Finding Jim (3 page)

The route is great. There are plenty of positive aspects, probably the most encouraging being that the terrain from Advanced Base Camp to Camp Three will be mostly fixed with a series of ropes. This means that it will be relatively easy to back off the mountain quickly in the event of bad weather or altitude complications. It took me less than one hour to descend from Camp One to Advanced Base Camp this afternoon – a vertical distance of 760 metres.

June 12. Another glorious day, our fourth in a row. And to top it all off, it's Dan's 41st birthday. I got up at 5 a.m. to see Dan, Phil, Stacy, John and John off to Camp Two. Hopefully the weather will hold and Steve and I will get back to Camp One and carry to Two.

Love Always, Jim X0X0

June 16, 1993

Dear Sue,

Just listened to Blue Rodeo's “Lost Together” and my mind really focused on you. Your memory brings such a warm feeling into my heart. I wonder how you're doing. I am anxiously awaiting news from you. I know you're thinking of me. I can sense that, so I don't need your letters, but I want them. I know you and I talked of my being a different person when I get back. It seemed inevitable, after time spent in such a place, on such a mountain. It still does, though how I'll be affected is not clear. Whether I'll want to return to such high and desperate mountains is certainly not a given. I have been exploring the value of this trip in my mind, the nature of the climbing, the people I'm here with and the quality of the experience. The ledger is still being examined. Probably the real outcome won't be fully analyzed until some time after, maybe years.

On Friday I will have been gone four weeks. I wonder if we dictate our own lives by the way we reach for goals or new directions. I think that in many ways we do, but that reshaping requires courage. I'm searching for some of that courage. It's not always easy or comfortable, and in many ways ease and comfort are precisely what we are seeking in life.

Dan is doing great. He focuses incredibly well and has his sights set on the top. I think these forced rest days affect him more than me. We've talked about patience, and maybe K2 is one of his learning experiences. K2 will require patience: patience to slowly achieve altitude given the nature of the weather and the route conditions. Eventually, however, there will come a time for a bold step toward the summit. Too soon and the margin of safety dwindles; too late and the opportunity is gone for the season. We talk about it a lot.

It's now a cool June 18th at 7 in the morning. I'm under a mountain of down trying to keep my fingers warm enough to write this. Yesterday Dan and I did a carry to Camp One from Base Camp. It was a physically tough day in marginal weather and the rest of the team decided not to go. With all of the new snow we were trail-breaking, which added 3 hours to our previous times. I feel good this morning, though, so I guess we are getting acclimatized. Dan and I are now at least one carry ahead of the rest of the team. It's the Dan Culver School of Impatience and Motivation. I've been around it before and will be careful, as the stakes get higher, not to be drawn into the whirlwind. We talk about it and recognize our different personality traits. In many ways we complement each other; it's simply a matter of the correct personality dominating at the right time. Our cook, Gullam, has the best advice: “Going slowly. K2 is not going anywhere, not to China, not to India, you going slowly.” Sound advice.

It's starting to warm up now and my fingers are able to hold the pen continuously.

K2 Base Camp is becoming a real international show. There is a Dutch team, a Slovenian team, a Swedish team and our team: all this activity, drama, intrigue. The Dutch team brought a satellite communications system. It's an amazing deal. A small dish, about 120 cm in diameter, automatically tracks a satellite when the system is engaged. We can call home anytime we want to, but it is not private and costs $25 a minute. Dr. John phoned his wife Carol in Calgary today, who wasn't expecting the call. He said it was tough because he has semi-successfully taken that component of his life (wife and one-year-old son) and placed it in the back of his mind. His call, one minute and 58 seconds, only served to open the emotions. I don't intend to use the phone unless I summit or if something goes badly wrong with our team.

Love Always, Jim.

June 22, 1993

Dear Sue,

Dan, Phil and I got off the mountain last night after pushing our high point to Camp Three, at 7500 metres. It was a long, hard day and I struggled more than Dan and Phil, but it's just a matter of acclimatization. It is the most technically serious part of the climb, but with the strong work of the Slovenians and the gaps filled in by our team and now the Dutch down below, there are fixed ropes everywhere and so escape is fast. Yesterday we descended in two hours and 45 minutes. Granted we had good weather, but even in worse weather I know we could descend quickly. From Camp Three to the top of K2 is a walk, except for a few hundred metres on summit day. Our biggest concern, other than lack of oxygen, is finding the route in poor weather. We've brought 250 wands to mark the way.

I thought for sure we'd receive mail today as the other Canadian team arrived, but no luck. Tough mail service around here. Though I'd love to hear from you, I know in my heart you're with me up here. Your warmth gets me through the long nights and your love keeps me focused when the going gets toughest.

