Forever We Fall: Broken #4 (The Broken Series) (4 page)

"I thought all my Christmases had come when Ted and Mora moved into the house next door to us shortly after Jimmy and I were married," Tracy said quietly as she fidgeted with a loose curl. "Although, I must admit I was surprised to see they were married with a child."

"Surprised?" I shook my head. "Why were you surprised?"

"Because I knew them," she replied with a smile. "They were from my hometown. Mora Jenkins lived on the same street as my parent's house. We were friends as children and I hadn't known she'd gotten engaged to Ted Frey…" Tracy's voice trailed off as she gazed off dreamily, a reluctant smile spreading across her face. "I'd always thought she would marry Freddy Skinner – varsity receiver and all round heartthrob." Shaking her head, Tracy sighed and added, "She informed me they married shortly after I moved away and…" Tracy exhaled and smiled sadly. "It hurt me to have missed so much from my old life. It was hard to see her so happy and in love with her husband, when I was so miserable and afraid of mine."

"But they were good to you?" Kyle asked in a gruff tone, breaking the silence as he came to sit beside me again. "Ted and Mora, I mean."

"Yes," she choked out. "Ted protected me from Jimmy's fists more times than I can bear to remember, and Mora kept Lia for me on the nights I knew it wasn't safe for her to be at home." Tracy's eyes locked on mine. "You have to know, Lia…you have to know I did everything in my power to get you out of there," she sobbed. "I tried to run with you, but he always dragged me back. I tried to hide, but he always found us…and when he got me home the beatings were harder, the threats became more real and the fear I felt became too much.

"The day I left was the day he found my birth control pills." Smiling sadly, she added, "I went on birth control as soon as Lia was born. Jimmy wanted more children – a son – and I knew I couldn't bring another child into that house." She shuddered violently. "It didn't matter what I wanted though. He would have his son whether I was willing or not." I tightened my fingers around hers in sympathy.

"He went into such a fit of rage that day," she whispered. "He went through all of my things and when he noticed most of our clothes were missing I had to admit I'd been planning to leave him and was taking you with me. He called me all sorts of names, flushed my pills down the drain, took his belt to me and when I was close to passing out he stormed outside… he came back inside the house about an hour later and took Lia out of my arms, threw a twenty dollar bill in my face and ordered me to drive into town to buy his whiskey," she sobbed.

"I was about a mile down the road when I realized something was wrong," she whimpered. "I couldn't control the steering wheel, the brake pedal wouldn't work and I crashed into the Benny's bridge…the car nosedived into the creek."

"Oh my god," I cried, furiously blinking back my tears as my heart broke for the woman in front of me.

"I can't swim," she choked out. "I nearly drowned. I
would
have drowned if Ted hadn't pulled me out of the creek– he saved my life. He told me to run. To go before Jimmy realized I'd made it out." Her voice rose and my heartbeat quickened as words of pain spilled from her mouth. "I'd taken enough. I'd
had
enough, but I was frantic. I knew I had to take you with me. I couldn't leave you behind. But I had nothing to offer you and he would have never let me have you. I was barely nineteen with no money, no job. Nothing," she confessed, her eyes begging me for forgiveness. "In the end I had to make a choice," she whispered. "And I chose wrong."

"I…" I paused, unsure of what to say. A huge part of me wanted to throw my arms around the terrified woman in front of me and tell her it was all right –that I forgave her for her choices – but something held me back.

"Ted opened the door of his car for me, offered me a way out, a life-line," she choked out. "And in taking that life-line I severed yours..."

"Tracy…" Kyle said in a soft tone as he covered our joined hands with his. "You were barely more than a kid." Glancing nervously at me, he continued to say, "It was a matter of life or death."

"Ted drove me to Denver and set me up in the cottage, made sure I had enough money. I changed my name and buried my past," she said, ignoring Kyle's words, keeping her eyes locked on mine. "And I survived. I lived. I was safe. But I quickly learned that what I'd sacrificed in order to survive – the hole in my heart from your absence – I knew then I'd have been better off dead. I never stopped regretting that choice, Lia, and I never will."

"Why didn't you go back for her?" Kyle asked, his tone laced with pain. "I'm not judging you, Tracy, god knows I'm not, but
why
didn't you go back and get her out of there? Or send someone else to get her?" Shaking his head, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I could feel him trembling. "That's the part I have a hard time swallowing."

