Feel (Sense Series Book 1) (6 page)

“Is there someone else?” he asked.

“You have a lot of nerve asking me a question like that,” I spat.

“Tell me, is there somewhere else? I want to know. I deserve to know. You are aware of my indiscretions, and so you can be upfront with me about your own.”

“There is a possibility for me to be with someone else, and I refuse to feel guilty about it. I have to admit that it’s been refreshing to have someone want to be with me. Someone that won’t cancel on me to be with another woman or to work at ridiculous hours.”

“So is this really what you want?” he asked with a pained expression on his face.

“Yes,” I said thoughtfully. “This is really what I want.”

“So we’re breaking up? We’re ending things here and now?”

“I honestly think that’s for the best,” I said, with courage that I didn’t feel.

I wanted to break up with him before I lost my bravery. I instinctively knew that it was the right thing to do. We weren’t meant for one another, he needed something different than what I had to offer, and he couldn’t give me what I wanted. I was no longer angry with him; I just wanted to be free.

“I’m going to head back to my place and I’m sorry that we ended things this way,” I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his freezing cheek. He didn’t respond to me and I didn’t wait for one. I walked down the pier and caught the first cab that was available. After giving the cab driver my address I closed my eyes and laid my head on the window. My life had completely changed and now I had to figure out an entirely different life plan.

The ring that Michael had chosen was plain but it was huge. It was a single solitaire and at least 3 perfect karats. I wasn’t sure if I should be proud of myself or kick myself in the ass. I’d just turned down a proposal for marriage; it was what I’d dreamed of for years. Michael would have given me children too. I swallowed my potential regret and looked at my watch. I predicted that Adam should have been home.

I entered my building and headed straight for my apartment and called my best friend.

“Hey girly!” Lizzie said, in much better spirits.

“I see that someone is in a good mood,” I said.

“Well that’s what happens you have amazing sex. I may have to give John the honor of being my boyfriend. I think I could fuck that man every day of my life,” she said dreamily.

“Please spare me the details,” I said.

“Uh oh, what’s wrong? You’re only like this when you’re about to start your period or if you’re upset about something.”

“I have so much to tell you and I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Start from the beginning,” she said.

I ran down all of the details of the night before, and let her know what happened to me that day and I told her about the proposal. After she inquired about the ring she snapped back into the moment.

“I knew you liked Adam but I didn’t know that you liked him that much. I think that you should give him a chance. You owe it to yourself to see where it goes. He’s a really nice guy and he’s very into you.”

“You don’t think that he’ll just be a rebound?” I asked.

“In any other circumstance I would say yes. But in this one, he helped you realize how bad Michael was for you and I think that you’ve genuinely fallen for him. Don’t give up a good thing out of fear. Sometimes good things can happen to you. Yes he will have his quirks but he may be worth your time.”

I sighed, “You’re right, I do really like him and he’s so different from the other men that I’ve dated. I usually go for the narcissistic assholes. Adam isn’t like that at all, he almost feels too good to be true.”

“Stop it, Kerry. Most men would consider you to be too good to be true, but you’re not. You’re the real deal and maybe he is too. You’ll never know unless you try.”

“Where is all of this coming from? You usually pull me back into reality and don’t encourage my love quests.”

“This is reality, Kerry. I have a really good feeling about this. I think that you’ve finally hit the jackpot.”

“I hope you’re right, and I hope that I don’t mess it up. He probably hates me for leaving the way that I did this morning.”

She snorted, “His feelings may be hurt, but he doesn’t hate you. He’ll be so happy that you showed up on his doorstep. This should be a piece of cake of for you. Now get off of the phone with me and go get your man!”

“Alright, I will,” I said.

“Call me with the details, bye,” she said before she hung up.

Without giving myself time to think about what I was doing, I headed out of my door and to his apartment. I knocked loudly three times. Adam’s door opened quickly and I walked in without an invitation.

“Okay, first let me say that I’m so sorry for the way that I left this morning. I shouldn’t have done that but I completely freaked out. I was so confused and I didn’t know what I wanted. I mean it’s crazy for the two of us to have chemistry like this so soon right? I feel like I’ve known you for years. But we have something special and that’s undeniable,” I said quickly.

“It’s okay, I understand your reaction.”

“See, and why do you have to be so damned understanding? That’s another thing that makes me feel so bad and now I have to add that to the list of all of the things that makes you great.”

He laughed. “I’m not perfect but I am working on it. So that’s why you’re here, to apologize for this morning?”

“Yes but that’s only one of the things. I saw Michael today; he was in my apartment when I arrived. That’s when I realized that I don’t feel the same way about him anymore. You’ve done something to me that I can’t quite explain. You’ve gotten into my head…and my heart,” I took a deep breath and continued, “When you told me that you wanted to be with me last night I didn’t know what to say, because I had a boyfriend.”

“Had a boyfriend?” he inquired.

“Right, Michael proposed to me.”

Adam’s face dropped.

“But I didn’t say yes,” I said quickly. “All I could think about was you. How could I marry a man when I really want to be with someone else? You didn’t say that you wanted to be with me just because we were in the middle of having sex right?”

Before he could open his mouth to speak, his bathroom door opened and a beautiful dark haired woman walked out.

