Among Wildflowers (14 page)

“Macy.” The young delivery guy
was at her office door again.

Macy rolled her eyes but a smile was pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Thanks, Greg.”

“See you next time.”

“Yep,” she said as she absentmindedly took the box from him. Two weeks ago Ryland had sent her a single photo. It had been taken from the spot where they had ridden. A week later he’d sent her a beautiful bracelet that sported various charms including a horse, a camera, a dancing couple, and cowboy boots. Despite her better judgment, she’d put on the bracelet. Wearing something every
day that Ryland had given her made her so happy. She knew she was treading on dangerous ground, but she couldn’t seem to help
herself.

Ripping the new box open, she pulled out something wrapped in tissue paper. It was a tiny model of a pickup truck that looked exactly like Ryland’s 1953 Chevy. The gift, along with all of the others, was accompanied by a handwritten note that said “Thinking of you always.” Her heart began to pound in her chest when she thought of what the truck represented—their first kiss. She set it on her desk and sat down, looking at it.

How long would it take before Ryland gave up this little game? When would he realize it wasn’t going anywhere? Macy only hoped he gave up soon because she was falling hard for him—and fast. She wasn’t going to be able to hang on for much longer.

Macy looked at the bracelet she was wearing, inspecting the little charms. Maybe it was already too late for her.

“Seriously?” Lane said as he came into her office. “More stuff? When is this guy gonna quit?”

Macy shrugged, unable to help the grin that spread across her face. “I don’t know.”

“Should I be worried?” Lane said as he slumped into the chair across from her.

She bit her lip, considering her words for a moment. “Maybe.”

“Macy.”

“What would it really hurt? I mean…”

“Do you really think you’re ready to be in another relationship?”

“I don’t know. Most of the time I think not. But when he sends me these things and... I don’t know,” she said again, looking at the little toy truck.

“Have you talked to Jackie about Ryland?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Why not?”

“I guess I’m afraid of what she might tell me.”

“Maybe that should tell you something right there.”

Macy nodded, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. “I know.”

“Macy, I’m not saying you’re not ready to be in another relationship. But it’s gotta be the right one. Especially right now, so fresh out of rehab. If you end up with someone whose lifestyle
doesn’t support your sobriety…”

“I know. I don’t want that to happen.” Macy thought about telling Lane that Ryland already knew about her sobriety and seemed to really be behind her about it, but she was afraid of how he might react.

“It won’t happen, because you’re strong.”

“Thanks,” Macy said softly.

“So what are you going to do with all of Casanova’s stuff?”

“I don’t know. This is getting kind of ridiculous isn’t it?”

“It’s sweet but very ridiculous. Come on, Mace, let’s go get some coffee.”

***

“Hi, my name is Ben and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hi Ben.”

Macy was shocked but pleasantly surprised to see Ben at her AA meeting. She hadn’t heard from him since he’d called her while she was in Montana. “I’ve been sober for a couple months now. I just moved to the area, so I’m just kind of trying to get settled in and
figure things out.”

Macy watched as he talked about himself. She knew most of it already, and the familiarity was comforting to her. It was nice to have a new face at the meeting because Macy was always happy to have the spotlight taken off her and the focus put on someone else. After the meeting was over, Macy spotted Ben pouring coffee into a little Styrofoam cup. She knew just how hard it could be to have to introduce yourself for the first time to a group of strangers. Making her way over to him, she grabbed her own cup.

“Welcome,” she said with a laugh. “I’m Macy.”

He grinned, holding out his hand. “I’m Ben. Good to meet you,” he said with a wink.

Macy pulled him in for a hug. “This group is really nice. You’ll fit in just fine here.”

“Everyone seems great. How have you been, Macy?”

“Tonight was actually only my second meeting since I got out of rehab.”

“This is my first. It’s been a little frightening since I left Tall Oaks. It felt really good being there.”

Macy nodded as they walked towards the back of the room to sit down on a couple of old folding chairs. “It really did. That place saved my life.”

“But seriously, how are things? How’s your job?”

“It’s okay, thank God. My job was spared, but I constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells now. I guess I deserve it.”

“Well, everyone in this room has done some pretty bad shit that we’re all paying for, but that’s just part of the deal, right? It’ll be worth it in the end.”

“I hope so,” she said. “I actually just got back from my first job in a long time. I had to go out in the middle of nowhere for the shoot, but I ended up loving it there. Brought some unexpected peace to my life.”

“That’s a blessing then.”

“It really was. The person... client I was working with shared with me how he... they had lost their significant other recently. We had loss in common and it finally felt like someone understood me. It shook me to see someone feeling the same grief I was. It just made me realize that if they were working on healing... so could I.”

“That’s right,” Ben said with a grin. “That’s why we’re here.”

Macy sighed, smiling. “Yep.”

