From This Moment On (6 page)

Nikki hadn’t realized he’d switched from talking about his father to Wallace. She’d been too unsettled by the rawness in his voice and how his face had changed. Usually she was good at reading people. For all the gang-related funerals she’d attended, maybe she’d never seen loss up close, because right now, it felt as if she were staring it in the face. But after twelve years?

She was lucky she hated Wallace. If this is what loving and losing someone did to a person...

“Hey, I didn’t mean to freak you out.” Trace was back to being himself, but with a concerned frown aimed at her.

“You didn’t.”

“I’m trying to tell you that you don’t have to act tough around me, Nikki. I get it.”

“Act tough?” She scoffed. “I am tough. I’ve had to be. And no, you don’t get it.” She felt badly he’d spent those past few moments reliving his father’s illness. She did. But their situations were different and she didn’t like him thinking she was weak and needy.

“For the sake of argument, how about we agree that you can use me as a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on if the need arises.”

“Look, I’m sorry about your dad. You have such a great family and he was too young, but I’m fine. I am. I—” She totally lost her train of thought when she saw tenderness soften the lines bracketing his mouth. Why did she find it so hard to accept kindness? She didn’t doubt Trace’s sincerity, so why was she always unprepared for it? Looking past him, she stared at the cloudless blue sky, the snowcapped peaks of the Rockies. So much beauty. She should be finding peace inside, not panic, certainly not fear that her legs would give out. Oh, God...

Trace was quick, startling both the mare and her. He reached Nikki, and put his arms around her before she could tell him to stop. She was tempted to sag against his broad chest until the shakiness passed. For that same reason, she struggled to get away from him. Maybe that was the trouble with him. He made her weak. His kindness, the concerned looks and gentle touches chipped away at her defenses. Somehow he seemed to see past her facade and that was dangerous for her. How had he even known about her horse phobia? Matt hadn’t seen it.

“Come on, now. I’m not hurting you.” Trace loosened his hold. “I’m not even gonna kiss you.” He had that damn smile in his voice. “Of course if you want me to...”

She’d quit fighting him when he mentioned the kiss, but realized it only now. And then told herself it was better that she stay where she was so he couldn’t see her face. “Trace, I swear—”

“I’m just teasing you.” His short husky laugh skipped along her nerve endings. He began gently stroking her back, she imagined, much like how he’d been stroking Gypsy’s neck. “I have something to say but not while we’re looking at each other.” He rested his chin on top of her head. His heart pounded against the palm she laid on his chest. “Okay?”

It was probably a trick to spark her curiosity. “I don’t like my hands and arms trapped like this.”

“Put them around my waist. I don’t mind.”

She laughed. “Oh, Trace.”

“What?” He leaned back to look at her. “I’m serious. I have something to tell you.”

“All right. I’m listening.” She couldn’t seem to stay mad at him, which was irritating in itself. Another reason she should stay away from him, not be meeting him in secret. If there was another guy like him on the planet, she sure hadn’t met him.

His chest expanded on a sigh. “I’ve never told anyone this so I’d appreciate you not repeating it.”

“I won’t.” She slipped her arms free and slid them around him, pressing her cheek to his chest, feeling his strong steady heartbeat.

“One day my father and I were mending fences in the north pasture. I was pissed off that I had to work that particular afternoon because we were having a dance at school later, and any one of the hands could’ve been doing the work. But my dad, he had this thing about doing different projects with each son. Cole had had lots of one-on-one time with him when he was in high school and so had Jesse. Dad wanted to make sure we boys knew how to do everything on the ranch and felt it was a good way to spend individual time with us.

“Well, I bitched and moaned that I wouldn’t be ready in time to pick up my date, it was my first dance and I’d be too tired to enjoy it and on and on. Normally he would’ve let me go and we would’ve rescheduled. But I’d done that to him twice before so I could try out for varsity football. Then once he’d had to cancel.” Trace paused. “I reminded him of that and accused him of never having been that stubborn with Cole and Jesse. Not the day of their first dance. Why poor me?”

His sudden slide to sarcasm jolted her. She tried not to tense, especially since he was already holding her kind of tight, but she knew something bad was coming.

“He smiled at me, said ‘you’re right, son, this can wait for another time.’ He looked tired and there was no reason for him to work alone. I told him he should ride back to the house with me. He shook his head, told me to go, and I was still mad, checking my watch and my phone, too anxious to jump in the shower to care what he did.

“The next day, he and my mom sat all of us kids down. Jesse was home for the weekend from college. And they told us Dad had cancer. He’d taken too long to go see the doc. The late diagnosis meant he didn’t have much time left.” Trace swallowed. “We never did finish the fence line together. That afternoon in the north pasture was the last day he got his hands dirty. When he’d said there’d be another time, he’d lied. He knew he was too weak. He’d wanted to give me that last day and I was a total friggin’ self-centered asshole.”

