Esme and the Money Grab: (A Very Dark Romantic Comedy) (5 page)

  Catholic guilt over my reckless spending threatened my shopping high, but I wasn’t going to let it win. I pushed away the thoughts and sang out loud to a poppy song on the radio. I was rocking out pretty hard by the time I pulled up in front of Mr. Galloway’s home.

  I glanced up at Landon’s house and saw him standing beside his mailbox, laughing. Laughing at me for my solo performance of an old B-52’s song. Being caught in such a private moment was usually embarrassing, but not with him.

  I smiled and felt as if hearts were shooting out my eyes. I could see them in his. We might as well have been grammar school.

  He jauntily ran to the passenger side of my car and leaned in the window, “Esme…” His voice trailed off in a sweet sigh.

  “Hi Landon,” I practically purred to him. I had never behaved in such a way before. It felt ridiculous, but it was well beyond my control.

  He looked down at my stack of shopping bags in the passenger seat, “Shopping? You should have gone to my family’s store. I could have gotten you a big discount, almost free.” He squinted his face in the most adorable way and shook his head up and down, “In fact, it would have been 100% free.”

  “Are you one of those Aldridge’s?” I asked with genuine surprise. Exactly how perfect could this man be?

  Aldridge’s was the Orange County equivalent of Barney’s, very chic, very expensive. Not part of my world.

  One of my patients before I came into the employ of Mr. Galloway would spend her days ordering online from the store. She was bedridden and couldn’t wear the beautiful clothes, but she loved to open the boxes. It made her remaining days an endless birthday party of gifts. Very sweet woman, she passed on not too long after I came to work for her.

  “Yes I am, you should have dinner with me tonight. There’s so much more for you to know… And all I know about you is that you’re lovely.”

 “Lovely… If you only knew… I’m sorry, I’m busy. School, I’m in my second to last quarter at UCLA.” I gripped the steering wheel, eager to be away him, “Study, study, study.”

  “I know what you mean… My last year in law school, it’s a blur of late night study sessions. And a week later, here I am in L.A… with you.”

  “You just graduated? Where did you go?”

  “Harvard Law.”

  This was too much, I started laughing and couldn’t stop. Was I dreaming?

  “What’s so funny, Esme?” He laughed along with me and ran his fingers through his tousle of golden brown hair that was so similar in color to mine.

  “Heir to the Aldridge’s, Harvard Law, handsome, charming… Did my sainted mother send you down from Heaven?  Do you have any flaws?” I couldn’t help myself, I started laughing again.

  “Hmmmm,” He very seriously stated, “No, I don’t think so.” He smiled to me and only me. I melted into the car seat.

  “Well…” He glanced around the quiet cul-de-sac, “Can you keep a secret?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, “I know how to keep a secret.” Which is why you, Mr. Perfect will never be a part of my life.

  “I’ve never spent anytime in Los Angeles before,” He lowered his voice, “I’m a little scared of earthquakes.”

  “That’s your secret?” One last blast of laughter erupted from me, “Earthquakes aren’t dangerous until they hit 5.0, so don’t worry about the tiny jolts. Goodbye Landon.” I drove off to him to the sound of his deep timber calling after me.

  I logically knew what I was feeling couldn’t be true love, more a virulent case of puppy love. It was a shame it wasn’t going to get to grow.

…

  I thought about Landon as I hung up my new dresses in the closet next to Mr. Galloway’s playful wardrobe of soft colors and luxury fabrics. The house Landon lived in had been empty for months before he moved in. The owner had moved to Canada years before and now rented it out.

  Four or five people had come and gone in the time I had worked for Mr. Galloway. We were at the end of a hillside canyon cul-de-sac. I had never even seen the people who lived at the bottom of our hill. The citizens of Beverly Hills weren’t block party kind of people. The neighbors only ever met in cases of emergencies, like the earthquakes Landon worried about.

  Exactly how cute was it that he worried about earthquakes?