“I’m really glad we reconnected, Macy. It’s so good seeing someone I know. Tall Oaks wasn’t the same after you went home. I have to admit, when I landed a job here and I began searching for AA groups in the area, I wondered if I might run into you.”

She smiled, grabbing his hand. “I’m glad to see you too. Lane is a spectacular friend, but… I love having someone to talk to who knows exactly what it’s like to be an addict.”

Ben looked at her carefully for a few beats before saying, “Hey, are you by chance busy this Saturday?”

Macy’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, well, yeah, I have this work thing I have to go to.”

“Oh, too bad. I’m going to the MRNC fundraiser. I don’t know if you like country, but Ryland Quinn will be performing. Sounds pretty cool. It’s kinda up our alley,” he said with a chuckle.

“Actually, that’s where I’m going to be. I have to be there for work.”

“Really? Wow, that’s cool. Maybe we’ll run into each other.”

“Maybe so.” She smiled. “Well, I’d better head on home.”

He stood with her and hugged her again. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

“Okay.” She tucked a strand of hair behind an ear and headed for the door. Jackie caught her eye as she left and gave her a wink and a thumbs up.

As soon as Macy was out the door, she let out the breath of air that she had been holding. Ben was a really nice guy, someone who not only understood what Macy was going through, but was going through the exact same thing. It disappointed her that she wasn’t more interested in getting to know him more seriously. He would probably be a pretty good match for her, but her heart was too wrapped up with someone else, somewhere it shouldn’t be.

***

Macy decided to finally finish unpacking. There wasn’t a lot to do, but she had been so busy with work that she’d put it off. Dumping out one of the duffle bags onto the floor, she began to sort the laundry and get it ready to go down to the laundromat. Then she repeated the process with the file box by dumping its contents onto her living room floor. Getting down on her knees, she began to sort through all the junk that had accumulated in her bedside table over the years. She began making a pile of the stuff she wanted to throw away, like old receipts, notes she didn’t need any more for work, and of course anything that reminded her of Logan. Then she made a pile of stuff she wanted to keep. It wasn’t much—a couple paperbacks she loved, a few stray earrings that needed to be put back into her jewelry box, and some loose change that she’d take down to the bank later. Then she spotted a photo lying face down. Picking it up, she felt tears spring into her eyes when she saw herself and Aunt Suzy sitting in a swing together on the front porch of their house. Macy must have been about eleven.

“Oh, Aunt Suzy…” she whispered, running her fingertips over the photo.

She stood, going to the table where she had left her photo album. Sitting down, she opened the album and began flipping through the pages, finding an empty spot for the picture. But she caught herself looking through the old photos from her childhood, remembering the day Aunt Suzy gave her the album.

***

“Well, my goodness, Macy. I’m so glad you’re here.”

Macy almost gasped when she saw Aunt Suzy. She hadn’t been home for a few months and Suzy had changed drastically. Her face was gaunt and her body frail, her beautiful, always cheerful voice was now a labored whisper.

“I’m so glad to be home, Aunt Suzy,” Macy said. “I’ve missed you.”

“Come in, come in,” Aunt Suzy said. Macy was relieved to see a slight sparkle in her eyes. “Where’s Logan?”

Macy did her best to keep smiling. “Something came up with work last minute and he couldn’t make it. But he sends his best.”

“Well, that’s too bad. Come in here and have a seat. Do you want anything to drink, sweetie?”

“No thanks, I’m good, Aunt Suzy.”

Aunt Suzy made her way slowly back to her recliner and settled in with much effort, looking exhausted.

“Oh, Aunt Suzy, are you okay? Can I get you anything?”

Her aunt smiled, reaching out for Macy’s hand. “No, sweet girl, I’ve got everything I need right here,” she said, clutching Macy’s hand between hers.

Macy couldn’t contain the tears any longer. Sinking to her knees before her aunt’s chair, she cried quietly, resting her head on the padded arm of the chair.

“Hey now,” Suzy whispered, running her fingers through Macy’s hair. “What’s this about?”

“I’ve been away too long, Aunt Suzy. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, sweetie. You’ve been doing everything I asked you to do. Live your life and do what you love. That’s all I wanted.”

Macy lifted her head. “On the phone you said you were doing okay. You didn’t tell me that you were… so… sick.”

“Now you listen to me,” Suzy said, cupping her face. “I told you on the phone I was doing well because I am. My heart, my soul… the things that matter are perfectly fine. I’m happy and I’m at peace.”

“Aunt Suzy, what do the doctors say? If I’d known I would have—”

“You would have come back sooner, right?”

“Of course I would.”

“But I didn’t want that. I don’t want you worrying about me. It is what it is. I’ve gone over all my options and I’ve made the decision to let nature take its course.”

“No, Aunt Suzy, that’s crazy. Don’t say that.”

