A Lil' Less Hopeless (4 page)

I look like a fucking marshmallow. Big, white, poofy, and fluffy. This is soo not me. But, mmmm. Marshmallows. Must remember to stop and get a bag of marshmallows on the way home.

“Lil's... it can't be that bad. Come out and let us see.”

See... even Sunny knows it must be bad, as she knocks on my dressing room door.

I take a deep breath and swing myself around, trying to squeeze myself through the door and out onto the platform to be put on full display. As if it wasn't bad enough looking in one mirror, now I get to be surrounded by four full length ones, not to mention my girls, as I parade around looking like a damn cream puff.

The sales ladies collectively sigh and clutch their chests while admiring the obnoxious display of lace and tulle before them. I try to smile, soften the blow, as Sunny, Jess and Charlie take it all in. Even Charlie, who's just starting to get to know me, knows that this dress... this pile of fondant I'm wearing... is just not me.

“Alright. Enough of this. Let's call it a day.” Ma stands up and twirls me around to start undoing the laces of the torturous corset top. “You've been squeezed into way too many of these things today, baby girl.”

The old sales ladies watch Jean as if she were drowning a puppy, their shocked faces are priceless. We manage to shimmy back into the dressing room and get me out of the dress, underskirts and satin slip. The sudden loss of all that extra weight causes me to wobble, holding out my hand to the wall to steady myself as I gulp in deep breaths of air into lungs that can finally expand to full size again.

“Thanks, Ma.”

Jean nods, hanging up the dress and underthings with great care, but utter distaste. “Don't mention it, darlin’. We've put you through enough of this crap today.”

Comfortable once again in my long sundress, we head into the waiting room and join the girls. At least this visit wasn't a total waste. They were all fitted for their bridesmaids dresses and Jean even picked out a slinky little number for her own dress, too. I walk up to the sales desk, just as Charlie is taking back her credit card from the woman.

“That can't be...” she tells the uptight, prim and proper cashier. “Are you sure you have the right person?”

I step up next to my new friend. “What's wrong?”

Charlie looks dumbfounded. “She.. she says someone already paid for my dress?”

Is that all? I laugh and guide Charlie toward the rest of the girls. “Jay was going to pay for it as well as Jess's. But, Clink beat him to it.”

She looks at me, shocked. “Why would he do that?”

I squeeze her hand gently, reassuringly. “You've got a lot to learn, sweetheart. Don't worry. It gets easier once you learn the basics.”

Sunny and Jess are in deep conversation, with Sunny making wild hand gestures and touching Jess's hair. Great... here we go. A still confused Charlie and I step up and interrupt the two other girls.

“Jules! Sunny is going to make me a blonde!” Wow! Wasn't expecting that one.

Charlie and I quickly glance at each other. Obviously both unsure how to respond to the drastic makeover plans. Sunny is busy studying Jess's hair and feeling the texture, rubbing it between her fingers and mumbling to herself.

“Ah... really? Wow.... wow.” I try to hide my shock. I fail miserably.

She starts to panic. “You don't think I should?”

I shake my head frantically, back pedaling.

“No... that's not what I meant.”

I pat her hand. Sunny barely bats an eye, still engrossed in Jess's mane.

“Sunny is a hair genius. It's... it's gonna be great. So, when is this gonna happen?”

Sunny chimes in. “We're gonna head over to the shop now. I've got some time this afternoon. She's gonna look fuckin' hot! I'll be finished to do your hair before we go out tonight.”

Tonight is my impromptu bachelorette party. Nothing too big, just my main girls. At least, I hope it's nothing too big. I really didn't have much to do with it. These girls took care of everything themselves. They even got Christine to agree to go. She's not very happy that I'm actually getting married before she is. I understood when she declined my invitation to be one of my bridesmaids, with how busy she is in the last stages of her own wedding plans. But still, it hurt.

What hurt worse, though, was when she asked me to reconsider being a bridesmaid in her own wedding. I had already bought the dress, ordered the shoes and picked the perfect gift to give her. I was really looking forward to it. We've grown our separate ways over the years, but we had a lot of history. I thought that counted for something. Apparently not. Jess doesn’t want a known biker sitting at her bridal table as my date.

Regardless... I'm glad she's gonna tag along tonight. Maybe we can patch things up a bit.

“Great. So, we'll meet up with you guys at my house later.”

I give them each a quick peck on the cheek before Sunny wisps Jess out the door into the parking lot.

Once the door fully shuts behind them, it's free reign.

“This is either going to turn out really good... or really bad.” I nod at Charlie's observation.

Jean pops up behind us, finished with the last details of her dress alterations. “You girls ready to go?”

Charlie smiles awkwardly at Jean. They've only met a handful of times so far, but Charlie always seems uneasy around Ma. Like she's waiting for her to turn around and bite her or something.

I smile, “I am soo ready to get out of here. But... still no dress. I'm seriously running out of time. Unless I want to get married in jeans and a T shirt, we'd best hit up another store.”

I slide my sunglasses on.

“Don't you worry, I've got just the thing.” Ma puts her arms around both Charlie and myself and pushes us lovingly out the door.

We pile into Jean's Escalade. Charlie looks unsure at first, as she had driven with Sunny on the way in, but she eventually follows suit and hops in the back seat. We buckle up and I blast the AC. It is damn hot today. Lately, I'm either freezing cold or scorching hot, with no happy middle ground.

Country music croons from the hidden speakers and we roll out into traffic.

“We'll stop at my house before we go back to the club. I have something for you,” Jean explains, as we start to head in the opposite direction than what I was expecting.

Vince and Jean's house is fairly large, especially for two people. I spent a lot of time here when I was younger, with Jean babysitting Tiny and me. When Jay and I first got together, before he bought his house, we were here a lot. The spacious entryway opens into other rooms but Charlie hangs back as Jean and I disappear into one of them.