  Landon had mentioned in one of our previous romantic rendezvous by the mailbox that he had only rented the house for three months. He was looking to buy a home of his own and he wasn’t sure yet which area in Los Angeles he favored.

  Landon was very aware of the fact that I lived in Mr. Galloway’s house. His awareness was a definite kink in my plan. I would have to stay here at the very least until he moved out. I didn’t think the eventual discovery of Mr. Galloway’s body would make the news, but if it did… Landon could grow curious.

  The idea of Mr. Galloway entombed in his temperature-controlled sarcophagus for such a long period time was not ideal. I fretted and fretted but couldn’t find another option. I needed at least a month between leaving permanently and my surprise visit to my former employer.

  I was definitely not looking forward to washing off any kitty litter that may have clung to his body. I had checked the day before to make sure he hadn’t congealed. The litter worked, he was holding up well. I figured as long as the air conditioning didn’t malfunction, his condition would remain the same.

  Landon’s moving out would coincide nicely with the end of my academic quarter. I would have a job by then. The police will have definitely apprehended Jack. I couldn’t understand how that hadn’t already happened.

  “Mila, so cute,” I sat down on the floor next to her where she was playing with the shoeboxes, pouncing on them as if they were prey. “We’re here until the new year,” I stroked her fur and said, “Is that okay with you?” She curled up onto my lap. I would take that as an enthusiastic yes.

  My phone buzzed. I hesitated before getting up from my cozy spot to pick it up, and looked out the window. The daylight was still shining. Jack only called at night now. It was as if he had turned into a vampire. I know I should have blocked his number, but it was hard to let go. I still had a tiny pocket of hope left in my heart for him.

  I looked down at the caller ID. It was Mara. I picked it up, “Hello.”

  “Esme, are you okay? Where are you?” She sounded panicked. I was used to her sounding stoned. My stomach clenched.

  “I’m laying low… Is everything all right?”

  “Jack came by, more like almost broke down the front door.”

  I stiffened and sat up straight, “Did you call the police?”

  “Yeah but he was already gone by then. He’s like… crazy. He said we were keeping you from him. Then he started crying, then he was bashing the wall and then he was gone.”

   “I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. I eyed the golden handbag stuffed with cash and thought of giving them enough money to move, immediately.

  “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything. Crazy boyfriends can happen to anyone. Bobby is going to stay over for the next few nights.” She breathed in deeply. I assumed she was smoking a joint. I wasn’t going to say anything about it.

 “Who’s Bobby? And I am sorry. I don’t know how to make this up to you and Belinda.”

  “New boyfriend. I met him a couple of days ago at the Westside Pavilion. And if you want to help, you can move back in. Bobby is a bodybuilder, so hot. He could squash Jack. Jack’s really skinny now too. Is he on drugs? He looks like he has AIDs” She exhaled hard into the phone and laughed. I crossed myself at her mention of AIDS, “I put an ad on Craigslist looking for a new roommate, but they’re all kind of gross. You know what I mean? And where are you?”

  “I’m safe and I’m going to send you money to cover my rent for the next three months. If you can’t find anyone by then, I’ll send you more.” I would be happy to send her the whole money grab of cash in the bag. What was my life turning into? I was once a nice Catholic girl. Now I’m the lam, with ill-gotten gains and dead body proverbially on ice. “I’m safe, don’t worry about it.”

  “Really? That would be great. Are you sure it won’t set you back? Are you sure you’re safe?”

  “Very safe, it’s like I have a guardian angel,” I really did feel like Mr. Galloway was watching all of this and getting a perverse kick out of it, “I’ll get the money to you in the morning. I’ll send it by courier. Take care of yourself, okay? No more kitchen fires…” I tried to laugh but my eyes felt full of tears, “Bye Mara.”

  I needed a vacation. 

  I needed a vacation, so I decided to take a vacation. My academic quarter was over, and winter break had begun. Sounds nice, right? Wrong. I was incredibly lonely, even with Mila by my side.

