Being Jolene (2 page)

June had even convinced Reece to let Hannah work here part time during her freshman year at BSU. Her love for Caleb was not lost on me either, but there wasn’t much I could do and she wasn’t a bitch to me, even though she knew I was sleeping with him. She was a sweet kid.

“Hey, there you are Jo,” June said as I walked in. Reece was standing next to her making coffee. The two of them were sickly sweet and completely in love, but I was happy for them. June never did move out of Reece’s house when she came home from her six-month journey in South America, but they never liked to follow the rules. They loved each other and were along for the ride.

I got behind the counter for June only to say, “Reece, can you watch the front? I need to talk to Jolene about something.”

I frowned but followed June down the small hallway to her equally small office.

“What’s up, Junebug?” I asked as June closed the office door. Whoa there, super secret office talk apparently.

She turned to face me. “I’ll get to the point. The lodge I worked for the summer after I graduated called me wanting to know if I would work for them this summer. They need someone to manage their restaurant. They knew I was gone last summer but wanted to check in for this one. I can’t go, but I told them I would be on the lookout for someone who could.” She paused, her hands on her hips. “Which led me to you. Do you want to spend the summer in central Idaho? I loved being up there.”

June wanted me to leave for four months? I raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, you’ll still have your job when you get back! Don’t worry about that. With Hannah not in school this summer, she can work more and cover your hours.”

I thought about it. If I left, I could easily make a clean break from Caleb; it was the perfect way to end things and it would let me avoid looking like a bitch. Then when I came home I would simply say I wasn’t looking for meaningless hookups. Hopefully Caleb got the point. Hell, I needed to get to the point and gather enough strength to stop sleeping with him.

I didn’t let my mind wander any further and said, “Sure.” It wasn’t like I had any real plans for the summer. I never did.

“Really? You can think about it. You don’t have to give me an answer right away.” My Junebug always had to think things through. Me, on the other hand, I went wherever the wind blew me. Everything would play out as long as I stuck to the rules I had set up for my life. Yes, this was a good idea. I wasn’t worried about it. In all reality,, it might be nice to have a change of scenery, even if I wasn’t an outdoors kind of girl. While June was the one on the slopes at a ski resort, I was the one warming up by the fireplace in the ski lodge.

“I don’t need time to think about it. I’m up for it.” I smiled at June, and she shook her head and smirked at me.

“Alright, I’ll let them know. Thanks Jo.”

CHAPTER ONE

Jolene

“I was stepping into the unknown, but the unknown was better than the steady landscape I had become accustomed to.”–From the diary of Maggie Brown, May 1891

One month later

For the most part, bars were about the same wherever you went. It was the goal of going out to find something, usually trouble disguised as love or comfort, or just a good time. Whatever filled the void at the moment. Most found comfort in clear liquid, the illusion of it easing your troubles. You tried to forget the worries life laid on you, and once you entered the doors of the bar, you could clear it away with a drink. It all seemed simple, carefree.

On occasion, some took it to a level where they were too far-gone; sinking low in the glass they had emptied countless times. Some took the edge off, only to lose control and then regret it the next morning. A handful were able to keep a clear head, but those were few and far between. I had spent enough time in the dark lighted corners of bars that all of this was common sense by now.

I was no stranger to the bar scene. I enjoyed going out with the girls and flirting with the boys who made eye contact, gave me a wink, and took my hand on the dance floor. I had times where I drank too much and times where I was smart enough to call it quits. It usually depended on how my week went. I had gone home with guys from the bar, frequently to their place, and had my fair share of walk of shames. Though, I never really felt shameful, but more knowledgeable in a way. Each guy I slept with or tiptoed away from was a lesson on things not to repeat. Another reminder of why it was important to depend on myself. If I couldn’t get myself home after a night in someone’s else’s bed, then what was the point?

Of course, some did get a repeat performance. Caleb was that guy. While we had met at June’s birthday party, it was a few weeks later at the bar in downtown Boise when our eyes met across the room in our slightly tipsy states. Cue hardcore flirting, numerous shots, and a cab ride home. From there, I began a delightful, while at times worrisome, journey where we ended up together more often than not. We were both filling the void, never really speaking of the troubles we were trying to hide. At least, not at first.