Aunt Suzy wiped her tears and then kissed Macy’s cheek. “This is just how it goes sometimes. But I want to tell you something, and it’s very important that you pay attention to me.”

“Okay,” Macy said, trying her best to keep herself together.

“You are so special and you are good. There is not one part of you that is bad or damaged. Do you hear me?”

“Aunt Suzy, I don’t understand what this has to do with anything.”

“Listen to me, Macy. Ever since you were a tiny little girl you were filled with worry and always doubted your self-worth. If there’s only one thing you learned from me, I want it to be that you always remember how amazing and perfect you are. Don’t ever let that darkness take you down. Always fight for the light, okay?”

“Okay,” Macy said. “Fine, okay. I’ll fight.”

“Okay,” Suzy said, leaning back into the chair to rest. “Sweetie, hand me that book over there on the coffee table.”

“This one?” Macy asked, picking up a small, black leather photo album.

“Yes, yes, bring it here.”

Macy handed it to Aunt Suzy and then knelt down beside her chair again.

“I made this for you,” she said, opening the book to reveal photos from throughout Macy’s childhood. “I made this for you so that you’ll always remember just how much I love you.”

Macy sobbed, clutching Suzy’s hand. “I love you too, so much, Aunt Suzy.”

Suzy smiled. “I know you do. For the rest of your life I want you to hold my love close and let it carry you through, alright?”

“Thank you,” Macy whispered, clutching the book close to her. “Thank you so much.”

Macy stood in front
of her bathroom mirror, adjusting Ryland’s latest gift—an off-white cowboy hat. The charm bracelet on her wrist jangled as she changed the hat’s position. She’d received the gift yesterday at work. It worried her just how much she looked forward to receiving these presents. And she adored the notes that he left inside all of the packages, reminding her that he was thinking of her. She wondered if he knew just how often she thought of him.

She had put on a pair of dark skinny jeans with tall black boots and a black sweater. Taking extra care with her hair and makeup, she chastised herself for wanting to look good in case she saw Ryland. It was stupid and she knew it, but she didn’t really care anymore. After grabbing her purse, keys, and camera bag, she headed out the door, feeling like a bundle of nerves.

By the time Macy arrived at the venue, it was already crowded. She finally located Lane in the lobby.

“Are you kidding me?” he whispered, yanking her off to the side. “I can’t believe you’re dressed like that.”

“What?” she asked.

“The freaking cowboy hat and bracelet he sent you. I mean, come on, Macy. Are you trying to torture yourself?”

“They were gifts. Where else would I ever wear any of this stuff except to a country show? It would only be polite for me to be wearing the gifts that he thoughtfully sent me.”

“Oh, girl,” Lane said, grabbing Macy’s shoulders and shaking her gently.

“Don’t say it, Lane.”

“You really like him, don’t you?”

Macy nodded. “Yeah.”

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re putting yourself in a bad position again. Breaking up with Logan was one of the best things you could have done. Why do you want to get tangled with a different kind of wrong?”

“But maybe he’s not wrong for me. What if Ryland’s what’s right for me? That’s what my gut tells me.”

“Is it your gut? Or is it your need for love?”

“Ouch.” Macy’s lower lip trembled and she caught it between her teeth.

“I’m not trying to be a jerk, Mace. I’m just trying to help keep you on the straight and narrow. That’s my job as support-o friend, right?”

“Right.”

“Macy!”

Ben was walking towards them. “Hey, Ben.”

“I’m so glad I ran into you. I knew I would.”

“Ben this is my colleague and good friend Lane. Lane, this is my friend Ben.”

“Nice to meet you.” Lane shot Macy a questioning look, but Macy just shrugged.

“Macy! Lane!” Brandon called, waving them over.

“Looks like it’s time to get back there. Nice to see you, Ben,” Macy said with a friendly smile.

“Yep, see you later.”

“Who was that?” Lane asked once they were out of earshot.

“Just a friend. You know... just a
friend.”
Of course you weren’t supposed to out someone if you knew them from AA, but luckily Lane was good about picking up subtle clues so that Macy didn’t have to say it out loud.

“Oh, cool. He seemed really nice, Macy.”

“No.” Macy gave Lane a pointed look. “Not interested.”

Lane laughed. “Come on, cowgirl.”

“What the hell, Macy?” Brandon asked when she and Lane entered the press area near the stage. “What are you wearing?”

Lane snorted and Macy shot him a look before turning back to Brandon. “I don’t know, country show, you know. Thought this would be more appropriate.”

“Whatever,” he said, shaking his head. “Make sure you get as many shots as you can during the show. This will be a great follow-up story.”

“Sure thing,” she said, patting her camera bag.