  Christmas holidays had been hard since my parents had passed. For the first few years, I celebrated with my mother’s employers. The woman did everything she could to make me comfortable, a part of her family and she was successful. But time marched on and I just felt awkward. A token responsibility leftover from a debt never owed.

  After that it was just Jack and me. We would go see a movie at the Arclight, which was a big treat for us, you wouldn’t believe how much more expensive the tickets were there than at regular theaters, and then head over to the IHOP not far down the road and drown out holiday sorrows in maple syrup. I missed him so much.

  I can’t tell you difficult it was to have to constantly remind myself that that Jack didn’t exist anymore.

  I decided to go to Hawaii. I know my destination choice wasn’t very imaginative, but really, I had lived in Los Angeles my whole life and I could count the number of times I had been to the beach on one hand. Hawaii was paradise as far as I was concerned.

  Paying for the tickets and hotel wasn’t something I could figure out. Sure, I could go on the internet and sign up for a package deal but that would require a credit card. I had a debit card and I could have deposited my bag of cash into my bank account, but that was a paper trail. How could I ever explain to anyone, the possible police in the future or the IRS, how I just happened to have thousands of dollars lying around.

  All they would see would see was a Latina girl, and that was already a red flag to them, with too much money. And of course the money was ill gotten gains, so you know, in this case they would be right to suspect me. I hated that they were right.

  I had set up the ironing board in the living room to press all of Mr. Galloway’s clothes that I had been wearing. He preferred dry-cleaning. I found the cost wasteful. His summer wardrobe that I had been wearing (Even after my shopping spree. I liked his clothes better. What can I say?) were made from cotton and linen. Washing them seemed cleaner to me.

  I ironed in the living room because that’s where the largest television was and in my loneliness, I had become a TV addict. I loved Bravo, especially the housewives. Sorry, dear reader.

  I couldn’t quite tell one group of women from the other. I think I was watching the New York cast that day, but who knows? The woman on the screen who was physically holding up as well as Mr. Galloway, was arguing with her friend or cast mate, again, who knows? She ended the fight by throwing up her arms and yelling that she needed a vacation.

  This interested me. I put down the iron and gave the television my full attention. The next scene opened with her seated in a travel agent’s office, ranting about how hard her week had been and that she needed “a respite from the madness”. Me too, sister.

  I put away the iron, grabbed my golden satchel of money and was in the car before the scene was even over. At the stoplights I looked up the closest travel agent on my phone. I couldn’t believe they still existed with all the discount travel sites on the internet.

  Rich people, what are gonna do with them?

  For the second time, I didn’t think about what I wearing until I walked into the travel agent’s office building on Camden Dr. I had really outdone myself. I was wearing purple argyle golfing pants, a paper thin cashmere undershirt and a bowler hat. And of course my Lanvin slippers, baby blue that day.

  The office was filled with women and men dressed in suits. They appeared to be very busy. I can’t tell you how much this surprised me. Travel agencies not only existed, they thrived.

  “Hello,” I approached the receptionist at the front of the office. “I would like…” I didn’t know how to phrase it, “to go on vacation.”

  She looked up to me and smiled warmly, “You’ve come to right place,” She stood up, “Follow me.”

  Her kind nature made me feel less out of place. I happily followed her.

  “Would you like something to drink? Water? Coffee? Champagne?” She asked as she waved me towards a seat in an empty cubicle.

  Now I understood why a certain class of people preferred travel agents over the internet.

  “No, thank you.” I replied and sat down in the plush leather chair.

  “Andrea will be with you in a moment.” She smiled again and went back to her desk.

  And she was.

  “Hello, I’m Andrea,” An elegant older woman held out her hand to me. I shook it.

  “Hello, I’m Esme… and I would like to take a vacation.”

  “Hello Esme, very nice to meet you,” She sat down behind her desk and flicked on her computer, “Where would you like to go, and do you have a budget?”

