choices.”

“Some choice,” she grumbled. “What job am I applying for?”

“Janitorial. Night shift.”

She laughed. “Oh, you got me that time, Bernie. Janitorial. Good one.”

“Do you see me laughing?”

In the silence Diane searched her stony features. “You. Are. Kidding.”

“No. I'm. Not.”

She sprang to her feet. “You can't possibly expect me to work as a janitor!”

“Do you have another option?”

“Of course not. There are no jobs in this depressing little place.”

“Then you interview this afternoon, or move on.”

“You hate me that much,” Diane replied knowingly, shaking her head with disgust. “Mama's probably spinning in her grave knowing—”

“Don't you dare say a word to me about Mama!” Bernadine stormed. “Ms. I'm Too Busy to See Her on Her Death Bed!”

Diane folded her arms and stared off into the distance.

Bernadine took in a few calming breaths to counteract the seething canyon fire burning inside. “So, what are you going to do?”

“You love my being in this position, don't you?”

“Cut the crap. Decide.”

“I'll do the interview. Happy?”

Bernadine wanted to shake her.

“Of course there's no guarantee he'll actually hire me,” Diane pointed out smugly.

“Then you'd better give him the best damn interview he's ever seen, because if you don't get the job, I will personally pack your stuff and put it out on the street.”

Diane's eyes widened, but Bernadine had nothing else to relay. She left her staring and speechless sister standing in the living room.

Shortly before two, Diane made her appearance. Decked out in leather and full makeup she was way overdressed. Apparently seeing that in Bernadine's face, she explained, “I'm wearing this because I want him to know that if he has a job available in his office I can dress the part.”

“There aren't any other jobs.”

“We'll see.”

Bernadine sighed tiredly. “Let's go.”

Like most kids, Zoey always dreamed of not having to go to school, but the reality left a lot to be desired. First of all, due to the injuries from the bike wreck, she was supposed to be taking things easy, so between that and the pain meds, which kept putting her to sleep, she'd spent most of the time in bed, which meant she had all day to think about her dad, and where he might be, what he might be doing, and whether he missed her and her mom. Were she in school, she'd be too busy doing work to be so worried and sad.