I stared blankly at Kyle's face for a moment, stunned by his admission. He'd always seemed so accepting of my mother. I hadn't known he'd wondered about the same things I had. A huge swell of warmth and comfort flushed through me, prickling my skin. He got it. He finally understood…

"I wish I had a good enough answer for you, Kyle, but I don't," Tracy whispered. "My self-esteem was non-existent and I forced myself to believe that she was better off without me – that she was safe."

Squeezing my hand gently, she proceeded to say, "I had the naive belief that I was the one Jimmy despised, and that he would never harm you. He never once laid a finger on you when I was there…his anger was solely directed at me and I pretended to myself that he would have no reason to…" her voice caught and she took a deep choking breath before continuing. "Oh god, I have no excuses," she sobbed. "I was a coward."

"Your hand looks like mine," I whispered, ignoring her pleas, my eyes locked on the frail sun-kissed skin of my mother's hand. "I always wondered."

Looking up, her eyes burned into mine and I watched as a number of different emotions churned around in her brown eyes. "I made a terrible, selfish mistake, Lia, and I'm so, so sorry," she wept. "I know it doesn't change anything. I can't take the past back. I can't rewrite the time that has passed. But I love you and I'm so proud of the woman in front of me…" Inhaling deeply, she clutched my hand and said, "I would have gladly given you every organ in my body. When I saw you lying in that hospital bed…" Her voice warbled, her emotions spilling over. "I would have given you the skin off my bones…"

"I always wondered what you would feel like." Tentatively I moved my thumb over her hand and sighed. "I never felt softness," I admitted. "Your hand touching mine, right now, is the softest touch I've ever felt from my parents."

I heard Kyle's breathing hitch. His knee bobbed restlessly beside mine, and I guessed he was having a hard time trying to keep himself from pulling me into his arms. This hurt him. He had never felt much tenderness from his parents, but he hadn't suffered beatings.

Not like I had.

Not like she had.

"What was it like for you?" she asked, her voice barely audible. "What…w-what did that man do to you?"

"I thought I would die," I confessed, not waiting for comfort or an apology. The urge I had inside of me to lay myself bare was overwhelming. I wasn't telling her this to hurt her. I was telling her because I felt if I didn't get it out I would burst. The look in her eyes told me she understood my words. She could hear my pain. She could feel my fear. "Most nights, I went to bed thinking I would never wake up." Shuddering violently, I concentrated on keeping my voice even. "That this is the night he will snap. I used to pray he'd do it with mercy. A pillow to my face. Or snap my neck. Something quick and painless."

"Did he…did he touch you, Lia?"

"Yes," I replied. "Not in the way you're thinking, but as I got older he would..." I stopped to think of how best to phrase my words. Looking directly into my mother's eyes, I said, "Sometimes he would look at me with this hungry gleam in his eyes. That look was worse than the physical pain." I shook my head and sighed. "It made night-time even more terrifying because I wasn't just fearing his fists…"

"Stop," Kyle croaked as he jerked out of his chair and backed away to the kitchen door. "I can't hear this, baby."

"It's okay, Kyle," I whispered as I watched him retreat from the room.

Turning to face my mother, I said, "He suffers when I speak about my childhood. Sometimes I think he's reliving my past as I speak it."

"You're so incredibly brave," she gushed. "I don't know where you get it from when both of your parents are such cowards…"

"I get my courage from Kyle," I said immediately and without shame. "He makes me strong."

"You're very much in love with him, aren't you?"

"Yes," I replied. "I don't think I could work right without him." I thought about what I was saying and shrugged. "At least not in any way that matters."

"He confuses me," Tracy blurted out. She looked at me apologetically before smiling. "The way he speaks, his body language, his whole demeanor…everything about him screams danger, yet I've never been shown such kindness and compassion from a man."

"That's Kyle for you," I joked half-heartedly. "He's as unpredictable as a hurricane. He's an enigma wrapped up in a conundrum wrapped up in a riddle."

"Can you forgive me?" she asked bluntly, her lip wobbling, her eyes wide and braced for rejection. "In time…ever?"

"I'll never forget," I said quietly. It was the truth. "I can't. Too many incidents and scars…" Inhaling deeply, I squeezed my mother's hand and allowed the words that would change the course of my future to spill from my lips. "But I can try to move on from this point. I would like to talk to you again." Shrugging awkwardly, I forced myself to smile. "I understand your choices. They're not the choices I would have made, but I can see why you did what you did…That's about as much as I can offer right now."