“Charlie girl...” Jean calls out when we realize we are one man down. “Get your little ass in here. There's an open door policy for family.”

Charlie finally joins us in the back of the house as we near Jean's bedroom, looking white as a ghost.

“What's wrong, Charlie?” I hold out to her and help her to sit on the edge of the settee in the corner of the room. Her eyes dart around the room, taking in the surroundings.

She clears her throat. “Uh... nothing... nothing’s wrong,” she says unconvincingly. “I... I'm just a little flushed from the heat outside is all.”

Jean and I share a glance. She nods to both of us and disappears, on a mission. I turn back to Charlie, and rest my hand on her knee. It's ice cold. Funny... for someone overheating, her skin is frigid. And her lip is trembling a little.

“I know what's really bothering you,” I let out. Her eyes widen and she stares at me. “The whole 'family' thing.”

I swear she stops breathing. Man, this girl must have some deep-seated commitment issues. “Relax... it's not like he asked you to be his ol' lady or anything, yet.”

Her eyes furrow, confused.

“It's just...” I bite my cheek. It's not as easy as you'd think it would be to explain our ways to someone new. “See... as long as your with Clink... you're family. I mean you're obviously more than a piece of ass to him. So... Jean... and everybody else thinks of you as part of us.”

As if on cue, Jean strides in with a tray of iced tea and some glasses. She pours Charlie a glass and hands it to her. Charlie downs the whole thing while Jean and I watch dumbfounded.

“Better?” Jean asks as she refills the iced tea for Charlie.

Charlie nods and attempts a smile as Ma moves on to my glass before filling her own.

The cold liquid instantly cools my burning insides, and before I can help, it I belch and hiccup at the same time.

In unison, Jean and Charlie break out in laughter at my expense. Whatever. Anything to lighten the mood. I mean, I'm pregnant. I have very little control over more bodily functions than I'd care to admit to, at this stage.

Jean sets her glass down. “Now.” She claps her hands together and rubs furiously. “The main event.”

She practically hops into her massive walk-in closet and we hear crashing and crumpling noises. Less than a minute later she emerges carrying a monstrous cardboard box so delicately, you'd swear it was the royal tea service. Charlie and I stand and meet Jean as she places the box on the foot of the bed.

“This...” Ma begins to explain as she opens the package and pushes aside the papered wrapping inside. She grabs hold of something within, and pulls it free, shaking it out. “This... is your wedding dress.”

I gasp. It's so beautiful... that it's actually breathtaking. The simplicity of the lines and sheerness to the fabric are so simple that they are intricately ornate at the same time.

I look up at Jean, beaming from behind the full-length dress.

“Are you sure? I couldn't. I couldn't possibly...”

Jean rolls her eyes and shakes the playful frustration away before she thrusts the dress into my arms and pushes me in the direction of the bathroom.

“You can and you will. You are the closest thing to a daughter I could ever ask for. My son is going to make you his wife and you are going to wear this dress while he does it. No arguments.”

She shuts the door behind me as I enter the huge bathroom, leaving me no choice but to delicately hang the dress on the wall hook and strip.

I hear muffled voices through the door as Jean and Charlie make small talk. Once the dress is settled on my shoulders and I'm not in danger of flashing anyone, I step out into the bedroom.

The girls have their backs turned discussing a framed picture of Jay as a child when I awkwardly clear my throat.

They end their conversation mid-sentence and turn to stare at me. I... I really like the way the dress looks in the mirror. No, I fucking
love
the way the dress looks. But, neither one of them are saying anything. Maybe it's just hopeless and I have no clue what I'm doing.

“You. Look. Stunning.” Charlie exclaims, finally blinking and walking over to me.

Ma hasn't moved, hasn't spoken. She's just standing there watching me. But then I see the tears start to fall, and I come dangerously close to falling apart... in the best, most perfect way possible.

“I... I need a zip.” I turn, exposing my bare back, and hiding my strained facial muscles. Very few people cry pretty in this world. If you are one of them, count yourself lucky. The rest of us... well, we have to struggle with it.

I wipe the happy tears on the back of my hand before Charlie discreetly hands me a tissue, and I feel the bodice close itself around me snuggly while the zipper is secured.

Ma guides me over to the full-length mirror and we stare at the reflection, her hands resting protectively on my shoulders. “Perfect fit. I don't think we even need to do any alterations.”

I exhale deeply. What a relief. It's been a week since Jay made the announcement to the club that we were moving up the wedding and I was seriously running out of time to find a dress. Not only did I finally find a dress... but I found
the dress.
Everything was falling into place.

******

We drop the dress off at the cleaners to be freshened up, and make our way back to the clubhouse. Jean heads inside to escape the heat, leaving us behind. I grab my purse and close the car door, stepping in the direction of the clubhouse entrance, but notice Charlie hesitating from my side-view.

“You coming?”

She chews on her lower lip, mulling over the choice. “I... I think I'm just gonna head home and catch a nap before tonight.”

I eye her carefully. I've gotten to know Charlie pretty well over the last few weeks since first meeting her. She's spent more than handful of nights here at the club with Clink and she set me up with a really great OBGYN over at the hospital. We may not be besties yet, but I know her well enough to know something was off.

“Ok. You want me to go tell Clink?” I volunteer.

She shakes her head thoughtfully while rummaging around in her purse. “No, you don't have to do that. I'll see him whenever.”

She fiddles with her keys and leans forward to kiss my cheek. “I'll meet you at your house at nine.”

I nod.

“And, Lil's?”

I perk up.

“You looked gorgeous in your dress.”

She heads off toward her car, and I back into the shade from the overhang. Nice girl. But just a bit strange.