  “Do you ask everyone if they have a budget?” I spat out.

  I felt tricked. Make me comfortable and then come in for the kill. Let me know my kind didn’t belong here.

  “I do ask everyone,” Her exquisitely plucked eyebrows shot up in genuine surprise and I felt like a jerk. Working for Mr. Galloway had me paranoid. “I do have some clients who have limitless budgets, but not many.”

  “I’m sorry… rough day.” I’m sure I was bright red, I felt so embarrassed about my outburst. “I would like to go to Hawaii… and I think I have a large budget.”

  “How long would you like to go for? When would you like to leave? Will you be traveling alone? Which island?” She asked as if I weren’t a complete lunatic.

  “Maybe a week… soon, and yes, alone… I don’t know the islands well enough…” I deflated in the chair. I felt like an idiot for having come in without knowing what I wanted. Hawaii, vacation, I sounded as if I were four years old.

  “Are you okay, sweetheart?” She looked at me with genuine concern.

  “Yes… it’s just I’ve never traveled before. I’ve never been outside of Los Angeles, never been on a plane… I’ve come into some money… an inheritance.” I felt horrible lying to her about the money.

  “I see,” She leaned across the table and patted my hand that was resting on the edge. “Why don’t I just run up a mock itinerary for you and you can look it over. If you like it, I’ll book it for you.”

  “Thank you,” I managed to reply.

  “First class all the way?” She smiled brightly.

  “Yes,” And I blinded her with mine in return. We chatted back and forth as she pecked away at her computer, planning my dream vacation.

  Let’s just say Andrea knew how to plan dream vacations. I was very happy with her itinerary. She was a little surprised when I paid in cash, but not too much.

  “Great pants, I like your style,” The receptionist called out as I left the office with my itinerary enclosed in a leather bound envelope embossed with the travel agency’s name across it. I was going to miss being rich.

…

  My heart flew aflutter as I pulled up in front of Mr. Galloway’s house. I had stopped parking in the garage. I didn’t want to waste a waft of the icy cold air-conditioned air. Landon was outside by the mail box again. This time with a clutch of freshly picked wildflowers in his hands.

  I so much loved our mailbox rendezvous.

  “Hi Esme,” He tilted his head in the cutest way and said as if he were in a trance.

  “Hi Landon,” I replied in a similar love struck tone.

  “I picked you some flowers.” He leaned into my car and handed them to me.

  “Thank you, they’re beautiful.”

  “Not half the beauty of you.” He sighed. I loved when he sighed.

  “You’re so funny,” I coquettishly said. The old Jack, the good Jack would have laughed his head off if he could have heard me.

  “Only for you, Esme.” He leaned in farther and ran his finger along my cheek. I almost passed out. “I checked online, I’m preemptively apologizing for that, and your school quarter is over. You’re on Winter Break.  I think it’s time for our date. The Ivy tonight at 8:00?”

  You would think having Jack stalk and terrorize me for close to three months would put me off of anyone looking online for even the most trivial information about me. Wrong. I couldn’t have been more charmed to know that Landon had checked UCLA’s school schedule for my date availability.

  “I wish I could, but I’m leaving in the morning at 5:00. I’m going to Hawaii, not just Hawaii but Oahu,” I corrected myself. I was proud of my newfound understanding of the island chain and its various cultures.

  “Oh,” He looked momentarily disappointed, but then perked back up, “Where are you staying?”

  “Turtle Bay, it’s on the North Shore,” Andrea had told me that part of the island was far from the tourists and I would find my “respite from the madness” there. She was a fan of the Real Housewives too.

  “Okay then, I’ll pick you up 8:00 tomorrow night. Have to run. Bye Esme,” He ran away back to his house.

  “You’re too funny, Landon,” I yelled out to him as put the car into park.

  I know you, dear reader, see where this is going. But I didn’t. It was all a beautiful surprise. One I could have done without, considering my fugitive lifestyle. Still, I don’t regret it.