“Adam you have got to get more towels in your bathroom. I tell you this every time I’m here,” she said in frustration. She was taken aback when she saw me and I felt the same way.

“Of course it would turn out this way,” I said, feeling defeated. “I’m sorry to have bothered you,” I said and bolted for his door. I ran to the stairs and out of the apartment building.

I walked aimlessly for what felt like hours. I ignored calls from Lizzie and Michael. I wasn’t in the mood to talk because I didn’t want to cry outside on the street. I’d ruined my life in the time frame of a single weekend. I thought with my heart again and not my head. I could have had a fiancé, and been on the road to a marriage with children. When was I ever going to learn?

Why did I believe that he was single or unattached just because he had sex with me? Hell, I’d had sex with him and I had a serious boyfriend. This situation was completely my fault. I just wish that he would have told me that there was a woman in his home. Maybe he thought it wasn’t that big of a deal since I had a boyfriend. I could understand his reasoning but it would have been nice to have a warning.

The further I walked the more clarity I received. After about an hour I came to the realization that it was better to be single than to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t love you the way that you deserve. Adam was the catalyst to me getting my life back and I had to be grateful to him for that. Michael was walking all over me and I shouldn’t have allowed it.

I started back towards my apartment and with each step I cheered up. My life wasn’t over and I would get over it. All hope wasn’t lost. I would have to start over but that wasn’t a bad thing. I needed a fresh start with someone else. For now I could focus on my career.

I climbed the stairs and turned the corner. Adam was sitting on the floor outside of my door. When he saw me he stood to his feet. I wasn’t quite ready for a conversation with him either.

“Can I talk to you inside,” he said once I put my key into my door.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea right now,” I said.

“Please, just give me a few moments to explain.”

“Fine, I do owe you that much,” I closed the door behind him.

“That was my brother’s girlfriend that you saw coming out of my shower. My brother was in my second bedroom the entire time. They’re staying with me for the week while they look for apartments in the area.”

“Oh,” I said feeling dim-witted, “I guess I shouldn’t have ran out like that. As you can see it’s a bad habit that I have.”

“It did look like a very bad situation. I tried to catch you before you left but you’re quick.”

“I think I needed the fresh air anyway, my life has been full of drastic changes.”

“To answer your question, I meant it when I said that I wanted to be with you.”

“That’s another thing that I got some clarity on in my walk. I’m not sure if jumping into another relationship is such a good thing for me right now.”

He looked disappointed, “So where does that leave us?”

“It means that we can date and take it slowly. However, I will exclusively give us a chance if that’s something that you’re interested in.”

“So like a relationship, but not a relationship?” he asked with an amused expression on his face.

“Exactly,” I said.

“So how long do you think that something like that will last?”

“Not long I hope. But I need the freedom to get control of my emotions without the added pressure of a relationship. If we’re as good for each other as I think we are, then we’ll be fine.”

“Now, that I do agree with,” he said as he took a step into my personal space. “Kerry, when I woke up this morning and you were gone, I was hurt. I felt like I’d pushed you too far and that I’d lost you. That’s not something that I want to feel again. I will give you the time that you need as long as you promise to give us a real chance.”

I looked into his eye and my heart swelled with something that I could only identify as love. I wasn’t ready to make an admission like that so soon but I mentally acknowledged my feelings. He was a beautiful man on the inside and out. I’d really gotten a good one this time. I threw my arms around him and laid my head on his shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and I felt all of my stress melt away. It was then that I knew that I’d made the right decision. I was ready to cautiously move forward with my life and closed the Michael chapter. Adam was everything a girl could want.

“I’ll give us a real chance,” I said. “I’m going to try to continue pushing forward and to not close myself off. I was more vulnerable with you last night that I’ve been in years. You gave me access to a piece of me that I thought was long gone. You re-awakened the part of me that wanted to feel and be present. I’ve been so afraid of being alone that I’ve compromised parts of myself. With you I don’t have to do that.”

“I’m flawed just like everyone else,” he admitted. “I’ve been single for 2 years and I’ve been waiting on someone to pique my interest before I got into anything serious again. You’re it for me. I just know it. I know that I probably shouldn’t tell you this because I may risk losing you, but I think that I love you.”

He said the words that I wanted to hear. I looked into his eyes again to see if he was being dishonest but all I saw was truth and vulnerability in them. I swallowed my pride and met him halfway.

“I think I love you too,” I admitted.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m serious. I don’t ever remember feeling like this about someone, especially so soon. You just seem to get me. I’ve heard people talk about this phenomenon but now I’m experiencing it for myself.”

“Don’t be afraid. Come along for the ride with me,” he said as he tucked a tendril of hair behind my ear.

“I think that this may be one ride worth taking,” I admitted.

His lips met mine and I lost myself in him. I gave myself over to his touch and for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t trying to escape from my feelings. I reveled in them. I didn’t want him to chase my hurt away. I wanted to feel the warmth of his love spread over me.

I immersed myself in the love of a man that cared for me. I kissed him without fear of the future. We made love with a passion that I’ve never known until that day. He injected his love inside of me and I felt complete. I fell asleep in his arms and I knew that from that moment I belonged to him.

I almost gave up on real love. I had no clue that it was literally right next door. Boy am I glad that I answered.

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Love,

Ellen

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