A Proper Family Holiday (20 page)

‘They’ll be fine,’ said Jacqui. ‘That was a good idea of Chelsea’s, taking Jack on a trip.’

‘It’s certainly brave,’ said Ronnie.

‘Who wants a cocktail?’ asked Dave then, as he loomed over his wife and daughter and blocked out the sun with his belly.

‘Dave,’ Jacqui scolded, ‘it’s not even time for elevenses. We can’t start drinking yet.’

‘We’re on our holidays! It’s always cocktail o’clock when you’re on holiday. “If you like pina colada …”’ he began to sing. The smile came back to Jacqui’s face as he pulled her to her feet to dance with him.

‘You’re a lunatic,’ Jacqui told her husband. ‘It’s lucky I love you.’

Ronnie shook her head affectionately. When she was Sophie’s age, seeing any demonstration that her parents were so obviously crazy about each other had been mortifying. Now she was truly glad they had found each other all those years ago. Love like theirs, lasting over the decades, surviving the stress of having two children, was a real achievement. Ronnie glanced over at Mark. He was asleep beneath his newspaper, sleeping off the night before. The delicate pages of the
Sun
ruffled with each snore. Ronnie had a sudden stab of fear that perhaps they weren’t going to dance into their twilight years together.

‘I’m going for a walk’ Sophie interrupted her thoughts.

‘Don’t go any further than the harbour,’ Ronnie instructed.

‘Yeah, Mum. Whatever.’

One day in the not-too-distant future, both Sophie and Jack would be off leading their own lives. What would Ronnie have left then? Did she and Mark have enough to carry them through?

Ping!

Mark had another text. He snorted into wakefulness and made a grab for his phone. What was so urgent? Ronnie stared at him. He noticed.

‘Cathy. About the cat,’ he said unconvincingly.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chelsea

Jack had changed his mind about the trip. He wanted to go back to the Kidz Klub. Chelsea, however, would not be diverted from her plan. The lump on her forehead was still throbbing. That was the only reminder she needed as to why she would not be going anywhere near that picket-fenced patch of hell ever again. He could ask Ronnie to take him tomorrow. Chelsea ignored Jack’s whining and handed over her credit card to the hotel receptionist.

‘It will be exciting,’ Chelsea said to Jack. ‘We’re going to see the Blue Lagoon.’

‘That doesn’t sound very exciting,’ said Jack frankly.

‘It is,’ said Chelsea. ‘It’s where pirates hang out. I’m sure there are actual sea monsters too. We just have to spot them.’

‘Sea monsters?’ Jack perked up. ‘Nobody told me there were sea monsters. But don’t worry – I can protect you, Auntie Chelsea.’

Jack was suddenly very much on board with the trip. Chelsea was relieved, thinking it would make her having rashly volunteered to look after Jack for the morning so much easier. It would get them out of the resort for a couple of hours, and if Chelsea was going to be in Lanzarote until Sunday, then she might as well see some of its fabled cultural highlights. In reality, Chelsea had little more hope than Jack did that the Blue Lagoon would turn out to be as good as it looked in the pictures, but that was the trip that was on offer on a Tuesday.

It seemed an awful lot of the hotel’s residents had had the same idea. By the time Jack had finished packing for the trip (he said he would need a lot of things, including his sonic screwdriver), the holiday rep had given up waiting for them. The bus driver had just pressed the button to close the doors when Chelsea hammered on the glass. He let them on.

‘You’re late,’ said the holiday rep, a woman who seemed so far from excited about her job that Chelsea wondered why she had ever left her native Scotland. She was the sort of woman who would have been more at home as a receptionist in a central London A&E department, asking people if their broken necks really warranted urgent attention.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Chelsea, knowing there was little point doing anything but sucking up to the slab-faced cow. ‘You know what it’s like, getting kids ready.’ Chelsea indicated Jack and his full-to-bursting rucksack with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Jack stared at her, so that she felt him silently berating her for her betrayal. Wasn’t it a good thing that he was properly prepared for this trip? If there were going to be sea monsters, then a sonic screwdriver could come in very handy indeed. He started to tell her as much.

‘Come on,’ said Chelsea, cutting him off. ‘Let’s find somewhere to sit. Quickly.’

