Dreams (New Beginnings Book 3) (20 page)

“Like I said, it’s my wedding. We’ll talk about whatever I want.”

“I just …” He lifted his head and looked around. “I feel like everything is closing in on me.”

“Okay,” she said slowly. “If it’s the wedding that’s messing with your head, this must be about the girl.”

“I love her so much I can’t breathe.” His back shuddered with the admission and Michaela stopped moving to look up at him.

“Then fight for her.”

“I think I need her to fight for me this time.”

Michaela nodded in understanding before pulling him into a hug without saying another word.

She was soon pulled away to perform more of her bridal duties, and he went back to the table.

Josh scrubbed a hand over his tired eyes and through his too-long hair. He’d have to get it cut soon. His teammates used to give him grief for the way it stuck out beyond the bottom of his helmet, not like he had to worry about that anymore. 

The screen on his phone lit up, and Josh almost didn’t look. At first, he thought it was probably just Ethan wondering how the wedding went, but then something told him it wasn’t. Some inane hope he’d been holding on to.

He held the phone in the palm of his hand as his eyes fell on the name Taylor Scott and the message below it.

I miss you too.

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, a smile spread slowly across his face and then he looked at the message again. It’d been radio silence since he went down on the ice. He’d had no word from her. No response to any of his messages. He’d been ready to give up, unable to be the one always fighting. Fighting for her to be whole again. Fighting for her to smile. Fighting for her to love him.

He was exhausted, and a single text energized him. He was done, and it made him want to start all over again. She had such control over him and he wasn’t even ashamed.

Leaning back in his chair, he watched Michaela as Jason spun her around the dance floor. This time, his smile was genuine. 

Twenty-two

She was crazy, insane, a certifiable whack job. She shouldn’t be here. He wouldn’t forgive her. What was she thinking?

That was the state of her mind. The fog covered up logical thinking. Her heart rate refused to slow and she was slightly light-headed as she stood outside the country club. Inside those beautiful wooden doors was a wedding that she had no right to be at. She didn’t know the couple. She was late. Heck, she was only wearing a pair of jeans and a simple sweater with a jacket.

But she was there for Josh, and what he’d said to her after the ball in Columbus stuck in her mind. He liked the person she was now and this was it. She’d worn her glasses instead of her contacts and hadn’t done anything fancy with her hair. It was her statement to him.

She remembered.

She’d never forget.

Taylor look down at the message on her phone for the millionth time.

I miss you, Tay.

There was a lot she wanted to say to him, but that would be face-to-face. So, her only response was:
I miss you too.

White floodlights pointed towards the sky on either side of the doors, illuminating the stone pillars that marked the entrance. It was intimidating.

She had to force her feet to move forward, inch by inch. Pulling open the heavy door, she stepped into the grand entryway. Halls veered off in every direction and signs told her where she wanted to go if her desire was to swim, play tennis or golf, go to the spa, or eat. Then there was another sign directing her to the various ballrooms and meeting spaces. Looking at the invitation, she went towards ballroom B.

As she got closer, there were people milling about in long gowns with elaborate hairstyles and perfect makeup. For the first time, she realized she was stepping into Josh’s world. This was how he’d grown up.

She fingered the edge of her way-too-casual shirt and worried she’d made the wrong decision with the jeans. She looked so out of place, she would have laughed if she wasn’t so nervous.

Her glasses slid down her nose, and she pushed them back up as she stepped up to the door. The attendant scowled at her.

“This is a private event,” he said, scanning her from head to toe.

“I know … uh …” she stuttered, holding out the invitation. “I have this.”

He snatched it from her and examined it closely before looking back up. “This is a formal affair. I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t let you in there until you have more appropriate attire.”

“Please,” Taylor said. “I have to find someone. He’s one of the groomsmen.”

He didn’t believe her. She could see it in his eyes. The tiny bit of courage she’d built up started to drain out of her, deflating her mission. She didn’t know what she’d expected. Show up and Josh would just be there waiting for her?

“Is there a problem here?” a strong voice said from behind them.

“Miss Matthews, er I mean Mrs. Marks,” the attendant sputtered. “I’m sorry for the disturbance. This girl is leaving.”