Yet, as I stood in the country bar in the middle of Gypsum, Idaho, I started to rethink my whole notion on the bar scene. What I was looking at was quite strange. All I could see was cowboy boots, wranglers, and granola type people. Lots of hats. I scanned the bar from the rickety wooden table I was perched at. This was one of those times where I knew heavy drinking was not a good idea so I slowly nursed my vodka cranberry and took in the crowd. The good ol’ boys were out in full force tonight. I mean, yes I was from Idaho, but I rarely left Boise, a large city. I was used to the more outdoorsy type, Boise was full of them, but all the cowboys I was seeing reminded me that I did in fact live in Idaho. As I took another drink of the watered down beverage, my eyes caught made contact with the last person I wanted to see.

The lumberjack.

Shit. Of all my luck, of course Sexy Lumberjack would be here. I was known for being on top of my game. I always had a witty comeback and I never let anything affect me. Or at least that was the image I put out there. Sexy lumberjack threw me off my game that morning a month ago. Not okay. I scrunched up my nose as I took him in as he stood there, a bright smile on his face as he twisted the bottled in his hands.

Fuck me. What was I supposed to do for four months in this barely-there town with all of these cowboys. And one lumberjack. I didn’t even bother to drink the rest of my vodka cranberry. I threw a few singles on the table and grabbed my purse to head out of the bar. I was done with this night.

I was practically out the door when I heard, “Hey. Caleb’s girl.”

I stopped. His alluring soft, deep voice wasn’t anything new. I had heard plenty of men whisper pet names in my ear because they couldn’t remember my actual name. I smirked to myself and turned around to face him.

“Lumberjack,” I addressed him.

He raised a brow. “I’m not a lumberjack.”

I matched his raised brow. “I’m not Caleb’s girl.”

We stood there. He slowly took a pull of his beer, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, and I couldn’t help but feel a brief flutter in my stomach. Oh no, none of that. If I had a drink, I would have done the same, trying to intimidate him. Throw us back a couple hundred years and this could be an old fashioned shoot off.

We both took each other in. I was a tall girl and usually I went for tall boys, but as I looked at Ty, I saw he wasn’t much taller than me. He only had an inch on me, if that. He was all wrong, even if my body was saying differently. Yes, I would be the first to admit that my type had a wide range, but mostly they fell under . . . not country. Ty looked like he came straight from the woods; I could smell the campfire on him, see the dirt on the cuff of his shirt. Plus, he had a beard and he was wearing flannel. Again. This time it was blue and black. What a trend-setter. I couldn’t tell if he was a hipster or actually enjoyed wearing it. What I could appreciate, though, was his lack of wranglers. Nope, he was wearing regular jeans, snug on his fine ass.

“Let me buy you a drink,” he said, ending the stand off and bringing me back from my obvious gawking.

A sentence I had heard many times. Usually that sentence led to more drinks and then to a private spot where a quick hook-up was surely the outcome. At this point in the game, I would have winked and said lead the way as I linked my arm with whoever would supply me with alcohol. But, for the first time in a long time, I hesitated. Taking this first step felt different than times before. I was the girl who took action and thought later, not the one who thought things through. Oh, I did plenty of calculated thinking, but I always had a game plan. This seemed different.

But old habits die hard. I cleared my head and took a step forward, linked my arm with his, and winked. “Vodka cranberry. Thanks.”

Fast forward to an hour later and I was at the same place as I usually was. See, I knew the bar scene wasn’t any different, even in this podunk Idaho town. Ty had already thrown down a few beers before he bought me a vodka cranberry. After I coerced him into a couple shots, we were at that stage where you were hot and sweaty from the booze running through your veins and the innocent touches were quickly heating up. Ty leaned into my ear. “Baby, you look like a fish out of water in this bar.” The pet names were always the same. Baby. Honey. Sweetheart. They all meant nothing to me, but I came back seeking and craving the attention and the rush of the first time you connect with someone. It didn’t have to be a life changing connection, but it was a connection nonetheless. I lifted my eyes and smiled. “Oh really?” I said with a bit of smolder behind it. I was nowhere near being drunk. Even if I was sitting here letting a guy buy me a drink, I still knew that I should be aware of my surroundings.