“Oh, God, Trace, don’t—” She tried to look at him but he wouldn’t let her. Unsure what emotion she’d find in his face, she let him have his dignity and just hugged him. “I hope you’re not still holding on to that argument. From what I’ve heard about your dad, he would never want that for you.”

“Wanna know what I regret the most? I never brought it up. It ate at me yet I pretended the argument never happened. Hell, it wasn’t an argument, it was me mouthing off. I was so ashamed and stupid. That damn McAllister pride that kept him from seeing the doctor kept me from telling him I—” His voice broke. “Talk about stupid. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

Nikki knew why. He’d given her a piece of himself so she’d feel comfortable confiding in him. What an incredible gift. Her eyes were moist, and she blinked like crazy when he leaned back, threading his fingers through her hair. She finally looked up at him, and found his tender smile almost more than she could take.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“I didn’t do anything.”

She just smiled back, amazed at how familiar his face had become. His green eyes had darkened and his mouth looked firm and soft at the same time. “I don’t suppose one kiss would hurt,” she said, her heart pounding. “Do you?”

His brief hesitation surprised her, then he slowly lowered his head, and she pushed up onto her toes to meet him halfway.

6

H
E
SLANTED
HIS
MOUTH
to fit hers better, and flipped the hat off his head when it got in the way. A soft kiss, a few nibbles, teasing her lips before he ran his tongue along the lower one. She opened for him, eager to taste him, anxious for him to give her more. She smiled a little against his mouth. If he didn’t want to be hurried, it wouldn’t happen.

Trace’s lips moved in a faint smile in return, his warm moist breath gliding over her tongue and melding with her own. His fingers tightened in her hair and she wasn’t sure whose heart pounded faster when he slipped his tongue inside her mouth.

She’d thought about this moment...what it would be like. Back in Houston right after she and Matt had returned. For a few nights she’d lain awake in bed wondering what kind of kisser Trace would be. In the end, she’d decided that while he might be a flirt, he’d be considerate. Trace would want to leave a woman satisfied.

Too soon he withdrew, but before she could object, he trailed his lips to the side of her neck. He nipped at her earlobe as he ran a hand down her back, stopping at the curve of her ass. His soft moan against her sensitized skin flooded her with longing. He found her lips again, the urgency clear, his tongue thrusting against hers. She tasted his desire and passion, and fisted her hands, torn between pushing him away and pulling him to the ground with her.

But it was Trace who ended up gentling the kiss. Then drew back so he could see her eyes. His seemed troubled. “What are we doing?”

Looking at him made it hard to answer. “I don’t know,” she said, burying her face in his shoulder. He held her against the warmth and strength of his chest, and while part of her wanted nothing more but to be right where she was it also scared her to feel so safe, even for these few fleeting moments. “Maybe we should stop until we do.”

“I reckon that’s wise,” he muttered, sounding as confused and miserable as she was.

Neither of them moved. Then Nikki finally took the initiative. She was smarter than to travel this dangerous road only to satisfy a physical urge. Her options were so few already. If she left Blackfoot Falls, she wanted the decision to be hers. Not made for her because of a weak moment.

As she moved farther back, Trace seemed to have trouble letting go of her hand. She seriously flirted with the thought of just saying screw it. Even if they had sex just this one time. Only they would know. That alone told her she’d been right to stop before impulse replaced good sense. The old Nikki had taken that route and look how much trouble that had landed her.

“You don’t need to worry about next time,” Trace said, scooping his hat off the ground and studying her face. “This doesn’t have to happen again.”

“It won’t.”

His jaw tightened. “I was kind of hoping we’d leave that open.”

“Oh.” She lifted a hand to block the sun. His lips were still damp, and his eyes dilated and dark. Something fluttered in her belly. “Well, it probably wasn’t a good idea.”

“Says you.” With a wry smile, he set his Stetson on her head. It was too big, but it did the job of keeping the sun off her face. “You need one of these.”

“A cowboy hat?”

“Excuse me, but this is a Stetson.”

“And the difference would be?”

He shook his head in mock disgust, then scratched the side of his neck. “Were you serious? You think it was a bad idea?”

She breathed in slowly and evenly. “I don’t know what I think.” She could barely stand the disappointment on his face, mostly because of her own frustration. It would be too easy to give in and worry about regrets later. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and made a show of checking the time. “I need to get going. I thought of something I forgot to do.”

He didn’t look as if he believed her, but then she hadn’t expected him to. “You remember your way back to the main road?”