Macy looked up at the stage. Soon Ryland would be standing right there, only a few feet away. To distract herself, she sat down
and began to fiddle with her camera. She was a wreck as the lights went down and the show began. A small local band opened the concert. They played about five songs that seemed to drag on
forever. She just wanted Ryland to take the stage, and at the same time she wanted to get the hell out of there because she was terrified to see him again. Afraid of what she might feel when she laid eyes on him.

Finally, the opening band finished their set and lights came on again.

“They were pretty good, huh, Macy?” Lane said.

“Sure, yeah, they were great,” Macy said distractedly, tapping her foot restlessly.

“You okay?” he said quietly.

“I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling and bumping her shoulder into his. “I’m good.”

Just then the lights dimmed again and the crowd went crazy. Girls that were close to the stage were screaming and jumping up and down. Some were holding signs saying
Ryland Marry Me!
or
I love Ryland!
Macy waited anxiously and gasped when Ryland stepped on stage. He looked so happy and free. He grinned and took the mic and immediately began belting out one of his biggest hits,
It’s Time to Party.
The crowd sang along and he looked so at ease up there. Macy began to imagine what their life might be like if they were together. Seeing him in this setting, party atmosphere, screaming girls that wanted to rip his clothes off, she knew her first instincts were right. She couldn’t survive this.

Suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around to face an annoyed-looking Brandon.

“Are you actually going to take any pictures, Macy?”

“Sorry,” she mumbled and brought the camera to her face. She took a lot of photos throughout the show, trying hard to focus on this as a job instead of fantasizing about Ryland Quinn. Imagining that there would actually be a way they could be together. Stupid.

After an upbeat song about cowboy life, Ryland announced he was going to play a song from his new album.

“This song was inspired by a very special person to me. I’ve been in a particularly dark place in my life lately, and she has brought light into it. I hope she knows that.”

Macy’s heart stopped and her mouth fell open. He was talking about her. He wasn’t looking in her direction, but she was certain he was totally aware of where she was.

One of the stage hands brought out a stool and Ryland took a seat, setting his guitar across his lap. The quiet was broken by a girl yelling, “I love you, Ryland!” He just simply tipped his hat and grinned before he began to play.

“Both of us lost, feeling alone

Focused on much harder times

We can’t stay there,

Scared with deep hurt

We should have seen all the signs.

Both of us lost among wildflowers

How lucky we met lost in that field

Our lives have crossed

Among Wildflowers

Our love’s tender kiss

Has been sealed.

My life stood still, stuck in time

So I stayed where I felt I was me

I needed a reason to step outside life

A future I was unable to see.

Both of us lost among wildflowers

How lucky we met lost in that field

Our lives have crossed

Among wildflowers

Our love’s tender kiss

Has been sealed.

Who was this beauty

Who walked in my life as

A picture of hope?

She looked through a

Lens and saw through me

With her by my side I could cope.

Both of us lost among wildflowers

How lucky we met lost in that field

Our lives have crossed

Among wildflowers

Our love’s tender kiss

Has been sealed.

***

Macy stood in shock as she listened to the song. He had written a song about her. No... that would be insane. She had to be confused. She was twisting his words and was imagining things that weren’t there. She had to get ahold of herself. Then, at the very end of the song, Ryland stood up as the audience applauded him and turned to
her, looking right at her, and tipped his hat. Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach and she covered her mouth with both her hands.

“What’s wrong?” Lane whispered.

She shook her head. “Nothing, nothing at all.”

Then the show was over. Ryland took his final bow and walked off the stage.

“Alright, we’re out,” Brandon said. “That’s enough country music for my taste. Let’s pack up.”

Macy nodded numbly and shoved her camera back in its bag. Had she imagined all that? He had written that song about her, hadn’t he? Or was she on the brink of another psychotic episode? Either she was losing it big time or he really had written that song for her. If the latter was the case then they were both in big trouble. Either way, she knew she needed to get a grip fast or things were going to start spiraling out of control.

Macy was slinging her camera case over her shoulder when a security guard approached her.

“Are you Macy Ferris?”

“Yes?” she said, exchanging looks with Lane.

“Mr. Quinn has asked that you come backstage to the green room.”

She blanched. “Um.” Things were definitely spinning out of control. In that moment Macy realized just how idiotic she’d been, accepting all those presents from him. She’d made herself believe that she was just ignoring Ryland and eventually he’d give up, but really she’d kept the gifts because they were from him and she loved them. And here she was wearing the hat and bracelet he’d sent. She’d not only been fooling herself, she was sending mixed signals to him. “I’m so stupid,” she said under her breath.

“Please tell Mr. Quinn that I can’t. I really have to go actually, but would you please give him these?” She took off the hat and the bracelet and handed them to the man.

“Okay,” he said, confused.

“Thanks.” Then she turned to Lane. “I have to get out of here.”

He nodded in agreement. “Go.”