There wasn’t much choice. It was the flight out to Lanzarote all over again. Chelsea could see just one empty double seat, which was in the row in front of the toilet. Who ever used the toilet on a coach? Chelsea wondered. She didn’t even want to sit in the row in front of the thing, imagining every pothole in the road causing a dreadful sloshing of ordure in that tiny cabinet with its badly fitting door. But again, as with the flight to the island, Chelsea had no choice but to take her place next to the thunderbox. Manoeuvring Jack ahead of her, she directed him to the back of the bus as the driver began to rev the engine impatiently. Jack slid into the seat nearest the window. As Chelsea was sitting down beside him, she was curious to see Jack’s mouth form a horrified ‘O’.

‘What’s the matter?’ she asked.

Chelsea followed the direction of Jack’s stare. Oh no. How had she not noticed? Sitting right across the aisle from the empty row were Lily and her father. Adam gave them a friendly sort of greeting, but Lily’s eyes were narrowed in that way which was becoming all too familiar. The previous day’s incidents had obviously not been forgotten. Jack too, looked less than thrilled to see his playground nemesis. Chelsea sat down on the aisle side, shielding her nephew. She told Jack to look out of the window.

‘There’s nothing we can do about it,’ she whispered in his ear as she fastened the safety belt across his lap, ‘But we’ve got every right to be here, just as much as they have. Don’t forget that.’

Jack nodded, full of solemnity. He sat up straighter in his seat and crossed his hands in his lap. He looked dead ahead at the dirty antimacassar on the back of the seat in front of him.

‘You can look at the view,’ Chelsea reminded him.

On the other side of the aisle, Lily and her father were tactfully looking out of their own window.

This was going to be fun.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chelsea

Lanzarote was a strange sort of island. It was certainly unlike any place else Chelsea had visited before. The volcanic landscape was more reminiscent of the surface of the moon than anywhere on Earth. Inland, the bright summer sunshine was absorbed by glowering grey mountains that undulated along the length of the island like the backs of sleeping dinosaurs. The coach passed a vineyard, also unlike any vineyard Chelsea had ever seen. Rather than being planted in regimented rows, the grapevines in Lanzarote were planted so that they grew low to the ground, surrounded by windbreaks of grey lava rock. In a voice that suggested the very opposite of enthusiasm, the Scottish guide assured the passengers that the wines of Lanzarote were superb. Chelsea wished she could have taken the tour that included a wine-tasting, but that probably wasn’t such a great idea with Jack in tow. She was in loco parentis after all.

While Jack chattered on about another episode of
Captain Tim and the Brain-Melting Bobulons
, Chelsea chanced a glance across the aisle. Adam was treating his daughter to a very detailed analysis of the view from the window. He was talking about Lanzarote’s dramatic volcanic past.

‘Remember Vesuvius?’ he asked her. ‘The volcano we saw last year? Well, Timanfaya, the volcano that erupted here, was about the same size as that.’

‘Were lots of people killed, Daddy?’

‘I think most of them managed to get away,’ Adam assured her.

Lily wrinkled her nose as though that wasn’t such good news as far as she was concerned.

‘Is the volcano going to go off while we’re here on holiday?’ Jack asked Chelsea.

‘No,’ said Chelsea, ‘it won’t.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Well, I don’t know for certain.’

‘So it might go off.’ He pressed for details.

‘Yes, I suppose it might.’

‘Cool. That would be exciting,’ said Jack. ‘I would like that.’

Children were perverse little creatures, Chelsea decided. Across the aisle, Adam suppressed a smile. He must have been listening in, just as she had been eavesdropping on him. He glanced in Chelsea’s direction. She allowed the corner of her mouth to twitch upwards in response. A shared joke. Perhaps when they got to the Blue Lagoon, they could encourage the children to make up and resume their cruelly curtailed flirtation. But as the tour’s destination drew nearer, Chelsea grew tense as she realised that the Blue Lagoon car park would just as likely be the next potential flashpoint between Jack and Lily. When it came to getting off the bus, who was going to go first?

As it happened, Adam unbuckled his seatbelt as soon as the bus swung through the car-park gates, then reached for his daughter’s seatbelt. His actions would give him valuable seconds to get ahead, but there was no way Chelsea would actually undo Jack’s seatbelt until the bus had stopped moving. She couldn’t. It would have been irresponsible.

When the bus did finally stop, Adam leapt to his feet. Chelsea did so too, forgetting that she still had her belt on. Jack was paralysed with embarrassment as Chelsea crumpled back down into her seat.