"Then I'll take it," Tracy said quickly with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I will take whatever you offer..."

"Do you think he's coming?" I blurted out, voicing a deep-seated worry.

"Yes," she replied shakily.

I nodded slowly, appreciating her honesty and absorbing what her answer meant. Locking eyes with her, I asked, "Do you think he's coming for me or for you…"

Tracy didn't get the chance to answer me because the kitchen door flew open and Kyle stalked back into the room, paced the length of the kitchen twice, muttered a half dozen swear words to himself, before coming to an abrupt halt in front of us. "I have a house in Thirteenth Street that you can stay in. It's safer than where you've been staying," he said steadily, eyes locked on my mother. "If Lee agrees, I'll have a locksmith install something more secure on the windows and doors."

Taking my hand, Kyle pulled me to my feet and tucked me into his side. "But you shouldn't feel guilty for severing your daughter's life-line," he said in a gruff tone, tightening his hold on my waist. "Because if you'd have stayed there you would've severed mine."

"See," I mouthed with a smirk, my eyes locked on my mother's shocked looking face. "Unpredictable."

****

Chapter Three

Kyle

Leaning against the doorframe of our bedroom, I watched in amusement as Lee made our bed with her usual pristine perfection. Every pillow had to be fluffed out, no crease could be left on the duvet and no sheets lasted longer than twenty-four hours on any bed in this house. She looked damn cute and tiny as she stalked our California King, her eyes narrowed in scrutiny as she examined her immaculate work. It didn't make sense to me as to why women were so implicit about bed-making…Then again, maybe it wasn't all women, just this particular one. Cam had never ironed her bed sheets, not once in the almost four years I'd lived with her.

Clearing my throat so I didn't frighten her, I tapped the door lightly before stepping inside. "Hey Princess." 

She still jumped like a flailing bird, but composed herself quickly. "Hey Kyle."

I hadn't had a chance to speak to Lee about her mother – or about the trial date. As soon as I'd turned my back Lee had retreated upstairs and I'd hung back to make sure Derek behaved himself. He was by no means a fan of Lee's mother and liked to voice that every chance he got. I could only pray that Hope's presence made him tone it down. I'd left the three of them in the kitchen and the last I'd seen Hope was munching away happily in her highchair and Tracy was dutifully ignoring Derek's glacial stare…"Big shock with your mom, huh?"
Big shock?
God, I was so fucking stupid. "Some hell of a twenty-four hours we've had…"
Much better, asshole…

"You were right about her," Lee said, her wide gray eyes locked on mine. Beating a pillow between her small hands, Lee blew a curl out of her eyes and worried her bottom lip. "She's so lonely and frightened, Kyle. I feel bad for her. Life's been so hard on her."

"It hasn't exactly been a bed of roses for you either, baby," I said carefully. Lee had made huge progress and I sure as hell wasn't going to knock her back by saying
I told you so
about her mom. "But yeah, it couldn't have been easy to make the decisions your mom had to make," I added, hoping I was being tactful.

"Do you think I'm a bad person, Kyle?" she asked me, her voice wobbling. Clutching the pillow to her chest, she added, "Because I sure as hell do." Shaking her head, she exhaled a ragged breath. "After all she's been through and all she's suffered…I'm still bitter." The uncertainty in her eyes crippled me. "What the hell does that make me?" she whispered. "To know how badly she suffered, to hear her pain and remorse, and still not be able to let go?"

"Human," I said softly. "It makes you human, Lee."

"It makes me cruel," she countered, her voice pained and full of self-loathing. "It makes me like him."

"You are nothing like that bastard," I snarled, taking a step towards her. "And as for feeling bitter? I doubt there's a person on this earth who would feel any different."

"Is she still here?" she asked nervously.

"She's in the kitchen," I told her. "I'll take her to Thirteenth Street soon. I just wanted to check in…see if you were okay with all of this."

"No…I mean, yeah, it's okay by me if she stays there," she mumbled before adding, "thank you, Kyle."

I blinked. "Thank me for what?"

Blinking back the tears that were filling her eyes, she whispered, "You saved me from following in her footsteps. I could have ended up in her shoes." Her brows furrowed. "I...I'll never be able to thank you enough or repay you."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shaking my head in frustration, I folded my arms over my chest and gaped at her. "Repay me? Lee, I don't have a score sheet in my ass pocket, marking down what we owe each other and neither should you."