Love Always, Jim.

P.S. The porters say the weather on June 21 dictates the type of weather for the summer. This year … hot and sunny, YES!

June 24, 1993

Dearest Sue,

It looks like a mid-winter storm in Whistler out there, the winds howling and the snow continuing to fall. Weather changes are wild and dramatic here. All is well, our team is comfortably secure in Base Camp – warm, well read and certainly well fed!

No big news since my last letter, but this one won't get away for a few days, so I doubt you'll see it before the 20th of July. The only real news today was that Stacy picked the first summit team: Phil, Dan and me. This is great news in many ways. First, it's a strong team – safety in strength and experience. Second, it would be great to summit with these guys; they're going very well and I have the strongest bonds with them.

There's plenty of work ahead, lots of unknowns, and these are obstacles we'll have to deal with once the storm breaks. We have to sleep at Camp Three and then move to establish Camp Four at 7900 metres, sleep there and then hope we're feeling up to going another 600 metres to the top. We're a ways from the summit, but there's a good feeling among us.

Today we established that we'll carry a Gamow bag to Camp Three, the bag we're sharing with the Swedish team. It's a pressure contraption designed to effectively lower the altitude within the bag. It's an emergency deal. If a climber is feeling the effects of altitude, he or she can crawl inside and the pressure is changed with the use of a pump. This bag can change the altitude at Camp Three from that of 7500 metres to something more like 4000 metres. Apparently the history of these bags is startling, many reversals of cerebral edema and other high altitude illnesses. One more safety feature in our favour.

Now it's the 25th of June and nothing has changed from yesterday. The snow continues to fall steadily and we have been reduced to reading and eating machines. I suppose there have been a few hours of sleep thrown in as well.

I just finished reading
Leaven of Malice
by Robertson Davies, the second of his
Salterton Trilogy
. The books are going fast; my selection will be done soon. Fortunately, there are lots of books about camp that I am anxious to read if the mountain doesn't want us on its slopes.

It's a funny thing, but until these past couple of days there has been no opportunity to really relax and let my mind drift. These trips are often ripe with such chances, but this one has been paced very quickly and with so many new experiences invading my brain, and the many chores that consume our days, there has been little chance of a clean slate in my head to allow new or developing thoughts to grow. So, despite my desire to get on with the task at hand, learning to enjoy and grow with this idle time is my new, tough assignment. The
Tao of Pooh
talks about it, they sang about it in
The Life of Brian
, and it's up to me to let life's flow of energy work for me instead of trying to force it in some direction it doesn't want to go. Easy to say, tough to live.

June 26th. The weather has shifted and the skies have cleared. Lots of snow from the past few days is sloughing off the steep mountain slopes surrounding us. As the day's heat builds, we'll certainly see an increase in avalanche activity from the steep, rocky slopes. Our latest plan is for Phil, Dan and I to leave soon, probably at 2 a.m. tomorrow, and make an attempt on the summit. That would take four days up and two days down, so our weather window needs to be pretty long. We'll see how it goes. We'll also have to feel comfortable sleeping at Camp Three and then at Camp Four at 7900 metres. Lots of questions to be answered and the only way is to make the move.

I'm a bit nervous, only about the altitude, and I will be doing a good job of listening to my body up there. The altitude will affect our decision-making abilities, and decision making is crucial at this stage of the climb. It will take an incredible mental and physical push to reach the summit, but we don't want to step over the line just to summit K2. I feel fit and rested, however, so we'll go and check it out. There is still lots of time, though it would be fantastic to have it all behind us quickly. We're all packing and deciding what we can do without, how to lighten our loads without endangering our lives. There is a hesitant buzz of excitement, our first summit bid and everyone is feeling the drama. The four who aren't on the first summit team – Stacy, John, John and Steve – will be following behind Dan, Phil and I, supporting us from one or two camps below. Here we go.

Well, Sue, my stomach is full of butterflies but they'll calm down once I'm on the hill. I'll use you to help me make my decisions; you're a big part of my future. If we get a big weather window, who knows how it will all work out. I am anxious to hold you and to know your sweet smile again in my life. Take care of yourself, Sue, and I'll be seeing y'all soon.

Love Always,

Jim X0X0X0X0X0

June 28, 1993

Dearest Sue,

I'm sitting in my tent in Base Camp listening to “Unplugged” by Eric Clapton. Bonnie Raitt will come on soon with “Let's Give Them Something To Talk About.” It reminds me of Rogers Pass and the way you and I fell in love. My memories of time spent with you carry me these days on K2.

The weather is still not cooperating. We had such an excellent start, but the momentum has died and the energy will have to be rekindled when the time is right. K2 is a waiting game.