Ty leaned in even farther, his earthy, exotic scent intoxicating. I was sitting and he was standing, our hips touching. He reached up and put his hand on my cheek. It was hot and clammy from the drinking. And then we were kissing. Even for how drunk he was, he was still gentle as he kissed me, his lips warm against mine. “Follow me,” he said.

I did. I always followed as they grabbed my hand and took me a place where we could find that connection. What Ty didn’t know was that while at first I followed, I would be the first to leave.

Typically, though, those places were apartments or dark rooms. Not the side of a bar made out of logs. But that didn’t stop our sloppy kisses as I wrapped my legs around Ty. He was strong as he lifted my not-petite frame up against the logs that dug into my back. I would probably be finding splinters in my ass after this. His hands snuck under my skirt and he laid hot kisses on my neck. I groaned out in pleasure. Whatever was going on between us took over and I lost any thought of where we were. I reached for his pants and undid his jeans, reaching inside to find him hard against me. “Protection,” I breathed out. His hand left my waist as he reached to grab his wallet. He held me up with one hand. That was pretty impressive. He reached and ripped my underwear out from my dress; I could feel the sting on my hip as the cloth tore. I felt him fumble around, but his mouth never left mine. And then with one swift movement he was inside me. I gasped from the abruptness of it but relished in it as we found a steady rhythm together. He moved in me, hitting all the right spots. “Does that feel good, baby?” I moaned my appreciation. I mean, it did feel good. It usually did, but I knew that I was not going to make it there. His movements quickened, and I knew this connection I craved would be gone sooner than I would’ve liked. It always was. We continued to move against each other. “You close, baby?” he questioned in my ear as he continued to move inside me. No, I was not close but there was no need to ruin his illusion that he was a master in the sack. Or, well, a master of the outdoors considering where we were. I snorted but hid it so he wouldn’t detect the thoughts running through my head.

Instead, I did what every woman has done before. I faked it. I pushed my hips against his as he raced to the finish and gave my best fake orgasm cry. He was a nice guy; he deserved at least that. He came after my loud moans, which pushed him over the top, and then he slowly let me down as we separated, trying to catch his breath. He was nice enough to pull my skirt down, but my underwear was lost, hopefully lost enough no one would ever find it. Even if he was slightly drunk, he still gave me gentle kisses.

Unfortunately for Ty, after sex coddling was not my thing.

“Thanks,” I said to him as I pulled away. He stopped kissing me. His eyes focused on mine and even in the dark, the only light coming from flickering neon “Open” sign, his lips were tight with confusion. “Uh . . . yeah. Okay,” he mumbled to me.

I gave him a small smile, letting go of his arms as I walked away. I was always walking away.

CHAPTER TWO

Ty

All I could hear was the pounding of my feet against the dirt. The trail was worn from use and deep ruts were etched in the ground. I knew the trail like the back of my hand, my feet leading me through the almost summer meadow. This was my fourth summer running this trail and I enjoyed the fact that the first run of the summer wasn’t a muddy mess. I was also trying to run off the amount of alcohol I had drank last night, as well as the woman I couldn’t get out of my head. I didn’t even know her name, but that didn’t stop me from fucking her outside the bar. I felt like it was fate that I saw here again in the bar. The first time in Caleb’s apartment was kismet, but the second time I wasn’t going to let it slip away from me. Of course, I royally fucked it up instead.

My mind couldn’t process the night before and how out of character it was for me. For most men, maybe that was a norm, a careless hookup after drinking, but I liked to get to know the person I was being with, as old fashioned as that sounded. I had never done anything like last night that I was having trouble figuring out how it got out of control so fast. One thing led to another, and suddenly we were fucking against the bar. I felt like a douche. I couldn’t afford to make mistakes. I couldn’t be careless, not when I had people depending on me and while I was still trying to prove myself. What an idiot I was, treating her like she was an easy one-night stand. I had only met her briefly at Caleb’s, what was I thinking? I didn’t know anything about her . . . even worse I didn’t even know her name.