"You heard what Tracy said," Lee argued, ducking her face. "She was the same age when she met my father as I was when I met you…" Her voice trailed off as she hugged the pillow with a death grip. "Her story is painfully similar to mine. The abuse, the miscarriage, the fear…there's only one difference." Stroking the engagement ring on her finger, she looked up at me. "You, Kyle," she whispered. "You are the disparity in our stories – the difference. Imagine if I'd never met you? If I'd stayed in Montgomery instead of getting on that bus?" She groaned as if in physical pain. "You quite literally saved my life when you got me pregnant and made me stay with you. I would be dead if I had gone back to him. How I ever thought he'd change is beyond me," she hissed. "I would have been walking myself –walking
Hope
– into a grave if I'd left you."

"Let's get two things straight right now, princess," I growled, forcing the image of Lee in that shitty run-down house with that child-abuser from my mind. "One, I was never letting you leave me." Tipping her chin up with my fingers, I wiped the tears from her cheeks. "And two, if you hadn't come here, where do you think I'd be right now?"

"Kyle…"

"Lost," I continued, ignoring her pleas and look of embarrassment. Fuck it, she needed to hear this. "I would be the same asshole sleeping around, looking for something I didn't know existed, because if I hadn't met you then it wouldn't have."

"Kyle," she whispered. "I'm trying to make you understand how much you've changed my life, saved my life…"

"So am I," I shot back angrily, feeling pissed the hell off that she wasn't hearing me. "Jesus Christ, Lee, you healed shit I didn't even know was broken inside me. You did that, Lee. No one else." Cupping her face in my hands, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "The moment I saw you, I knew I was in trouble. Two years later and I'm fucking drowning. Ruined. Stripped fucking bare by a woman." Taking the harassed pillow from Lee's hands, I flung it on the bed and pulled her closer. "A tiny woman with the sexiest damn hips I've ever seen." Ducking my head to her neck, I trailed my lips over the soft skin of her jaw. "Ruined, princess."

"You always do this," she breathed, clutching my shoulders. She shivered in my arms before sagging against me, the scent of her strawberry shampoo poisoning my senses. Jesus, even the smell of her drove me insane. "Distract me to the point where I can't remember my name..."

"Good, 'cause you tie me up in knots," I confessed as I dropped as kiss on her hammering pulse. "You have me wrapped around every single finger on both of your hands." Stepping back slightly, I grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head, freeing her curls with my hand. "And
you
are the best person I know." Placing my hand on her chest, I battled down the surge of desire that was threatening to overcome me, and pressed my forehead against hers, my breathing coming fast and heavy. "There's not a bad bone in your body." Her eyes locked on mine, snaring me, pulling me into her, making me crazy with need. "Let me prove it."

I heard her breathing hitch seconds before our lips crashed together hungrily, devouring each other, as we quickly ridded each other of clothes. "Where's the baby…" Lee started to ask, but groaned loudly instead when her back hit the bathroom door and my body covered hers.

"Downstairs…" I mumbled against her mouth, not giving her a chance to think. I couldn't. I fucking needed her to the point of pain. The wetness between her thighs was driving me out of my goddamn mind. Clamping my hands around the soft skin of her thighs, I hoisted her into my arms. "She's fine."

"That's…good," she gasped between kisses as she wrapped her legs around my waist and tilted her hips towards mine. "We'll be okay," she breathed, cheeks flushed. "Won't we?"

"Always," I told her as I stroked her nose with mine. "Now be a good girl and let me in," I purred before thrusting my tongue into her mouth and my cock into her pussy. "Told you," I crooned, slipping a hand between our bodies to thumb her pulsing clit, as I slid in and out slowly. "Nothing bad about this body, baby."

Her cries and moans worked me into a frenzy and I began to thrust hard and with an urgency that was quickly overpowering my self-control. "Jesus, baby, you're killing me," I grunted as my body started to over-heat. She was so slick, so goddamn wet, I had a hard time trying to stay in. "You feel like home." I ground my hips upwards and slammed her down on my dick, growing harder with every moan that came from her throat. "So fucking beautiful."

"I love you," she breathed as she tugged on my hair and dragged my mouth down to hers and bit down on my bottom lip. "Kyle…" Rocking her pelvis into my thrusts Lee groaned the most fucking erotic guttural groan I'd ever heard and I had to close my eyes or I was going to lose it.