“Yes, and thanks.” She backed toward the truck. “Oh, here.” She took off the hat and gave it to him, then rushed to retrace her backward steps so they wouldn’t start kissing again. “I know I don’t have to tell you this, but I’ll say it anyway. The kiss should stay secret along with the lessons.”

“Understood,” he said, settling the Stetson on his dark hair. He hadn’t indicated if he agreed, but that didn’t matter. “You drive safely now.”

“Like a nun.”

He might as well have touched her with the way his throaty chuckle shimmied down her spine. “That’s an image I’m having some difficulty with.”

She grinned and climbed into the truck. It took all her concentration to reverse without hitting a tree or shrub. When she finally got herself pointed toward the road, she checked the rearview mirror.

Trace hadn’t moved. He stood with his arms crossed, his long jean-clad legs spread, his boots planted hip-distance apart, and stared after her. The Stetson hid his expression. She could see the shape of his mouth, though, that very clever sexy mouth of his. And wasn’t that a terribly stupid thing to notice because now she was getting all tingly.

The grassy trail he’d made was a bit dicey so she was forced to give up the mirror. Five minutes later she was safely on the road that led to town and the Lone Wolf turnoff. Only then did she realize she’d forgotten to ask if he’d be at the Watering Hole later.

* * *

“I’
M
SURPRISED
HE
’
S
not here since he didn’t show last night.” Sadie transferred the pitcher of beer from the tap to the space Nikki had left on her tray.

For a long-drawn-out moment, she debated whether to respond.

Naturally she knew her boss meant Trace because she’d seen Nikki eye the door every time it opened.

“I assume you’re talking about Trace?” Nikki’s dry smile matched Sadie’s. “He was helping Matt at the Lone Wolf for a few hours yesterday. Maybe he’s still playing catch-up at the Sundance, or playing with the guests.”

Sadie snorted a laugh. “I like the way you say it as if you don’t give a hoot. You practice long and hard with that line?”

Nikki nearly told her to shut up, though it wasn’t a term she cared to repeat since she’d literally had her mouth washed out with soap when she was seven. Despite her mother’s long work hours, she’d been strict enough to keep Nikki in line most of the time. Instead, she picked up the tray, noticed that the blonde with the serious bling sitting nearby seemed to perk up at overhearing Trace’s name. Nikki was tempted to ask her if she’d seen him at the Sundance tonight. But what purpose would that serve? If he was MIA, Nikki would only assume he was out with the guest who’d chased after him three nights ago.

Nikki really wished she hadn’t remembered that. He’d kissed her. She’d kissed him back. Not that it mattered. They’d agreed not to do it again. Sort of.

“Who needed a fresh mug?” she asked the group of men waiting for their turns to play pool.

Josh smiled and shook his head. She’d liked him even before she found out he was Trace’s friend. He was a hand from the Sundance and the kind of guy she could count on if a customer ever got too rowdy. It hadn’t happened while she’d been waitressing here, but she’d had to fend guys off twice back in Houston. After that she’d thought about carrying a knife, then decided she’d find a new job before going that far.

“Where’s your buddy?” she asked, real casual-like as she set down mugs.

“Lucas?”

“The other one.”

“She means Trace.” Sam took his shot, cursed when he missed, then straightened and grinned at her. “Don’t you, sweet cheeks?”

“Was I talking to you?” Nikki seriously reconsidered the whole knife thing...if only to see the look on Sam’s face when she pulled it out. “And keep calling me sweet cheeks if you like your beer warm.”

Josh laughed. “He worked late vaccinating the last of the calves. I don’t know that he has the energy to come to town.”

She blinked. It was because of her that he’d fallen behind on his normal duties. “You mean he actually does real work?” she said, since they’d all expect a wisecrack and not the guilt needling her.

“Trace works harder than any man on that ranch,” Josh said, his tone defensive. “Cole, Jesse, everyone works hard.” He shrugged, almost in apology for being sharp. “But they don’t have double duty like Trace. Rachel relies on him to handle the guest activities.” He glanced sideways to check for eavesdroppers. “The dude ranch business is a lot more trouble than you’d think.”

He would know. Cole had assigned Josh and Lucas, another hand, to help Rachel run the dude ranch side of the operation. Nikki was well aware how much the men had to juggle because in February she’d helped Rachel and Jamie scramble to make lunches or do whatever when the weather had forced everyone indoors. She’d seen the annoyed looks on the men’s faces when the women opted out of snow activities and hung out in the barn instead. Not Trace, though, he always had a smile. He ate up the attention.

She set down the last mug. “Y’all okay? Need anything else before I go?”

Most of the guys shook their heads and made room to let her pass. Sam leaned over directly in front of her to grab some chalk and block her escape route. She reared back, locking gazes with him, silently daring him to push her one more time.