Taylor turned slowly and found herself face-to-face with the bride and suddenly unable to speak. She was stunning and perfect and standing there expectantly. A curiosity sparked in her eyes, unlike the disdain she’d experienced from the attendant.

“I’ll handle this,” the bride said, shooing the attendant away before turning back to Taylor. “Sorry for the rudeness. This place is so freaking stuck-up.” When Taylor still didn’t speak, she cocked her head to the side. “Can I ask why you’d even want to crash a stuffy wedding of someone you don’t know?”

“I’m not crashing,” Taylor finally said. “Grant Mackenzie gave me this.” She handed over the invitation.

Michaela laughed suddenly. “Did he now?” She leaned close and dropped her voice. “To tell you the truth, I only invited him because I knew he wouldn’t be able to make it. I did not need to be hit on at my wedding by anyone besides my new husband.”

“Sounds like Mack.” Taylor laughed.

“He didn’t give that to you because … you’re not his girlfriend, are you?” She looked at her like that would be the most unbelievable thing in the world.

“God no!” Taylor scrunched up her face.

“I like you,” the bride laughed. “I’m Michaela, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m Taylor.”

“Well, Taylor, why did Grant send you?”

“It’s a really long story, but it’s about his roommate …”

“Wait.” Michaela covered her mouth with her hand and tried to stifle her squeal. “You’re
that
Taylor?”

“Uh …”

“Oh my gosh, okay, you have to come with me.” She stopped and grabbed Taylor’s arm. “You better be here to fight for him, because honey, if you break his heart at my wedding … well, I’ll just leave it at that.”

“I’m not exactly dressed to go in there,” Taylor paused, suddenly regretting all of her decisions. She should have been in a beautiful dress when he saw her. It should’ve been perfect.

“I don’t care about that,” Michaela waved off her concerns. “He won’t either. Come on.” She tugged on Taylor’s arm and they weaved their way through the crowd. She was still a few tables away when she finally saw him. He sat at the bridal table, leaning back with one leg crossed over the other. There was a smile on his face as he leaned over to listen to something a tiny blond woman was saying. He laughed, completely at ease amongst these people.

She never felt more out of place.

As much as she wanted to run, Michaela’s death grip on her arm wouldn’t let her. It was like she could read her mind.

“Hey, Maggie,” Michaela called bringing attention to them. The woman looked up, but so did Josh. He looked over them and then did a double take before bolting upright in his chair.

Taylor locked eyes with him barely noticing anyone else anymore.

“Help me pee?” Michaela asked the woman Taylor now knew as Maggie. “This dress is a nightmare.”

Maggie looked from Josh to Taylor with a smirk on her face, and then left to follow Michaela.

“You,” Josh breathed.

“Me,” Taylor responded.

She had the sudden urge to laugh at his seeming lack of words. Or maybe it was the nerves, but she took a minute to control her laughter before looking back at him.

He wasn’t laughing.

He wasn’t even smiling.

Taylor stepped closer. She could see the vein in his neck pulsing in time with the pounding of his heart.

She searched his face for anger. For resentment. What she found in his eyes cut deeper than that. There was a deep hurt. He was in pain. A part of that was because of her. She’d never wanted to hurt him. He’d become collateral damage in her battle with her grief and she’d never forgive herself for that.

Josh slowly reached a hand towards her.

She studied him, and then took it cautiously. His palm was warm against hers as he started leading her through the crowded room to a door at the back.

Fear kept Taylor silent. Fear of what Josh was going to say. Fear of what she deserved to hear. But, she needed him to speak those words; to tell her that she’d hurt him. That she’d abandoned him.

They reached the door, and a blast of cold air hit them as Josh pulled it open. Taylor shivered, glad she was in jeans rather than a dress. She took her hand from his to wrap her arms around herself, trying to regain some heat as they stepped out onto the patio. They were the only ones out here besides a solitary man smoking a cigarette. Taylor held her breath as they sidestepped the man and got upwind.

They stopped moving along the side of the building, and Josh looked down at her with a mixture of shock, uncertainty, and something else. He scanned her from head to toe, taking in her outfit with a slight tilt to the corner of his mouth. His eyes left a trail of heat wherever they traveled.