Burying my face in the curve of her neck, I suckled on the salty skin over her pulse, my fingers digging into ripe flesh of her thighs. "Love you too."

"Oh, god…" she hissed, digging her fingernails into my shoulders. "I'm close, Kyle…oh, god…" Clenching my eyes shut, my jaw strained as I desperately tried to hold back for her. The sudden convulsion in her core was too much. She clamped my dick in her hot little pussy, milking me – pushing me over the edge – until I was shuddering violently and releasing into her.

"I think you broke me," Lee giggled, and it was a throaty sexy as hell sound. 

"Sorry," I panted, making no move to pull out of her, as I lifted my head from her neck and grinned sheepishly. "I got a little carried away."

"It's okay," she teased, wiggling against me. "I can't think of a nicer way to be broken." Stroking my face with her hand, she poked her finger into my cheek. "I love your dimple," she murmured as she continued to trail her fingers over my cheek. "It's adorable."

"Uh…thanks?" Shaking my head, I chuckled as I lifted her off my junk and set her down on the bed. "Did you take…?"

"I took them this morning," Lee said with a small indulging smile. "Pee's fine. Weight's the same as always. No problems."

"Good," I sighed. I knew Lee didn't need me on her case about her kidney condition, but I couldn't help worrying. She was getting stronger though. Every day she moved a little more freely, was less out of breath, and I was trying to give her breathing space.

"Listen, baby, I'm gonna drive your mom down to The Hill," I said as I pulled on a pair a jeans. "But when I get home we need to have a talk." Inhaling deeply, I pulled my shirt on and turned to face her. "About the trial, Lee."

"I know, Kyle," she whispered. Picking up the pillow I'd thrown on the floor, she hugged it to her stomach and said, "I heard you on the phone talking to Kelsie last night. Eight weeks."

I stood with my mouth hanging open, gaping like an idiot. The fact that she knew about the trial wasn't what had rendered me speechless. It was from the sight of her naked body, covered only by the white pillow she held. The sun shining through the windows illuminated the soft glow of her skin, her flushed cheeks, her wide gray eyes, her long dark curls cascading over her breasts. Jesus Christ, she looked…ethereal.

"I…" Clearing my throat roughly, I tore my gaze away from her and tried to speak again. "I think you should go shower, baby." Forcing myself to back away before I lost my mind and fucking ravaged her, I knocked up against the dresser.

Perfumes and sprays scattered to the floor and I crouched down to pick them up. Jesus, I'd never understood that word, but right now
ravage
was the only word thundering around in my head. Some fucked up primal instinct I couldn't identify had awakened inside of me, probably instigated by my raging hard-on, and was now coursing through my veins, demanding I seize, acquire and possess this woman's mind, body and soul until she started and ended with me. Until she knew only my touch, only my voice, my everything.  Brand her. Make her mine. Wholly and utterly mine. The only thing that was keeping me from acting on this intrinsic, carnal urge were the scars and wounds that covered her body, reminding me that the tiny woman in my bed was as fragile as glass.

"Are you okay, Kyle?" she asked, her voice laced in concern. "Is something up?"

"Don't get up," I warned her when she moved to help me. Ducking my head, I concentrated on picking up the shit I'd knocked over. "Please…just go shower."

The sound of her soft laugh roused the beast and I groaned in relief when I heard the bathroom door open and close.

What the hell just happened to me?

I was still asking myself the same question when I walked into the kitchen a few minutes later.

"You look weird," Derek accused as he wandered into the room after me.

"I feel weird," I muttered as I clutched the edge of the sink and bowed my head.

Hoisting himself onto the counter beside me, Derek turned on the faucet and splashed me with water. "Care to share?" he asked when I didn't flinch. "Kyle, what's wrong, dude?"

"Something happened to me when I was looking at Lee," I confessed guiltily. "Something really fucking intense and scary and it freaked the hell out of me." Lifting my head I stared at Derek. "Have you ever..." Running my hand through my hair, I paced the floor. "Never mind, forget I said anything."

"Pre-ejaculation is common, dude," he said in a sympathetic tone. Jumping down from the countertop, he walked over to me and clapped my shoulder. "Happens to a lot of guys. Especially when they're stressed. Don't sweat it."

"I didn't pre-ejaculate, Derek," I hissed. "I had an episode."

"What kind of episode?"

"Well, it was more like an urge than an episode," I mumbled, feeling really confused and panicky.