‘You forgot to take off your seatbelt.’ Jack slapped his forehead. ‘Duh.’

‘I did it deliberately to make you laugh,’ Chelsea told him.

‘It wasn’t very funny,’ was Jack’s verdict.

‘At least I didn’t bump my head on the ceiling at the same time,’ said Chelsea, indicating her bump.

‘Looks sore,’ Adam commented, as he waited for Chelsea to unclick herself. Then he ushered her and Jack into the aisle ahead of his own daughter. Lily observed the gesture with a scowl.

‘Thanks,’ said Chelsea.

‘My pleasure,’ Adam said.

Once outside the coach, Chelsea made sure the entire coach party separated Jack from Lily as the holiday rep gave a short talk about safety procedures in the event that the caves should need to be evacuated. The short talk became a long talk. Jack, who had complained a little already about the heat on the bus, tried to shade himself by standing behind his auntie. He took off his hat. Chelsea insisted he put it back on.

‘I don’t want to,’ he said. ‘My head is boiling.’

‘You’ve got to. You’ll get sunstroke otherwise.’

‘What’s sunstroke?’

Chelsea realised she wasn’t entirely sure.

‘It’s not nice. Jack, just put your hat on, will you?’

Jack refused, so Chelsea helped him edge back into the shade of the coach while the holiday rep continued her interminable speech. Didn’t she realise she was forcing her party to stand out in the full glare of the midday sun while she droned on and on and on?

Chelsea was gratified to see they weren’t the only people who had decided to dive for cover. Lily and Adam had slunk back into the shade too. Adam rolled his eyes at Chelsea, as if to say, ‘That rep woman is an idiot.’

The children continued to ignore each other studiously until at last, the safety speech was over and the coach party made its way towards the entrance to the caves. Once again, Adam, ever the gentleman, indicated that Chelsea should go first.

The tour of the caves itself started off fairly promisingly. Jack was relieved to be out of the blazing sun and found the idea of going underground quite exciting. It wasn’t long, however, before the spectacular vaulting space that housed the Blue Lagoon started to seem just a little, well,
cavey
in a boring sort of way and Jack started asking about the pirates. Where were they? Why hadn’t they seen them yet? Were they going to see them any time soon? And at what point would he have to fight a sea monster?

Chelsea realised that she had broken one of the cardinal rules of parenting in her attempt to make the day trip seem worth taking. You should never over-promise. Ronnie could have told her that. You may think it’s harmless enough. You promise pirates and sea monsters for short-term compliance. Unfortunately, children aren’t quite like goldfish and they don’t forget what you’ve told them in the space of thirty seconds. Or even thirty minutes, if you’ve told them something even slightly compelling. Of course Jack wanted to know where the pirates were.

‘Perhaps the pirates are out marauding on the high seas today,’ said Chelsea.

‘Bor-ing,’ was Jack’s response.

‘I don’t know why they’d ever leave these caves, though,’ Chelsea soldiered on. ‘How about that rock? It looks like an elephant’s head.’

‘No it doesn’t.’

‘Yes it does. Look.’

Chelsea made Jack tilt his head to one side.

‘No. I still can’t see any elephants.’

Jack wasn’t the only one who was finding the natural beauty of the caves somewhat lacking.

‘You said there would be mermaids,’ shouted Lily.

‘I said there
might
be mermaids,’ said Adam. ‘That’s different.’

‘No it’s not.’

‘Look, Lily, look – can you see the strange white shellfish down there in the water? They’re all white like that because they don’t get any sunlight. They’re extremely rare. Do you know, this is the only place in the world where you can see them?’

‘Shellfish are boring,’ said Lily.

Jack, who actually had been peering closely at the curious albino creatures, sighed heavily and straightened up as though he had absorbed Lily’s opinion.

‘Aren’t those shellfish amazing? You can tell all your friends you’ve seen something that exists nowhere else in the world,’ Chelsea suggested.

‘They won’t believe me,’ said Jack. ‘I’m too hot.’

Jack dragged his feet for the rest of the trip. What was the fun in a blue lagoon if you couldn’t wade right into it? Despite the proliferation of small white lobster-type creatures, the water looked so inviting, especially given the tremendous heat outside. Chelsea was beginning to understand why so many people didn’t bother to move from the hotel pool. She would have paid good money to be able to dive in as well.