Taylor glanced at the stranger, who was now stomping out his cigarette. She willed him to leave, but silently begged him to stay at the same time. She’d practiced what she was going to say to Josh. What she needed to say. She knew the words, but that didn’t make them easier to say. As long as someone else was out here with them, she wouldn’t have to.

The stranger didn’t even glance at them before striding over to the door and opening it.

As soon as the door shut, Taylor looked back up at Josh. His expression changed, all uncertainty disappearing.

“Josh,” she breathed, making herself begin the groveling. “I …”

Before she got another word out, Josh’s mouth descended into a claiming kiss. It was rough and very un-Josh like. Taylor slid her arms around his sides and pulled him closer. He responded by pinning her against the wall.

Panting, he pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers. She breathed him in, felt his body still pressed tight, and knew one thing for sure. She certainly wasn’t cold anymore.

###

Josh studied Taylor’s eyes and found that he couldn’t read them. Frustrated, he took a step back and blew out a long breath. Usually, everything Taylor felt was evident on her face, but she was guarding herself carefully. Protecting herself. From what? Him?

He should be mad, pissed as hell, unforgivably harsh. With her kiss still lingering on his lips, he wasn’t thinking straight. She’d left him. Ran when things got real. Despite the anger seething inside of him, all he’d wanted over the last week was to see her. To kiss her. For her to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

She reached a hand up to touch her lips and her shield dropped. Suddenly she was his Taylor again. The girl who felt everything, even while she was trying to feel nothing. The girl who was so unsure of herself, but still had this unbelievably sexy confidence. She’d come to an incredibly elegant wedding looking like she was just headed to class. And he loved that about her.

As the emotions came rushing back, so did his insane ability to look into her eyes and know what was happening in her head. They widened as he took a step forward. She was terrified, but not of him. Of what she’d done.

And it made him love her even more.

“Taylor,” he said finally.

She put a hand on his chest to stop his advance. “No,” she said. “Don’t use your ‘I’m Josh walker, sexy man-meat and all around good dude’ voice on me. I can’t take it.”

His shoulders shook with laughter and she glared at him, the light over their heads making her eyes shine behind her glasses. He couldn’t help himself, reaching forward to tuck her hair behind her ear. He needed to touch her. She swatted his hand away.

“Yell at me,” she ordered.

“No.” He narrowed his eyes in challenge.

“Tell me you hate me.”

“Can’t do that.”

“Say that I’m the worst human being on the face of the earth.”

“You’re not.”

She sagged against the wall, a tiny sob releasing into the night.

“Please, Josh.” Her voice grew small. “What I did was horrible. I am horrible.”

“I don’t believe that.” When another sob escaped her, he crossed the small distance between them and gathered her into his arms.

“I left.”

“I know.” He laughed softly. “I was there. It hurt.”

“And now I’m the one falling apart when your life has just been turned upside-down. How can you even stand to be around me right now?”

He shrugged.

“You’re seriously not mad?”

“No. Okay, maybe I was. I wanted to cut you out of my life. You have no idea the awful things I’ve thought about you this past week. But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to hate you.” He rubbed his hands up and down her back to keep her warm.

“Why not?” She looked up at him, no more tears in her eyes.

Now or never, dude,
he thought to himself as he looked at her. He always believed there were moments in life when you know exactly what to say or do, compared to the rest of the time when you’re just blundering along.

This was one of those moments. He knew he’d forgive her for anything.

“Because I love you.” He said it so softly, he was surprised she could even hear him. He’d never said it before, but the words felt natural on his tongue.

Taylor twisted around in his arms so she could see him more clearly.

“You do?” Her grin was the sweetest thing he’d ever seen.

He nodded, and she snaked her arms up around his neck before rising up on her toes to plant the softest of kisses on his lips. Too soon, she pulled away.

“That’s good then,” she breathed. “Because I love you too.”

He laughed loudly before kissing her again.

“You want to get out of here?” he asked.

“You don’t have to stay?”

“It’s practically over,” he shrugged.

“Umm …” she stammered, fidgeting with the end of her shirt. “I sort of came here quickly and didn’t book a hotel or anything.”

“That’s good, because you’re staying with me.” He grinned mischievously and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Your parents won’t mind?”

“Trust me, they probably won’t even notice. They don’t come into my wing of the house.”