“See, this is what I don’t get,” he said, a grin tugging at his mouth. He was cute sometimes, when he wasn’t being a smug jerk. “Why pine away for Trace when you can have me? I’d always have enough energy for you, Nikki. Hell, I’d even switch from beer to Red Bull if I had to.”

That made her laugh. “Pine away? I don’t even know what that means.”

“Withering on the vine, honey, as my grandma used to say. Just waiting and hoping and praying your little heart out he’ll come through that door.”

“Oh, God.” She waved for him to get out of the way. “I’d bet your grandma sold snake oil.”

He swept his long blond hair back from his face, the grin still there. “A team of wild horses on steroids couldn’t keep me away if you were mine.”

Okay, he wasn’t even mildly amusing now. “I’m not anybody’s anything. Now move. I mean it.”

“Trace thinks otherwise.”

She froze, aware that the rest of the men had quieted.

“All right, Sam, that’s enough,” Josh said. “You shoulda quit while you were still funny.”

Sam didn’t even blink. He kept smiling at her.

She had the feeling he was going to wink, and then she’d have to smack him. “You’re either delusional or drunk, and now you’re cut off.” She grabbed the bottle out of his hand.

He only laughed, which made her angrier. She wanted to know why he’d said that about Trace, but she couldn’t ask. Sam worked at the Circle something-or-other ranch. It wasn’t located anywhere near where she and Trace met today, but on the other side of town. So he couldn’t have seen them.

Briefly she glanced at Josh. He’d been quick to stop Sam. Did that mean Josh knew Trace had said something? Or was he just being nice helping get Sam off her back?

“You wanna know what I mean, don’t you?” Sam moved to give her a clear path. His faint smirk challenged her to stuff her curiosity and go on to other customers. He was about to find out she was too stubborn to lose that dare.

“Settle up with Sadie before you leave,” she said, pushing past him.

“Trace warned all of us to keep away,” Sam said. “Made it plain you were off-limits. To everyone but Mr. McAllister himself. Those McAllisters...you know those boys get what they want. Especially Trace.”

Nikki told herself to ignore him. It was the smart thing to do. She stopped under the dividing arch to the front of the bar, and turned. “What?”

Sam chuckled. He picked up the beer left on the ledge by the other pool player, and took a swig. “It’s true.”

“Don’t listen to him.” Josh snorted with disgust. “Trace never told
me
that.”

“Hell, why would he?” Sam cast a dismissive glance at him. “You’re a kid. She’s so far out of your league you’d need one of those bullet trains to catch up.”

Josh turned red.

“Are you kidding?” Nikki’s abrupt laugh held no amusement. “I’d go out with Josh before I’d cross the room for you.” The other guys seemed to think that was funny, and she decided it was a good time to disappear. “And, you jerk, the ‘kid’ is my age.”

“I’m talking experience, honey,” Sam called after her. “We both know you’ve been around the—”

He cut himself short, and she’d almost made it to the jukebox, but stopped and slowly turned to face him. Sam wore the expression of a man who knew he’d gone too far and wasn’t sure how to get out of the mess he’d made. But then, there was no way out. The words couldn’t be taken back. People sitting at nearby tables either weren’t paying attention or were politely ignoring what had been said. The guys hanging around the pool table, though, they’d all heard.

Watching Sam try not to squirm did little to appease her. She wouldn’t let him get away with being a prick, but causing a scene wouldn’t help. Dammit. She couldn’t decide. Keep walking or make him spell out what he meant. He’d backpedal and apologize before he’d say anything else stupid. Nikki wasn’t the only one pissed, and he knew it.

“Sam.” Josh stepped in, his jaw tight, a vein popping along the side of his neck. “You don’t know when to keep that big mouth shut, do you?”

“I’m just teasing.” He tried to shoulder past Josh, who wouldn’t budge. “I don’t know anything about Nikki. We were baiting each other and it got out of hand.”

“Josh?” Just before he’d spoken up, she’d decided it was better to walk away, but now she moved closer, hoping to keep things contained. “Let it go. Sam’s right, he doesn’t know me,” Nikki said, looking him directly in the eyes. “Because if he did, he’d be sweating and tripping over himself to apologize. I am this close—” she drew her thumb and forefinger together, leaving a hair-thin space between them “—to making sure you’re not allowed in here as long as I’m waiting tables. How would that work for you?”

“Shit.” Sam scrubbed at his flushed face. “I’m sorry. I really am. Not because you’d get me kicked out. It was a dumb-ass thing to say.”

She caught Josh’s sleeve when he started to jump in, her gaze staying on Sam. “It was disrespectful,” she said, “and I won’t have it.”